Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)

[davhill]

MartG said:

What are you gibbering about - he looks nothing like a skeletal nun

I beleive he means this one...



I'd say more zombie than skeletal but there we are.

[XJSJohn]

RDMcG said:

SlidingSideways said:

callmedave said:

Jack and Jill went up the hill
for some hanky-panky
Jill forgot to take the pill
and now there's little Franky

Mary had a little skirt
With slits right up the sides
And everytime she crossed her legs
The boys could see her thighs

Mary had another skirt
With a slit right up the front
But she didn't wear that one very often...

Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot the shepherd.

Mary had a little lamb,
She also had a duck,
She put them on the mantelpiece,
To see if they would .... fall off.

Mary had a little lamb
She also had a bear,
I have often seen her lamb,
But i have never seen her bear.

Mary had a little lamb,
She tied it to a pylon,
240 volts went through its bum,
and turned its wool to nylon.

etc etc etc

[davhill]

Mary had a little lamb,
she got it in a parcel.
She didn't think a lot of it,
so she kicked it up the...garden path.

[pincher]

Mary had a little lamb
She kept it in a bucket
Every time the lamb got out
The bulldog tried to....put it back again

[Jonboy_t]

My Georgie wife came home from the beauty salon looking rather quizzical.

They'd given her WhyAye Brows.

[tezzer]

Jonboy_t said:

My Geordie wife came home from the beauty salon looking rather quizzical.

They'd given her WhyAye Brows.

Fixed that for you.

[glenrobbo]

Mary had a little pig
She couldn't stop it gruntin'
So she tied it to a five-bar gate
And kicked its' little bottom.

[Ayahuasca]

Mary had a little dog
Its nose was cold and wet
Its tongue was long and forceful
She really loved that pet

[Monkeylegend]

Mary had a little lamb
It's fleece was white as snow
And everywhere that Mary went
The lamb was sure to go

[LarJammer]

Have you seen the Eddie Stobart movie?


I've only seen the trailer.

Edited by LarJammer on Wednesday 31st May 22:16

[Ayahuasca]

Mary had a small gerbil
A sickly little runt
One day it ran right up her leg
And went into her pocket

[McAndy]

Mary had a joke thread on PistonHeads
She battered it to death.

[ApOrbital]

Roy had a Goodyear.

[ChemicalChaos]

XJSJohn said:

Mary had a little lamb,
She also had a duck,
She put them on the mantelpiece,
To see if they would .... fall off.

Mary had a little lamb
She also had a bear,
I have often seen her lamb,
But i have never seen her bear.

Mary had a little lamb,
She tied it to a pylon,
240 volts went through its bum,
and turned its wool to nylon.

etc etc etc

Mary had a little lamb
She and it were buddies
It followed her to school one day and got an "A" in media studies

[McAndy]

Mary had a little lamb;
She bludgeoned it to death;
She no longer cared about rhyming;
Because the little ditties stopped being funny a long time ago.

Enough.

[McAndy]

A rescue cat is like recycled toilet paper; good for the planet, but scratchy.

[Monkeylegend]

McAndy doesn't like the rhymes
He said he's had enough
But what he doesn't realise
Is that we don't give a stuff.

[Ayahuasca]

Mary lost her little lamb
It was killed by soldiers bad
Mary lives in Latvia
Where things are very sad

[Halmyre]

Ayahuasca said:

Mary lost her little potato
It was killed by soldiers bad
Mary lives in Latvia
Where things are very sad

Tut. Obvious error.

[Halmyre]

ApOrbital said:

Roy had a Goodyear.

But this wasn't it. (apologies to Groucho Marx)