Appalling Flatulence

[Geekman]

Anyone have similar issues with scallops? A real shame as I absolutely love them, but I've had to stop eating them due to the horrific affect they seem to have on me. I eat them, and all's fine for about an hour, not even any flatulence, then between 1-1.5hrs afterwards I feel a sudden shift, and if I can't get to the toilet within about 5 minutes, I will genuinely st myself.

First occurred when I went out to dinner with a girl I was seeing at uni (ended up running away from her down a canal path in Richmond, refusing to explain why I needed to get to that pub at the end really fking quickly), but I put it down to a bad batch of food and forgot about it until a few months ago, when I had them at a restaurant with the girlfriend.


That occasion was almost more disastrous: only felt the "shift" when we were at home - she was having an annoyingly long shower and couldn't understand why I really couldn't wait a few minutes for her to come out. Thankfully she saw sense and ran out, but it was well into the touching cloth stage by that point. I'm still haunted by images of the state of the toilet bowl afterwards.

[otolith]

Geekman said:

Anyone have similar issues with scallops? A real shame as I absolutely love them, but I've had to stop eating them due to the horrific affect they seem to have on me. I eat them, and all's fine for about an hour, not even any flatulence, then between 1-1.5hrs afterwards I feel a sudden shift, and if I can't get to the toilet within about 5 minutes, I will genuinely st myself.

Opposite end, but after twenty odd years of eating them with impunity, oysters now make me violently sick. Burst capillaries in the eyes levels of sick. I've given them three chances, one of them with tinned, smoked oysters, so no risk of food poisoning, and each time has ended badly.

[crankedup]

Whatever became of the chap that made his living from his extraordinary talent for producing his farts on command. His stage clothing being green and purple, a sort of caped crusader if you will. Not sure what his stage name was but perhaps any of these : King of Wind, Prince of Puff, Father of flatulance. I have a notion he even appeared on 'Britains got Talent',

[Hugo a Gogo]

Mr Methane

[Europa1]

Hugo a Gogo said:

Mr Methane

Was he not predated by Monsieur Petomane?

[Ali Chappussy]

Raddish's do it for me.

[Hugo a Gogo]

Europa1 said:

Hugo a Gogo said:

Mr Methane

Was he not predated by Monsieur Petomane?

predated as in hunted and eaten?

Petomane was like 150 years ago or something

[eldar]

Hugo a Gogo said:

predated as in hunted and eaten?

Petomane was like 150 years ago or something

The film

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8gym81fY460

[Freds]

Sweetcorn and Alpen cripple me with wind, not eaten at the same time I must add. I avoid both nowadays, Alpen is lethal, I could empty a small Town with the after effect.

[Sharted]

Geekman said:

Anyone have similar issues with scallops? A real shame as I absolutely love them, but I've had to stop eating them due to the horrific affect they seem to have on me. I eat them, and all's fine for about an hour, not even any flatulence, then between 1-1.5hrs afterwards I feel a sudden shift, and if I can't get to the toilet within about 5 minutes, I will genuinely st myself

Me too, and it stinks.

Burns like vindaloo as well.

Shame as I love scallops.

[geeks]

After a few pints of Guinness and a curry and the wife will basically refuse to be in the same county as me

[Zod]

Sharted said:

Geekman said:

Anyone have similar issues with scallops? A real shame as I absolutely love them, but I've had to stop eating them due to the horrific affect they seem to have on me. I eat them, and all's fine for about an hour, not even any flatulence, then between 1-1.5hrs afterwards I feel a sudden shift, and if I can't get to the toilet within about 5 minutes, I will genuinely st myself

Me too, and it stinks.

Burns like vindaloo as well.

Shame as I love scallops.

From your username, I suspect your problems go further than just scallops.

Are you scallop-stters sure you are eating fresh ones?

[Geekman]

Zod said:

From your username, I suspect your problems go further than just scallops.

Are you scallop-stters sure you are eating fresh ones?

The first time I ate them was at a mediocre chain restaurant, hence me assuming it was just a bad batch. The second time was at an expensive place, plus my gf had the same dish and didn't appear to be similarly afflicted. Either way, it's now at a stage where it's just too risky trying them again

[Sharted]

Zod said:

From your username, I suspect your problems go further than just scallops.

Are you scallop-stters sure you are eating fresh ones?

Yep, there was an incident on a Sunday lunchtime following a particularly heavy weekend.

I do suffer less from the scallop effect at better quality places.

Onion bahgi/bhagi/whatever they're called and onion rings are good fuel for farting too. I once had to get out of the car because of the onion ring overdose effects, a convertible.

[Big Rod]

First time I went to America I was seated near one of the conveniences on the 'plane.

I don't know if it was the excitement of my first transAtlantic flight or the first time to the states or something I'd eaten or drunk but I just couldn't keep them in and they were eye watering.

Dropping the kids at school did't help so the passengers were subject to the aroma of my guts periodically over 8 hours.

Someone complained and the Stewards attacked the nearby toilet with air fresheners thinking that was the source of the stench. Of course it didn't have much effect.

[Dan_1981]

Geekman said:

Anyone have similar issues with scallops? A real shame as I absolutely love them, but I've had to stop eating them due to the horrific affect they seem to have on me. I eat them, and all's fine for about an hour, not even any flatulence, then between 1-1.5hrs afterwards I feel a sudden shift, and if I can't get to the toilet within about 5 minutes, I will genuinely st myself.

First occurred when I went out to dinner with a girl I was seeing at uni (ended up running away from her down a canal path in Richmond, refusing to explain why I needed to get to that pub at the end really fking quickly), but I put it down to a bad batch of food and forgot about it until a few months ago, when I had them at a restaurant with the girlfriend.


That occasion was almost more disastrous: only felt the "shift" when we were at home - she was having an annoyingly long shower and couldn't understand why I really couldn't wait a few minutes for her to come out. Thankfully she saw sense and ran out, but it was well into the touching cloth stage by that point. I'm still haunted by images of the state of the toilet bowl afterwards.

Jalapenos have this effect on me - probabaly more like 3 or 4 hours for me.

Love them though.

[feef]

Had a chicken ceylon curry last night...

A new one on me from my usual Hasina....


I pity those sat in my vicinity today

[davhill]

Hugo a Gogo said:

Mr Methane

Science flash! There's footage of Mr. Methane extinguishing a candle with an anal announcement. We all know farts are flammable and very few people actually fart methane.

Le Petomane was able to establish an internal vacuum and 'inhale' air via the chocolate starfish...he also drank perfume to flavour his emissions.

Mr. M is clearly an inhaler or he'd be a flamethrower.

Just saying.

[Ki3r]

I think I have some kind of intolerance to milk/dairy products as if I eat/drink too much I'll be farting for England. Can get away with a pint of milk without any effects, but if I go for two pints close together I can pretty much count down the minutes until I'll be running to the bog.

Worst one...around my ex girlfriends. Not together at the time and hadn't known her that long. Popped to the take away and they were doing buy one get one free on milkshakes.

Because I have no self control I drank them both. Within minutes my stomach was making all sorts of sounds. I can't get comfy, I'm trying not to fart as I know it's going to stink.

Film finishes and it's time for me to go home. Quick kiss and I waddle off to my car, trying not to walk too quickly incase my arse relaxes too much.

Get back to my car and drive back to mine. Got home, ran upstairs and dropped my trousers.

It was like I shat out the two milkshakes, but chocolate ones this time. It stank. I was gagging at the same time. The toilet was a mess.

Worst of all, got a text of her asking if I was OK as I was walking funny as I left.

[crankedup]

Hugo a Gogo said:

Mr Methane

Ah yes, Mr Methane, a man of one talent. Thanks