Management Speak

[Scabutz]

TIGA84 said:

Scabutz said:

Jbeale96 said:

One of my friends at work forwarded me an email from someone on his team.

"...so we need to establish the nearest alligators to our canoe so that we can plan...."

I'll think you'll find you have to go all the way back to middlesborough for a diagonal counter rabbit.

Top Men Behavingly Badly recall.

Think I've made a mistake though. I think it was West Ham rather than Middlesbrough.

[Previous]

I quite like crocodile closest to the canoe (and variants thereof).

Probably because of the implication of other crocodiles.

Easy way to say the next occuring big / difficult issue thats going to need immediate attention, out of several different potential issues where each may develop into a problem.

Also like to visualize the person who caused the problem being in said canoe (usually up a certain creek with no paddle...)

[Dr Jekyll]

Previous said:

I quite like crocodile closest to the canoe (and variants thereof).

I do. A lot of these expressions where useful and vivid when first used. The problem is when people use them out of habit, adding nothing to the discussion and missing the opportunity to say what they really mean.

[Riley Blue]

One word, 'granularity' really gets on my tits. What's wrong with 'detail'?

[purplepolarbear]

I heard the word "workshop" used as a verb today.

[burritoNinja]

DWP have loads of new posters up about how we are all leaders. So I did my own thing manger style and got a warning for it.

[lord summerisle]

Mates asked if i could translate this request from their boss:
"Looking for a schedule of actions, which will be linked to deliverables, basic our internal project plan for achieving what we need to achieve."

They produced something like this:

and got told they had done it wrong....

[NoNeed]

I had a boss that would say "you guys at the coal face" at least twice a day, funny way to say coffee machine

[dvs_dave]

Scabutz said:

Can we roll some tits up a flagpole and see if anyone gets wood?

I’ll have to socialize that one, see what it ideates. Although I’ll need to be careful not to step on my own dick with the human capital and experience vertical.

[Scabutz]

dvs_dave said:

Scabutz said:

Can we roll some tits up a flagpole and see if anyone gets wood?

I’ll have to socialize that one, see what it ideates. Although I’ll need to be careful not to step on my own dick with the human capital and experience vertical.

Its definitely got legs. You'll need to solutionise and synergise the fully aligned objectives matching the verticals to the sectorials.

[DoubleD]

"Its my cock on the block, not yours"

Said to a group of just women where my Mrs used to work!

[Hoofy]

[b0rk]

lord summerisle said:

Mates asked if i could translate this request from their boss:
"Looking for a schedule of actions, which will be linked to deliverables, basic our internal project plan for achieving what we need to achieve."

They produced something like this:
<snip>
and got told they had done it wrong....

No scoping section at the outset? or deliverable definition workshoping? Let alone post deliverable rountabling.

I mean it's just missing the basics of a success plan laying out the project journey for a modern progressive organisation.

[Supercilious Sid]

john_1983 said:

"Thanks for reaching out to us" really annoys me, especially when I'm complaining about a service.

What's wrong with "Thanks for getting in touch"

Grrr 'reaching out'. An Americanism greatly overused on TV shows such as Elementary.

[Scabutz]

Supercilious Sid said:

john_1983 said:

"Thanks for reaching out to us" really annoys me, especially when I'm complaining about a service.

What's wrong with "Thanks for getting in touch"

Grrr 'reaching out'. An Americanism greatly overused on TV shows such as Elementary.

My boss uses reach out. He asks me to reach out. I refuse to do it until he asks me properly.

I sat in a meeting once and she said came I reach out and touch base with someone. I said isn't that a line from a Depeche Mode song. He didn't get it.

[DoubleD]

"Gain traction" really annoys me.

[Lemming Train]

Scabutz said:

Supercilious Sid said:

john_1983 said:

"Thanks for reaching out to us" really annoys me, especially when I'm complaining about a service.

What's wrong with "Thanks for getting in touch"

Grrr 'reaching out'. An Americanism greatly overused on TV shows such as Elementary.

My boss uses reach out. He asks me to reach out. I refuse to do it until he asks me properly.

I sat in a meeting once and she said came I reach out and touch base with someone. I said isn't that a line from a Depeche Mode song. He didn't get it.

You should have told him/her that you'll deliver as you're a forgiver.

[JulianPH]

Lemming Train said:

Scabutz said:

Supercilious Sid said:

john_1983 said:

"Thanks for reaching out to us" really annoys me, especially when I'm complaining about a service.

What's wrong with "Thanks for getting in touch"

Grrr 'reaching out'. An Americanism greatly overused on TV shows such as Elementary.

My boss uses reach out. He asks me to reach out. I refuse to do it until he asks me properly.

I sat in a meeting once and she said came I reach out and touch base with someone. I said isn't that a line from a Depeche Mode song. He didn't get it.

You should have told him/her that you'll deliver as you're a forgiver.

Or asked him to pick up the receiver and make you a believer.

[Mr Pointy]

lord summerisle said:

Mates asked if i could translate this request from their boss:
"Looking for a schedule of actions, which will be linked to deliverables, basic our internal project plan for achieving what we need to achieve."

They produced something like this:

and got told they had done it wrong....

Of course it's wrong. It's waterfall, not Agile. So outdated.

[Scabutz]

Mr Pointy said:

Of course it's wrong. It's waterfall, not Agile. So outdated.

Tis true, except you cant install tiles that havent been made yet and probably not cost effective to deliver small amount of tiles in iterations.