Too selfish for a girlfriend?
Discussion
Never go out with someone so poor again OP. If you want to be a BOSS and fly first class, stay in the plushest hotels and drink the finest wines available to all humanity then some random girl shouldn't stop you.
Kick her out and go on www.dateaDirector.com and find yourself a real woman who earns 6 figs and appreciates the finer things in life. Then pull the trigger on a proper holiday where you can both indulge!
Kick her out and go on www.dateaDirector.com and find yourself a real woman who earns 6 figs and appreciates the finer things in life. Then pull the trigger on a proper holiday where you can both indulge!
Japveesix said:
Never go out with someone so poor again OP. If you want to be a BOSS and fly first class, stay in the plushest hotels and drink the finest wines available to all humanity then some random girl shouldn't stop you.
Kick her out and go on www.dateaDirector.com and find yourself a real woman who earns 6 figs and appreciates the finer things in life. Then pull the trigger on a proper holiday where you can both indulge!
Not sure if you are taking the piss Kick her out and go on www.dateaDirector.com and find yourself a real woman who earns 6 figs and appreciates the finer things in life. Then pull the trigger on a proper holiday where you can both indulge!
out of a relationship with a bird who earned fairly decent money (approx £40k) but spent every penny, I'm damned if I knew where it went. She didn't pay for accommodation other then gas and electric (I own the home outright), I paid for meals out, and most holidays. If she didnt work she wasn't paid so it was always a bit iffy with holidays. I even had to bail her out a couple of times with large credit card bills.
You muster along, and a lot of the time it didn't matter that much, but now I'm out of it you realise certain things, travel is MUCH cheaper. I don't consider it paying double, I see it as more like triple or more, since they always want to stay somewhere nicer then I would and I had to pay. I can't say I minded that much, I liked showing her new things, and going to new places, but you do certainly notice it when you don't have to fork out so much. Holidays can be longer, flights better etc.
If you enjoy spending time with her, just consider it a cost of doing business and having her as company and don't begrudge it too much, the only thing to really keep an eye on is if she develops a sense of entitlement because feeding that will cost you. A lot.
You muster along, and a lot of the time it didn't matter that much, but now I'm out of it you realise certain things, travel is MUCH cheaper. I don't consider it paying double, I see it as more like triple or more, since they always want to stay somewhere nicer then I would and I had to pay. I can't say I minded that much, I liked showing her new things, and going to new places, but you do certainly notice it when you don't have to fork out so much. Holidays can be longer, flights better etc.
If you enjoy spending time with her, just consider it a cost of doing business and having her as company and don't begrudge it too much, the only thing to really keep an eye on is if she develops a sense of entitlement because feeding that will cost you. A lot.
Interesting replies, so here's a bit more information.
She comes from a poor background and isn't materialistic, probably because she's never had anything. She is an experienced hairdresser but it only pays minimum wage and always will do.
She doesn't ask that I buy her anything , and she does occassionally treat me (and spoils me at Christmas and birthdays).
It's more the case of anything I do she wants to do, but she often can't afford it so get's upset, so I either have to pay for her or don't do it at all. That makes some things a lot more expensive than they already are or stops me doing things entirely.
She comes from a poor background and isn't materialistic, probably because she's never had anything. She is an experienced hairdresser but it only pays minimum wage and always will do.
She doesn't ask that I buy her anything , and she does occassionally treat me (and spoils me at Christmas and birthdays).
It's more the case of anything I do she wants to do, but she often can't afford it so get's upset, so I either have to pay for her or don't do it at all. That makes some things a lot more expensive than they already are or stops me doing things entirely.
HuntD said:
She is an experienced hairdresser but it only pays minimum wage and always will do.
Balls.A friend of mine was a hairdresser. He started his own salon, which turned into a chain of three or four in central London, and he's now retired from that - he took his pilot's licence, and now flies commercial jets, while his missus (who started as a customer) runs the salons.
danny0001uk1 said:
Imagine when you have a baby and she is a full time mum then you will have 100% responsibility for living costs of 3 people on just your income once maternity pay ends.
This is us/my family and the thought of it all never even enters my mind tbh, just one of them things ... if you're already thinking like you are it's run it's course I'd say!TooMany2cvs said:
Balls.
A friend of mine was a hairdresser. He started his own salon, which turned into a chain of three or four in central London, and he's now retired from that - he took his pilot's licence, and now flies commercial jets, while his missus (who started as a customer) runs the salons.
He sounds about as much like the average hairdresser as sir Alan Sugar is to a greengrocer.A friend of mine was a hairdresser. He started his own salon, which turned into a chain of three or four in central London, and he's now retired from that - he took his pilot's licence, and now flies commercial jets, while his missus (who started as a customer) runs the salons.
jonah35 said:
Melman Giraffe said:
I cant believe how shallow some people can be, if you are in a relationship and you love that person what they earn is irrelevant.
Im not so sure it is though. Why bother having an education, a career, trying at school or trying to excel at work? Its to further your standard of living, get respect amongst your peers and recognition within your profession. Of course it also enables you to buy nicer cars, better things and so on.There is little merit in doing all of that if youre just going to 'date' someone that hasnt done that and you have to pay for them all the time. Youd have been better off having a laugh from age 5-25 and not being the mug that pays for everything.
If you truly loved someone in your scenario wouldnt you insist they didnt work and just lavished everything you earnt on them, sent them on spa days and first class holidays whilst you wore a bin bag and ate gruel? That would be what youd do if you truly loved someone.
Do you love your parents? If so tell them to retire and youll work another job in the evenings to pay for them too.
A line has to be drawn somewhere, it depends where each person wishes to draw their own line.
Clearly, on PH, some males think you should only give the female "some" assets (e.g. live in your home), while others think you should donate "most" or "everything you own". Given that 40-50% of UK marriages end in divorce, and 5-20% of kids are raised by dads who are, unknowingly, not the real biological father, it is probably unwise or naive to give everything to a lover and not hold something back in reserve.
I met my now wife 8yrs ago, and at no point during the period in which I fell in love with her did I think "what can she financially bring to the table". She's always earned less than me, a lot less, but it's never been an issue. Infact, she's currently taking 4 years off work to raise our children before they're in full time education. Yes during this time I will be funding everything, but there's more to a relationship than money, especially when children are involved. She'll have the time to raise our children, something she's infinitely better at than me, and that frankly priceless.
If she had ambition it may make me think twice. You can earn good money as a hairdresser. The lads in my hairdressers all live a good live and are young and so on.
Does she have ambition to have her own place, rent out chairs, get her own clients or does she just want to turn up and get paid little? Id want someone with aspirations but we arent all the same.
Ps, hairdressing can be very lucrative. Even your own small salon in a northern town appears to generate a good lifestyle. The ones i know anyway.
Does she have ambition to have her own place, rent out chairs, get her own clients or does she just want to turn up and get paid little? Id want someone with aspirations but we arent all the same.
Ps, hairdressing can be very lucrative. Even your own small salon in a northern town appears to generate a good lifestyle. The ones i know anyway.
skinnyman said:
I met my now wife 8yrs ago, and at no point during the period in which I fell in love with her did I think "what can she financially bring to the table". She's always earned less than me, a lot less, but it's never been an issue. Infact, she's currently taking 4 years off work to raise our children before they're in full time education. Yes during this time I will be funding everything, but there's more to a relationship than money, especially when children are involved. She'll have the time to raise our children, something she's infinitely better at than me, and that frankly priceless.
Good point. Your priorities are known by you which is raising your children. An admirable thing.Mine is long holidays, travelling the world and meeting new people and having enough money to do this. Maybe less admirable than yours but our priorities are different.
We therefore would view the op's situation differently.
OP AFAIK. Hairdressers are only poor when they are in training.
MRS400 has used the same hairdresser for 20 years, just this weekend she had a colour and cut. 3 hrs £50. Which so I'm told is cheap.....
I earn double what she does but it all goes in to a joint account and like her hair which is an appointment every 6 weeks for a trim at £15 (20 mins in she's lucky) and then every 12 weeks for what she's had this weekend.
Me £50 clippers and do it myself.
I don't believe for one minute she's on minimum wage. Or if she's that good why us nt she doin foreigners of a weekend and banking that.
I think you ve either got walk away or lay in out and say do some foreigners get a client base built up and then you ll have money.
And people call me a sucker for our joint account, whilst she had a mop done Saturday I went to a wake of a good friends wife, had plenty to drink but not enough for her to try and get me to agree to her spending £150 on a poxy canvas print thst we ve got no need for.
I.E goin in the spare room.
MRS400 has used the same hairdresser for 20 years, just this weekend she had a colour and cut. 3 hrs £50. Which so I'm told is cheap.....
I earn double what she does but it all goes in to a joint account and like her hair which is an appointment every 6 weeks for a trim at £15 (20 mins in she's lucky) and then every 12 weeks for what she's had this weekend.
Me £50 clippers and do it myself.
I don't believe for one minute she's on minimum wage. Or if she's that good why us nt she doin foreigners of a weekend and banking that.
I think you ve either got walk away or lay in out and say do some foreigners get a client base built up and then you ll have money.
And people call me a sucker for our joint account, whilst she had a mop done Saturday I went to a wake of a good friends wife, had plenty to drink but not enough for her to try and get me to agree to her spending £150 on a poxy canvas print thst we ve got no need for.
I.E goin in the spare room.
FredClogs said:
Some jobs are valuable and rewarding but pay s
t, I.e nursery nurse or hair dresser or care work.
Some people aren't ambitious or driven by money, and quite frankly thanks god for that because those that are aren't always nice.
The girl friend in question is loved and [b]respected/b] by the op, so she must have something about her.
You sure about that?t, I.e nursery nurse or hair dresser or care work.Some people aren't ambitious or driven by money, and quite frankly thanks god for that because those that are aren't always nice.
The girl friend in question is loved and [b]respected/b] by the op, so she must have something about her.
OP - choose whether you want to share your life with her, or not. It's not that complicated.
HuntD said:
..........but she only earns minimum wage and only ever will.............
Why? Does she lack intelligence, ability, motivation, aspiration - all of the above?It's never too late for somebody to learn something new or take a new direction - but they have to want it.
Of course some people are happy in what they do, even if it pays bad - and that may be the case here. But it seems like you are writing her off - forever.
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