Too selfish for a girlfriend?

[AshBurrows]

So you spent approx 10% of your pre tax income on a pair of plane seats?!

I spend silly money on very silly stuff too, so can't judge. But I struggle to see it from your perspective here is all.

[AyBee]

HuntD said:

I'm not sure what response people want from me but I am surprised at the hostility towards first class air travel, it's definitely not as expensive as some people are making out. I recently paid £2200 return per person for upper class with Virgin Atlantic to go Vegas, hardly the £5k people are taking about here.

Some people definitely did not read my original post in the context it was written, I don't care how much my partner earns but I do care about being held back from doing the things I want and I asked if that was selfish.

To put that in perspective, you spent about a month's net salary on return flights, I'd call that expensive (for you). Fair enough, enjoy your money, you've worked hard for it, but don't resent your gf for not being able to afford it. Either you love her, in which case you'd be happy spending £2.2k on flights for both of you and go without flying first class so that you can enjoy the holiday with her, or do her a favour and call time on the relationship.

[WestyCarl]

HuntD said:

I'm not sure what response people want from me but I am surprised at the hostility towards first class air travel, it's definitely not as expensive as some people are making out. I recently paid £2200 return per person for upper class with Virgin Atlantic to go Vegas, hardly the £5k people are taking about here.

I think we identified the problem. Spending an extra £1700 on getting to Vegas rather than spending it in Vegas, rookie error

[Petrolhead95]

Interesting question - I'm in the same boat myself. I started a new job recently which pays almost 3 times what hers does and I work half the hours she does. Little hints here and there seem to suggest it makes her feel crap about her job and financial situation without her actually saying it. In no way do I feel better than her because of money as I'll always love her as much no matter how much or how little we are earning. But... it can make things a bit awkward. We're in the stage of saving for a mortgage and I can obviously save a lot more than her each month. So it begs the question of do I pay more or do I wait for her? It's not being selfish, it's being realistic.

Although ending a relationship over money would be selfish in my eyes. I earned less than £1,000 a month for a couple of years and it would crush me if my other half got a better job and then moved on because of it. Money is just a number. If you really love her then you'll adapt or make exceptions.

[xjay1337]

Petrolhead95 said:

Interesting question - I'm in the same boat myself. I started a new job recently which pays almost 3 times what hers does and I work half the hours she does. Little hints here and there seem to suggest it makes her feel crap about her job and financial situation without her actually saying it. In no way do I feel better than her because of money as I'll always love her as much no matter how much or how little we are earning. But... it can make things a bit awkward. We're in the stage of saving for a mortgage and I can obviously save a lot more than her each month. So it begs the question of do I pay more or do I wait for her? It's not being selfish, it's being realistic.

Although ending a relationship over money would be selfish in my eyes. I earned less than £1,000 a month for a couple of years and it would crush me if my other half got a better job and then moved on because of it. Money is just a number. If you really love her then you'll adapt or make exceptions.

Is this with the same girl who you were FWB with?

[Sheets Tabuer]

I can imagine a lot of people on this thread if with someone for 5 years suddenly landed a job paying x3 the salary of the mrs they'd dump them on the spot..

[fido]

Sheets Tabuer said:

I can imagine a lot of people on this thread if with someone for 5 years suddenly landed a job paying x3 the salary of the mrs they'd dump them on the spot..

Well in that case they shouldn't be together in the first place. Maybe this is the definitive question to ask yourself gents - Will You Still Love Me Tomorrow (when I land a better paid job)?!

[StuTheGrouch]

HuntD said:

I'm not sure what response people want from me but I am surprised at the hostility towards first class air travel, it's definitely not as expensive as some people are making out. I recently paid £2200 return per person for upper class with Virgin Atlantic to go Vegas, hardly the £5k people are taking about here.

Some people definitely did not read my original post in the context it was written, I don't care how much my partner earns but I do care about being held back from doing the things I want and I asked if that was selfish.

So going back to 'having to pay for her too'. Why do you NEED to sit in first class? If someone gave me the choices:

1. Fly to Vegas in first class on my own (or with group of friends). No girlfriend/wife
2. Fly to Vegas in business class (if you truly are too good for economy), or economy, with girlfriend/wife, or
3. Not go at all, to avoid an argument at home

I would choose number 2 every single bloody time! The total costs of 1 and 2 would be similar (2 would probably be cheaper!).

I don't think you're too selfish for a girlfriend, I just think you're too retarded for one.

[Petrolhead95]

xjay1337 said:

Is this with the same girl who you were FWB with?

Oh boy, was hoping to forget about that thread for good. But yes, the same one. Now I've moved, changed jobs and I'm healthy again things are great again.

[StuTheGrouch]

Petrolhead95 said:

Interesting question - I'm in the same boat myself. I started a new job recently which pays almost 3 times what hers does and I work half the hours she does. Little hints here and there seem to suggest it makes her feel crap about her job and financial situation without her actually saying it. In no way do I feel better than her because of money as I'll always love her as much no matter how much or how little we are earning. But... it can make things a bit awkward. We're in the stage of saving for a mortgage and I can obviously save a lot more than her each month. So it begs the question of do I pay more or do I wait for her? It's not being selfish, it's being realistic.

Although ending a relationship over money would be selfish in my eyes. I earned less than £1,000 a month for a couple of years and it would crush me if my other half got a better job and then moved on because of it. Money is just a number. If you really love her then you'll adapt or make exceptions.

Are you married or not?

What my wife and I have always done, even before marriage, was add up our total income, our total joint bills (see below) and deduct one from the other. Divide that by 2 and the result is the combined post-bill money you each have. I work full time, she works part time; I pay all the bills, and so using that simple calculation she gives me some money which then means we have exactly the same amount of cash each month.

Further point- before we were married the joint bills were the obvious ones (utilities, rent/mortgage, broadband etc). Now we do total bills, so all spending is joint- she gets a new mobile phone which costs a bit more each month, we both pay for it. I'll be buying a new car soon, but it will be a joint purchase (but my car).

[Petrolhead95]

StuTheGrouch said:

Are you married or not?

What my wife and I have always done, even before marriage, was add up our total income, our total joint bills (see below) and deduct one from the other. Divide that by 2 and the result is the combined post-bill money you each have. I work full time, she works part time; I pay all the bills, and so using that simple calculation she gives me some money which then means we have exactly the same amount of cash each month.

Further point- before we were married the joint bills were the obvious ones (utilities, rent/mortgage, broadband etc). Now we do total bills, so all spending is joint- she gets a new mobile phone which costs a bit more each month, we both pay for it. I'll be buying a new car soon, but it will be a joint purchase (but my car).

Not married, no. Too soon for that.

We've only been speculating at the moment as neither of us can afford a decent deposit for a while yet. We have an agreement to split all bills e.g. mortgage, utilities and food and then our own 'personal bills' car insurance etc will be paid for ourselves separately. Hopefully that works out as it sounds fair.

[xjay1337]

Petrolhead95 said:

xjay1337 said:

Is this with the same girl who you were FWB with?

Oh boy, was hoping to forget about that thread for good. But yes, the same one. Now I've moved, changed jobs and I'm healthy again things are great again.

- after that comedy gold? Never.

But all the best with it (seriously!)

[Petrolhead95]

xjay1337 said:

- after that comedy gold? Never.

But all the best with it (seriously!)

Can we never bring this up again?

[BigBen]

HuntD said:

I'm not sure what response people want from me but I am surprised at the hostility towards first class air travel, it's definitely not as expensive as some people are making out. I recently paid £2200 return per person for upper class with Virgin Atlantic to go Vegas, hardly the £5k people are taking about here.

I arrived at the £5k figure as you said First class not Virgin Upper, I am not alone in making that mistake as others suggested business class as a compromise if you must.

[GT03ROB]

StuTheGrouch said:

So going back to 'having to pay for her too'. Why do you NEED to sit in first class? If someone gave me the choices:

1. Fly to Vegas in first class on my own (or with group of friends). No girlfriend/wife
2. Fly to Vegas in business class (if you truly are too good for economy), or economy, with girlfriend/wife, or
3. Not go at all, to avoid an argument at home

I would choose number 2 every single bloody time! The total costs of 1 and 2 would be similar (2 would probably be cheaper!).

I don't think you're too selfish for a girlfriend, I just think you're too retarded for one.

How about another option......

...he flies Virgin Upper (business that is not 1st)..... she flies economy.... win win

by the way OP wait til she drops some sprogs then see the costs mount up...... it'll be the bus to Bognor then never mind Virgin Upper to LV for you ......

Edited by GT03ROB on Thursday 25th May 12:56

[Monkeylegend]

OP needs to get of his backside and get a better paid job so his girlfriend can enjoy the luxury lifestyle he wants. What's wrong with the youth of today, always want something for nothing.

[HuntD]

There is a massive misconception here about my finances, while the contents of all my posts are correct they are obviously only a synopsis of the whole situation. I don't want to post the specifics on here for obvious reasons not to mention talking about money is a little crass, but at the same time I feel like the custard test might calm a few of you down, although perhaps not.

For the record I did take her to Vegas on a separate trip and yes we did go premium economy…

[AshBurrows]

HuntD said:

talking about money is a little crass

Whereas thread about breaking up with your SO for not making enough money are insanely cool and, most importantly on PH, upper class, hahaha. This forum surprises me every day. I can't look away.

[xjay1337]

HuntD said:

For the record I did take her to Vegas on a separate trip and yes we did go premium economy…

And how much did you resent her because of it?

Edited by xjay1337 on Thursday 25th May 13:21

[WestyCarl]

GT03ROB said:

How about another option......

...he flies Virgin Upper (business that is not 1st)..... she flies economy.... win win

Edited by GT03ROB on Thursday 25th May 12:56

I can confirm this doesn't work. Went to Rome for a "Romantic" weekend with the wife last summer, as per usual I refused to pay for a specific seat on Easyjet so we ended up at opposite ends of the aircraft.

The pleasure of saving 6 quid soon disappeared when I had to fork out for overpriced champagne at the hotel to recover the situation.