Divorcing empty nesters...
Discussion
singlecoil said:
klmhcp said:
In your analogy you would needed to have esperienced what it feels like to ride a bicycle without a helmet on before you lectures on the cost-benefit of it.
This illustrates where you are going wrong. I didn't say anything about the cost/benefit, I simply pointed out that there was an increased risk of injury.I've obviously touched a nerve with my original point, I can only think your super-sensitivity and misunderstanding has been caused by the decision to have children being made not by you, but for you. Initially you were against the idea, but when the first child arrived nature took over and the 'greatest joy of your life' arrived. Good for you.
PAUL500 said:
I take offence at your use of the word "fantasy" when you no nothing of the matters directly being discussed. Yes there are always two sides to a story, but to clarify in my case, social services did not seek to put my daughter into care, my ex wife actually unilaterally contacted them and sought a section 20 voluntary agreement to put her into a care home, therefore they were compelled to investigate. However without my agreement that could not be forced through.
Social services then confirmed there were not he grounds for them to apply for a care order via the courts.
They then brokered an agreement with my ex signed whereby my daughter would come to live with me, but when I took this back to the courts to have the financial order amended to reflect this need she then backed right out of it, as it would have triggered the required barder event.
The judge said it was not a legal document she signed so he could not make her comply with it, therefore the barder event had not happened, therefore no grounds for the application, therefore I have to pay her legal fees!
Within two weeks she was back onto social services trying to offload my daughter yet again, but this time trying to get them to do it in court against my will .......the saga continues, thats where I am at the moment.
My daughter in the meantime has rung the police on numerous occasions making allegations against my ex but they wont listen to her and she has run away from home at least 3 times, they just keep finding her and taking her back.
As you will see from the time stamp its is 4.50 in the morning as I am typing this, I have been awake since 3am, not been able to have a full nights sleep in months.
The opening of my post was intentional vague and indirect because how am I possibly to know the details of your case?Social services then confirmed there were not he grounds for them to apply for a care order via the courts.
They then brokered an agreement with my ex signed whereby my daughter would come to live with me, but when I took this back to the courts to have the financial order amended to reflect this need she then backed right out of it, as it would have triggered the required barder event.
The judge said it was not a legal document she signed so he could not make her comply with it, therefore the barder event had not happened, therefore no grounds for the application, therefore I have to pay her legal fees!
Within two weeks she was back onto social services trying to offload my daughter yet again, but this time trying to get them to do it in court against my will .......the saga continues, thats where I am at the moment.
My daughter in the meantime has rung the police on numerous occasions making allegations against my ex but they wont listen to her and she has run away from home at least 3 times, they just keep finding her and taking her back.
As you will see from the time stamp its is 4.50 in the morning as I am typing this, I have been awake since 3am, not been able to have a full nights sleep in months.
Edited by PAUL500 on Wednesday 12th October 04:51
You have intimate knowledge of you case, but the whole SWT thing on this thread needs to be challenged.
And in my experience the whole 'social workers ignore the obvious place for my child to be best cared for' is very rare.
julian64 said:
PAUL500 said:
I take offence at your use of the word "fantasy" when you no nothing of the matters directly being discussed. Yes there are always two sides to a story, but to clarify in my case, social services did not seek to put my daughter into care, my ex wife actually unilaterally contacted them and sought a section 20 voluntary agreement to put her into a care home, therefore they were compelled to investigate. However without my agreement that could not be forced through.
Social services then confirmed there were not he grounds for them to apply for a care order via the courts.
They then brokered an agreement with my ex signed whereby my daughter would come to live with me, but when I took this back to the courts to have the financial order amended to reflect this need she then backed right out of it, as it would have triggered the required barder event.
The judge said it was not a legal document she signed so he could not make her comply with it, therefore the barder event had not happened, therefore no grounds for the application, therefore I have to pay her legal fees!
Within two weeks she was back onto social services trying to offload my daughter yet again, but this time trying to get them to do it in court against my will .......the saga continues, thats where I am at the moment.
My daughter in the meantime has rung the police on numerous occasions making allegations against my ex but they wont listen to her and she has run away from home at least 3 times, they just keep finding her and taking her back.
As you will see from the time stamp its is 4.50 in the morning as I am typing this, I have been awake since 3am, not been able to have a full nights sleep in months.
And in my experience the whole 'social workers ignore the obvious place for my child to be best cared for' is very rare.Social services then confirmed there were not he grounds for them to apply for a care order via the courts.
They then brokered an agreement with my ex signed whereby my daughter would come to live with me, but when I took this back to the courts to have the financial order amended to reflect this need she then backed right out of it, as it would have triggered the required barder event.
The judge said it was not a legal document she signed so he could not make her comply with it, therefore the barder event had not happened, therefore no grounds for the application, therefore I have to pay her legal fees!
Within two weeks she was back onto social services trying to offload my daughter yet again, but this time trying to get them to do it in court against my will .......the saga continues, thats where I am at the moment.
My daughter in the meantime has rung the police on numerous occasions making allegations against my ex but they wont listen to her and she has run away from home at least 3 times, they just keep finding her and taking her back.
As you will see from the time stamp its is 4.50 in the morning as I am typing this, I have been awake since 3am, not been able to have a full nights sleep in months.
Edited by PAUL500 on Wednesday 12th October 04:51
TheLordJohn said:
klmhcp said:
I don't preach to them about how they really should have children
Well you must be one of one, then.My wife is 32, me, 28 and ALL we get, week in, week out, is ste from other adults telling us how great our lives would be if we had kids.
Personally, I think they know the fked up, and want to trap us into the same mistake!
aww999 said:
I think you are at least partially right. Stick to your guns, you will be trading present and future freedoms for a huge amount of expense and stress with very little in return.
I am someone who will never have children, partly for those reasons, but I have to say that what you describe isn't how it is for everyone. For somepeople it really it a joy - it's just that it wouldn't be for me personally.steveatesh said:
Elements of gynocentric culture existing today are derived from practices originating in medieval society such as feudalism, chivalry and courtly love that continue to inform contemporary society in subtle ways. Peter Wright refers to such gynocentric patters as constituting a “sexual feudalism,” as attested by female writers like Lucrezia Marinella who in 1600 AD recounted that women of lower socioeconomic classes were treated as superiors by men who acted as servants or beasts born to serve them, or by Modesta Pozzo who in 1590 wrote;
“don’t we see that men’s rightful task is to go out to work and wear themselves out trying to accumulate wealth, as though they were our factors or stewards, so that we can remain at home like the lady of the house directing their work and enjoying the profit of their labors? That, if you like, is the reason why men are naturally stronger and more robust than us — they need to be, so they can put up with the hard labor they must endure in our service.”
I came across an article that gave many examples of gynocentrism in mainstream society, but includes things like an education system that favours girls, health spend, criminal justice, family law, suicide rates, acceptance of male deaths at work etc etc, all of which disadvantage men and boys and favour women and girls. Hidden gynocentrism in action. I'll try and find it again.
A good place to start....“don’t we see that men’s rightful task is to go out to work and wear themselves out trying to accumulate wealth, as though they were our factors or stewards, so that we can remain at home like the lady of the house directing their work and enjoying the profit of their labors? That, if you like, is the reason why men are naturally stronger and more robust than us — they need to be, so they can put up with the hard labor they must endure in our service.”
I came across an article that gave many examples of gynocentrism in mainstream society, but includes things like an education system that favours girls, health spend, criminal justice, family law, suicide rates, acceptance of male deaths at work etc etc, all of which disadvantage men and boys and favour women and girls. Hidden gynocentrism in action. I'll try and find it again.
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Woman-Racket-science-expl... thought provoking but veers off into silliness towards the end
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Who-Stole-Feminism-Women-...
https://www.amazon.co.uk/Venus-Dark-Side-Roy-Shepp...
zarjaz1991 said:
aww999 said:
I think you are at least partially right. Stick to your guns, you will be trading present and future freedoms for a huge amount of expense and stress with very little in return.
I am someone who will never have children, partly for those reasons, but I have to say that what you describe isn't how it is for everyone. For somepeople it really it a joy - it's just that it wouldn't be for me personally.klmhcp said:
No way you'd know either though.
I'm 43 and have never, ever wanted kids. I'm quite happy to not have them and have come to the conclusion that if I have never felt the desire to have them by 43 then I will never have that desire.Sorry if that doesn't fit into your world view. Some of us feel like that.
BigMon said:
klmhcp said:
No way you'd know either though.
I'm 43 and have never, ever wanted kids. I'm quite happy to not have them and have come to the conclusion that if I have never felt the desire to have them by 43 then I will never have that desire.Sorry if that doesn't fit into your world view. Some of us feel like that.
singlecoil said:
I think his reply will be something along the lines of "until you have them, you will never know". Well, I've never been crowned with a spike right through my head and I'm as sure as I can be, without experiencing it, that it would be a negative experience.
No, IDIOT. You don't understand, you've never had a spike through the head. I have, and I can tell you, despite the constant earache, it's actually got its rather pleasant moments!
- Edit* - it's exactly the same as Owen Jones when he tried to take ownership over the gay nightclub shooting earlier on in the year.
<Get's up and storms off in a huff>
anonymous said:
[redacted]
It sounds like an impossible situation, and, to be honest, she sounds mentally unstable, and I wouldn't want her being left alone to raise my child.
If it were me, I'd be keeping a diary of the crazy behaviour to show a judge, and so that when you go to court and she no doubt plays the victim, you have proof that she's been scheming and acting unreasonable all along.
What can you do in this situation to try and limit your loss etc? For instance, you mentioned her wanting the house, but surely a judge isn't going to agree that she needs a big expensive house for just her and the kid if she got custody? Can the courts force a sale of the house?
It's really mind boggling that someone can act like this, especially with a child involved.
Does she even want custody of the kid?
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