Too selfish for a girlfriend?
Discussion
Equilibrium25 said:
HuntD said:
Am I being unreasonable or selfish?
If you can afford to fly first class and book into nice hotels, then yes you are probably being selfish in not wanting to pay for your loved one to join you.Or, to put it another way, if you are not willing to compromise a little (e.g. two of you fly business rather than you flying first solo), she's probably not the girl for you. When you really meet someone you love, the finances won't even come into your mind.
I'd much rather bum it in a doss house and fly with my knees round my neck than go visit some cool place without my girlfriend.
I mean she should at least be paying for something if she has disposable, if she is literally freeloading then that is a bit off IMO. In your position I'd be buying cheaper seats, cheaper hotel and if she offered to bring some of the spending money and do the organizing/itinerary/planning I'd be happy with that.
If you resent her for not having £££ now then I suggest its not going to last. Go find someone with a better job who is on more equal terms pay wise.
Edited by Otispunkmeyer on Tuesday 23 May 09:28
Financially I'm probably in an even more lopsided situation than the OP. My girlfriend is studying at University and has a part time job, but her earning potential will increase massively.
As far as opening lines go, suggesting your partner will amount to nothing more than a minimum wage worker is pretty damning. When you're in a relationship, you are a team. You work together, push each other, support one another.
Why aren't you encouraging her to improve her own personal situation? Sometimes we all need a little push, and a bit of inspiration to do better. She is obviously aware of the issue, so support her in doing something about it. Rather than argue about the money, figure out how you can both make more.
Also to echo some of the comments here, save your money on the first class flight. You'll find money less of a problem when you don't spend it so frivolously. Get a credit card that will give you Avios points or something similar.
As far as opening lines go, suggesting your partner will amount to nothing more than a minimum wage worker is pretty damning. When you're in a relationship, you are a team. You work together, push each other, support one another.
Why aren't you encouraging her to improve her own personal situation? Sometimes we all need a little push, and a bit of inspiration to do better. She is obviously aware of the issue, so support her in doing something about it. Rather than argue about the money, figure out how you can both make more.
Also to echo some of the comments here, save your money on the first class flight. You'll find money less of a problem when you don't spend it so frivolously. Get a credit card that will give you Avios points or something similar.
HuntD said:
Interesting replies, so here's a bit more information.
She comes from a poor background and isn't materialistic, probably because she's never had anything. She is an experienced hairdresser but it only pays minimum wage and always will do.
She doesn't ask that I buy her anything , and she does occassionally treat me (and spoils me at Christmas and birthdays).
It's more the case of anything I do she wants to do, but she often can't afford it so get's upset, so I either have to pay for her or don't do it at all. That makes some things a lot more expensive than they already are or stops me doing things entirely.
I can totally understand if she was expecting you to buy everything. But it sounds like she is genuinely trying. You are the selfish one. She comes from a poor background and isn't materialistic, probably because she's never had anything. She is an experienced hairdresser but it only pays minimum wage and always will do.
She doesn't ask that I buy her anything , and she does occassionally treat me (and spoils me at Christmas and birthdays).
It's more the case of anything I do she wants to do, but she often can't afford it so get's upset, so I either have to pay for her or don't do it at all. That makes some things a lot more expensive than they already are or stops me doing things entirely.
Maybe you need to find someone equally as arrogant as you to be in a relationship with.
Have a serious word with yourself.
HuntD said:
I have been with my current girlfriend for 2 years but she only earns minimum wage and only ever will,
The fact that you even mention that means its time to move on to someone who actually has aspirations and intentions on bettering themselves.Minimum wage for life? thats a personal choice, not a rule dictated by a greater power...
hairyben said:
TooMany2cvs said:
Balls.
A friend of mine was a hairdresser. He started his own salon, which turned into a chain of three or four in central London, and he's now retired from that - he took his pilot's licence, and now flies commercial jets, while his missus (who started as a customer) runs the salons.
He sounds about as much like the average hairdresser as sir Alan Sugar is to a greengrocer.A friend of mine was a hairdresser. He started his own salon, which turned into a chain of three or four in central London, and he's now retired from that - he took his pilot's licence, and now flies commercial jets, while his missus (who started as a customer) runs the salons.
Nanook said:
xjay1337 said:
I can totally understand if she was expecting you to buy everything. But it sounds like she is genuinely trying. You are the selfish one.
Maybe you need to find someone equally as arrogant as you to be in a relationship with.
Have a serious word with yourself.
I see your point but I disagree.Maybe you need to find someone equally as arrogant as you to be in a relationship with.
Have a serious word with yourself.
She's genuinely trying? According to our OP she has no aspirations at all, beyond cutting people's hair for £7/hour. If that makes her happy, good for her, but she can't expect that everyone else would be happy with that, that our OP is happy paying for everything for her forever.
k what the other half earns really.TX.
Nanook said:
I see your point but I disagree.
She's genuinely trying? According to our OP she has no aspirations at all, beyond cutting people's hair for £7/hour. If that makes her happy, good for her, but she can't expect that everyone else would be happy with that, that our OP is happy paying for everything for her forever.
If she is happy being a hair dresser, then great.She's genuinely trying? According to our OP she has no aspirations at all, beyond cutting people's hair for £7/hour. If that makes her happy, good for her, but she can't expect that everyone else would be happy with that, that our OP is happy paying for everything for her forever.
The OP is complaining that he can't go on first class flights, or has to pay twice (for her).
Instead he could just fly coach like everyone else?
It's either take the compromise, or find a girlfriend who has enjoyed 2-3% year on year pay rises...
I earned 3x what my partner earns. She makes me happy. I make her happy. She pays her way as best as she can. Even taking a £13k paycut, I still have 5 or 6 times the disposable income she has.
I imagine typically for "most people" (meaning most lower earners) they want to feel like they are contributing to the financial "joint" effort.
Our rent, bills, Sky etc comes to around £1300.
My Mrs pays £400 contribution- this is going to rise to £500/£600 as her new job pays more, but this is still only leaving her around £100 for "herself" (this is for fuel, any things she needs to buy in the month for herself). She is a carer for the eldery, moving into a managerial position in a care home, she has a degree in Psychology , she wants to be a nurse. However in her case to be a nurse means 3-5 years studying Open Uni or going to Uni which is not something she is in a position to afford. If I could afford to cover everything by myself I would support her as that is helping her work towards HER goals, and by proxy, OUR goals as a couple.
We pay equally for food. She tries her absolute best, and I'm sure in most cases that is true for most of the lower earners.
Prior to us moving in we discussed what we could contribute / pay so it isn't a shock, and is what you should do if you want a decent long-lasting relationship surely?
While we (as the higher earners) may look at it as having to support the lower earning partner, consider their point of view - they feel like failures and unable to "provide for themselves" or feel like they are having to be supported, it is not nice for them.
Edited by xjay1337 on Tuesday 23 May 12:33
If you claim she spoils you when she can, (with a lesser income) what more do you want?
Sounds to me like you're abit of a tight arse!
She maybe wants to do the things you do as she likes being with you, crazy idea i know!
When my Mrs was at uni she was a poor student, i spoilt her rotten and with what little money she had spare she'd treat me when she could.
Think you need to take a look at yourself and adapt to the situation.
Sounds to me like you're abit of a tight arse!
She maybe wants to do the things you do as she likes being with you, crazy idea i know!
When my Mrs was at uni she was a poor student, i spoilt her rotten and with what little money she had spare she'd treat me when she could.
Think you need to take a look at yourself and adapt to the situation.
When Mr33q and myself got together we each contributed exactly the same......everything!
Being 5 years older and having worked 7 years longer my numerical input was greater but never once have we bickered about what's yours and what's mine
So far it has worked for 32 years
Does that help?
Being 5 years older and having worked 7 years longer my numerical input was greater but never once have we bickered about what's yours and what's mine
So far it has worked for 32 years
Does that help?
OP, I read your post and honestly thought (still do, in part) that it's a wind-up.
I have (had) a mate sadly no longer with us who started out as a trainee hairdresser sweeping the floor, ended up on £70k pa at 40 managing a salon in a wealthy part of town, effectively running the show on behalf of the owner. He had more money to spend on PH style toys than I do - most famously a mod'ed to death VX220 Turbo which was terrifying in the wet. Suggesting your GF will never break above minimum wage is incredibly arrogant and/or unambitious on your behalf.
Boo hoo, woe is you for not being able to be able to take as many first class flights as you'd like. Get a grip man, fly economy like the rest of us and stop asking a bunch of strangers on the internet as to whether you should dump your missus or not. Man up and dump her if you really are this tight, but don't forget to put "I squeak when I walk" on your Tinder profile.
I have (had) a mate sadly no longer with us who started out as a trainee hairdresser sweeping the floor, ended up on £70k pa at 40 managing a salon in a wealthy part of town, effectively running the show on behalf of the owner. He had more money to spend on PH style toys than I do - most famously a mod'ed to death VX220 Turbo which was terrifying in the wet. Suggesting your GF will never break above minimum wage is incredibly arrogant and/or unambitious on your behalf.
Boo hoo, woe is you for not being able to be able to take as many first class flights as you'd like. Get a grip man, fly economy like the rest of us and stop asking a bunch of strangers on the internet as to whether you should dump your missus or not. Man up and dump her if you really are this tight, but don't forget to put "I squeak when I walk" on your Tinder profile.
Edited by PurpleTurtle on Tuesday 23 May 12:44
Terminator X said:
Are you mad, people don't go into a relationship by first discussing and agreeing how much money they earn. If you like / love someone then you get on with it warts and all. Who gives a fk what the other half earns really.
TX.
I don't agree with that. I might really fancy a woman and want to be in a relationship with them as a person, but if she has 3 kids on tow and a minimum wage job I'd be avoiding her and staying single. It's not just about the person you want to be with in life, it's also about what you want out of it.k what the other half earns really.TX.
First class air travel and 5 star hotels is taking the piss though. Those are absolute luxuries that nobody really needs.
Gentle Jesus fk, this thread is ridiculous, no wonder there are so many divorce threads on here with some of these mindsets.
I was on 25 times what my wife was earning when we met, not once have we discussed money or who is paying for what, we share everything. When we first started out I'd pay for weekends away, she'd pay for a pub lunch, everything is relative.
k, this thread is ridiculous, no wonder there are so many divorce threads on here with some of these mindsets.I was on 25 times what my wife was earning when we met, not once have we discussed money or who is paying for what, we share everything. When we first started out I'd pay for weekends away, she'd pay for a pub lunch, everything is relative.
I'm still trying to get my head around why anyone earning less than £45k pays to travel first class?! 
I'd imagine the majority of people in first class aren't paying for it themselves (if we're actually talking planes...) and have either been upgraded or are on company expenses. If you lived a bit more like someone who earns <£45k, you'd probably find you had more in common with your gf 
I'd imagine the majority of people in first class aren't paying for it themselves (if we're actually talking planes...) and have either been upgraded or are on company expenses. If you lived a bit more like someone who earns <£45k, you'd probably find you had more in common with your gf BigBen said:
AyBee said:
I'm still trying to get my head around why anyone earning less than £45k pays to travel first class?!
I would make that figure closer to £500k, long haul first class tickets are £5k+ per person which does not seem a sensible allocation of your £45k. Economy long haul is just awful. Economy anywhere in Europe is just fine.
This vacation we don't have much spare time around the flight for recovery so we've bought tickets that should mean we get some sleep etc.
Just making the point that sometimes people do pay their own money to upgrade...airlines got to sell all those seats...
We earn significantly less than 500K!
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