The "Typical" PHer - What's your view?

[Oakey]

Nice try OP but you missed out the part where they only drink coffee made in a Bialetti Moka from beans shat out of a paupers arse and sneer at anyone who uses any form of pod system

[MDMA .]

I'm 40, well built company director, 100k + share options. No mortgage, spend all my cash on cocaine and hammering sausage into hookers.

[Nik da Greek]

Does it only count as sex if you have it with another person?

One more box ticked for me otherwise

[jonamv8]

Nickbrapp said:

I'm sure we all have a idea of what a typical PHer is like based on the large amount of drivel posted on this forum. What's your view on a user?


Mine would be

35-55
Bit of a belly
2 kids
Loveless marriage but stay together for the mortgage
Sex on birthday and anniversary (if he remembers) which will be totally unfulfilling for the wife,and of course in the missionary position so they look like a uncooked chicken, leading her to have a affair with someone 15 years younger
Mortgage, with a BTL investment, doesn't believe in credit cards or the " never never" and prefers to over pay on the mortgage, which is opposite to his stay at home wife who is so bored she's redecorating the kitchen for the 13th time this year and buying up the contents of Laura Ashley quicker than they can make it
House in the "commuter belt" on a Barrett estate
Said house is "connected" with Sonus, cat 6 everywhere and remote CCTV ( to watch the wife get porked while he's working 18 hours a day at the office)
Uses phrases like " pull the trigger" on something exciting but then runs a station car or a shead along with a " toy" for the weekend.
Ignores said wife for "toy" ironically of course because she is doing the same
Uses the term " appreciating asset" every time someone talks about buying a bloody BMW e46 m3
Gloates about how he could never " spunk" £30k on a depesicating asset either, or spend £200 s month to " rent a golf" when in reality he would love a new car because the " shead" keeps breaking down
Keeps a spreadsheet of such costs, so he can sleep at night knowing he's not renting a German "stbox or European shopping trolley"
Hates all things VAG, all things automatic, anything with a turbo...
Says the gt86 would be the perfect car if it had a turbo
Talks about going on track days, when he once did a supercar experience and it scared him
Contributes to the " a bit council thread" and looks down on anyone with less than a £100,000 salary and says he can only just " get by" when in reality he's on £35k
Refuses to use a iPhone because of " sheep conformity"
Won't buy anything branded as its " council" instead wears weird fish polo shirts and the same pair of Levi's he's had since he was 20.
Spends most of his working day, at the job he hates, sitting on pistonheads, correcting people's spelling, slagging off the golf R, creaming himself when someone delivers a thread like the current 135i one running. Then goes to the pub to talk about work as he is dull.
Oh and he loves the junior supercar m135i, when in relality it's just a bit dull like him.

Hahahah class

Loved that.
Mnit the average but certainly many of the PH fraternity.

Anyway that just leaves me to pull the trigger on the submit button

[Iva Barchetta]

After posting,I pulled the trigger on "ignore this thread"....

[TREMAiNE]

Nickbrapp said:

No, 23 35-55
Yes, about 1st overweight Bit of a belly
Thank God, No. None. 2 kids
Single Loveless marriage but stay together for the mortgage
No Sex on birthday and anniversary (if he remembers) which will be totally unfulfilling for the wife,and of course in the missionary position so they look like a uncooked chicken, leading her to have a affair with someone 15 years younger
No Mortgage, with a BTL investment, doesn't believe in credit cards or the " never never" and prefers to over pay on the mortgage, which is opposite to his stay at home wife who is so bored she's redecorating the kitchen for the 13th time this year and buying up the contents of Laura Ashley quicker than they can make it
No House in the "commuter belt" on a Barrett estate
No Said house is "connected" with Sonus, cat 6 everywhere and remote CCTV ( to watch the wife get porked while he's working 18 hours a day at the office)
No Uses phrases like " pull the trigger" on something exciting but then runs a station car or a shead along with a " toy" for the weekend.
No Ignores said wife for "toy" ironically of course because she is doing the same
No Uses the term " appreciating asset" every time someone talks about buying a bloody BMW e46 m3
No, I actually love my sub-£1,000 cars but am also looking to 'Spunk' 30k on something soon. Gloates about how he could never " spunk" £30k on a depesicating asset either, or spend £200 s month to " rent a golf" when in reality he would love a new car because the " shead" keeps breaking down
NoKeeps a spreadsheet of such costs, so he can sleep at night knowing he's not renting a German "stbox or European shopping trolley"
NoHates all things VAG, all things automatic, anything with a turbo...
No, I like it how it is.Says the gt86 would be the perfect car if it had a turbo
No, track days once a month and participate in club motorsportTalks about going on track days, when he once did a supercar experience and it scared him
NoContributes to the " a bit council thread" and looks down on anyone with less than a £100,000 salary and says he can only just " get by" when in reality he's on £35k
NoRefuses to use a iPhone because of " sheep conformity"
Won't buy anything branded because I don't care about clothes.Won't buy anything branded as its " council" instead wears weird fish polo shirts and the same pair of Levi's he's had since he was 20.
You're half right Spends most of his working day, at the job he hates, sitting on pistonheads, correcting people's spelling, slagging off the golf R, creaming himself when someone delivers a thread like the current 135i one running. Then goes to the pub to talk about work as he is dull.
I like it but it is a bit dull!Oh and he loves the junior supercar m135i, when in relality it's just a bit dull like him.

So not quite

Loved the post though!

[PorkInsider]

Nickbrapp said:

correcting people's spelling...

I'll give you that one just so that I can point out you've spelled 'shed' incorrectly twice. It's not even a big word.

[Bill]

Rawwr said:

Nickbrapp said:

35-55
Bit of a belly

I'm 36 and have 120% body fat.

Crikey!!

[BigJonMcQuimm]

Nickbrapp said:

I'm sure we all have a idea of what a typical PHer is like based on the large amount of drivel posted on this forum. What's your view on a user?


Mine would be

35-55
Bit of a belly
2 kids
Loveless marriage but stay together for the mortgage
Sex on birthday and anniversary (if he remembers) which will be totally unfulfilling for the wife,and of course in the missionary position so they look like a uncooked chicken, leading her to have a affair with someone 15 years younger
Mortgage, with a BTL investment, doesn't believe in credit cards or the " never never" and prefers to over pay on the mortgage, which is opposite to his stay at home wife who is so bored she's redecorating the kitchen for the 13th time this year and buying up the contents of Laura Ashley quicker than they can make it
House in the "commuter belt" on a Barrett estate
Said house is "connected" with Sonus, cat 6 everywhere and remote CCTV ( to watch the wife get porked while he's working 18 hours a day at the office)
Uses phrases like " pull the trigger" on something exciting but then runs a station car or a shead along with a " toy" for the weekend.
Ignores said wife for "toy" ironically of course because she is doing the same
Uses the term " appreciating asset" every time someone talks about buying a bloody BMW e46 m3
Gloates about how he could never " spunk" £30k on a depesicating asset either, or spend £200 s month to " rent a golf" when in reality he would love a new car because the " shead" keeps breaking down
Keeps a spreadsheet of such costs, so he can sleep at night knowing he's not renting a German "stbox or European shopping trolley"
Hates all things VAG, all things automatic, anything with a turbo...
Says the gt86 would be the perfect car if it had a turbo
Talks about going on track days, when he once did a supercar experience and it scared him
Contributes to the " a bit council thread" and looks down on anyone with less than a £100,000 salary and says he can only just " get by" when in reality he's on £35k
Refuses to use a iPhone because of " sheep conformity"
Won't buy anything branded as its " council" instead wears weird fish polo shirts and the same pair of Levi's he's had since he was 20.
Spends most of his working day, at the job he hates, sitting on pistonheads, correcting people's spelling, slagging off the golf R, creaming himself when someone delivers a thread like the current 135i one running. Then goes to the pub to talk about work as he is dull.
Oh and he loves the junior supercar m135i, when in relality it's just a bit dull like him.

Nope, 39, 9% Body Fat - ran out of time and had to go to the gym due to the lack of kids ;-)

[Cotty]

Nickbrapp said:

I'm sure we all have a idea of what a typical PHer is like based on the large amount of drivel posted on this forum. What's your view on a user?

My view is, there is not a typical PHer. The membership it too huge.

[Some Gump]

IMO the typical PHers thinks the OP is a gump.

[Rawwr]

Bill said:

Rawwr said:

Nickbrapp said:

35-55
Bit of a belly

I'm 36 and have 120% body fat.

Crikey!!

It's a real problem. I basically look like an inbred infant has pulled all the pastry off a pork pie and mashed the remaining meat and jelly into what it thinks a man looks like.

[Astacus]

Rawwr said:

It's a real problem. I basically look like an inbred infant has pulled all the pastry off a pork pie and mashed the remaining meat and jelly into what it thinks a man looks like.

Wonderful description! top marks. House point for Rawwr!

[Ari]

Sheepshanks said:

Perhaps I'm missing something but the thread isn't about whether it applies to the first person - it's about your view of other PHer's.

Exactly!

And, given the way the 'average PHer' is queuing up for his turn to loudly deny the list and deride the OP, I suspect it's a little nearer the truth than is comfortable...

[Nickbrapp]

Ari said:

Exactly!

And, given the way the 'average PHer' is queuing up for his turn to loudly deny the list and deride the OP, I suspect it's a little nearer the truth than is comfortable...

Yes exactly, they are so consumed with rage they've failed to see where I asked what their idea of the typical pistonheads member is. Typical doesn't mean all. Some of the responses show the same idiotic response as other threads, especially the one quoting from another thread and the one saying I'm on minimum wage.

[bobbo89]

Not a huge amount on there but according to YouGov we're all Audi driving, model building, DIY and gardening enthusiasts who are also into video games and photography! Oh, we all shop at Santander!

https://yougov.co.uk/opi/browse/Pistonheads/correl...

[Nickbrapp]

bobbo89 said:

Not a huge amount on there but according to YouGov we're all Audi driving, model building, DIY and gardening enthusiasts who are also into video games and photography! Oh, we all shop at Santander!

https://yougov.co.uk/opi/browse/Pistonheads/correl...

HA! I hope those who buy and sell online at vat registered with HMRC

[Axionknight]

Well I have a bit of a belly these days, but that is the only thing from that list that applies to me, ergo I am clearly not a typical PHer.

What a sad day it is for me too

[Pooh]

That made me laugh, none of it fits with me other than a dislike of VAG and Apple. Am I correct in thinking that the OP has a VAG car and an iPhone?

[SimesJH]

Brilliant post, OP!