Protecting wealth before marriage ?
Discussion
jonah35 said:
However, isn't the point of marriage to fully commit to each other, till death do us part, etc. If you gominto it thinking about protecting things then it isntbreally a true marriage after all. Its just a bitblike being boyfriend/girlfriend
Yes, but - there is absolutely nothing to stop one person going back on their commitment at a later date, with no negative consequences, and if you haven't protected yourself then you will lose out as a result. It's the classic prisoner's dilemma scenario.
Venturist said:
jonah35 said:
However, isn't the point of marriage to fully commit to each other, till death do us part, etc. If you gominto it thinking about protecting things then it isntbreally a true marriage after all. Its just a bitblike being boyfriend/girlfriend
Yes, but - there is absolutely nothing to stop one person going back on their commitment at a later date, with no negative consequences, and if you haven't protected yourself then you will lose out as a result. It's the classic prisoner's dilemma scenario.
The only people i know that tend to be upset but cant leave their partner are married people that know they cant afford to leave because of legal costs and scared of what their partner may take asset wise. Big houses, nice cars but unhappy inside but have to suck it up.
The happiest older blokes i know tend to have a 'lady friend' but own their own homes and see each other a few nights a week. Of course that isnt practical for many.
Each to their own but marriage just isnt for me - too much risk and how do you know if 5/10/20/30/40/50/60 years down the line either of you would want out of the relationship - you simply wouldnt.
phib said:
Is it possible to protect you finances ahead of an upcoming wedding ?
Basically I have a guy who works with us who is getting married, he's probably got assets of c. £4m and current girlfriend has nothing a small amount of cash but nothing by comparison.
So any advice ?
I design logical systems for my day job. After a requirements analysis of the situation under the UK legal system, the options are:Basically I have a guy who works with us who is getting married, he's probably got assets of c. £4m and current girlfriend has nothing a small amount of cash but nothing by comparison.
So any advice ?
(a) Girlfriend has a £4m dowry provided by her family. (Equity release and charges on property of extended family considered acceptable).
(b) Have the big wedding day for show but don't sign the forms to ensure not legally married. Girlfriend takes husbands name for appearances.
Otherwise, put £2.5m it in the "future divorce and legal fees account". If you last long enough, use it as a retirement pot.
All other options are simply illogical, wishful thinking.
Venturist said:
jonah35 said:
However, isn't the point of marriage to fully commit to each other, till death do us part, etc. If you gominto it thinking about protecting things then it isntbreally a true marriage after all. Its just a bitblike being boyfriend/girlfriend
Yes, but - there is absolutely nothing to stop one person going back on their commitment at a later date, with no negative consequences, and if you haven't protected yourself then you will lose out as a result. It's the classic prisoner's dilemma scenario.
Not the same scale but I was in a somewhat similar position to the OP. I made it to late 30s as a single bloke and with a half decent career behind me and a prudent savings attitude I was well set up financially; mortgage nearly paid off and able to take early retirement by 50ish if I fancied it. <PH mode> I also had an Impreza Turbo company car and a private TVR, 5 foreign holidays a year etc. </>. Life was very good.
Along the way I'd been close to marriage several times but never thought we'd grow old together so opted out. Then I started taking out a lovely single mum (with a young daughter) once a week for fun, neither of us wanted anything more. I remember admiring her as she didn't claim a penny off her ex and had 3 jobs trying (but failing) to make ends meet. After a year or so we had grown close and when her landlord put her rent up I invited her and her daughter to move in (rent free). We just clicked, all was well and a year later we got married, I paid off all her debts and we started on our own family.
The issue of money just never came into it. Whilst not rich by PH standards I had enough to pay the mortgage, bills and all other stuff so I just did (including upkeep of stepdaughter). I also ended up working from home so was around for plenty of school runs and childcare as well and loved it. The wife decided to keep working part time at a charity through choice. Even when the kids were all at school this continued and she became a lady who lunched. Not a problem, we're a team and share and enjoy the duties and rewards equally. If she's happy, I'm happy. You could say my personal standard of living plummeted cars and holidays wise but priorities change when you have a family and that's fine too.
Of course it's not all plain sailing, as others have said you have to put the effort in. Luckily grandparents on tap so made sure we had weekends away together, I picked her up for lunch from work regularly, long dog walks together, talk about your day etc.
Happily she's still the same woman I married and often says how lucky she is to have me and is even planning a return honeymoon on our anniversary in a few years time. I see a lot of my friends, some divorced, some in humdrum marriages but just wanted to say it can be done...just make sure you pick the right woman!
...
Well that's what I would have written if this thread was a couple of years ago (I wouldn't, too smug, but you get my drift!)...
Fast forward to today and my answer would be somewhat different.
Somebody flicked a switch in the lovely mum's head and she has just spent the last two years and £50k that she doesn't have (yes, five oh) dragging me through the divorce courts (despite no grounds for divorce whatsoever). The senile buffoon in charge could have been playing Candy Crush for all the notice he took of the proceedings and he bought all her lies (under oath) hook, line and sinker.
Despite the house being 100% mine prior to marriage, me paying 100% of all bills (totally irrelevant apparently) and being a 50/50 parent with as much if not more time spent with the kids, he decided she is primary carer and entitled to a fully paid up big posh house in the best part of town. My father also sadly died during the process (she ruined his last years, access to grandkids etc) and her lawyers went after my future inheritance too (I did say she was lovely didn't I?). I also have to pay off her high 5 figure debts (once flipped, she took to extravagant spending, through my life's savings and beyond) and a large chunk of her costs. I can have the scraps. With one bored stroke of his pen, my life's work to date has gone. Truly Alice in Wonderland stuff.
So here I am mid 50s having left the rat race 15 years ago, now without enough to buy a decent home in town (way less than pre marriage) and not enough capital to get my business going again unless I rent. My long term plans for seeing the kids right then world cruises or whatever else took our fancy have been replaced with how am I going to put food on the table. That is without considering the massive emotional turmoil of it all (thankfully I have lots of patient local pals for beer and ranting). I'll find a way somehow.
And yes I do sometimes sit head in hands thinking how the feck have I ended up like this. I used to be as laid back, honest, loyal, generous, trusting as they come but I've moved somewhat towards the bitter and twisted end of the scale (not attractive I know but you'll have to forgive me).
In contrast my immoral, serial debtor, dual homewrecking, ex-wife has been rewarded with half a million quid for her behaviour. Well why wouldn't you? That's the Great British “One size fits all” Justice system for you. And don't get me started on “it's all for the kids”. She was happy to use them as pawns in the legal game, ruining their childhood in the process, and their future financial security is now shot. She is still spending like a drunken lottery winner (well I suppose she is!) and the begging bowl will be back out soon.
I honestly don't know what the answer is. As people have said, you can't go in to marriage/partnership worrying if your wife is going to shaft you. But equally if your wife does flip for whatever reason (your infidelity, her infidelity, boredom, mid life crisis, anything) you are going to get thrown into a process totally out of your control. It was like being made to play Poker, forced to go “all-in” with your life's possessions knowing you only have a pair of twos and she has 4 aces.
If you both put in roughly the same I can imagine it could be relatively straightforward via mediation. But where there is a big pot and lawyers are eyeing up their fees and egging on one side you are going to get taken to the cleaners. As ever, human nature doesn't change, follow the money.
Good luck out there.
Along the way I'd been close to marriage several times but never thought we'd grow old together so opted out. Then I started taking out a lovely single mum (with a young daughter) once a week for fun, neither of us wanted anything more. I remember admiring her as she didn't claim a penny off her ex and had 3 jobs trying (but failing) to make ends meet. After a year or so we had grown close and when her landlord put her rent up I invited her and her daughter to move in (rent free). We just clicked, all was well and a year later we got married, I paid off all her debts and we started on our own family.
The issue of money just never came into it. Whilst not rich by PH standards I had enough to pay the mortgage, bills and all other stuff so I just did (including upkeep of stepdaughter). I also ended up working from home so was around for plenty of school runs and childcare as well and loved it. The wife decided to keep working part time at a charity through choice. Even when the kids were all at school this continued and she became a lady who lunched. Not a problem, we're a team and share and enjoy the duties and rewards equally. If she's happy, I'm happy. You could say my personal standard of living plummeted cars and holidays wise but priorities change when you have a family and that's fine too.
Of course it's not all plain sailing, as others have said you have to put the effort in. Luckily grandparents on tap so made sure we had weekends away together, I picked her up for lunch from work regularly, long dog walks together, talk about your day etc.
Happily she's still the same woman I married and often says how lucky she is to have me and is even planning a return honeymoon on our anniversary in a few years time. I see a lot of my friends, some divorced, some in humdrum marriages but just wanted to say it can be done...just make sure you pick the right woman!
...
Well that's what I would have written if this thread was a couple of years ago (I wouldn't, too smug, but you get my drift!)...
Fast forward to today and my answer would be somewhat different.
Somebody flicked a switch in the lovely mum's head and she has just spent the last two years and £50k that she doesn't have (yes, five oh) dragging me through the divorce courts (despite no grounds for divorce whatsoever). The senile buffoon in charge could have been playing Candy Crush for all the notice he took of the proceedings and he bought all her lies (under oath) hook, line and sinker.
Despite the house being 100% mine prior to marriage, me paying 100% of all bills (totally irrelevant apparently) and being a 50/50 parent with as much if not more time spent with the kids, he decided she is primary carer and entitled to a fully paid up big posh house in the best part of town. My father also sadly died during the process (she ruined his last years, access to grandkids etc) and her lawyers went after my future inheritance too (I did say she was lovely didn't I?). I also have to pay off her high 5 figure debts (once flipped, she took to extravagant spending, through my life's savings and beyond) and a large chunk of her costs. I can have the scraps. With one bored stroke of his pen, my life's work to date has gone. Truly Alice in Wonderland stuff.
So here I am mid 50s having left the rat race 15 years ago, now without enough to buy a decent home in town (way less than pre marriage) and not enough capital to get my business going again unless I rent. My long term plans for seeing the kids right then world cruises or whatever else took our fancy have been replaced with how am I going to put food on the table. That is without considering the massive emotional turmoil of it all (thankfully I have lots of patient local pals for beer and ranting). I'll find a way somehow.
And yes I do sometimes sit head in hands thinking how the feck have I ended up like this. I used to be as laid back, honest, loyal, generous, trusting as they come but I've moved somewhat towards the bitter and twisted end of the scale (not attractive I know but you'll have to forgive me).
In contrast my immoral, serial debtor, dual homewrecking, ex-wife has been rewarded with half a million quid for her behaviour. Well why wouldn't you? That's the Great British “One size fits all” Justice system for you. And don't get me started on “it's all for the kids”. She was happy to use them as pawns in the legal game, ruining their childhood in the process, and their future financial security is now shot. She is still spending like a drunken lottery winner (well I suppose she is!) and the begging bowl will be back out soon.
I honestly don't know what the answer is. As people have said, you can't go in to marriage/partnership worrying if your wife is going to shaft you. But equally if your wife does flip for whatever reason (your infidelity, her infidelity, boredom, mid life crisis, anything) you are going to get thrown into a process totally out of your control. It was like being made to play Poker, forced to go “all-in” with your life's possessions knowing you only have a pair of twos and she has 4 aces.
If you both put in roughly the same I can imagine it could be relatively straightforward via mediation. But where there is a big pot and lawyers are eyeing up their fees and egging on one side you are going to get taken to the cleaners. As ever, human nature doesn't change, follow the money.
Good luck out there.
Cold said:
Yep, it's also worth remembering that the person you marry is not the same person you divorce. They are different people.
Ain't that the truth.joshcowin said:
NorthBloke - are you happy with how you were represented? Sounds like you need to be questioning your legal representation!
I am of course sorry for what you have been through, and it certainly seems unfair!
That's the thing though, there's only so much they can do. The courts are not looking for a fair split - they are looking for everyone's needs to be met. The wife and husband both need a place to live and so do the kids. The wife normally gets the kids so she needs the bigger place. There's enough money in the pot for the wife and kids to live mortgage free which can only be a good thing for their wellbeing and security. Doesn't matter the origins of the money in the pot, the pot is to look after the now fragmented family. Husband is now a single man so doesn't need much in terms of accommodation, and as he was successful in the past it's very likely he will be able to resume earning a good income in the near future, therefore will be able to pay rent/mortgage himself without trouble; whereas the wife being normally less successful financially, is less likely to be able to do the same. I am of course sorry for what you have been through, and it certainly seems unfair!
Bingo, there you go, all fair and even, everyone's needs are best met for the future.
That's how you lose everything you worked your life for with the stroke of a pen and barely even opportunity for negotiation.
Any sacrifices you made for the family are held against you - raising stepchildren as your own, happily sharing all your worldly success like possessions and income to support the family, and so on.
Any sacrifices you do NOT make for the family are also held against you - refusing to share all your worldly success like possessions and income will see you slandered as controlling and abusive, and so on.
What do we do about this? Nothing that can be done. Over time young men will hear the sheer number of divorce stories of the previous generation and realise it's a losing game for them, refusing any part in it. Then, because women will always crave marriage, either the situation will self-resolve and things will get more logical and fair - or far more likely in my eyes, UNmarried long term relationships will gain legal standing on par with marriage so that they become subject to similar rules as divorce is now. We're halfway there on this already.
Edited by Venturist on Friday 28th April 13:26
El stovey said:
As above though. If you're not willing to share your stuff, don't get married.
Point missed yet again! (Sorry ES, I'm not picking on you deliberately, I promise! 
).What this SHOULD say is If you're not willing to LOSE your stuff, don't get married
And actually, even then it's not right because you could marry someone with the same as you or more.
But yet again it's off topic, this is a thread about someone with £4M marrying someone with zero.
Do you honestly think he shouldn't care about 'what if'?
The moment that men marry they have taken their first bite of that ownage burger.
Thanks but no thanks. Really feel for the bloke above having his clocks cleaned out by that single mom going into a relationship thinking it's going to end like a fairytale. Aside from the fact that looking after another man's child is insanity, losing everything you've worked for the first 50 years of your life only to have some woman take it away is the cherry on top on a cake that no man should be made to eat.
Thanks but no thanks. Really feel for the bloke above having his clocks cleaned out by that single mom going into a relationship thinking it's going to end like a fairytale. Aside from the fact that looking after another man's child is insanity, losing everything you've worked for the first 50 years of your life only to have some woman take it away is the cherry on top on a cake that no man should be made to eat.
North Bloke could have had the best barrister in the UK representing him, the outcome would have been the same.
Until you go through it yourself you simply cannot comprehend the injustice in the divorce legal system when you are the man and there is money in the pot, plus the pure luck of the draw as to which judge the court clerk allocates your final hearing to.
Feel for you fella, I had some good karma last week in my case, not financially but morally.
On the flipside having just been to sign some documents, my new life starts again today, onwards and upwards, and no longer shackled with the past.
Until you go through it yourself you simply cannot comprehend the injustice in the divorce legal system when you are the man and there is money in the pot, plus the pure luck of the draw as to which judge the court clerk allocates your final hearing to.
Feel for you fella, I had some good karma last week in my case, not financially but morally.
On the flipside having just been to sign some documents, my new life starts again today, onwards and upwards, and no longer shackled with the past.
Edited by PAUL500 on Friday 28th April 15:59
My OH has asked about how she can sign something to protect each others assets if we get married, how does one do that?
She has certain property and I have certain property, mine is worth lots, hers is very sentimental. She would like to know how she can get a legal document to protect each others personal assets?
We already have a bloody good life and the everything we do is paid together is on an equal salary based income split (her choice not mine), we have a petty cash joint account we both use sometimes. Other than that she has the mentality that what she earns is hers and what I earn is mine.
Can PH advise in a contract that we can sign that states our own pensions/investments/etc are ours, but if we go in joint for something like a house together then that will be split equally?
(looking to buy a new house next year that we will own together, plus 2/3 more investment properties for my pension for me and one for her)
She has certain property and I have certain property, mine is worth lots, hers is very sentimental. She would like to know how she can get a legal document to protect each others personal assets?
We already have a bloody good life and the everything we do is paid together is on an equal salary based income split (her choice not mine), we have a petty cash joint account we both use sometimes. Other than that she has the mentality that what she earns is hers and what I earn is mine.
Can PH advise in a contract that we can sign that states our own pensions/investments/etc are ours, but if we go in joint for something like a house together then that will be split equally?
(looking to buy a new house next year that we will own together, plus 2/3 more investment properties for my pension for me and one for her)
Du1point8 said:
Can PH advise in a contract that we can sign that states our own pensions/investments/etc are ours, but if we go in joint for something like a house together then that will be split equally?
Not sure a web forum full of strangers is the ideal place for complex legal advice! Have you considered asking an actual solicitor..?
Or (much cheaper), not getting married? you don't have to you know.
DU -The simple cost effective solution, as stated above is just don't get married! and only purchase items jointly that either of you is not concerned about losing in the future.
Clearly you both want to protect items you currently own, in marriage it all gets thrown into the pot and up to the judge how he carves it up if you cannot agree.
Change names by deed poll, its all marriage really does if you are not religious.
Clearly you both want to protect items you currently own, in marriage it all gets thrown into the pot and up to the judge how he carves it up if you cannot agree.
Change names by deed poll, its all marriage really does if you are not religious.
Northbloke said:
Not the same scale but I was in a somewhat similar position to the OP. I made it to late 30s as a single bloke and with a half decent career behind me and a prudent savings attitude I was well set up financially; mortgage nearly paid off and able to take early retirement by 50ish if I fancied it. <PH mode> I also had an Impreza Turbo company car and a private TVR, 5 foreign holidays a year etc. </>. Life was very good.
Along the way I'd been close to marriage several times but never thought we'd grow old together so opted out. Then I started taking out a lovely single mum (with a young daughter) once a week for fun, neither of us wanted anything more. I remember admiring her as she didn't claim a penny off her ex and had 3 jobs trying (but failing) to make ends meet. After a year or so we had grown close and when her landlord put her rent up I invited her and her daughter to move in (rent free). We just clicked, all was well and a year later we got married, I paid off all her debts and we started on our own family.
The issue of money just never came into it. Whilst not rich by PH standards I had enough to pay the mortgage, bills and all other stuff so I just did (including upkeep of stepdaughter). I also ended up working from home so was around for plenty of school runs and childcare as well and loved it. The wife decided to keep working part time at a charity through choice. Even when the kids were all at school this continued and she became a lady who lunched. Not a problem, we're a team and share and enjoy the duties and rewards equally. If she's happy, I'm happy. You could say my personal standard of living plummeted cars and holidays wise but priorities change when you have a family and that's fine too.
Of course it's not all plain sailing, as others have said you have to put the effort in. Luckily grandparents on tap so made sure we had weekends away together, I picked her up for lunch from work regularly, long dog walks together, talk about your day etc.
Happily she's still the same woman I married and often says how lucky she is to have me and is even planning a return honeymoon on our anniversary in a few years time. I see a lot of my friends, some divorced, some in humdrum marriages but just wanted to say it can be done...just make sure you pick the right woman!
...
Well that's what I would have written if this thread was a couple of years ago (I wouldn't, too smug, but you get my drift!)...
Fast forward to today and my answer would be somewhat different.
Somebody flicked a switch in the lovely mum's head and she has just spent the last two years and £50k that she doesn't have (yes, five oh) dragging me through the divorce courts (despite no grounds for divorce whatsoever). The senile buffoon in charge could have been playing Candy Crush for all the notice he took of the proceedings and he bought all her lies (under oath) hook, line and sinker.
Despite the house being 100% mine prior to marriage, me paying 100% of all bills (totally irrelevant apparently) and being a 50/50 parent with as much if not more time spent with the kids, he decided she is primary carer and entitled to a fully paid up big posh house in the best part of town. My father also sadly died during the process (she ruined his last years, access to grandkids etc) and her lawyers went after my future inheritance too (I did say she was lovely didn't I?). I also have to pay off her high 5 figure debts (once flipped, she took to extravagant spending, through my life's savings and beyond) and a large chunk of her costs. I can have the scraps. With one bored stroke of his pen, my life's work to date has gone. Truly Alice in Wonderland stuff.
So here I am mid 50s having left the rat race 15 years ago, now without enough to buy a decent home in town (way less than pre marriage) and not enough capital to get my business going again unless I rent. My long term plans for seeing the kids right then world cruises or whatever else took our fancy have been replaced with how am I going to put food on the table. That is without considering the massive emotional turmoil of it all (thankfully I have lots of patient local pals for beer and ranting). I'll find a way somehow.
And yes I do sometimes sit head in hands thinking how the feck have I ended up like this. I used to be as laid back, honest, loyal, generous, trusting as they come but I've moved somewhat towards the bitter and twisted end of the scale (not attractive I know but you'll have to forgive me).
In contrast my immoral, serial debtor, dual homewrecking, ex-wife has been rewarded with half a million quid for her behaviour. Well why wouldn't you? That's the Great British “One size fits all” Justice system for you. And don't get me started on “it's all for the kids”. She was happy to use them as pawns in the legal game, ruining their childhood in the process, and their future financial security is now shot. She is still spending like a drunken lottery winner (well I suppose she is!) and the begging bowl will be back out soon.
I honestly don't know what the answer is. As people have said, you can't go in to marriage/partnership worrying if your wife is going to shaft you. But equally if your wife does flip for whatever reason (your infidelity, her infidelity, boredom, mid life crisis, anything) you are going to get thrown into a process totally out of your control. It was like being made to play Poker, forced to go “all-in” with your life's possessions knowing you only have a pair of twos and she has 4 aces.
If you both put in roughly the same I can imagine it could be relatively straightforward via mediation. But where there is a big pot and lawyers are eyeing up their fees and egging on one side you are going to get taken to the cleaners. As ever, human nature doesn't change, follow the money.
Good luck out there.
I feel so sorry for you. Losing everything you worked so hard for.Along the way I'd been close to marriage several times but never thought we'd grow old together so opted out. Then I started taking out a lovely single mum (with a young daughter) once a week for fun, neither of us wanted anything more. I remember admiring her as she didn't claim a penny off her ex and had 3 jobs trying (but failing) to make ends meet. After a year or so we had grown close and when her landlord put her rent up I invited her and her daughter to move in (rent free). We just clicked, all was well and a year later we got married, I paid off all her debts and we started on our own family.
The issue of money just never came into it. Whilst not rich by PH standards I had enough to pay the mortgage, bills and all other stuff so I just did (including upkeep of stepdaughter). I also ended up working from home so was around for plenty of school runs and childcare as well and loved it. The wife decided to keep working part time at a charity through choice. Even when the kids were all at school this continued and she became a lady who lunched. Not a problem, we're a team and share and enjoy the duties and rewards equally. If she's happy, I'm happy. You could say my personal standard of living plummeted cars and holidays wise but priorities change when you have a family and that's fine too.
Of course it's not all plain sailing, as others have said you have to put the effort in. Luckily grandparents on tap so made sure we had weekends away together, I picked her up for lunch from work regularly, long dog walks together, talk about your day etc.
Happily she's still the same woman I married and often says how lucky she is to have me and is even planning a return honeymoon on our anniversary in a few years time. I see a lot of my friends, some divorced, some in humdrum marriages but just wanted to say it can be done...just make sure you pick the right woman!
...
Well that's what I would have written if this thread was a couple of years ago (I wouldn't, too smug, but you get my drift!)...
Fast forward to today and my answer would be somewhat different.
Somebody flicked a switch in the lovely mum's head and she has just spent the last two years and £50k that she doesn't have (yes, five oh) dragging me through the divorce courts (despite no grounds for divorce whatsoever). The senile buffoon in charge could have been playing Candy Crush for all the notice he took of the proceedings and he bought all her lies (under oath) hook, line and sinker.
Despite the house being 100% mine prior to marriage, me paying 100% of all bills (totally irrelevant apparently) and being a 50/50 parent with as much if not more time spent with the kids, he decided she is primary carer and entitled to a fully paid up big posh house in the best part of town. My father also sadly died during the process (she ruined his last years, access to grandkids etc) and her lawyers went after my future inheritance too (I did say she was lovely didn't I?). I also have to pay off her high 5 figure debts (once flipped, she took to extravagant spending, through my life's savings and beyond) and a large chunk of her costs. I can have the scraps. With one bored stroke of his pen, my life's work to date has gone. Truly Alice in Wonderland stuff.
So here I am mid 50s having left the rat race 15 years ago, now without enough to buy a decent home in town (way less than pre marriage) and not enough capital to get my business going again unless I rent. My long term plans for seeing the kids right then world cruises or whatever else took our fancy have been replaced with how am I going to put food on the table. That is without considering the massive emotional turmoil of it all (thankfully I have lots of patient local pals for beer and ranting). I'll find a way somehow.
And yes I do sometimes sit head in hands thinking how the feck have I ended up like this. I used to be as laid back, honest, loyal, generous, trusting as they come but I've moved somewhat towards the bitter and twisted end of the scale (not attractive I know but you'll have to forgive me).
In contrast my immoral, serial debtor, dual homewrecking, ex-wife has been rewarded with half a million quid for her behaviour. Well why wouldn't you? That's the Great British “One size fits all” Justice system for you. And don't get me started on “it's all for the kids”. She was happy to use them as pawns in the legal game, ruining their childhood in the process, and their future financial security is now shot. She is still spending like a drunken lottery winner (well I suppose she is!) and the begging bowl will be back out soon.
I honestly don't know what the answer is. As people have said, you can't go in to marriage/partnership worrying if your wife is going to shaft you. But equally if your wife does flip for whatever reason (your infidelity, her infidelity, boredom, mid life crisis, anything) you are going to get thrown into a process totally out of your control. It was like being made to play Poker, forced to go “all-in” with your life's possessions knowing you only have a pair of twos and she has 4 aces.
If you both put in roughly the same I can imagine it could be relatively straightforward via mediation. But where there is a big pot and lawyers are eyeing up their fees and egging on one side you are going to get taken to the cleaners. As ever, human nature doesn't change, follow the money.
Good luck out there.
Cold said:
Yep, it's also worth remembering that the person you marry is not the same person you divorce. They are different people.
Ain't that the truth.It's when I read stories like this I'm adamant I'll never a woman for as long as I live.
If that happened to it'd end my world, I don't have much by PH standards but what I do have I've worked very long & hard hours for.
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