Management Speak
Discussion
ChrisNic said:
Slightly worried, I use quite a few of these on a daily basis and if pushed to explain it my role is as a leadership coach.
Some of them I hear so regularly I think that’s the norm
I think it is the norm for some.Some of them I hear so regularly I think that’s the norm
I had some poor young sales guy trying to sell me the services of one of these companies that doesn't actually do anything. I simply asked him to tell me in 3 simple words what his company does, he couldn't do it and kept trying to use pointless phrases. He just had to say "We help people" or something similar but he couldn't.
WhiskyDisco said:
Scabutz said:
My boss uses reach out. He asks me to reach out. I refuse to do it until he asks me properly.
I sat in a meeting once and she said came I reach out and touch base with someone. I said isn't that a line from a Depeche Mode song. He didn't get it.
So funny!I sat in a meeting once and she said came I reach out and touch base with someone. I said isn't that a line from a Depeche Mode song. He didn't get it.
Oh well, we live in gender fluid times.
JulianPH said:
WhiskyDisco said:
Scabutz said:
My boss uses reach out. He asks me to reach out. I refuse to do it until he asks me properly.
I sat in a meeting once and she said came I reach out and touch base with someone. I said isn't that a line from a Depeche Mode song. He didn't get it.
So funny!I sat in a meeting once and she said came I reach out and touch base with someone. I said isn't that a line from a Depeche Mode song. He didn't get it.
Oh well, we live in gender fluid times.
Scabutz said:
JulianPH said:
WhiskyDisco said:
Scabutz said:
My boss uses reach out. He asks me to reach out. I refuse to do it until he asks me properly.
I sat in a meeting once and she said came I reach out and touch base with someone. I said isn't that a line from a Depeche Mode song. He didn't get it.
So funny!I sat in a meeting once and she said came I reach out and touch base with someone. I said isn't that a line from a Depeche Mode song. He didn't get it.
Oh well, we live in gender fluid times.
(I think I make more typos per post than most on here!).
Edited to add that I had forgotten I had already made a similar post a few days ago on the previous page!
Edited by JulianPH on Monday 16th September 11:45
I've been on overseas assignment for the last 9 years, going back to the factory in the UK was an eye opener. The phrases and bulls
t spouted was on another level.
We need to break things down to a granular level... Etc..
There was also a lot of people clearly trying hard to impress, I'm glad I'm out of all that these days, although my career has hit a brick wall since. I'm sure there's probably a phrase for that too..
t spouted was on another level. We need to break things down to a granular level... Etc..
There was also a lot of people clearly trying hard to impress, I'm glad I'm out of all that these days, although my career has hit a brick wall since. I'm sure there's probably a phrase for that too..
'Overdeliver'
I don't mind it as a concept, just as a buzzword.
if it helps the clients/users to have a new feature and you decide to include it. You justify it specifically, 'it will help them do this'.
If someone says 'we must overdeliver' it's because they don't know exactly what they want to add. It just means they are mistaking complication for improvement.
I don't mind it as a concept, just as a buzzword.
if it helps the clients/users to have a new feature and you decide to include it. You justify it specifically, 'it will help them do this'.
If someone says 'we must overdeliver' it's because they don't know exactly what they want to add. It just means they are mistaking complication for improvement.
Company I used to work for decided to implement SCRUM and when asking for time quotes would ask for a SWAG (scientific wild-ass guess). All seemed like an excuse to have loads of pointless meetings rather than actually get any work done.
My particular favourite was during a company wide "there are not going to be any redundancies" meeting telling us that we were entering a 90 day consultation period. A director stood in front of the whole company and told us how the company was to become "a vertical centre of excellence", and at the end asked us if we had any questions. Every part of me wanted to ask what "a vertical centre of excellence was" but I didn't have the balls. Surprise, surprise 90 days later I was redundant.
Granularity is the word that makes me shudder most. The longer I am working the more I realise that the majority of jobs are pointless and full of people trying to justify they have value when they actually have none, hence the management speak.
Edited to add, while not strictly management speak, I will scream if I hear another person say "They work hard, but they also play hard"
My particular favourite was during a company wide "there are not going to be any redundancies" meeting telling us that we were entering a 90 day consultation period. A director stood in front of the whole company and told us how the company was to become "a vertical centre of excellence", and at the end asked us if we had any questions. Every part of me wanted to ask what "a vertical centre of excellence was" but I didn't have the balls. Surprise, surprise 90 days later I was redundant.
Granularity is the word that makes me shudder most. The longer I am working the more I realise that the majority of jobs are pointless and full of people trying to justify they have value when they actually have none, hence the management speak.
Edited to add, while not strictly management speak, I will scream if I hear another person say "They work hard, but they also play hard"
Edited by anonymous-user on Monday 16th September 11:27
Joey Deacon said:
Edited to add, while not strictly management speak, I will scream if I hear another person say "They work hard, but they also play hard"
An ex "girlfriend" of mine worked at Oracle and she said they had that culture.The one take away from it I found was that it was a code word for being a promiscuous alcoholic :-)
Joey Deacon said:
Company I used to work for decided to implement SCRUM and when asking for time quotes would ask for a SWAG (scientific wild-ass guess). All seemed like an excuse to have loads of pointless meetings rather than actually get any work done.
We were happy to use the traditional PGW* methodology.- Pure Guess Work
DoubleD said:
I need a GO.....NO GO on this project.
Go, No Go? We arent launching a fking spacerocket!
Insist that everyone present is given a codename and make them each should out 'GO' or NO-GO' every time that a question is asked.Go, No Go? We arent launching a f
king spacerocket!Conclude with 'We are GO to order more paperclips', or whatever
Edited by smn159 on Monday 16th September 12:07
Joey Deacon said:
My particular favourite was during a company wide "there are not going to be any redundancies" meeting telling us that we were entering a 90 day consultation period. A director stood in front of the whole company and told us...
We had a similar experience where the HR director stood up in one of these meetings and proclaimed very proudly that "We are really pleased that we have saved 100 jobs"Cue lots of confused faces and chatter - By "saved" it turned out she meant the company will save paying their wages in the future and there are actually 100 redundancies......
After a couple of rounds of redundancies in the firm I worked for and plenty of rumours of more doom and gloom. A senior manager called a meeting in the canteen specifically to say. 'I can assure you all there will be no more redundancies. As far as I know'. I think he was surprised when everyone fell about laughing.
Joey Deacon said:
I will scream if I hear another person say "They work hard, but they also play hard"
My 30yrs at the corporate coalface (see what I did there!) tells me that anyone uttering this is, without exception, a monumental bell-end. They also don't play particularly hard too. Most are four pint wonders who get tired and emotional very early.
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