Modern single women
Discussion
Ari said:
lemmingjames said:
Ill use myself as an example;
Met this great girl, got along well with, 2nd date agreed within the 1st date pretty much, lots of chat after, roll onto date day (last Friday) and she goes cold claiming shes ill and then communication effectively stops. Cue me questioning what could have gone wrong (as mentioned above),
She didn't like you (enough) and (for whatever reason) felt unable to communicate this to you so tried to disentangle herself afterwards, eventually succeeding. Met this great girl, got along well with, 2nd date agreed within the 1st date pretty much, lots of chat after, roll onto date day (last Friday) and she goes cold claiming shes ill and then communication effectively stops. Cue me questioning what could have gone wrong (as mentioned above),
Blown2CV said:
Ari said:
lemmingjames said:
Ill use myself as an example;
Met this great girl, got along well with, 2nd date agreed within the 1st date pretty much, lots of chat after, roll onto date day (last Friday) and she goes cold claiming shes ill and then communication effectively stops. Cue me questioning what could have gone wrong (as mentioned above),
She didn't like you (enough) and (for whatever reason) felt unable to communicate this to you so tried to disentangle herself afterwards, eventually succeeding. Met this great girl, got along well with, 2nd date agreed within the 1st date pretty much, lots of chat after, roll onto date day (last Friday) and she goes cold claiming shes ill and then communication effectively stops. Cue me questioning what could have gone wrong (as mentioned above),
Guys are just as bad a girls at this.
Horsepower1000 said:
I think the people who get remarried seem the happiest. Some of my friends said they learnt mistakes from previous relationships and didn't repeat them.
This is my wife's second marriage, but my first.... that'll be why I'm mostly miserable and hoping for something like an early death to sort it out 
I should've stuck to my original plan of not getting married at all.Divorce? Like you said it would be too much of a financial f
kover. Life is supposed to be full of happiness, well as long as she's happy eh...csd19 said:
This is my wife's second marriage, but my first.... that'll be why I'm mostly miserable and hoping for something like an early death to sort it out I should've stuck to my original plan of not getting married at all.
Divorce? Like you said it would be too much of a financial fkover. Life is supposed to be full of happiness, well as long as she's happy eh...
Better to live poor and happy than rich and sad inside imo. I should've stuck to my original plan of not getting married at all.Divorce? Like you said it would be too much of a financial f
kover. Life is supposed to be full of happiness, well as long as she's happy eh...Matt UK said:
csd19 said:
This is my wife's second marriage, but my first.... that'll be why I'm mostly miserable and hoping for something like an early death to sort it out I should've stuck to my original plan of not getting married at all.
Divorce? Like you said it would be too much of a financial fkover. Life is supposed to be full of happiness, well as long as she's happy eh...
Better to live poor and happy than rich and sad inside imo. I should've stuck to my original plan of not getting married at all.Divorce? Like you said it would be too much of a financial f
kover. Life is supposed to be full of happiness, well as long as she's happy eh...
Bluesgirl said:
I think it's more a case of me being particularly critical of their relationships, rather than them necessarily being unhappy. By this I mean that I am now very independent and it bugs me to see a couple who can't function without each other. Also couples who have 'settled' and seem to be accepting of a relationship which isn't close or loving or intimate, but just convenient. And then there are the wives who will put up with anything to keep the status they've got with their partner. When I look at all these scenarios, I wonder if there's anyone in my age-group who's genuinely happy and glad they're together.
When you was married was you happy Bluesgirl? Or like the rest of us did it usually end by a cheating partner?? Therefore you was probably one of those people sitting in a marriage and just settling. I don't know many couples that break up without anyone in the background. It's more usual that the marriage had gone to st anyway and they was coasting until someone else came along. Although maybe that's my jaundiced view. I don't think any of us can sit on a perch judging people's relationships when we could all well have been there once. Maybe being single is the best option.Horsepower1000 said:
When you was married was you happy Bluesgirl? Or like the rest of us did it usually end by a cheating partner?? Therefore you was probably one of those people sitting in a marriage and just settling. I don't know many couples that break up without anyone in the background. It's more usual that the marriage had gone to st anyway and they was coasting until someone else came along. Although maybe that's my jaundiced view. I don't think any of us can sit on a perch judging people's relationships when we could all well have been there once. Maybe being single is the best option.
https://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/weret anyway and they was coasting until someone else came along. Although maybe that's my jaundiced view. I don't think any of us can sit on a perch judging people's relationships when we could all well have been there once. Maybe being single is the best option.
Bluesgirl said:
I think it's more a case of me being particularly critical of their relationships, rather than them necessarily being unhappy. By this I mean that I am now very independent and it bugs me to see a couple who can't function without each other. Also couples who have 'settled' and seem to be accepting of a relationship which isn't close or loving or intimate, but just convenient. And then there are the wives who will put up with anything to keep the status they've got with their partner. When I look at all these scenarios, I wonder if there's anyone in my age-group who's genuinely happy and glad they're together.
Sounds like you are a very independent personI think the key to a successful relationship is to be prepared to share your life and in some ways lose some of that independence.
While My partner and I have separate interests and have occasional days where we do our own thing, most of the time we spend together and for us that works - what is the point in being with someone who you wouldn't want to be with all the time? She is my best friend and I will just as happily be dragged around a shop looking at clothes as she would coming to a trackday or other car event.
Also I think in time you do settle somewhat, you can't maintain that "first few months" of romance forever, but you still need that level of connection and intimacy to maintain a good quality relationship in the long term.
It sounds like you are in your 40s or above (as a guess!!!) and maybe bitterness has started coming in.
Edited by xjay1337 on Wednesday 29th March 11:23
Venturist said:
Dagnir said:
Men - What percentage of females on Tinder would you consider to be of a dateable standard?
Women - What percentage of males on Tinder would you consider to be of a dateable standard?
Personally, I reckon only about 10% of the girls I encounter are attractive and I have suspicions that there are actually more men of a 'dateable standard', then there are women.
Some research was conducted on I think OKCupid with the results that on average women considered 80% of men to be "below average" attractiveness. Women - What percentage of males on Tinder would you consider to be of a dateable standard?
Personally, I reckon only about 10% of the girls I encounter are attractive and I have suspicions that there are actually more men of a 'dateable standard', then there are women.
Just something to think about
Horsepower1000 said:
When you was married was you happy Bluesgirl? Or like the rest of us did it usually end by a cheating partner?? Therefore you was probably one of those people sitting in a marriage and just settling. I don't know many couples that break up without anyone in the background. It's more usual that the marriage had gone to st anyway and they was coasting until someone else came along. Although maybe that's my jaundiced view. I don't think any of us can sit on a perch judging people's relationships when we could all well have been there once. Maybe being single is the best option.
Yes, I was happy, I thought we both were. We'd been married for 15 years, together 19 and it was only the last 6 months that I realised there was something wrong - he said he wanted out and I later found out someone else had been in the background for a while. He never admitted it. I received an anonymous letter the week after he moved out. According to family & friends we were the last couple they'd expected to split up - that's what I thought too.t anyway and they was coasting until someone else came along. Although maybe that's my jaundiced view. I don't think any of us can sit on a perch judging people's relationships when we could all well have been there once. Maybe being single is the best option.He's given me a hard time since then (emotionally) and I'm completely ostracised from his side of the family now, so I suppose I am bitter about that - it should have been managed much better and things have been very difficult for my kids as a result - that's a hard one to accept. I've been dealing with the fallout for a long time.
My kids are late teens/20's. My daughter says she'll never have children and one of my sons is adamant that he'll keep his kids if and when his marriage breaks down. It's difficult to hear that.
Bluesgirl said:
My kids are late teens/20's. My daughter says she'll never have children and one of my sons is adamant that he'll keep his kids if and when his marriage breaks down. It's difficult to hear that.
My son is 33 and was 10 when we split up. I share the same experience. He is not in any way a player..almost always has a GF, often very attractive. However, after 3-4 years it ends. Most of his buddies are also from divorced families, many estranged from one or both parents. It leaves them without much faith in the permanence of relationships. My son is very successful, so no financial constraints whatsoever. I would be very surprised if he ever settles down and becomes a father.RDMcG said:
My son is 33 and was 10 when we split up. I share the same experience. He is not in any way a player..almost always has a GF, often very attractive. However, after 3-4 years it ends. Most of his buddies are also from divorced families, many estranged from one or both parents. It leaves them without much faith in the permanence of relationships. My son is very successful, so no financial constraints whatsoever. I would be very surprised if he ever settles down and becomes a father.
And good luck to him. RDMcG said:
My son is 33 and was 10 when we split up. I share the same experience. He is not in any way a player..almost always has a GF, often very attractive. However, after 3-4 years it ends. Most of his buddies are also from divorced families, many estranged from one or both parents. It leaves them without much faith in the permanence of relationships. My son is very successful, so no financial constraints whatsoever. I would be very surprised if he ever settles down and becomes a father.
My son (the one mentioned above) has had a string of stunning girlfriends (from wealthy families) from the age of 14. Looks and money are top of the agenda, it seems. He's played the field a fair bit too, resulting in one or two notable showdowns with me. So it's unlikely that any marriage will be for keeps. The best I can hope for is that he waits for a long time before he makes any commitment. He doesn't function well at all without a girlfriend.Maybe you saw the marriage through rose tinted specs. I don't believe anyone's head could be turned if they was in a happy relationship in the first place. Most of us just suppress years of frustration.
What did the anonymous letter say? And isn't a letter a bit old fashioned??
Would life be easier for you if you sorted it out with your ex? And as for his family - why would you want to talk to them, does he talk to yours?
What did the anonymous letter say? And isn't a letter a bit old fashioned??
Would life be easier for you if you sorted it out with your ex? And as for his family - why would you want to talk to them, does he talk to yours?
Bluesgirl said:
Yes, I was happy, I thought we both were. We'd been married for 15 years, together 19 and it was only the last 6 months that I realised there was something wrong - he said he wanted out and I later found out someone else had been in the background for a while. He never admitted it. I received an anonymous letter the week after he moved out. According to family & friends we were the last couple they'd expected to split up - that's what I thought too.
He's given me a hard time since then (emotionally) and I'm completely ostracised from his side of the family now, so I suppose I am bitter about that - it should have been managed much better and things have been very difficult for my kids as a result - that's a hard one to accept. I've been dealing with the fallout for a long time.
My kids are late teens/20's. My daughter says she'll never have children and one of my sons is adamant that he'll keep his kids if and when his marriage breaks down. It's difficult to hear that.
He's given me a hard time since then (emotionally) and I'm completely ostracised from his side of the family now, so I suppose I am bitter about that - it should have been managed much better and things have been very difficult for my kids as a result - that's a hard one to accept. I've been dealing with the fallout for a long time.
My kids are late teens/20's. My daughter says she'll never have children and one of my sons is adamant that he'll keep his kids if and when his marriage breaks down. It's difficult to hear that.
"Your husband is shagging his secretary, I thought you should know." Yes, a letter is old-fashioned, isn't it?
"Sort it out with your ex..." - I spent 7+ years trying to coax him into open communication. I gave up. Our last conversation was 3 years ago. He's a sulky barsteward from a family of sulky barstewards. I got on famously with the ones who weren't busy sulking with each other (and even the ones that were). My kids had a great time with their (numerous) cousins. That came to an abrupt end. Unnecessarily, IMO.
"Sort it out with your ex..." - I spent 7+ years trying to coax him into open communication. I gave up. Our last conversation was 3 years ago. He's a sulky barsteward from a family of sulky barstewards. I got on famously with the ones who weren't busy sulking with each other (and even the ones that were). My kids had a great time with their (numerous) cousins. That came to an abrupt end. Unnecessarily, IMO.
Horsepower1000 said:
I don't believe anyone's head could be turned if they was in a happy relationship in the first place.
I'd like to believe you're right but the cynical side of me is sceptical. There are some really manipulative smooth barstewards out there of both sexes. The drip, drip, drip of flattery and attention works wonders with some more vulnerable people.I think it's not worth being with someone if - as a grown adult - they can be coaxed away from a long term marriage by a bit of flattery.
All this 'modern, independent women' talk is usually someone who can't get a bloke and therefore has no choice but to be independent.
All this 'modern, independent women' talk is usually someone who can't get a bloke and therefore has no choice but to be independent.
motco said:
I'd like to believe you're right but the cynical side of me is sceptical. There are some really manipulative smooth barstewards out there of both sexes. The drip, drip, drip of flattery and attention works wonders with some more vulnerable people.
Horsepower1000 said:
Ok. You've got me there - what's 20 years of marriage, a few kids and a picture perfect life? If someone's going to stroke my ego I'd be off.
You are assuming they have a picture perfect life! Bluesgirl said:
Horsepower - if you're suffering from 'years of suppressed frustration', wouldn't a bit of flattery do the trick?
Many people don't but it's not human nature to leap from one branch until you have spotted another, or had one gently brushed against your buttocks in a Premier Inn...
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