Too selfish for a girlfriend?
Discussion
R4PID said:
Even that the ones that pay their way stop eventually after they've deposited a couple of sprogs and decided work really isn't for them. Then you end up forking out for 4 of everything. You've just arrived here a little earlier than is usual.
This.Mate just got lured into it, lol. While dating, and in early marriage, she went 50-50 on everything. As soon as the baby bump appeared a few months ago, he now pays 100% for everything. She immediately stopped shopping at Lidl and will now only shop at Waitrose "to get the best for their offspring". Food bill has rocketed from ~£300 a month to almost £1000
Is there a possibility that the OP showboated his wealth to attract the lady in the first place, paid for everything and made out that money was plentiful.
Now things have settled down and the novelty has worn off, some resentment has crept in.
Either way, as has been said already, marriage and a couple of kiddies will mean 2 weeks at a First Choice All Inclusive resort in Zante, will make paying for just 2 seem like a dream.
Now things have settled down and the novelty has worn off, some resentment has crept in.
Either way, as has been said already, marriage and a couple of kiddies will mean 2 weeks at a First Choice All Inclusive resort in Zante, will make paying for just 2 seem like a dream.
Melman Giraffe said:
I cant believe how shallow some people can be, if you are in a relationship and you love that person what they earn is irrelevant.
Im not so sure it is though. Why bother having an education, a career, trying at school or trying to excel at work? Its to further your standard of living, get respect amongst your peers and recognition within your profession. Of course it also enables you to buy nicer cars, better things and so on.There is little merit in doing all of that if youre just going to 'date' someone that hasnt done that and you have to pay for them all the time. Youd have been better off having a laugh from age 5-25 and not being the mug that pays for everything.
If you truly loved someone in your scenario wouldnt you insist they didnt work and just lavished everything you earnt on them, sent them on spa days and first class holidays whilst you wore a bin bag and ate gruel? That would be what youd do if you truly loved someone.
Do you love your parents? If so tell them to retire and youll work another job in the evenings to pay for them too.
A line has to be drawn somewhere, it depends where each person wishes to draw their own line.
jonah35 said:
Im not so sure it is though. Why bother having an education, a career, trying at school or trying to excel at work? Its to further your standard of living, get respect amongst your peers and recognition within your profession. Of course it also enables you to buy nicer cars, better things and so on.
There is little merit in doing all of that if youre just going to 'date' someone that hasnt done that and you have to pay for them all the time. Youd have been better off having a laugh from age 5-25 and not being the mug that pays for everything.
If you truly loved someone in your scenario wouldnt you insist they didnt work and just lavished everything you earnt on them, sent them on spa days and first class holidays whilst you wore a bin bag and ate gruel? That would be what youd do if you truly loved someone.
Do you love your parents? If so tell them to retire and youll work another job in the evenings to pay for them too.
A line has to be drawn somewhere, it depends where each person wishes to draw their own line.
Hahaha. No way.There is little merit in doing all of that if youre just going to 'date' someone that hasnt done that and you have to pay for them all the time. Youd have been better off having a laugh from age 5-25 and not being the mug that pays for everything.
If you truly loved someone in your scenario wouldnt you insist they didnt work and just lavished everything you earnt on them, sent them on spa days and first class holidays whilst you wore a bin bag and ate gruel? That would be what youd do if you truly loved someone.
Do you love your parents? If so tell them to retire and youll work another job in the evenings to pay for them too.
A line has to be drawn somewhere, it depends where each person wishes to draw their own line.
AshBurrows said:
jonah35 said:
Im not so sure it is though. Why bother having an education, a career, trying at school or trying to excel at work? Its to further your standard of living, get respect amongst your peers and recognition within your profession. Of course it also enables you to buy nicer cars, better things and so on.
There is little merit in doing all of that if youre just going to 'date' someone that hasnt done that and you have to pay for them all the time. Youd have been better off having a laugh from age 5-25 and not being the mug that pays for everything.
If you truly loved someone in your scenario wouldnt you insist they didnt work and just lavished everything you earnt on them, sent them on spa days and first class holidays whilst you wore a bin bag and ate gruel? That would be what youd do if you truly loved someone.
Do you love your parents? If so tell them to retire and youll work another job in the evenings to pay for them too.
A line has to be drawn somewhere, it depends where each person wishes to draw their own line.
Hahaha. No way.There is little merit in doing all of that if youre just going to 'date' someone that hasnt done that and you have to pay for them all the time. Youd have been better off having a laugh from age 5-25 and not being the mug that pays for everything.
If you truly loved someone in your scenario wouldnt you insist they didnt work and just lavished everything you earnt on them, sent them on spa days and first class holidays whilst you wore a bin bag and ate gruel? That would be what youd do if you truly loved someone.
Do you love your parents? If so tell them to retire and youll work another job in the evenings to pay for them too.
A line has to be drawn somewhere, it depends where each person wishes to draw their own line.
My argument is if i was the op i would end the relationship with this lady and move on and eventually,if he ever did settle down, find someone on a more similar footing to himself.
Thats what the royals do and many cultures and i tend to agree with it.
Some die hard romantics will disagree and say follow your heart. My advice is if it's annoyingly ng you now when youre 20 something and she is young andyour relationship is in its early days then you wont feel better about it when she is in her 50s!
jonah35 said:
Melman Giraffe said:
I cant believe how shallow some people can be, if you are in a relationship and you love that person what they earn is irrelevant.
Im not so sure it is though. Why bother having an education, a career, trying at school or trying to excel at work? Its to further your standard of living, get respect amongst your peers and recognition within your profession. Of course it also enables you to buy nicer cars, better things and so on.There is little merit in doing all of that if youre just going to 'date' someone that hasnt done that and you have to pay for them all the time. Youd have been better off having a laugh from age 5-25 and not being the mug that pays for everything.
If you truly loved someone in your scenario wouldnt you insist they didnt work and just lavished everything you earnt on them, sent them on spa days and first class holidays whilst you wore a bin bag and ate gruel? That would be what youd do if you truly loved someone.
Do you love your parents? If so tell them to retire and youll work another job in the evenings to pay for them too.
A line has to be drawn somewhere, it depends where each person wishes to draw their own line.
Oh and your parent analogy is ridiculous
eliot said:
o/p should stay single as it sounds like he can't cope with the principal that the money doesn't belong to an individual when you are in relationship.
I think it does though, money can belong to an individual but you can still be in a relationship.What boyfriend/girlfriend relationship involves the man transferring all of his assets and income to his partner? Very few.
My money is my money and thats how i like it. I have never wanted money from a woman but nor do i wish go give them mine. I feel thats fair and works for me.
On a separate note, would people agree it is generally accepted that women wish to date a successful man? Footballer, doctor, lawyer, entrepreneur or is it more common that a woman prefers to date a trolley pusher, shelf stacker of checkout operator?
Id argue it is generally accepted that women would, in the main, prefer to dTe a successful man. That is often why men like material posessions, fancy cars and so on.
So why, then, isnt it acceptable for a man to want his partner to aspire to something more than a minimum wage job?
I know there is more to life than money and money is a small proportion of life but i can admit wothout shame i wouldnt date anyone that had no aspirationn to do more with her career than earn minimum wage.
Melman Giraffe said:
jonah35 said:
Melman Giraffe said:
I cant believe how shallow some people can be, if you are in a relationship and you love that person what they earn is irrelevant.
Im not so sure it is though. Why bother having an education, a career, trying at school or trying to excel at work? Its to further your standard of living, get respect amongst your peers and recognition within your profession. Of course it also enables you to buy nicer cars, better things and so on.There is little merit in doing all of that if youre just going to 'date' someone that hasnt done that and you have to pay for them all the time. Youd have been better off having a laugh from age 5-25 and not being the mug that pays for everything.
If you truly loved someone in your scenario wouldnt you insist they didnt work and just lavished everything you earnt on them, sent them on spa days and first class holidays whilst you wore a bin bag and ate gruel? That would be what youd do if you truly loved someone.
Do you love your parents? If so tell them to retire and youll work another job in the evenings to pay for them too.
A line has to be drawn somewhere, it depends where each person wishes to draw their own line.
Oh and your parent analogy is ridiculous
jonah35 said:
Melman Giraffe said:
jonah35 said:
Melman Giraffe said:
I cant believe how shallow some people can be, if you are in a relationship and you love that person what they earn is irrelevant.
Im not so sure it is though. Why bother having an education, a career, trying at school or trying to excel at work? Its to further your standard of living, get respect amongst your peers and recognition within your profession. Of course it also enables you to buy nicer cars, better things and so on.There is little merit in doing all of that if youre just going to 'date' someone that hasnt done that and you have to pay for them all the time. Youd have been better off having a laugh from age 5-25 and not being the mug that pays for everything.
If you truly loved someone in your scenario wouldnt you insist they didnt work and just lavished everything you earnt on them, sent them on spa days and first class holidays whilst you wore a bin bag and ate gruel? That would be what youd do if you truly loved someone.
Do you love your parents? If so tell them to retire and youll work another job in the evenings to pay for them too.
A line has to be drawn somewhere, it depends where each person wishes to draw their own line.
Oh and your parent analogy is ridiculous
I'm 22, my girlfriend is 20. I earn ~3.5x what she does, yet it doesn't make the slightest difference to me. I think the main part of it comes down to expectation - she doesn't expect me to pay for her, and will always pay her way where she can.
Sure, if I were with someone who earned more I'd not have to support them as much and I'd be able to do more things, but I really can't imagine being with someone else. She makes me a better person and my life is much happier with her in it.
If she didn't at least try to contribute, or had the expectation that I should pay for everything, it'd be a different story.
Edit: Also the sex may play into it ya
Sure, if I were with someone who earned more I'd not have to support them as much and I'd be able to do more things, but I really can't imagine being with someone else. She makes me a better person and my life is much happier with her in it.
If she didn't at least try to contribute, or had the expectation that I should pay for everything, it'd be a different story.
Edit: Also the sex may play into it ya
Edited by Sycamore on Monday 22 May 16:33
Sycamore said:
I'm 22, my girlfriend is 20. I earn ~3.5x what she does, yet it doesn't make the slightest difference to me. I think the main part of it comes down to expectation - she doesn't expect me to pay for her, and will always pay her way where she can.
Sure, if I were with someone who earned more I'd not have to support them as much and I'd be able to do more things, but I really can't imagine being with someone else. She makes me a better person and my life is much happier with her in it.
If she didn't at least try to contribute, or had the expectation that I should pay for everything, it'd be a different story.
Very rounded. Congrats. Someone who understands life.Sure, if I were with someone who earned more I'd not have to support them as much and I'd be able to do more things, but I really can't imagine being with someone else. She makes me a better person and my life is much happier with her in it.
If she didn't at least try to contribute, or had the expectation that I should pay for everything, it'd be a different story.
I'm 27, she's 25.
We always used to take it in turns paying for each other when dating but not living together. I use to always pay for more - without even thinking.
We got married, I paid for the lot. We go on holiday, I pay for it.
When it comes to bills and 'living expenses', I pay the rent, council tax, she buys the food, does the water, electric and broadband. We both pay our own phone bills and gym memberships. She saves a bit and so do I. The rest of her income is hers to spend on what she likes. I earn about 4x what she does so end up paying for more.
When we were looking to move in together we did agree that she needed to earn a bit more so she got a new job that paid better.
She still gets spoilt rotten. Relationships aren't about what someone can bring to the table but so long as theres equal participation in paying for stuff or at least an agreement (she's at home with babies) then that's cool.
As for the holiday comment, that made you sound selfish. Go economy and take her with you.
We always used to take it in turns paying for each other when dating but not living together. I use to always pay for more - without even thinking.
We got married, I paid for the lot. We go on holiday, I pay for it.
When it comes to bills and 'living expenses', I pay the rent, council tax, she buys the food, does the water, electric and broadband. We both pay our own phone bills and gym memberships. She saves a bit and so do I. The rest of her income is hers to spend on what she likes. I earn about 4x what she does so end up paying for more.
When we were looking to move in together we did agree that she needed to earn a bit more so she got a new job that paid better.
She still gets spoilt rotten. Relationships aren't about what someone can bring to the table but so long as theres equal participation in paying for stuff or at least an agreement (she's at home with babies) then that's cool.
As for the holiday comment, that made you sound selfish. Go economy and take her with you.
As a sparky working for lots of different people, attitudes to money fascinate me, the happiest people are the ones who've learnt that money itself is not important. It is only a passport to have and do nice things, and if you worry about the bottom line too much you don't enjoy the things.
FredClogs said:
TooMany2cvs said:
AyBee said:
HuntD said:
she only earns minimum wage and only ever will
Earning more than her wouldn't bother me as much as the above!
t, has zero skills, and never will have". Not much of a vote of confidence in your beloved, is it?t, I.e nursery nurse or hair dresser or care work.FredClogs said:
Some people aren't ambitious or driven by money
Doesn't seem to have much in common with the OP, then.Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff