Any other expectant Dads?
Discussion
Vaud said:
Took 3 days on induction for ours before rapidly escalating to an emergency c-section. Don't google in front of your wife but if you can take 5 mins away then have a read about them so you can be calm for your wife it happens.
The success rate of induction is only about 60%. C-section isn't serious, but in emergency ones things happen very quickly.
All the best!
Having been present during 2 c-sections, both planned, but one becoming an emergency, it’s a pretty stressful experience. You get taken into the theatre and your missis is strapped down and splayed on the table, and you’re sat down by her head with a sheet separating the view of what’s going on. Full on operating theatre environment with the lights, tons of life support kit beeping and flashing away, and loads of people buzzing around doing what they’re doing. It’s gets very real very quickly.The success rate of induction is only about 60%. C-section isn't serious, but in emergency ones things happen very quickly.
All the best!
Your missis will be awake, but paralyzed from the chest down, but will be pretty out if it still, and maybe puking occasionally depending on how they react to the anesthetic. The docs will be talking about cutting into this that and the other, and there will be blood, guts, and other fluids spilling onto the floor. If you are sensitive to this sort of thing (fortunately I’m not), you could be in for a rough ride. If you pass out/puke, the team in there will have a laugh and just drag you out of the way and let you come around by yourself.
Assuming you’re still ok, you will get to see them pull the baby out and hold it up. It’ll be covered in blood and waxy looking gunge and will look like some sort of alien, not a nice pink baby.
What they don’t tell you, and I think it’s important to know, when babies are delivered by c-section, they rarely start crying right away. They’re very quiet and generally appear pretty lifeless. Because they haven’t gone through the hullabaloo of a conventional birth and been woken up by that, they’ve just had a rude awakening and effectively been pulled out of a nice warm bed! So they’re pretty stunned and dazed about what’s just happened. Also as they’ve not been squeezed through the birth canal, they haven’t had the fluids squeezed out of their lungs and air passages. So the delivery team have to quickly suction all that goo out, massaging the baby, and perhaps giving them a few pumps on a ventilator to get their lungs going. All routine stuff, but when you’re expecting immediate crying upon birth (that’s what happens on TV after all!), it seems like an eternity before they do, and it’s very worrying up until that point to hear nothing but silence. But a tremendous relief when you do hear it!
You will also be the first to hold the baby as your missis is strapped down and can’t move. But you’ll get a chance for a few pics as a new family. However your missis will thank you for NOT sharing those as she’ll be looking terrible, for obvious reasons. Haha.
It won’t be until some hours after that it’ll all sink in what’s just happened and what you’ve all been through. It’ll hit you pretty hard and you’ll probably become quite emotional. You’ll feel much better afterward though!
Edited by dvs_dave on Sunday 18th November 18:31
Vaud said:
Took 3 days on induction for ours before rapidly escalating to an emergency c-section. Don't google in front of your wife but if you can take 5 mins away then have a read about them so you can be calm for your wife it happens.
The success rate of induction is only about 60%. C-section isn't serious, but in emergency ones things happen very quickly.
All the best!
Good advice...we'd been in hospital for >36hrs when they lost J's pulse immediately post-epidural, then found it and realised it was slow, then hit the 'crash' button. I was very tired and not at all prepared and it was NOT a good feeling...all worked out absolutely fine and the theatre staff were excellent, but probably the scariest 30 mins of my life...The success rate of induction is only about 60%. C-section isn't serious, but in emergency ones things happen very quickly.
All the best!
@dvs_dave and @havoc
Good posts. Yup, scary. As a mild aside I think doctors/midwives are a bit remiss in my view in explaining the real success rates of induction, but I understand why they don't want to worry a mother.
I will always remember the angels of nurses who let me sleep for a few hours in the day room (against policy), brought me blankets and then tea & toast at 6am while after induction stopped working on day 2.
They are trained for it and the skills are very, very high but it can go from normal labour ward to full on ER/theatre in seconds once they hit the button.
Good posts. Yup, scary. As a mild aside I think doctors/midwives are a bit remiss in my view in explaining the real success rates of induction, but I understand why they don't want to worry a mother.
I will always remember the angels of nurses who let me sleep for a few hours in the day room (against policy), brought me blankets and then tea & toast at 6am while after induction stopped working on day 2.
They are trained for it and the skills are very, very high but it can go from normal labour ward to full on ER/theatre in seconds once they hit the button.
Edited by Vaud on Sunday 18th November 20:03
Checking in again. Mini-HKP is 6 months old now. Still an awful sleeper which isn't helped by colds, teething and a few misjudged night toileting incidents (it wakes them RIGHT up if they need a full clean down and change of clothes at 2am). He also seems to have a food allergy we just can't pin down (coming through mums milk).
We do get a lovely session of around 1hr 30 sleep between 7.30 and 9pm when we rush round the house like mad folks, ram dinner down our necks and do stuff like post to Internet forums.
Wouldn't change him for the world though. :-)
We do get a lovely session of around 1hr 30 sleep between 7.30 and 9pm when we rush round the house like mad folks, ram dinner down our necks and do stuff like post to Internet forums.
Wouldn't change him for the world though. :-)
Jonnny said:
Done 
Arrived at 14:04 this afternoon after an assisted delivery (cup thing) as 2hrs pushing he was nearly here but just not enough.
What an incredible feeling.
Congrats! Bet ya over the moon Arrived at 14:04 this afternoon after an assisted delivery (cup thing) as 2hrs pushing he was nearly here but just not enough.
What an incredible feeling.
Blown2CV said:
well they usually send you home under 4cm, maybe they would let you both go and chill at home instead for a while?
Glad we live a 30 second drive away from the hospital In laws live 2 mins away so they will be our taxis instead of dealing with parking up
Good News - Son slept fully through for the first time last night. And I mean fully through. He was knackered and slipped into a milk coma while I was feeding him at around 7 last night and woke up at 6.30 this morning. 
I feel like a new man today especially after a rough 3-4 weeks with him as he's had a bad chest infection meaning he's been coughing himself a wake 3-4 times a night.
Bad news - Wife has gone in to work for a keeping in touch day today so he's gone into nursery for the day so fully expecting him to catch some other nasty while he's there
I feel like a new man today especially after a rough 3-4 weeks with him as he's had a bad chest infection meaning he's been coughing himself a wake 3-4 times a night.
Bad news - Wife has gone in to work for a keeping in touch day today so he's gone into nursery for the day so fully expecting him to catch some other nasty while he's there
Davey S2 said:
Bad news - Wife has gone in to work for a keeping in touch day today so he's gone into nursery for the day so fully expecting him to catch some other nasty while he's there
The upside is that while they get lots of bugs from nursery, they seem to get a better immune system long term. Our teacher noted that you can spot the kids who haven't socialised / been to nursery as they spend the first 2 terms being ill. Smitters said:
Woop. Enjoy. Women are amazing aren't they! To think how much we whine when we struggle with a nut for 30 mins...
They're incredible aren't they. She's up, toileting etc like normal, looking after little man, whilst on about 50 hours no sleep so far.
It definitely brings you closer as a couple, seeing your wife/partner go through it for you.
12 week scan done today! And despite all the morning sickness and us thinking we might be in for a multiple birth can confirm I only managed to get one in there lol
Think it’s all got a bit more real for the missus today as she’d previously said it felt like she was looking after it for someone else, midwife was brilliant so we’re crossing fingers we see a lot more of here.
Amazing to see how much he/she was wriggling though even at this early stage.
Telling friends and family next week as soon as we’ve had the all clear from blood tests etc.
Can’t wait!
Think it’s all got a bit more real for the missus today as she’d previously said it felt like she was looking after it for someone else, midwife was brilliant so we’re crossing fingers we see a lot more of here.
Amazing to see how much he/she was wriggling though even at this early stage.
Telling friends and family next week as soon as we’ve had the all clear from blood tests etc.
Can’t wait!
NuckyThompson said:
12 week scan done today! And despite all the morning sickness and us thinking we might be in for a multiple birth can confirm I only managed to get one in there lol
Think it’s all got a bit more real for the missus today as she’d previously said it felt like she was looking after it for someone else, midwife was brilliant so we’re crossing fingers we see a lot more of here.
Amazing to see how much he/she was wriggling though even at this early stage.
Telling friends and family next week as soon as we’ve had the all clear from blood tests etc.
Can’t wait!
My wife felt the same. She had really really bad morning sickness and fatigue from June - October. When the scans come along though they feel better about it and gain a connection with the baby it sees. Think it’s all got a bit more real for the missus today as she’d previously said it felt like she was looking after it for someone else, midwife was brilliant so we’re crossing fingers we see a lot more of here.
Amazing to see how much he/she was wriggling though even at this early stage.
Telling friends and family next week as soon as we’ve had the all clear from blood tests etc.
Can’t wait!
My wife can’t wait till she is here now despite still getting some morning sickness. Seems to be worse when she had to be up at 6/7am.
Jonnny said:
Smitters said:
Woop. Enjoy. Women are amazing aren't they! To think how much we whine when we struggle with a nut for 30 mins...
They're incredible aren't they. She's up, toileting etc like normal, looking after little man, whilst on about 50 hours no sleep so far.
It definitely brings you closer as a couple, seeing your wife/partner go through it for you.
Becs' recuperative powers definitely put mine in the shade...don't know how she does it...must tell her that more often.
Hi said:
Hi said:
What a horrendous few days, words cannot describe what we have been through, but for those interested (plus for my own benefit) I have attempted to give some info below. I have hidden it behind a spoiler as I appreciate not everyone will want to read about it.
I ask please that you do not quote anything behind the spoiler tags in case I decide I want to alter or delete any of it, thank you.
A brief background - we don't have any children yet, we had an early miscarriage at the end of last summer. This time we were 20 weeks along, or 4.5 months ish but found out the day before mothers day that the baby had not survived - we spent mothers day knowing this which was very hard, especially as I wanted to make a bit of a fuss of my wife as a 'nearly' mother.
We went into the hospital yesterday morning as per our appointment. The nurses and assistants we saw were all very pleasant, kind, helpful and sympathetic to us. We were given a side room with it's own en suite - this made a huge difference to my wife and instantly helped to put her at ease. My wife was given some tablets to help speed along the process and they soon started doing something and she was in pain pretty quickly, the level of pain rose rapidly to the point where she could not move and was shaking and throwing up constantly. Thankfully the nurses brought her some gas and air (as other pain relief was not staying down) which although it didn't seem to reduce the pain all that much, but it did seem to make her less aware of the pain if that makes sense?!
I had very little idea of how the process would work (our last miscarriage was early enough it was all done at home) and I was quite shocked to find out that she would have to 'give birth' sitting on a commode with one of those cardboard poo pots underneath. For some reason I had in my head that she would be giving birth on a bed like 'normal' (or at least like on TV). I found this quite upsetting but I kept quiet so as not to alarm my wife and just went along with it - looking back it wasn't really a big deal, but still not quite 'ideal' in my mind.
After several hours of contractions and all sorts of pain she suddenly felt she should move from the bed to the commode, just in time too as things started to happen pretty quickly after that. Nothing I did prepared me for how I felt when we heard the noise of what was obviously the baby being born (I did lots of thinking things over in my head and 'preparing' myself in the hours/days before hand - none of it worked), I have to say it was absolutely heart wrenching to hear and I instantly felt my face go boiling hot and tears welling up. We had agreed beforehand, after lengthy discussion, that we wanted to see our baby, but that we would force ourselves not to look before the nurses had done their excellent job of preparing the baby in a little basket for us. So at this point we are both in tears while the nurses were going about their business - they soon left the room with our baby and said they would be back soon. My wife had to stay sat on the commode to wait for the rest of it all to pass (placenta etc). After a few minutes nothing seemed to be happening down below so she was allowed back onto the bed (with provisions in place to soak up blood loss).
Then the two nurses came back in carrying a tiny little basket, cue the tears again. I am usually very good at hiding my emotions and 'staying strong' when needed but I could not control my emotions at all at this point. My wife on the other hand (who is normally not afraid to show emotion) did incredibly well, after a few initial tears she composed herself remarkably well and was soon enjoying spending what little time we had with our little one. After I had composed myself we had a very memorable and precious hour or so with our new baby. I was apprehensive at first about seeing the baby, but instantly was incredibly glad I/we did - she looked very peaceful and so incredibly delicate, it really was amazing.
The only thing we disagreed on was whether or not we should take any photos, my wife wanted to, I didn't. My reasoning being that our memories of holding her yesterday will not be replicated or captured by any photos and I thought we may even find photos distressing due to how different the baby looks compared to a 'normal' baby (things like the skin appearing red as it is quite see through) - these points we simply didn't notice when viewing the baby with our own eyes as our emotions paint the missing parts of the picture for us, something which I don't think can be replicated when looking at a photo.
Having said all that, I wasn't going to stop my wife from taking photos and I am so glad I didn't, she took some lovely photos and I took some myself as well in the end. I'm very glad I changed my mind as even if rarely look at them at least I know I have the option to.
We then asked the nurses to take our baby away temporarily while we had some family to visit and asked them to bring our baby back once the family had gone, but whilst the family friend who is a pastor was still there. My wife definitely had more benefit out of the pastoral visit than I did, however just seeing how much she benefited from it helped me out no end as well, so all in all a very positive experience. It was quite a shock just how much our baby's appearance had changed in just an hour or two which made us even more glad we didn't hesitate with seeing her after she was born. We then did our best to say goodbye to her before asking the nurses to take care of her for us overnight - we agreed that once we had said goodbye that would be it and we wouldn't see our baby again. For me I think it was important to have a definitive 'cut off' point so to speak - I don't have the energy to try and explain why but it just seemed right to me and my wife agreed it seemed the best idea.
We then had a totally sleepless night, my wife was in a lot of pain and discomfort physically, we both had the emotional side effects to deal with too.
We had a pretty awful day today too, I could write another A4 page about today but frankly I don't feel up to it so I won't!
My advice to anyone going through anything similar - If you want to view the body, do so straight away after birth if possible (once cleaned up etc) as they do change in appearance over the first few hours and the time will fly by. Don't be afraid (at 20 weeks) that the baby will look underdeveloped or alien like, they don't, they look like a perfect little baby, just really really tiny.
I did have a load of other points of advice I was going to add, but my mind has gone blank - I will try and edit to add them in as I remember.
The last thing we have to decide on is what happens next regarding funeral options - we are very unsure on what to do here as none of the options we have been given fit in with what think is suitable/what we want. We have yet to speak to the bereavement team at the hospital though and have been advised they should be able to give us some more information to help us decide.
We knew the sex of the baby before it was born and we chose a name - however I don't feel the need to share these details with anyone except immediate family.
Lastly I would like to share my favourite picture I took because I feel so proud of our little one and my wife. I have put it behind another spoiler tag for obvious reasons but please be aware that the only part of our baby visible in the photo is one hand.
EDIT: I've just put the image link up as I can't get a second spoiler tag to work.
My Wife and baby holding hands:
https://thumbsnap.com/sc/uuligV8v.jpg
Me again, I've avoided this thread for a few months for various reasons - mainly being so busy as detailed below with a bit of an update (there is some good news as well!)I ask please that you do not quote anything behind the spoiler tags in case I decide I want to alter or delete any of it, thank you.
A brief background - we don't have any children yet, we had an early miscarriage at the end of last summer. This time we were 20 weeks along, or 4.5 months ish but found out the day before mothers day that the baby had not survived - we spent mothers day knowing this which was very hard, especially as I wanted to make a bit of a fuss of my wife as a 'nearly' mother.
We went into the hospital yesterday morning as per our appointment. The nurses and assistants we saw were all very pleasant, kind, helpful and sympathetic to us. We were given a side room with it's own en suite - this made a huge difference to my wife and instantly helped to put her at ease. My wife was given some tablets to help speed along the process and they soon started doing something and she was in pain pretty quickly, the level of pain rose rapidly to the point where she could not move and was shaking and throwing up constantly. Thankfully the nurses brought her some gas and air (as other pain relief was not staying down) which although it didn't seem to reduce the pain all that much, but it did seem to make her less aware of the pain if that makes sense?!
I had very little idea of how the process would work (our last miscarriage was early enough it was all done at home) and I was quite shocked to find out that she would have to 'give birth' sitting on a commode with one of those cardboard poo pots underneath. For some reason I had in my head that she would be giving birth on a bed like 'normal' (or at least like on TV). I found this quite upsetting but I kept quiet so as not to alarm my wife and just went along with it - looking back it wasn't really a big deal, but still not quite 'ideal' in my mind.
After several hours of contractions and all sorts of pain she suddenly felt she should move from the bed to the commode, just in time too as things started to happen pretty quickly after that. Nothing I did prepared me for how I felt when we heard the noise of what was obviously the baby being born (I did lots of thinking things over in my head and 'preparing' myself in the hours/days before hand - none of it worked), I have to say it was absolutely heart wrenching to hear and I instantly felt my face go boiling hot and tears welling up. We had agreed beforehand, after lengthy discussion, that we wanted to see our baby, but that we would force ourselves not to look before the nurses had done their excellent job of preparing the baby in a little basket for us. So at this point we are both in tears while the nurses were going about their business - they soon left the room with our baby and said they would be back soon. My wife had to stay sat on the commode to wait for the rest of it all to pass (placenta etc). After a few minutes nothing seemed to be happening down below so she was allowed back onto the bed (with provisions in place to soak up blood loss).
Then the two nurses came back in carrying a tiny little basket, cue the tears again. I am usually very good at hiding my emotions and 'staying strong' when needed but I could not control my emotions at all at this point. My wife on the other hand (who is normally not afraid to show emotion) did incredibly well, after a few initial tears she composed herself remarkably well and was soon enjoying spending what little time we had with our little one. After I had composed myself we had a very memorable and precious hour or so with our new baby. I was apprehensive at first about seeing the baby, but instantly was incredibly glad I/we did - she looked very peaceful and so incredibly delicate, it really was amazing.
The only thing we disagreed on was whether or not we should take any photos, my wife wanted to, I didn't. My reasoning being that our memories of holding her yesterday will not be replicated or captured by any photos and I thought we may even find photos distressing due to how different the baby looks compared to a 'normal' baby (things like the skin appearing red as it is quite see through) - these points we simply didn't notice when viewing the baby with our own eyes as our emotions paint the missing parts of the picture for us, something which I don't think can be replicated when looking at a photo.
Having said all that, I wasn't going to stop my wife from taking photos and I am so glad I didn't, she took some lovely photos and I took some myself as well in the end. I'm very glad I changed my mind as even if rarely look at them at least I know I have the option to.
We then asked the nurses to take our baby away temporarily while we had some family to visit and asked them to bring our baby back once the family had gone, but whilst the family friend who is a pastor was still there. My wife definitely had more benefit out of the pastoral visit than I did, however just seeing how much she benefited from it helped me out no end as well, so all in all a very positive experience. It was quite a shock just how much our baby's appearance had changed in just an hour or two which made us even more glad we didn't hesitate with seeing her after she was born. We then did our best to say goodbye to her before asking the nurses to take care of her for us overnight - we agreed that once we had said goodbye that would be it and we wouldn't see our baby again. For me I think it was important to have a definitive 'cut off' point so to speak - I don't have the energy to try and explain why but it just seemed right to me and my wife agreed it seemed the best idea.
We then had a totally sleepless night, my wife was in a lot of pain and discomfort physically, we both had the emotional side effects to deal with too.
We had a pretty awful day today too, I could write another A4 page about today but frankly I don't feel up to it so I won't!
My advice to anyone going through anything similar - If you want to view the body, do so straight away after birth if possible (once cleaned up etc) as they do change in appearance over the first few hours and the time will fly by. Don't be afraid (at 20 weeks) that the baby will look underdeveloped or alien like, they don't, they look like a perfect little baby, just really really tiny.
I did have a load of other points of advice I was going to add, but my mind has gone blank - I will try and edit to add them in as I remember.
The last thing we have to decide on is what happens next regarding funeral options - we are very unsure on what to do here as none of the options we have been given fit in with what think is suitable/what we want. We have yet to speak to the bereavement team at the hospital though and have been advised they should be able to give us some more information to help us decide.
We knew the sex of the baby before it was born and we chose a name - however I don't feel the need to share these details with anyone except immediate family.
Lastly I would like to share my favourite picture I took because I feel so proud of our little one and my wife. I have put it behind another spoiler tag for obvious reasons but please be aware that the only part of our baby visible in the photo is one hand.
EDIT: I've just put the image link up as I can't get a second spoiler tag to work.
My Wife and baby holding hands:
https://thumbsnap.com/sc/uuligV8v.jpg
We ended up having the funeral arranged through a local funeral directors as we didn't feel the options available through the hospital were suitable for us, particularly because there is a very long wait when arranged through the hospital. The funeral directors don't charge for a baby funeral (apparently this is normal), likewise the crematorium don't charge for baby/child funerals, so that took a little weight off our shoulders.
The hospital were only able to supply a 'coffin' shaped baby coffin in gloss white, which we both though was quite morbid looking and not what we would feel comfortable using, so we tasked the funeral directors with finding us something more suitable. After discussing our 'ideal' box, they managed to come up with a perfect match for what we wanted. It was shoe box shaped, made of textured paper with dried flowers embedded in the paper, it looked perfect.
The funeral was as good as we could have expected, the Vicar who married us travelled to the crem to do the service for us, we were very grateful as it was a 3 hour round trip for him! Just myself and my wife were there for the service, as we were the only ones to have met our daughter we thought it wouldn't have been appropriate to have anyone else there. My in-laws came to the crem but waited outside during the service, it was nice to have them there when the service was over.
Onward to the future - we found out that our daughter had the same genetic condition that I have, which affects the heart amongst other things and that's why she didn't survive.
We have since found out that there is a process called PGD (pre-implantation genetic diagnosis) which is an amazing process, similar to IVF but where the embryos are grown in the lab for 5 days and can then be tested for the genetic condition, the healthy ones are then frozen and one is implanted the same way as IVF.
We are currently going through this process, which is challenging for a number of reasons. Not least logistically as we have to travel to London (from Bristol) quite regularly, including staying overnight at times, which is proving to be hideously expensive even when using air b'n'b and all the cheap hotel sites!
We are on course to have the egg collection in September and then embryo transfer in October.
It has somewhat taken the romance out of the process, however it will be worth it to have a healthy child at the end of it!
All this has been further complicated by other personal issues like our house which is still a building site and my own health which involved a recent stay in hospital, but we are kept excited by the fact we are well on our way to having a healthy pregnancy in the near future.
I've been reading this thread quite regularly but didn't want to post anything until I had some good news for a change - it is still very early days so we are remaining apprehensive and realistic about possible complications before 12 weeks.... but the good news is that the implanted embryo has worked (so far)!
The process took longer than we thought and the embryo was transferred 2 weeks ago, which bizarrely means my wife is now 4 weeks pregnant - so due end of July-ish. We took a pregnancy test or 6(!) which all came back positive. We need to wait 2 more weeks before we go for an early scan at the genetic hospital, it is then where we should be able to see a heartbeat so that is the next big milestone for us to get to.
Her HCG levels seem very high, so there is a possibility it could be twins (which we would both love) but we need to wait for the scan to be sure.
It has been a crazy process, we have made in excess of 20 trips to the London hospital (6 hour round trip) and spent god only knows how much on accommodation, food, fuel etc. It's quite daunting to know that we have to go through the whole process again if we ever want any further children, which we do. But for now we are just focusing on this one and doing everything we can to stay clam, but still excited.
It has also been a very emotional roller-coaster, not just for the obvious reasons but for all the little unexpected reasons like bad communication from the hospital. Having to travel to the hospital with just an hours notice at times. Having to do a 6 hour round trip just to collect some medication or have a blood test as apparently it can't possibly done locally!
The only thing we are both struggling with a little (me more so) when we look to the future is whether the baby is going to be a girl or boy. It probably sounds like an odd thing to say from an outside prospective but as it was a girl we lost earlier this year - she is all we have ever known and loved so the thought of having a boy is strangely upsetting at the moment as all we can picture is our little girl.
I hope to check in with some more regular updates (probably around 2 week intervals) with continuing good news as we progress to each next scan.
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff