Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)

[McAndy]

Monkeylegend said:

McAndy doesn't like the rhymes
He said he's had enough
But what he doesn't realise
Is that we don't give a stuff.

Well played.

(bd. )

[Monkeylegend]

McAndy said:

Monkeylegend said:

McAndy doesn't like the rhymes
He said he's had enough
But what he doesn't realise
Is that we don't give a stuff.

Well played.

(bd. )

I have been trying to think of another Mary rhyme but failed so far

[Vipers]

Woman jumps into a taxi in London and says "Waterloo"

Driver says "The station"

She says "Well it's a bit fking late for the battle"

[K12beano]

Vipers said:

Woman jumps into a taxi in London and says "Waterloo"

Driver says "The station"

She says "Well it's a bit fking late for the battle"

You know that when that joke was new the station hadn't been built? 1815 sent a pigeon - it wants its joke back

[K12beano]

Monkeylegend said:

McAndy said:

Monkeylegend said:

McAndy doesn't like the rhymes
He said he's had enough
But what he doesn't realise
Is that we don't give a stuff.

Well played.

(bd. )

I have been trying to think of another Mary rhyme but failed so far

Mary had a little shag
She used to send it fishing
After a misunderstanding with Captain Grant
She preferred to call it a cormorant

[Ayahuasca]

Woman jumps into a taxi in London and says "Waterloo"

Driver says "The Station?"

She says "No, ABBA."

[YankeePorker]

Ayahuasca said:

Mary had a small gerbil
A sickly little runt
One day it ran right up her leg
And went into her pocket

Childish of me, but a genuine LOL. Finally a new Mary had....

[Monkeylegend]

Mary had a little lamb
She covered it in stickers
She took the lamb to bed one night
And it slept inside her duvet.

[48k]

Mary was a football fan
Her boyfriend was impartial
The one thing he would never do
Was take her up the Arsenal

[Ayahuasca]

Mary had a large Great Dane
With strong and sturdy paws
She made it do illegal acts
While she was on all fours

[ApOrbital]

This thread was funny when it had JOKES.

[Laurel Green]

Ayahuasca said:

Mary had a large Great Dane
With strong and sturdy paws
She made it do illegal acts
While she was on all fours

Reminds me of this oldie-->

Three dogs are sitting in the waiting room of a vets office. One is a
poodle, one is a schnauzer and the other is a great Dane.
The poodle turns to the schnauzer and asks "why are you here?"
The schnauzer responds, "I'm 17 years old. I don't see or hear very well.
I've been having accidents in the house. My owner says I'm too old and sick
so he brought me here to be put to sleep."

The schnauzer asks the poodle "why are you here?"
The poodle responds, "I've not been myself lately. I've been especially high
strung. I've been barking all the time, I've been snapping at people and I
even bit one of the neighbor's kids. Nobody knows why this has been
happening. My owner says he can't risk me biting somebody else so he brought
me here to be put to sleep."

The poodle and schnauzer ask the great Dane why he is here.
The great Dane responds: "My owner is this beautiful runway model. Yesterday
she was walking around the house naked when she suddenly bent down to pick
up something she dropped. She was bent over and naked when nature took over
and the next thing I know I'm on top of her doing the doggie thing. I
couldn't help myself. "
The poodle asks: "so she brought you here to put to sleep?"
"Oh, no...., I'm just here to get my nails trimmed."

[Catweazle]

Mary had a little lamb,
'twas full of fun and frolics.
It tried to jump a barbed wire fence
but tore off both its back legs.

[MartG]

The Chuckle Brothers have just been signed up by British Gas...
To meter you.

[lucido grigio]

Mary had a little lamb
The waiter was a bit mutton
It turned out to be spam
I ordered the fish.



yes I know, not that funny....

[dartissimus]

A man walking on the beach finds a bottle, rubs it, a genie appears.
"One wish only" says the genie.
"A prick long enough to reach the ground." says the man.
The genie took out his scimitar and cut off his legs.

[dartissimus]

sparkythecat said:

Taking viagra won't make you James Bond, but it will make you roger more

Stand up comedy

[Ayahuasca]

A woman with no arms and no legs is sobbing to herself on the beach.

Shazam! A genie appears! Only one wish, he says....

Well, she says, I have never been made love to. My wish is to be properly f*****d

The genie picks her up and drop-kicks her into the sea.

'You're proper fked now!'

[Vipers]

A Glaswegian lad takes his girlfriend home for the first time and introduces her to his parents.

"This is Amanda"

His dad jumps up and says "It's a fking what"

[Fluffsri]

put them here and not in the SCJ thread