Any other expectant Dads?
Discussion
My turn to join in here as we are past the half way mark !!!
We got a girl, our first, due on the 22nd Feb here (they are very precise about these things out here in Singapore and i suspect that they wont let her be tardy
My poor mum is getting inundated with stuff from EBay now as its either so damn expensive or complete cr@p out here, hopefully she wont have to get a shipping container to send everything
Definitely a bit harder doing this so far from home, (my family is in UK and East Coast of USA and the wife's family in East Java, Indonesia which is still 2 flights and 5 + hours away) but the weather is better
We got a girl, our first, due on the 22nd Feb here (they are very precise about these things out here in Singapore and i suspect that they wont let her be tardy
My poor mum is getting inundated with stuff from EBay now as its either so damn expensive or complete cr@p out here, hopefully she wont have to get a shipping container to send everything
Definitely a bit harder doing this so far from home, (my family is in UK and East Coast of USA and the wife's family in East Java, Indonesia which is still 2 flights and 5 + hours away) but the weather is better
Frio3535 said:
Had our daughter for just over two weeks now. Thankfully a good birth experience and a healthy baby - all going well but I think we've been lucky and got a good baby.
One thing I was not aware of is cluster feeding. Essentially baby trying to increase mums supply of milk with a feed followed by short break - rinse and repeat. No rest for anyone. Normally occurs at night when hormones are at their peak. Our record is 8hrs. Absolute hell for your partner and yourself to a smaller extent as I was trying to stay awake to be with her and give support.
Ensure you get midwives to show your partner comfortable positions for her shoulders and neck - shes going to need it.
.
The good news is the cluster feeding doesn't last that long. Props to you for staying up to provide support but I went a bit 70's dad on this score - I've got to go to work to earn, so I need my kip. Ergo I spent a couple of weeks in the spare room with ear plugs to get a full 8hrs, my wife only coming to wake me if she really needed help, which was only the once. We took the view that it's a team effort, and my contribution to that team was being able to go to work and function relatively normally. No point in both of you being exhausted. One thing I was not aware of is cluster feeding. Essentially baby trying to increase mums supply of milk with a feed followed by short break - rinse and repeat. No rest for anyone. Normally occurs at night when hormones are at their peak. Our record is 8hrs. Absolute hell for your partner and yourself to a smaller extent as I was trying to stay awake to be with her and give support.
Ensure you get midwives to show your partner comfortable positions for her shoulders and neck - shes going to need it.
.
PurpleTurtle said:
The good news is the cluster feeding doesn't last that long. Props to you for staying up to provide support but I went a bit 70's dad on this score - I've got to go to work to earn, so I need my kip. Ergo I spent a couple of weeks in the spare room with ear plugs to get a full 8hrs, my wife only coming to wake me if she really needed help, which was only the once. We took the view that it's a team effort, and my contribution to that team was being able to go to work and function relatively normally. No point in both of you being exhausted.
Also good advice. Getting a cleaner in for the first six months is also good if funds allow, even if it is just for a few hours a week.
PurpleTurtle said:
The good news is the cluster feeding doesn't last that long. Props to you for staying up to provide support but I went a bit 70's dad on this score - I've got to go to work to earn, so I need my kip. Ergo I spent a couple of weeks in the spare room with ear plugs to get a full 8hrs, my wife only coming to wake me if she really needed help, which was only the once. We took the view that it's a team effort, and my contribution to that team was being able to go to work and function relatively normally. No point in both of you being exhausted.
My misses was as good as useless for the first 2 weeks with our son so I was doing pretty much everything. Up every 2 hours during the night and then off to work and then taking over when I got home.This time round, (fingers crossed) I will be getting proper sleep if that's a thing.
Our second is due at the end of April.
We already have a daughter who is 3 and a half (also born in April).
New arrival is going to be a boy which I'm really pleased with. My wife was convinced that it was a girl so the news came as a bit of a shock.
Being slightly older parents (I'm 43 and the wife is 39) we had a private scan at around 9 weeks and a NIFTY test which is how we know the sex so early. All other results for downs etc came back all fine thank goodness.
Going to be strange going back to dealing with a newborn. Our daughter had been really easy. The longest we have ever been up with her in the night is about 45 mins. Toilet training was also a breeze. Sod's law it will be completely different this time around
We already have a daughter who is 3 and a half (also born in April).
New arrival is going to be a boy which I'm really pleased with. My wife was convinced that it was a girl so the news came as a bit of a shock.
Being slightly older parents (I'm 43 and the wife is 39) we had a private scan at around 9 weeks and a NIFTY test which is how we know the sex so early. All other results for downs etc came back all fine thank goodness.
Going to be strange going back to dealing with a newborn. Our daughter had been really easy. The longest we have ever been up with her in the night is about 45 mins. Toilet training was also a breeze. Sod's law it will be completely different this time around
Shakermaker said:
Zammy said:
About to be a first time Dad in a couple of weeks, to be honest I'm bricking it, I think we have the main things we need, travel system, cot, moses basket, first clothes and newborn nappies for the baby.
We have pretty good family/friends support but I guess it's just nerves now.
Best of luck, you'll have to let us know how it goes. We have pretty good family/friends support but I guess it's just nerves now.
The doctors also tried twice (failed both times) to do a lumber puncture to check for meningitis. At this point the missus was a wreck and I was trying to keep it together for her but it was so difficult to see your new born child with tubes and IV cannula all over him or hear him screaming when they tried to do the puncture.
By the grace of God as the days went on he started to improve and was moved back to ward.
To all the expectant Dads on here I'm sure it will all go well for you guys just remember stay strong for the lady. I kept it together until I was driving home on my own one night just burst into tears, the emotions that had been building up just exploded. The days were a blur you lose sense of what day and time it is but as one of the fantastic nurses said some babies just need tweaking but they get there in the end.
A full week later and he came home, the nerves were all over the place but it has all kind of fallen into place. The young man is putting on weight, feeding well and importantly the Mum is doing well too.
The nights are still up and down, some nights are better than others. I am also back at work now but I am shattered. Hopefully as the days, weeks go on and he will find a routine and it will get better.
The little dude is amazing and the tiny thing has taken a massive place in our hearts. I'm sure Dads on here will understand what I mean and to new fathers (like myself) it is a beautiful feeling.
Speaking of fantastic nurses, all the nurses, sisters, midwives, doctors etc from the Delivery suite to Neo Natal were absolutely fantastic, amazing people. The NHS can get a ribbing on these forums but trust me, we are very lucky with what we have in this country.
Edited by Zammy on Thursday 26th October 14:20
Edited by Zammy on Thursday 26th October 14:26
Zammy said:
Well 2 weeks ago we had the birth of our baby boy who weighed in at 5lb 14oz (full term). The first week was horrendous, first he wasn't regulating his temperature so got moved into an incubator, then he wasn't feeding and was too lethargic so got moved to Neo Natal where he had to be fed through the nose and was also put on antibiotics.
The doctors also tried twice (failed both times) to do a lumber puncture to check for meningitis. At this point the missus was a wreck and I was trying to keep it together for her but it was so difficult to see your new born child with tubes and IV cannula all over him or hear him screaming when they tried to do the puncture.
By the grace of God as the days went on he started to improve and was moved back to ward.
To all the expectant Dads on here I'm sure it will all go well for you guys just remember stay strong for the lady. I kept it together until I was driving home on my own one night just burst into tears, the emotions that had been building up just exploded. The days were a blur you lose sense of what day and time it is but as one of the fantastic nurses said some babies just need tweaking but they get there in the end.
A full week later and he came home, the nerves were all over the place but it has all kind of fallen into place. The young man is putting on weight, feeding well and importantly the Mum is doing well too.
The nights are still up and down, some nights are better than others. I am also back at work now but I am shattered. Hopefully as the days, weeks go on and he will find a routine and it will get better.
Speaking of fantastic nurses, all the nurses, sisters, midwives, doctors etc from the Delivery suite to Neo Natal were absolutely fantastic, amazing people. The NHS can get a ribbing on these forums but trust me, we are very lucky with what we have in this country.
Excellent news, congratulations. The doctors also tried twice (failed both times) to do a lumber puncture to check for meningitis. At this point the missus was a wreck and I was trying to keep it together for her but it was so difficult to see your new born child with tubes and IV cannula all over him or hear him screaming when they tried to do the puncture.
By the grace of God as the days went on he started to improve and was moved back to ward.
To all the expectant Dads on here I'm sure it will all go well for you guys just remember stay strong for the lady. I kept it together until I was driving home on my own one night just burst into tears, the emotions that had been building up just exploded. The days were a blur you lose sense of what day and time it is but as one of the fantastic nurses said some babies just need tweaking but they get there in the end.
A full week later and he came home, the nerves were all over the place but it has all kind of fallen into place. The young man is putting on weight, feeding well and importantly the Mum is doing well too.
The nights are still up and down, some nights are better than others. I am also back at work now but I am shattered. Hopefully as the days, weeks go on and he will find a routine and it will get better.
Speaking of fantastic nurses, all the nurses, sisters, midwives, doctors etc from the Delivery suite to Neo Natal were absolutely fantastic, amazing people. The NHS can get a ribbing on these forums but trust me, we are very lucky with what we have in this country.
Edited by Zammy on Thursday 26th October 14:20
Can't imagine the feeling of that first week you've endured, but it is great to know that everything is as it should be.
Go for it, even if it's a nightmare at least you'll know how to do stuff and have the right equipment which is part of the daunting stuff you won't have to go through
We had a complete angel 1st baby & 2nd one not as easy but still pretty good
Just be chilled out and for God's sake don't be one of the 'routine' freaks it'll be exhausting with 2 kids
We had a complete angel 1st baby & 2nd one not as easy but still pretty good
Just be chilled out and for God's sake don't be one of the 'routine' freaks it'll be exhausting with 2 kids
Congratulations and good luck to all the new and expectant parents on this thread.
My boy is one today, believe me you quickly forget about the struggles of the first few weeks. We were chatting about it the other night, the feeds every couple of hours, the horrendous colic, the couple of nights in the most uncomfortable chair you can ever imagine at the hospital. We look back and smile now, but it was bloody hard at the time!
It's amazing how much they change over the first year too, my brother and his wife had their first 3 weeks ago, so we see the difference side by side. You forget how helpless and utterly dependant they are on you at the beginning and how quickly they develop and learn to do things for themselves.
My boy is one today, believe me you quickly forget about the struggles of the first few weeks. We were chatting about it the other night, the feeds every couple of hours, the horrendous colic, the couple of nights in the most uncomfortable chair you can ever imagine at the hospital. We look back and smile now, but it was bloody hard at the time!
It's amazing how much they change over the first year too, my brother and his wife had their first 3 weeks ago, so we see the difference side by side. You forget how helpless and utterly dependant they are on you at the beginning and how quickly they develop and learn to do things for themselves.
Here is my experience. I hope it helps others avoid some of the mistakes I made. Sorry if I ramble.
Our first born arrived a month after my Mum had been diagnosed with cancer. The birth was very difficult. 48hr painful labour, serious blood loss, an op, fitting and convulsions in maternity ward (poor experience there). Awful for her. Eventually they came home. I felt detached and useless.
Two days later I found my wife fitting in the bed, blue light to A and E. I had the newborn on my own for three days. My Mums illness was starting to sink in. Went back to work running my own business. As time went by, struggled to deal with everything, and actually hadn't appreciated that he life my wife and I had had before was gone. It's obvious but it didn't sink in until I had arrived there. Became even more detached.
By the time he was one, I pretty much had sunk in to a weird kind of depression (eventually diagnosed and treated), which resulted in me doing some insane and irrational stuff. I was forced to leave hone for a short period and being apart from my son broke me. Mums illness got worse, a real rollercoaster (she eventually passed away Dec 16). Anyway, my meltdown was a major reset. I got some good help, and hauled myself out of a deep hole. My wife and I are now much stronger, and we have a second child now who is one. I love being a Dad more than anything.
My experience is that nothing prepares you for being a Dad. In the early stages, it can seem like a tunnel with no end at times. If you have over heavy stuff happening at the same time it can be simply overwhelming. In hindsight we should have got some help, which we did with number 2. I learnt a lot from first time around. It's a wonderful thing becoming a Dad, but I totally underestimated the effect it, and other things alongside, would have on my state of mind.
Our first born arrived a month after my Mum had been diagnosed with cancer. The birth was very difficult. 48hr painful labour, serious blood loss, an op, fitting and convulsions in maternity ward (poor experience there). Awful for her. Eventually they came home. I felt detached and useless.
Two days later I found my wife fitting in the bed, blue light to A and E. I had the newborn on my own for three days. My Mums illness was starting to sink in. Went back to work running my own business. As time went by, struggled to deal with everything, and actually hadn't appreciated that he life my wife and I had had before was gone. It's obvious but it didn't sink in until I had arrived there. Became even more detached.
By the time he was one, I pretty much had sunk in to a weird kind of depression (eventually diagnosed and treated), which resulted in me doing some insane and irrational stuff. I was forced to leave hone for a short period and being apart from my son broke me. Mums illness got worse, a real rollercoaster (she eventually passed away Dec 16). Anyway, my meltdown was a major reset. I got some good help, and hauled myself out of a deep hole. My wife and I are now much stronger, and we have a second child now who is one. I love being a Dad more than anything.
My experience is that nothing prepares you for being a Dad. In the early stages, it can seem like a tunnel with no end at times. If you have over heavy stuff happening at the same time it can be simply overwhelming. In hindsight we should have got some help, which we did with number 2. I learnt a lot from first time around. It's a wonderful thing becoming a Dad, but I totally underestimated the effect it, and other things alongside, would have on my state of mind.
i think there is very little in the way of decent support for modern Dads, and the social norms that we all live within seem to make it sound even a bit weird to say that out loud. Why would we need support, we don't even have emotions? We don't need to breastfeed, we can just go out to work blah blah... all of the system is aimed at how hard this all must be for the Mothers. The pregnancy and birthing process is incredibly sexist because a lot of the old bag Midwives are used to Dads from years gone by who couldn't care less. I know many Dads these days for whom that couldn't be further from the truth.
I think the modern Dad not only feels the pressure that our own Dads and Grandads felt, to provide and to be strong, to fix everything... but also new pressure to be a great Dad and to be there for your children, to be present and engaged - to be an equal parent. In many ways it's an incompatible combination, and some men drive themselves into stress and depression trying to find a delicate balance.
I wonder how many of us recognise themselves in the above.
I think the modern Dad not only feels the pressure that our own Dads and Grandads felt, to provide and to be strong, to fix everything... but also new pressure to be a great Dad and to be there for your children, to be present and engaged - to be an equal parent. In many ways it's an incompatible combination, and some men drive themselves into stress and depression trying to find a delicate balance.
I wonder how many of us recognise themselves in the above.
Blown2CV said:
i think there is very little in the way of decent support for modern Dads, and the social norms that we all live within seem to make it sound even a bit weird to say that out loud. Why would we need support, we don't even have emotions? We don't need to breastfeed, we can just go out to work blah blah... all of the system is aimed at how hard this all must be for the Mothers. The pregnancy and birthing process is incredibly sexist because a lot of the old bag Midwives are used to Dads from years gone by who couldn't care less. I know many Dads these days for whom that couldn't be further from the truth.
I think the modern Dad not only feels the pressure that our own Dads and Grandads felt, to provide and to be strong, to fix everything... but also new pressure to be a great Dad and to be there for your children, to be present and engaged - to be an equal parent. In many ways it's an incompatible combination, and some men drive themselves into stress and depression trying to find a delicate balance.
I wonder how many of us recognise themselves in the above.
I think you have hit the nail on the head. We did one of these NCT classes, it was rubbish in terms of the fathers perspective. I think the modern Dad not only feels the pressure that our own Dads and Grandads felt, to provide and to be strong, to fix everything... but also new pressure to be a great Dad and to be there for your children, to be present and engaged - to be an equal parent. In many ways it's an incompatible combination, and some men drive themselves into stress and depression trying to find a delicate balance.
I wonder how many of us recognise themselves in the above.
Blown2CV said:
i think there is very little in the way of decent support for modern Dads, and the social norms that we all live within seem to make it sound even a bit weird to say that out loud. Why would we need support, we don't even have emotions? We don't need to breastfeed, we can just go out to work blah blah... all of the system is aimed at how hard this all must be for the Mothers. The pregnancy and birthing process is incredibly sexist because a lot of the old bag Midwives are used to Dads from years gone by who couldn't care less. I know many Dads these days for whom that couldn't be further from the truth.
I think the modern Dad not only feels the pressure that our own Dads and Grandads felt, to provide and to be strong, to fix everything... but also new pressure to be a great Dad and to be there for your children, to be present and engaged - to be an equal parent. In many ways it's an incompatible combination, and some men drive themselves into stress and depression trying to find a delicate balance.
I wonder how many of us recognise themselves in the above.
Yup, absolutely agree. I think the modern Dad not only feels the pressure that our own Dads and Grandads felt, to provide and to be strong, to fix everything... but also new pressure to be a great Dad and to be there for your children, to be present and engaged - to be an equal parent. In many ways it's an incompatible combination, and some men drive themselves into stress and depression trying to find a delicate balance.
I wonder how many of us recognise themselves in the above.
Ours arrived fourth months ago and whilst he and mother are doing great, I have no shame in saying that I struggled through her pregnancy and the past few weeks have been tough going. I could write loads on the matter and given I tend to say it as it is, she's quite keen for me to do exactly that because there must be loads of guys out there and I'm sure I'm not alone when I say there's almost a guilt for saying we as men may struggle... yes it's bloody hard for Mums, we'll never imagine but I think we men undertake completely different challenges and for thee first time in our relationship... we were on very different pages and it's taken a lot of effort to find ourselves as individuals and as a couple again. I'm still finding lot's of things really tough, the gung ho "I'll be the man" attitude I took on when he was announced has gone and been replaced with a lot of self doubt and I find myself in need of lots of reassurance, which was tough for her to give as she had her own issues. We're men, not Supermen. Time is limited, it always is... but I might write some things down one day.
End of the day, a smile and a tiny hand grasping your finger...
You'd move mountains for that.
Davie said:
Blown2CV said:
i think there is very little in the way of decent support for modern Dads, and the social norms that we all live within seem to make it sound even a bit weird to say that out loud. Why would we need support, we don't even have emotions? We don't need to breastfeed, we can just go out to work blah blah... all of the system is aimed at how hard this all must be for the Mothers. The pregnancy and birthing process is incredibly sexist because a lot of the old bag Midwives are used to Dads from years gone by who couldn't care less. I know many Dads these days for whom that couldn't be further from the truth.
I think the modern Dad not only feels the pressure that our own Dads and Grandads felt, to provide and to be strong, to fix everything... but also new pressure to be a great Dad and to be there for your children, to be present and engaged - to be an equal parent. In many ways it's an incompatible combination, and some men drive themselves into stress and depression trying to find a delicate balance.
I wonder how many of us recognise themselves in the above.
Yup, absolutely agree. I think the modern Dad not only feels the pressure that our own Dads and Grandads felt, to provide and to be strong, to fix everything... but also new pressure to be a great Dad and to be there for your children, to be present and engaged - to be an equal parent. In many ways it's an incompatible combination, and some men drive themselves into stress and depression trying to find a delicate balance.
I wonder how many of us recognise themselves in the above.
Ours arrived fourth months ago and whilst he and mother are doing great, I have no shame in saying that I struggled through her pregnancy and the past few weeks have been tough going. I could write loads on the matter and given I tend to say it as it is, she's quite keen for me to do exactly that because there must be loads of guys out there and I'm sure I'm not alone when I say there's almost a guilt for saying we as men may struggle... yes it's bloody hard for Mums, we'll never imagine but I think we men undertake completely different challenges and for thee first time in our relationship... we were on very different pages and it's taken a lot of effort to find ourselves as individuals and as a couple again. I'm still finding lot's of things really tough, the gung ho "I'll be the man" attitude I took on when he was announced has gone and been replaced with a lot of self doubt and I find myself in need of lots of reassurance, which was tough for her to give as she had her own issues. We're men, not Supermen. Time is limited, it always is... but I might write some things down one day.
End of the day, a smile and a tiny hand grasping your finger...
You'd move mountains for that.
You'd move mountains for that. ...
..Nail....head....hit.....spot on......this.....+1......Yes, yes and yes again!
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