Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)

[Monkeylegend]

K12beano said:

V8A*ndy said:

Police issue photofit of wanted criminals in the Windsor area.

Bet those criminals are bricking it now.....

Like a dog with a bone, just won't lego.

[Frimley111R]

Monkeylegend said:

Murphy was struggling to load a wardrobe onto the back of his removal van.

"You should get Paddy to help you with that" said Mick

"He is" said Murphy "he's inside carrying the clothes"

[Ayahuasca]

I don't know whether the chicken or the egg even exist, let alone which came first.

I am eggnostic.

[turbobloke]

Ayahuasca said:

I don't know whether the chicken or the egg even exist, let alone which came first.

I am eggnostic.

What's a yokel?

The middle of an eggle.

[K12beano]

Ayahuasca said:

I don't know whether the chicken or the egg even exist, let alone which came first.

I am eggnostic.

Good 'un

[Lordbenny]

I used to do a bad Eric Morecambe impression, but now I've seen the error of my waheys!

[Vipers]

Paddy won the Irish lottery.

Mick said "What are you going to do with all that money Paddy"

Paddy said "First thing Mick, I am going to get me one of those JCB GT's"

[Halmyre]

Paddy is out digging his potato patch and digs up a box. He opens it and a leprechaun jumps out.

"Jaysus, I'm obliged to ye", says the leprechaun, "I've been in that feckin' box for a hundred years. Name any t'ree t'ings ye desire and I'll grant them to yez, to be sure, to be sure".

"Begorrah", says Paddy, "how about a lifetime's supply of Guinness?"

Bang! A pint glass appears in Paddy's hand, full of Guinness. He drains it at a gulp, and it magically refills.

"That's great", says Paddy, "I'm much obliged to yez. Top of the mornin' to yez".

"You've still got another two wishes", says the leprechaun.

"Oh", says Paddy, "just give me another two of dem glasses".

[schmunk]

Vipers said:

Paddy won the Irish lottery.

Mick said "What are you going to do with all that money Paddy"

Paddy said "First thing Mick, I am going to get me one of those JCB GT's"

Errr... is this a joke?

[Hugo a Gogo]

we can carbon-date that joke to the early 70s, both by the casual 'thick Paddy the construction worker' humour, and the 'pun' around a common sports car of the time, the MGB GT

presumably he would have won the pools in the original version

[PoleDriver]

Another kitten died!

[Fluffsri]

Hugo a Gogo said:

we can carbon-date that joke to the early 70s, both by the casual 'thick Paddy the construction worker' humour, and the 'pun' around a common sports car of the time, the MGB GT

presumably he would have won the pools in the original version

Ah! Now that makes sense, still not funny though

[K12beano]

"You dirty old corpse..."

[schmunk]

Hugo a Gogo said:

we can carbon-date that joke to the early 70s, both by the casual 'thick Paddy the construction worker' humour, and the 'pun' around a common sports car of the time, the MGB GT

presumably he would have won the pools in the original version

My confusion is that a "JCB GT" does exist, and could be a an item to covet:

https://www.google.co.uk/webhp?sourceid=chrome-ins...

[McAndy]

schmunk said:

My confusion is that a "JCB GT" does exist, and could be a an item to covet:

https://www.google.co.uk/webhp?sourceid=chrome-ins...

A true Chelsea Tractor. That would put the bloody barrage of G-Wagons in the shade!

[Laurel Green]

K12beano said:

"You dirty old corpse..."

Will they bring back the horse and cart for the send off?

[Vipers]

schmunk said:

Vipers said:

Paddy won the Irish lottery.

Mick said "What are you going to do with all that money Paddy"

Paddy said "First thing Mick, I am going to get me one of those JCB GT's"

Errr... is this a joke?

Absolutely not, Paddy was deadly serious

And lighten up you guys, stop nit picking and disecting people's jokes.

Edited by Vipers on Wednesday 8th February 16:53

[K12beano]

Vipers said:

And lighten up you guys, stop nit picking and disecting people's jokes.

Roll Up, Roll Up: Kittens, getcher luverly fluffy kittens 'ere!

[Vipers]

K12beano said:

Vipers said:

And lighten up you guys, stop nit picking and disecting people's jokes.

Roll Up, Roll Up: Kittens, getcher luverly fluffy kittens 'ere!

Did you forget the link. http://www.adoptapet.com/s/buy-a-kitten

[twing]

Tata Palmer-Tomkinson