Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)

[Fluffsri]

In case anyone wants to do it again......

https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...

[generationx]

Mary had a little sheep
She took it home one night to sleep
She found out it was a ram

Mary had a little lamb

[PopsandBangs]

Mary had a little lamb
She tied it to a pylon
A thousand volts went up its arse
And turned its wool to nylon

[tvrolet]

Mary had a little bike
She'd pedal round the grass
And every time the wheel went round
A spoke went up her ass

[STO]

Mary had a little lamb,
she took it down to Reading,
she took it down a country lane,
and kicked it`s fking head in.

[TooMany2cvs]

Mary had a little lamb,
She also had a duck.
She put them on the mantlepiece
To see if they would...


...fall off.

[RPastry]

Mary had a little lamb
The beast was always grunting
She took it up the close one night
And kicked its little...

[Saleen836]

Mary had a little skirt
with splits right up the sides
and every time that Mary walked
the boys could see her Thighs
Mary had another skirt
twas split right up the front
but she didn't wear that one very often.


Mary had a little lamb
Her father shot it dead.
Now it goes to school with her,
between two chunks of bread.

[Eric Mc]

Mary had a little lamb
The midwife had a heart attack

[Monkeylegend]

Mary had a little lamb
She thought she'd call it Frank
But when she checked the barn one night
She found it having a ...............


I knew she should have called it Peter.

[schmunk]

Fluffsri said:

In case anyone wants to do it again......

https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...

Fluffsri had a fit of pique
and started a new thread,
but I think we should just keep on
posting here instead.

[Monkeylegend]

Fluffsri had a little joke
He wanted us to know
He got pissed with Mary and her lamb
And told her where to go

[Dracoro]

Ayahuasca said:

A woman with no arms and no legs is sobbing to herself on the beach.

Shazam! A genie appears! Only one wish, he says....

Well, she says, I have never been made love to. My wish is to be properly f*****d

Well you will be soon as the tide is coming in.

Corrected to original

[8Ace]

Every school has one unbelievably foul mouthed individual - here's the the input from an old class mate of mine in the 1980s.

Mary had a litte lamb
and it had a fringe
she tied it to an electric fence
and volts went up its minge.

By Michael, aged 10.

[Amused2death]

Mary had a little lamb,
she put it in a bucket,
every time the lamb got loose,
the neighbor's dog would... bring it back.

[evoivboy]

Mary had a little lamb
She also had a cat
Tommy Cooper came along
and killed it "just like that"

[JustinF]

Fluffsri showed a dislike for
Four line rhyming bars
But we couldn't give a stuff
He can stick it up his...

[McVities]

Not Mary, but close enough:

Little Miss Muffett sat on a tuffett
With her knickers all tattered and torn
It wasn't the spider that sat down beside her
But little boy Blue and his horn.

[hoegaardenruls]

Mary had a little lamb
She thought it rather silly
Then one day she picked him up
And swung him by the willy..

[StevieBee]

Mary had a little lamb
She shot it in the head
Now it goes to school with her
In between some bread