Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)

[Robbo 27]

Evangelion said:

Looks more like a van to me.

A van Gogh.

Looks like Pollocks.

[PoleDriver]

MartG said:

No longer "Right"

I wonder if he ever got his fried chicken dinner?

[fatboy18]

Who's that then?

[PoleDriver]

fatboy18 said:

Who's that then?

Harry Dean Stanton

[fatboy18]

Thanks

[MartG]

[MartG]

Too soon ?

Edited by MartG on Sunday 17th September 12:48

[PoleDriver]

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
Michael said: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'
The teacher responded by saying: 'That would be rude and impolite'
What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'
Sherman said: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.'
'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.
And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?
Johnny said: 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner.'

Please click below for the alternative (Vipers) ending
The teacher fainted...

[MartG]

[Ayahuasca]

PoleDriver said:

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
Michael said: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'
The teacher responded by saying: 'That would be rude and impolite'
What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'
Sherman said: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.'
'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.
And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?
Johnny said: 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner.'

Please click below for the alternative (Vipers) ending
The teacher fainted...

Contains a split infinitive which spoilt the joke for me.

[Vipers]

PoleDriver said:

During one of her daily classes, a teacher trying to teach good manners, asked her students the following question:
"Michael, if you were on a date having dinner with a nice young lady, how would you tell her that you have to go to the bathroom?"
Michael said: 'Just a minute I have to go pee.'
The teacher responded by saying: 'That would be rude and impolite'
What about you Sherman, how would you say it?'
Sherman said: 'I am sorry, but I really need to go to the bathroom. I'll be right back.'
'That's better, but it's still not very nice to say the word bathroom at the dinner table.
And you, little Johnny, can you use your brain for once and show us your good manners?
Johnny said: 'I would say: Darling, may I please be excused for a moment? I have to shake hands with a very dear friend of mine, whom I hope to introduce to you after dinner.'

Please click below for the alternative (Vipers) ending
The teacher fainted...

[Muntu]

I met a fat girl the other night. She looked into my eyes and said "Hi, I'm Anita"

I looked at her stomach and said "you certainly are"

[Vipers]

Not a joke, just a question, Please do not comment on this thread, if you know the answer just message me.

Had an email from the Mods -

Your reply to the topic 'Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)' has been removed because it has broken one of our Rules of Posting.

I have absolutely no idea what I said which was obviously wrong, and looking through last few days posting can't see anything missing.

So if anyone remembers any of my comments recently which have been removed, do tell. I have asked the mods same question, but just curious, wouldn't mind if I knew the answer.

Cheers guys, remember this needs no further action here.

[Ayahuasca]

Vipers said:

Not a joke, just a question, Please do not comment on this thread, if you know the answer just message me.

Had an email from the Mods -

Your reply to the topic 'Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 8)' has been removed because it has broken one of our Rules of Posting.

I have absolutely no idea what I said which was obviously wrong, and looking through last few days posting can't see anything missing.

So if anyone remembers any of my comments recently which have been removed, do tell. I have asked the mods same question, but just curious, wouldn't mind if I knew the answer.

Cheers guys, remember this needs no further action here.

Mods have been instructed to remove any reference to 'not hearing the shot', 'fainting', or 'the fight breaking out'.

[alorotom]

[\joke] ph mods [\endjoke]

[Vipers]

Ayahuasca said:

Mods have been instructed to remove any reference to 'not hearing the shot', 'fainting', or 'the fight breaking out'.

Doesn't ring any bells, so none the wiser. But as I said please don't clog up this thread, just pm me, but thank you very much anyway.

[PoleDriver]

Vipers said:

Ayahuasca said:

Mods have been instructed to remove any reference to 'not hearing the shot', 'fainting', or 'the fight breaking out'.

Doesn't ring any bells, so none the wiser. But as I said please don't clog up this thread, just pm me, but thank you very much anyway.

[PoleDriver]

"Knock, knock!"
"Who's there?"
"Grandad!"
"Oops! Open the coffin!"

[Laurel Green]

I was at a cocktail party 'tother night, where I met a young lady with a strapless dress.
I inquired as to what was holding her dress up?
She replied "your age".

[Robbo 27]

Laurel Green said:

I was at a cocktail party 'tother night, where I met a young lady with a strapless dress.
I inquired as to what was holding her dress up?
She replied "your age".

I am feeling my age, didnt get that joke at all.