What's the best bit of advice you have been given?

[Corpulent Tosser]

Best HSE advice I was given.

Never put your fingers where you wouldn't put your cock.

[Biker's Nemesis]

Never chop logs in a rubber dingey

[Biker's Nemesis]

Never put your fingers where you would not put your cock

[Corpulent Tosser]

Biker's Nemesis said:

Never put your fingers where you would not put your cock

Two posts up

[Biker's Nemesis]

Corpulent Tosser said:

Two posts up

Bugger.

[straight dad]

From my dad:

Always go to the toilet on works time.

Take your socks off before your trousers when with a lady for the first time.

Go out with women with small hands.

Don't be afraid of dead people, it's the live buggers you need to watch.

Always keep your tool handles facing the same way in your toolbox.

[Yipper]

Don't eat yellow snow.
If the river runs red, take the dirt track.
Easy pink, tight brown.
Never trust anyone with a beard.

[Pat H]

Do not confuse your clients' problems with those of your own.

[The Mad Monk]

Corpulent Tosser said:

Biker's Nemesis said:

Never put your fingers where you would not put your cock

Two posts up

That's three.

[Corpulent Tosser]

The Mad Monk said:

Corpulent Tosser said:

Biker's Nemesis said:

Never put your fingers where you would not put your cock

Two posts up

That's three.

Not from BN's post it wasn't

[HD Adam]

If you take drugs & think you can fly, try taking off from the ground first.

[Mr Roper]

daddy cool said:

Let the Wookie win.

[Matt Harper]

If you come to a fork in the road, take it.

If in doubt, do nowt

Assume any gun is loaded

[MDMA .]

One in the bum, no harm done.

[Roscco]

Psychiatrist told me to get a dog.

I saved up nearly £1300 in 5 momths and ended up with my best friend...He's a Doberman.

I stopped smoking and taking smack in 9 weeks.

Not bad after 13/14 years of addiction.

The most expensive but best prescription amd advice I've ever had.

[The Mad Monk]

Roscco said:

Psychiatrist told me to get a dog.

I saved up nearly £1300 in 5 momths and ended up with my best friend...He's a Doberman.

I stopped smoking and taking smack in 9 weeks.

Not bad after 13/14 years of addiction.

The most expensive but best prescription amd advice I've ever had.

Could you have achieved it with a stray from Battersea Dogs Home*?

• Other stray animal centres are available.

[conkerman]

Fat girls come a lot.

Courtesy of Dudley Moore, Best Defence, the 1980s.

[aponting389]

always have the right tool for the job

[Se7enheaven]

Measure twice , cut once

[croyde]

As said earlier.

Always take off your socks before your trousers when with a lady.

This was told to me by a female friend of my mum when I was 10. I have stuck with that advice always and I'm now in my 50s.