Any other expectant Dads?

[eltawater]

If you have the option to do so, discuss the possibility of remote working / working from home around the due date. This can give you the flexibility of being there when needed whilst still doing the day job. You'll be up all hours anyway

Do not underestimate the impact of any complications during birth, you may find that a lot of aftercare is required.

[Vaud]

eltawater said:

If you have the option to do so, discuss the possibility of remote working / working from home around the due date. This can give you the flexibility of being there when needed whilst still doing the day job. You'll be up all hours anyway

Do not underestimate the impact of any complications during birth, you may find that a lot of aftercare is required.

This is very true - I forget the stats but I think that even for natural births the majority receive some stitching, etc.

[Shakermaker]

CharlieH89 said:

How long did people take off work?
I've took a week off starting the week she is due, 14th March.
I'll then have two weeks off for paternity.

Did anyone add days/ weeks on to that?

I'm off for two weeks the start of May so i'll have time with the baby and to help my wife out then too. The mother in law will no doubt be around ours 24/7 when the baby is here aswell.

I took just over 2 weeks off but I used it all as holiday rather than paternity leave as the pay is crap. Work are flexible, but not flexible enough to offer a better deal to the expectant dads among us (but we're a "family company" so read into that what you will...) so I did a bit of remote working before, useful as we had a bit of a false start, and then also eased back into work after, did half a week, a few days.

Some are much more able to get back into things than others though, but I found it hard

[Blown2CV]

CharlieH89 said:

How long did people take off work?
I've took a week off starting the week she is due, 14th March.
I'll then have two weeks off for paternity.

Did anyone add days/ weeks on to that?

I'm off for two weeks the start of May so i'll have time with the baby and to help my wife out then too. The mother in law will no doubt be around ours 24/7 when the baby is here aswell.

2 weeks statutory and then 2 weeks shared parental leave. I found out that since the legislation came in a few years ago, I am the only man in around 30k workers in the UK in my company who took up SPL. Fairly sad stat.

[Peanut Gallery]

Just 2 weeks for me, but then I was working 15 min from home, so could come back at a moments notice, took lots of work though, with me doing all the cleaning / cooking / dishes / washing everything.

[NuckyThompson]

Blown2CV said:

2 weeks statutory and then 2 weeks shared parental leave. I found out that since the legislation came in a few years ago, I am the only man in around 30k workers in the UK in my company who took up SPL. Fairly sad stat.

I'm looking at something similar primarily as the missus is self employed and her accountancy business isn't the sort where you can just get someone in for X amount of month. She's fairly flexible with her working hours but she wants me around quite a lot if it can be helped (which it can as i'm a shift worker) but things may get difficult if she has to have a C-section for example. Mainly as i'll have to keep an eye on her to stop her doing stuff lol.

Will be a fairly large financial hit even if i take the equivalent of a week off each month but i'm whacking the hours in now to compensate. I quite like the idea of getting that extra time with the baby that most men don't though.

[Blown2CV]

NuckyThompson said:

Blown2CV said:

2 weeks statutory and then 2 weeks shared parental leave. I found out that since the legislation came in a few years ago, I am the only man in around 30k workers in the UK in my company who took up SPL. Fairly sad stat.

I'm looking at something similar primarily as the missus is self employed and her accountancy business isn't the sort where you can just get someone in for X amount of month. She's fairly flexible with her working hours but she wants me around quite a lot if it can be helped (which it can as i'm a shift worker) but things may get difficult if she has to have a C-section for example. Mainly as i'll have to keep an eye on her to stop her doing stuff lol.

Will be a fairly large financial hit even if i take the equivalent of a week off each month but i'm whacking the hours in now to compensate. I quite like the idea of getting that extra time with the baby that most men don't though.

it is a diff situation for guys i guess. Industry is generally accepting (mostly) of the idea that a woman will take a year out, and they need to recruit fixed term maternity cover. When you starting sharing leave between mums and dads it becomes more difficult, because you might not end up with the ability to give a temporary cover worker a full year's job security, or you might also be 'unexpectedly' be asking for a long period of leave as a Dad and catch an employer unaware (even though it's legal doesn't mean it is expected or commonplace). Going from 2 weeks leave where they can probably cover you without too much issue, to maybe 6 months leave where they can definitely not... all just by putting a form in to HR, i can see how employers might not be very happy.

I think having a third week past the normal stat is a v good idea though, even just by taking annual leave etc. That's when you're both starting to get to grips with it and can go out and do some nice things as a family, and if the Mrs had a c-section then it also gives an extra bit of cover for her to get back to health etc. 2 weeks feels insanely short to me!

[NuckyThompson]

Blown2CV said:

it is a diff situation for guys i guess. Industry is generally accepting (mostly) of the idea that a woman will take a year out, and they need to recruit fixed term maternity cover. When you starting sharing leave between mums and dads it becomes more difficult, because you might not end up with the ability to give a temporary cover worker a full year's job security, or you might also be 'unexpectedly' be asking for a long period of leave as a Dad and catch an employer unaware (even though it's legal doesn't mean it is expected or commonplace). Going from 2 weeks leave where they can probably cover you without too much issue, to maybe 6 months leave where they can definitely not... all just by putting a form in to HR, i can see how employers might not be very happy.

I think having a third week past the normal stat is a v good idea though, even just by taking annual leave etc. That's when you're both starting to get to grips with it and can go out and do some nice things as a family, and if the Mrs had a c-section then it also gives an extra bit of cover for her to get back to health etc. 2 weeks feels insanely short to me!

Luckily cover for me would be handled with overtime, which is generally how any level of leave or absence is handle at my workplace these days. I only have to work 12 days a month split between 6 days and 6 nights which also helps.

I am probably the only male employee here that has ever even considered shared maternity though. At present we're just exploring the options as it could impact my pension etc but I will be most likely taking the extra week of statutory paternity at the very least.

Issues arise as we have to give 15 week notice prior to the birth of when we intend to take the shared leave although I think this can be cancelled after the birth if not required or amended with understanding from the employer.

We can do overtime to earn flexi leave up to a maximum of 10 days. I'd prefer if the company just offered more flexi leave to be accrued in the event of shared maternity. No harm in asking i guess.

[richatnort]

Well what a fun morning I've had. Mrs is now 11 weeks which is great as we've passed our missed misscarriage week by 3 now. However Mrs gets up supposedly feels st, gets a shower, can't see then I come in as I was getting up for work and she said she was dizzy and began to help her out the shower to which she then fainted in my arms.

Got her on the floor in recovery position phoned 999 because i shat myself. Got her in bed and legs up. Long story no need for an ambulance but been to doctors and think her blood pressure dropped so low and got up too quickly.

Pretty scarey experience but just glad she and baby are alright.

[Gary29]

richatnort said:

Well what a fun morning I've had. Mrs is now 11 weeks which is great as we've passed our missed misscarriage week by 3 now. However Mrs gets up supposedly feels st, gets a shower, can't see then I come in as I was getting up for work and she said she was dizzy and began to help her out the shower to which she then fainted in my arms.

Got her on the floor in recovery position phoned 999 because i shat myself. Got her in bed and legs up. Long story no need for an ambulance but been to doctors and think her blood pressure dropped so low and got up too quickly.

Pretty scarey experience but just glad she and baby are alright.

Not nice mate, so much blood and energy going to growing the baby that the brain and other less vital organs miss out as a result and you end up with things like this happening and 'baby brain'

Glad they're both ok, look after them.

[The Moose]

Yep - brain is certainly not a vital organ around here...

[Shakermaker]

richatnort said:

Well what a fun morning I've had. Mrs is now 11 weeks which is great as we've passed our missed misscarriage week by 3 now. However Mrs gets up supposedly feels st, gets a shower, can't see then I come in as I was getting up for work and she said she was dizzy and began to help her out the shower to which she then fainted in my arms.

Got her on the floor in recovery position phoned 999 because i shat myself. Got her in bed and legs up. Long story no need for an ambulance but been to doctors and think her blood pressure dropped so low and got up too quickly.

Pretty scarey experience but just glad she and baby are alright.

Yes, very scary, the same happened to my wife relatively early on in her pregnancy, when she was at work. Fortunately where she works is nearly all women and most had kids, they were able to reassure her before the medics gave her the all clear

[ST_Nuts]

Mines gone through this and she phoned 111 (was 3am so I was fast asleep and completely unaware) she comes crawling in saying ambulance is coming and her eyes were rolling back and she fainted again on the bed.. here's me in a complete state of shock running around the house in my underwear unlocking the doors for the paramedics whilst having a nervous breakdown!!

I'll be glad when this is all over.

[Blown2CV]

NuckyThompson said:

Blown2CV said:

it is a diff situation for guys i guess. Industry is generally accepting (mostly) of the idea that a woman will take a year out, and they need to recruit fixed term maternity cover. When you starting sharing leave between mums and dads it becomes more difficult, because you might not end up with the ability to give a temporary cover worker a full year's job security, or you might also be 'unexpectedly' be asking for a long period of leave as a Dad and catch an employer unaware (even though it's legal doesn't mean it is expected or commonplace). Going from 2 weeks leave where they can probably cover you without too much issue, to maybe 6 months leave where they can definitely not... all just by putting a form in to HR, i can see how employers might not be very happy.

I think having a third week past the normal stat is a v good idea though, even just by taking annual leave etc. That's when you're both starting to get to grips with it and can go out and do some nice things as a family, and if the Mrs had a c-section then it also gives an extra bit of cover for her to get back to health etc. 2 weeks feels insanely short to me!

Luckily cover for me would be handled with overtime, which is generally how any level of leave or absence is handle at my workplace these days. I only have to work 12 days a month split between 6 days and 6 nights which also helps.

I am probably the only male employee here that has ever even considered shared maternity though. At present we're just exploring the options as it could impact my pension etc but I will be most likely taking the extra week of statutory paternity at the very least.

Issues arise as we have to give 15 week notice prior to the birth of when we intend to take the shared leave although I think this can be cancelled after the birth if not required or amended with understanding from the employer.

We can do overtime to earn flexi leave up to a maximum of 10 days. I'd prefer if the company just offered more flexi leave to be accrued in the event of shared maternity. No harm in asking i guess.

yes it does seem an unusual setup to me, but only because i just work in a 25-30 days annual leave type industry i guess. Currently having an argument with someone in the 'unpopular opinions' thread because they accused me of being an 'entitled nobhead' or something to that effect, because i disagreed with someone's opinion (they run their own business) saying that employers shouldn't have to pay for children/parenting related leave of any kind!

[richatnort]

ST_Nuts said:

Mines gone through this and she phoned 111 (was 3am so I was fast asleep and completely unaware) she comes crawling in saying ambulance is coming and her eyes were rolling back and she fainted again on the bed.. here's me in a complete state of shock running around the house in my underwear unlocking the doors for the paramedics whilst having a nervous breakdown!!

I'll be glad when this is all over.

This was literally me this morning at 7am in my boxers getting the Mrs off the bathroom floor, dried and dressed, carrying her into the bed keeping her legs up then getting everything ready in my boxers then getting dressed and keeping an eye out for an ambulance.

If you ever struggle to get up in the morning try going through that! She's been in bed all day now and on bed rest for the rest of the week and coming round a bit more thankfully

[Blown2CV]

richatnort said:

ST_Nuts said:

Mines gone through this and she phoned 111 (was 3am so I was fast asleep and completely unaware) she comes crawling in saying ambulance is coming and her eyes were rolling back and she fainted again on the bed.. here's me in a complete state of shock running around the house in my underwear unlocking the doors for the paramedics whilst having a nervous breakdown!!

I'll be glad when this is all over.

This was literally me this morning at 7am in my boxers getting the Mrs off the bathroom floor, dried and dressed, carrying her into the bed keeping her legs up then getting everything ready in my boxers then getting dressed and keeping an eye out for an ambulance.

If you ever struggle to get up in the morning try going through that! She's been in bed all day now and on bed rest for the rest of the week and coming round a bit more thankfully

think i'd be going for 999 and not 111 in that instance! Glad it worked out OK.

Incidentally on 111... in my opinion it's just a pain in the arse. Even had reason to complain about them to the NHS ombudsman at one point. They are just basic training members of the public who have been given a very prescriptive knowledge support system to work through. They have no flexibility or judgement, because they don't know, and they get paid probably slightly above minimum wage. When they ask a multiple choice question, and you are panicking a bit and don't really know how to answer, they just ask it again and given no help or ability to skip or whatever. I even had a phone operator say "oh for christ's sake" down the line at me when i genuinely couldn't answer one of the questions because the truth didn't fit in any of the options!! They were forced to later apologise, but they initially tried to tell me she did not say that at all. We've used 111 three times i think and we'd probably not bother again. They just go through this huge long questionnaire and then just say ah yea because it's about an infant/pregnant woman we will just send an ambulance anyway. Or, they just tell you to make your own way ASAP to the nearest walk in centre, which in reality we could have been at, had we not been on the phone to them.

[richatnort]

Blown2CV said:

think i'd be going for 999 and not 111 in that instance! Glad it worked out OK.

Incidentally on 111... in my opinion it's just a pain in the arse. Even had reason to complain about them to the NHS ombudsman at one point. They are just basic training members of the public who have been given a very prescriptive knowledge support system to work through. They have no flexibility or judgement, because they don't know, and they get paid probably slightly above minimum wage. When they ask a multiple choice question, and you are panicking a bit and don't really know how to answer, they just ask it again and given no help or ability to skip or whatever. I even had a phone operator say "oh for christ's sake" down the line at me when i genuinely couldn't answer one of the questions because the truth didn't fit in any of the options!! They were forced to later apologise, but they initially tried to tell me she did not say that at all. We've used 111 three times i think and we'd probably not bother again. They just go through this huge long questionnaire and then just say ah yea because it's about an infant/pregnant woman we will just send an ambulance anyway. Or, they just tell you to make your own way ASAP to the nearest walk in centre, which in reality we could have been at, had we not been on the phone to them.

Yes i've experienced similar with 111 we had issues with the mrs at the start of the pregnancy and after all the questions they said yeh i think you need to go to A&E so since i'll just go to A&E or call 999 which today was the first time in my life i've done it.

[havoc]

richatnort said:

Yes i've experienced similar with 111 we had issues with the mrs at the start of the pregnancy and after all the questions they said yeh i think you need to go to A&E so since i'll just go to A&E or call 999 which today was the first time in my life i've done it.

Complete waste of resources. An attempt at a triage service that fails due to under-training.

[Blown2CV]

havoc said:

richatnort said:

Yes i've experienced similar with 111 we had issues with the mrs at the start of the pregnancy and after all the questions they said yeh i think you need to go to A&E so since i'll just go to A&E or call 999 which today was the first time in my life i've done it.

Complete waste of resources. An attempt at a triage service that fails due to under-training.

think it's an attempt to reduce burden on the ambulance services, even if it just a few percent. However they are so risk averse that they err hugely on the side of caution in every instance. Maybe it might reduce the demand on the service but it's a classic case of whack a mole with the funding. If it reduces cost in one column by £10M then this is great, even if it costs £20M additional in an entirely different column because hey, public sector.

[_dobbo_]

havoc said:

richatnort said:

Yes i've experienced similar with 111 we had issues with the mrs at the start of the pregnancy and after all the questions they said yeh i think you need to go to A&E so since i'll just go to A&E or call 999 which today was the first time in my life i've done it.

Complete waste of resources. An attempt at a triage service that fails due to under-training.

For us training wasn't the problem - the wife was on hold for 40 minutes without speaking to anyone and I phoned my mate who was a serving police office ar the time and he said "dude just dial 999"

(not pregnancy related, cool story bro, etc)

edit, for clarity, not bashing the 111 or 999 workers or the emergency services, under-resourced means inevitable outcomes.

Every day my wife and son live is an extra day because of 999 and the NHS, so basically the NHS is the greatest thing ever.

Edited by _dobbo_ on Thursday 24th January 20:19