Appalling Flatulence
Discussion
We had a Christmas break in Bruges a few years ago and as we were walking back tour hotel, my O/H let out a 'lady fart' which, though not a mega-trump, was loud enough for the four people walking the other way to hear and, in the still night air, share its fragrance.
Quick as a flash, to spare my beloved's blushes, I turned and said, "Good grief, which of you four did that...!"
As it happened, they were English and the two women started to give the two men a real telling off: "Gordon, how could you!" and "Derek, was that you?!"
We continued on our way, giggling like six year olds ...
Quick as a flash, to spare my beloved's blushes, I turned and said, "Good grief, which of you four did that...!"
As it happened, they were English and the two women started to give the two men a real telling off: "Gordon, how could you!" and "Derek, was that you?!"
We continued on our way, giggling like six year olds ...
FiF said:
Pure Gold, sensational efforts captured for posteriority. I went out for a curry one saturday night a few summers ago, and then an early run out in the TVR on the Sunday morning with the missus.
After what I thought was a rather subtle squeaker, my other half started coughing and complaining about the smell and wound the window down to let it out. Normal behaviour for being subjected to in-car flatulence, but the roof was down at the time....
She still reminds me of that one, and I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
After what I thought was a rather subtle squeaker, my other half started coughing and complaining about the smell and wound the window down to let it out. Normal behaviour for being subjected to in-car flatulence, but the roof was down at the time....
She still reminds me of that one, and I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
One hot summers day, walking with the wife and baby in the pram. trying to get her to sleep.
Felt the rumble, and announced to my wife "watch this". Cocked one leg and let the most tuneful fart go!
What I didn't expect was screaming from teenage girls in the house we were walking past.
A moment later there were groans followed by the banging of windows.
Quite proud, really!
Felt the rumble, and announced to my wife "watch this". Cocked one leg and let the most tuneful fart go!
What I didn't expect was screaming from teenage girls in the house we were walking past.
A moment later there were groans followed by the banging of windows.
Quite proud, really!
I've been having the most atrocious farts over the last couple of days. The sort which, if you fart in the toilets at work, fills the whole room in about 30 seconds.
I said to my wife that it's a good job neither of us are vegetarian as they've been so meaty.
Have tracked it down to this which I've been having for lunch. Just looked at the packet and it has soya flakes and soya crispies as two of the main ingredients. It appears my body does not react well to either of those ingredients!
(Fond memories of eating Beanfeast spaghetti bolognese whilst camping, and it's a good job we were outside in canvas shelters due to the immense methane emissions).
I was going to bin it but I'm off on a stag do in a couple of weeks and one of the team (known as the Grim Seeper) is renowned for his appalling farts. I might eat a bowlful of this and stand next to him for most of the night to give him a taste of his own medicine.
I said to my wife that it's a good job neither of us are vegetarian as they've been so meaty.
Have tracked it down to this which I've been having for lunch. Just looked at the packet and it has soya flakes and soya crispies as two of the main ingredients. It appears my body does not react well to either of those ingredients!
(Fond memories of eating Beanfeast spaghetti bolognese whilst camping, and it's a good job we were outside in canvas shelters due to the immense methane emissions).
I was going to bin it but I'm off on a stag do in a couple of weeks and one of the team (known as the Grim Seeper) is renowned for his appalling farts. I might eat a bowlful of this and stand next to him for most of the night to give him a taste of his own medicine.
back when i was a teen i worked in retail, and i used to love farting right in the face of badly behaved children.
Clearly it needs to be at a lower noise level than the ambient conditions otherwise it could go badly. Better if smelly because then the family all start blaming each other too. I believe this is a common hobby amongst retail workers and teachers.
Clearly it needs to be at a lower noise level than the ambient conditions otherwise it could go badly. Better if smelly because then the family all start blaming each other too. I believe this is a common hobby amongst retail workers and teachers.
Blown2CV said:
back when i was a teen i worked in retail, and i used to love farting right in the face of badly behaved children.
Clearly it needs to be at a lower noise level than the ambient conditions otherwise it could go badly. Better if smelly because then the family all start blaming each other too. I believe this is a common hobby amongst retail workers and teachers.
Yes, I believe that a popular "game" amongst some otherwise very bored teachers doing invigilating on exams is to drop some silent-but-deadly bombs as they slowly wander around between the rows of desks, and score points for the highest number of "reactions" gained from it as the concentration of a 16 year old struggling to remember the functions of an oxbow lake is broken by the aroma of last night's curry.. Clearly it needs to be at a lower noise level than the ambient conditions otherwise it could go badly. Better if smelly because then the family all start blaming each other too. I believe this is a common hobby amongst retail workers and teachers.
Shakermaker said:
Yes, I believe that a popular "game" amongst some otherwise very bored teachers doing invigilating on exams is to drop some silent-but-deadly bombs as they slowly wander around between the rows of desks, and score points for the highest number of "reactions" gained from it as the concentration of a 16 year old struggling to remember the functions of an oxbow lake is broken by the aroma of last night's curry..
I know a primary school teacher who does that to his more "challenging" little darlings.Cabin crew refer to it as "crop dusting"...
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