Misfits, Dad's Army Types et al...

[Zoobeef]

kowalski655 said:

98elise said:

As others have said you have to say it in the gas chambers (with your mask off), which is quite an incentive to remember it.

How did the sadistic git in charge know if you got it right? Did he (or she now of course) have a clipboard with all them on?

You could have told him anything. It's just an excuse to speak while taking in the air.
Ideally you take a deep breath before removing the respirator not after.
That was ace.

[yellowjack]

BossHogg said:

Zoobeef said:

When military numbers went tri service in 2007ish they started from 300000000 (no idea how many zeros.

New guys came known as Spartans.

That's no fun, you can't take the Mick when you nick someone as you don't know their service.

Loads of changes while I was in. First of all female soldiers used to have a 'W' and 7 digits as their number. That went, and female recruits went to 8 digits same as their male counterparts. Existing female soldiers also had to drop the 'W' and replace it with a digit. Similar with officers. They used to have 6 digit numbers, but when one of the various IT system changes came in the system could only cope with an 8 digit number, so all new Ruperts coming out of Sandhurst were issued with an 8 digit number just like the ORs, and existing officers had two digits added to the front end of their numbers. I was an October '87 intake recruit, and got a 2482xxxx number. First question you got asked in a new posting was "what's your number" and then the chaps who were 247xxxxx or even 246xxxxx knew where to put you in the pecking order, after laughing at the very idea that anyone could have such a high service number. We were known by our training staff as FREDs (Future Royal Engineer Disasters) and when we got posted to our first units that would change to "Oi! Sprog!"

[Algarve]

Zoobeef said:

kowalski655 said:

98elise said:

As others have said you have to say it in the gas chambers (with your mask off), which is quite an incentive to remember it.

How did the sadistic git in charge know if you got it right? Did he (or she now of course) have a clipboard with all them on?

You could have told him anything. It's just an excuse to speak while taking in the air.
Ideally you take a deep breath before removing the respirator not after.
That was ace.

If they really wanted to torture them they could have made them read one of Yellowjacks PH posts in full before they let them out the chamber.

[Ranger 6]

98elise said:

....It is possible to become a Commissioned Officer from the lower ranks, but it's not a natural promotion path....

Yes - I went from 2462**** to 538***

It brought it's own set of challenges


I'm now a fully qualified Walt - 4x4 with radio, beacons, siren and lots of stickers - (it's an old pic)

[The Mad Monk]

thewarlock said:

Where do NCOs fall into this?

Despite my brother being in the army for 30+ years, I know very little about it all. He was a Sergeant Major before he left, so an officer, but not really?

A Sergeant Major is a Warrant Officer. He/she holds the queen's warrant. He/she is not an (commissioned) officer.

[BossHogg]

yellowjack said:

Loads of changes while I was in. First of all female soldiers used to have a 'W' and 7 digits as their number. That went, and female recruits went to 8 digits same as their male counterparts. Existing female soldiers also had to drop the 'W' and replace it with a digit. Similar with officers. They used to have 6 digit numbers, but when one of the various IT system changes came in the system could only cope with an 8 digit number, so all new Ruperts coming out of Sandhurst were issued with an 8 digit number just like the ORs, and existing officers had two digits added to the front end of their numbers. I was an October '87 intake recruit, and got a 2482xxxx number. First question you got asked in a new posting was "what's your number" and then the chaps who were 247xxxxx or even 246xxxxx knew where to put you in the pecking order, after laughing at the very idea that anyone could have such a high service number. We were known by our training staff as FREDs (Future Royal Engineer Disasters) and when we got posted to our first units that would change to "Oi! Sprog!"

My fellow trainees had 2476 numbers, I started in the TA 2 years earlier and had a 2471 number so it looked like I'd transferred from another unit.

[yellowjack]

BossHogg said:

Late one night, young Private Hogg was stagging on the barrier at the Royal Military Police Training Centre in Chichester, when the phone rang. A male voice on the other end explains that he's missed the last bus back to Portsmouth and is it possible to bunk down in the transit accommodation till the morning. I asked for his regimental number, he gave me a strange number, I figured it's Navy they have different numbers, he then gave his rank as Seaman - again I figured Navy - strange rank, I then asked for his surname, he replied Staines. When I read it back, I realised it was a wind up from our neighbouring Provost Company - they were promptly told to go forth and multiply and I slammed the phone down.

A mate of mine was a grade 1 prank caller. But he took it too far and dropped a bk by calling the CO, and even higher-ups who lived in 'Fraggle Rock' (Brigadier central) behind RHQ. He didn't count on the new digital telephone exchange on camp which could report on which extension called a particular number. This greatly upset our boss, because Andy was using the boss's phone to make the calls when the boss was out of the office, and the boss wasn't impressed when he was summoned by the RSM to be read the riot act. Apparently Andy was VERY lucky that the CO was a man with a sense of humour, because we were told that "so long as these prank calls stop NOW, nothing further will be said on the matter - you have been warned!"

One of his favourite targets was the MGS guard office.

MGS: "Hello, MGS Dog Section, how can I help you?"
Andy: "Can I speak to Mr Barker please?"
MGS: "We don't have a Mr Barker here, Sir"
Andy: "Are you sure, I think I can hear him in the background..."

[BossHogg]

One of the pranksters from our neighbouring Provost Company phoned the desk in the training centre police station pretending to be the RSM, he asked for one of the fire piquet to bring him some milk to his quarter as he'd ran out, you don't question the RSM and the fire piquet was duly dispatched to his quarter with the milk, he wasn't too happy being woken up at 0300!

[Zoobeef]

yellowjack said:

BossHogg said:

Late one night, young Private Hogg was stagging on the barrier at the Royal Military Police Training Centre in Chichester, when the phone rang. A male voice on the other end explains that he's missed the last bus back to Portsmouth and is it possible to bunk down in the transit accommodation till the morning. I asked for his regimental number, he gave me a strange number, I figured it's Navy they have different numbers, he then gave his rank as Seaman - again I figured Navy - strange rank, I then asked for his surname, he replied Staines. When I read it back, I realised it was a wind up from our neighbouring Provost Company - they were promptly told to go forth and multiply and I slammed the phone down.

A mate of mine was a grade 1 prank caller. But he took it too far and dropped a bk by calling the CO, and even higher-ups who lived in 'Fraggle Rock' (Brigadier central) behind RHQ. He didn't count on the new digital telephone exchange on camp which could report on which extension called a particular number. This greatly upset our boss, because Andy was using the boss's phone to make the calls when the boss was out of the office, and the boss wasn't impressed when he was summoned by the RSM to be read the riot act. Apparently Andy was VERY lucky that the CO was a man with a sense of humour, because we were told that "so long as these prank calls stop NOW, nothing further will be said on the matter - you have been warned!"

One of his favourite targets was the MGS guard office.

MGS: "Hello, MGS Dog Section, how can I help you?"
Andy: "Can I speak to Mr Barker please?"
MGS: "We don't have a Mr Barker here, Sir"
Andy: "Are you sure, I think I can hear him in the background..."

Everywhere I went there was someone who phoned the para guardroom to give them some love. They must have recieved dozens of calls a day.

[BossHogg]

We used to phone the Para guardroom and the Ghurka guardroom on 2 phones and put them together and pee ourselves laughing listening to them arguing.

[Red Devil]

Psycho Warren said:

Seaman staines is a classic,

As well as PO Stoffice, Master bates, etc etc etc etc, There is a whole book on "jack speak" which makes comedy reading.

Not in the military, but even now I still remember on my first day as a very raw apprentice being sent to the stores on a construction site for a Long Weight.
A few months later the barstewards told me to take the van to deliver some gear to a new housing development in a different town. The address? Letsby Avenue...

Carnage said:

As an aside, on the last night of your commissioning board there’s a dine in night, to make sure you don’t start dropping the c bomb after a glass of sherry. Arthur offered me a drink and I asked for a JD and coke. He came back over with whiskey, and a glass of water, and explained with exquisite courtesy “that some chap has gone to an awful lot of trouble to blend that drink for me, and it would be jolly rude to pollute it with a cola.”

That’s the Guards for you!

It was clearly the Irish Guards.

No true devotee of whiskey/whisky (especially a single malt) would ever add anything but water. The barbarian Yanks ruin it with ice!

[BossHogg]

Red Devil said:

Not in the military, but even now I still remember on my first day as a very raw apprentice being sent to the stores on a construction site for a Long Weight.
A few months later the barstewards told me to take the van to deliver some gear to a new housing development in a different town. The address? Letsby Avenue...

The Tri Service Police HQ in the Falklands is on Letsby Avenue, obviously the street planners had a sense of humour.

Edited by BossHogg on Wednesday 3rd March 08:18

[98elise]

kowalski655 said:

98elise said:

As others have said you have to say it in the gas chambers (with your mask off), which is quite an incentive to remember it.

How did the sadistic git in charge know if you got it right? Did he (or she now of course) have a clipboard with all them on?

They know the range and format it will be so you can't just make it up, and you might be told to repeat it. Just easier to learn it and be able to shout it quickly and confidently. It's all part of the conditioning.

[Krupp88]

BossHogg said:

Or when they addressed me as Sarge, they were politely informed (well bellowed at!) There are only 3 types of sarge, sausarge, massarge and passarge, now feck off before I massarge my sausarge up your passarge you 'orrible little man - now get away!!!

I am in the very early stages of my Army Reserve training and can happily confirm this gem is still in use.

[98elise]

Slight thread divergence but as this thread has a lot of ex-forces on it I thought I'd post this gem.

https://www.arrse.co.uk/community/threads/pull-up-...

It's on ARRSE (Army forum) but it's an account of life in the Navy by an ex Matelot (Sailor). It's a long thread but hilarious

[InitialDave]

BossHogg said:

The Tri Service Police HQ in the Falklands is on Letsby Avenue, obviously the street planners had a sense of humour.

Hahaha, that's fantastic!

[QuartzDad]

BossHogg said:

The Tri Service Police HQ in the Falklands is on Letsby Avenue, obviously the street planners had a sense of humour.

Edited by BossHogg on Wednesday 3rd March 08:18

The same planners must have moved onto Sheffield in the late 90s

[Tyre Smoke]

98elise said:

Slight thread divergence but as this thread has a lot of ex-forces on it I thought I'd post this gem.

https://www.arrse.co.uk/community/threads/pull-up-...

It's on ARRSE (Army forum) but it's an account of life in the Navy by an ex Matelot (Sailor). It's a long thread but hilarious

Thanks for the link. Passed it to my lad who wants to join the Marines.

[BossHogg]

98elise said:

Slight thread divergence but as this thread has a lot of ex-forces on it I thought I'd post this gem.

https://www.arrse.co.uk/community/threads/pull-up-...

It's on ARRSE (Army forum) but it's an account of life in the Navy by an ex Matelot (Sailor). It's a long thread but hilarious

I'm already a member on ARRSE. (same username )

[RizzoTheRat]

yellowjack said:

MGS: "Hello, MGS Dog Section, how can I help you?"
Andy: "Can I speak to Mr Barker please?"
MGS: "We don't have a Mr Barker here, Sir"
Andy: "Are you sure, I think I can hear him in the background..."

When the tri service recruitment software came out, the role selection box was too short in the BARB test (psychometric test) section, meaning it looked like a Police Dog needed a better score than an Infantryman

I think they eventually widened the field so it read Police Dog Handler.