Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)
Discussion
A man met a beautiful lady and decided he wanted to marry her right away.
She said, 'But we don't know anything about each other.'
He said, 'That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along.'
So she consented, they were married, and off they went on a honeymoon at a very nice resort.
One morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 metre board and did a two and a half tuck, followed by three rotations in the pike position, at which point he straightened out and cut the water like a knife.
After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.
She said, 'That was incredible!'
He said, 'I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about each other as we went along.'
So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing lengths. After seventy-five lengths she climbed out of the pool, lay down on her towel and was hardly out of breath.
He said, 'That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?'
'No,' she said, 'I was a prostitute in Liverpool but I worked both sides of the Mersey'
She said, 'But we don't know anything about each other.'
He said, 'That's all right, we'll learn about each other as we go along.'
So she consented, they were married, and off they went on a honeymoon at a very nice resort.
One morning they were lying by the pool, when he got up off of his towel, climbed up to the 10 metre board and did a two and a half tuck, followed by three rotations in the pike position, at which point he straightened out and cut the water like a knife.
After a few more demonstrations, he came back and lay down on the towel.
She said, 'That was incredible!'
He said, 'I used to be an Olympic diving champion. You see, I told you we'd learn more about each other as we went along.'
So she got up, jumped in the pool and started doing lengths. After seventy-five lengths she climbed out of the pool, lay down on her towel and was hardly out of breath.
He said, 'That was incredible! Were you an Olympic endurance swimmer?'
'No,' she said, 'I was a prostitute in Liverpool but I worked both sides of the Mersey'
The shot of Mr. Attenborough's face tattooed on a leg,
in the "a bit council" thread reminded me of this one.
A woman who was completely enamoured of Redford/Newman in the "Butch Cassidy" movie, asks a tattooist to put Redford's facial image on the inside of one thigh, and Newman's on the other.
On completion, unsure of the quality of the images, she asks a guy in the street for his opinion.
Having had the work done while she 'went commando', they step into a shop doorway.
Turning her back to passers by, she raises her skirt to waist level, and says to the guy, "Recognise these men?"
He looks long and hard, pursing his lips, then gnawing his bottom lip.
Then shaking his head gently, he says, "I'm unsure about those two on the sides, but I'm pretty sure that's Willy Nelson in the middle."
in the "a bit council" thread reminded me of this one.
A woman who was completely enamoured of Redford/Newman in the "Butch Cassidy" movie, asks a tattooist to put Redford's facial image on the inside of one thigh, and Newman's on the other.
On completion, unsure of the quality of the images, she asks a guy in the street for his opinion.
Having had the work done while she 'went commando', they step into a shop doorway.
Turning her back to passers by, she raises her skirt to waist level, and says to the guy, "Recognise these men?"
He looks long and hard, pursing his lips, then gnawing his bottom lip.
Then shaking his head gently, he says, "I'm unsure about those two on the sides, but I'm pretty sure that's Willy Nelson in the middle."
PixelpeepS3 said:
I called our local council to see what their plan is to prevent a dalek invasion
They said not to worry they've put steps in place.
They said not to worry they've put steps in place.
https://youtu.be/3_cJ9BlMCw8
PixelpeepS3 said:
I called our local council to see what their plan is to prevent a dalek invasion
They said not to worry they've put steps in place.
If there was that kind of Tragedy, calling them would be the Last Thing On My Mind.They said not to worry they've put steps in place.
(Although back in the day, I quite liked the lasses in the group.)
PoleDriver said:
PixelpeepS3 said:
I called our local council to see what their plan is to prevent a dalek invasion
They said not to worry they've put steps in place.
They said not to worry they've put steps in place.
https://youtu.be/3_cJ9BlMCw8
Spike Milligan Dalek
louiebaby said:
PixelpeepS3 said:
I called our local council to see what their plan is to prevent a dalek invasion
They said not to worry they've put steps in place.
If there was that kind of Tragedy, calling them would be the Last Thing On My Mind.They said not to worry they've put steps in place.
(Although back in the day, I quite liked the lasses in the group.)
CanAm said:
wo of them were on Pointless Celebrities (0h, how ironic!) and (H)aitch, as he insisted on pronouncing it, explained that his nickname came about because of his character trait of being Hyperactive. Richard Thingy quietly replied, "So it could just as easily have been W then?"
I always thought he was a bit wyperactive myself....
ApOrbital said:
Have you heard the joke about John?
Yes.John went up to his teacher and says: "Miss can I go to the toilet?"
The Teacher then said: "Only if you say the alphabet, then you can go."
John: Ok! ABCDEFGHIJKLMNOQRSTUVWXYZ
Teacher: Well done but where's the P?
John: Half way down my legs
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