Appalling Flatulence
Discussion
silverthorn2151 said:
Einion Yrth said:
I have just eaten sprouts for the second day running.
I shall be unpopular at work tomorrow.
For heavens sake why????? It's not Christmas and some ghastly family feast!I shall be unpopular at work tomorrow.
They are the devils testicles.
otolith said:
Geekman said:
Anyone have similar issues with scallops? A real shame as I absolutely love them, but I've had to stop eating them due to the horrific affect they seem to have on me. I eat them, and all's fine for about an hour, not even any flatulence, then between 1-1.5hrs afterwards I feel a sudden shift, and if I can't get to the toilet within about 5 minutes, I will genuinely s
t myself.
Opposite end, but after twenty odd years of eating them with impunity, oysters now make me violently sick. Burst capillaries in the eyes levels of sick. I've given them three chances, one of them with tinned, smoked oysters, so no risk of food poisoning, and each time has ended badly. t myself.I haven't had them in years now, the last time I had a bad one or two (raw) I was lucky that my toilet is next to the sink as it was coming out of both ends at the same time.
As for farting, i've won awards, I've always been great at it, right from my school days where i'd get sent out of class or put in detention because of it.
I know someone that was given a final written warning for his flatulence.
He had been out for a few real ales the night before and was discussing a job one the shop floor with one of the Directors when he let rip with an overly ripe postern blast.
The Director took one sniff and stalked off to the office.
The Director returned shortly with an envelope containing a final written warning specifically advising that any further rancid ringpiece aromas would result in a P45.
The employee and Director had known each other for over 20yrs at that point so the threat was taken in the spirit it was given
He had been out for a few real ales the night before and was discussing a job one the shop floor with one of the Directors when he let rip with an overly ripe postern blast.
The Director took one sniff and stalked off to the office.
The Director returned shortly with an envelope containing a final written warning specifically advising that any further rancid ringpiece aromas would result in a P45.
The employee and Director had known each other for over 20yrs at that point so the threat was taken in the spirit it was given
i once made someone vomit on a training course with a fart. We had all been out the night before. I also made my ex's kid cry with one, which was fine because he was a little st. Still makes me laugh to think about it. Final written warning though?! That must have been a nuclear guff.
In other news I take enormous pleasure in farting in the gents at work if there is someone else in there... clearly separated by locked cubicle doors and as long as I can safeguard my anonimity! I sometimes cock my leg to get extra volume/rasp tone. I am sure other people i work with do the same as the horrific sounds coming from others in there, and muffled sniggers, tells me so.
t. Still makes me laugh to think about it. Final written warning though?! That must have been a nuclear guff. In other news I take enormous pleasure in farting in the gents at work if there is someone else in there... clearly separated by locked cubicle doors and as long as I can safeguard my anonimity! I sometimes cock my leg to get extra volume/rasp tone. I am sure other people i work with do the same as the horrific sounds coming from others in there, and muffled sniggers, tells me so.
mikees said:
I'm honestly shaking I'm laughing so much. Brilliant stories. More please.
M
Are animal farting stories allowed? If so...M
A few years back my mums council terrier (Staff X) was lounging in front of the fire when the she (the dog, not my mum) farted.
Now normally a dog fart is a quiet pffft but for whatever dietary reasons this canine fart was more of a PAARRPP!
The dog was less than impressed with this unexpected vibrato from her chocolate starfish so turned, teeth bared to attack whatever it was that was assaulting her teatowel holder.
Unfortunately the turning and twisting compressed her intestines further which provoked a window rattling PAARRPP!
The dog jumped up and ran in terror from her own fart, returning shortly after for sympathy and cuddles but we were too busy laughing to assist the dog in regaining her composure.
Now when I was younger I wasn't particularly productive.
No more or less than colleagues and school friends.
For various reasons, I started to eat quicker than I had previously ( shared starter plates, gannet of an ex gf etc)
This enabled the methane factory to ramp up to level two.
Next some health issues meant that acid indigestion reared it's ugly head, and therefore a penchant for off the shelf chalky antacid products.
Hello Level Three
Finally these weren't cutting the mustard so off to the doc who introduced me to the little fart bombs also known as Omeprazole.
Depending on the dose I take ( 10-20mg,) things vary between from level four to about seven.
To give you scale - one is a couple of small to medium trumps an evening - seven is being sent to watch the tv in the other room, the dogs not coming near you, and the duration in seconds going in to double figures.
No more or less than colleagues and school friends.
For various reasons, I started to eat quicker than I had previously ( shared starter plates, gannet of an ex gf etc)
This enabled the methane factory to ramp up to level two.
Next some health issues meant that acid indigestion reared it's ugly head, and therefore a penchant for off the shelf chalky antacid products.
Hello Level Three
Finally these weren't cutting the mustard so off to the doc who introduced me to the little fart bombs also known as Omeprazole.
Depending on the dose I take ( 10-20mg,) things vary between from level four to about seven.
To give you scale - one is a couple of small to medium trumps an evening - seven is being sent to watch the tv in the other room, the dogs not coming near you, and the duration in seconds going in to double figures.
Tango13 said:
mikees said:
I'm honestly shaking I'm laughing so much. Brilliant stories. More please.
M
Are animal farting stories allowed? If so...M
A few years back my mums council terrier (Staff X) was lounging in front of the fire when the she (the dog, not my mum) farted.
Now normally a dog fart is a quiet pffft but for whatever dietary reasons this canine fart was more of a PAARRPP!
The dog was less than impressed with this unexpected vibrato from her chocolate starfish so turned, teeth bared to attack whatever it was that was assaulting her teatowel holder.
Unfortunately the turning and twisting compressed her intestines further which provoked a window rattling PAARRPP!
The dog jumped up and ran in terror from her own fart, returning shortly after for sympathy and cuddles but we were too busy laughing to assist the dog in regaining her composure.
Voldemort said:
to cut a long tale short, a friend managed to clear the outside smoking area on a moving cross channel ferry…
Not quite as impressive, but many years ago there were a group of us staying at a friends house in cornwall.The house was very old and had a medieval hall complete with minstrels gallery.. After a very pleasant evening drinking spingo ( a local ale) the next morning my stomach was feeling a little delicate, and I sneaked a little fart out. I managed to clear the room.Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff