Any other expectant Dads?
Discussion
fizz47 said:
Vaud said:
Just get voice. Even then, it’s just to confirm they are crying, etc, you are probably going to check.
BT basic one was fine for first, haven’t bothered for second as co-sleeping...
Unfortunately o/h has vetoed voice only ...BT basic one was fine for first, haven’t bothered for second as co-sleeping...
What worked well for us was a middling BT audio-only monitor, plus a Foscam wifi camera.
The BT monitor is great - easy to use, small enough to stick in a pocket, range all the way down the garden, lights across the top, battery lasts ages, easily drops into a cradle for charging. The Foscam takes a few seconds to connect from an app on your phone, but useful on odd occasions to see if they're actually asleep or just quiet.
In contrast, all the video monitors friends have are more expensive, bulky, poor range and a much worse picture. You're right to avoid movement sensors though, everyone that has them seems to get rid after a few weeks of false alerts.
We also have a set of super basic IKEA monitors (one way audio, and that's it) that were the "travel" set but we're using for #2 (still in our room in a travel cot), best thing about them is that the baby unit is also battery powered so if they're sleeping in the pushchair (or car seat or anything other than their cot) you can just stick it nearby without faffing about unplugging something. Plus you realise by the second how unnecessary most stuff is and worry far less.
Agree on a lot of the mental health stuff. What's not talked about enough is that, for many fathers, feeling any real connection to your baby takes weeks or months to happen. There's a lot of rose-tinted descriptions of an immediate loving connection (and maybe some people do) but I certainly struggled in the early months. You have a gormless newborn that does nothing but need things, a big upheaval to your life, both you and your partner are zombies (except you also need to go to work), life is pretty terrible for a while. It'd be great if this was talked about more - that's it's OK to feel ambivalence or even nothingness about your new child, that it's common and will change in time.
The BT monitor is great - easy to use, small enough to stick in a pocket, range all the way down the garden, lights across the top, battery lasts ages, easily drops into a cradle for charging. The Foscam takes a few seconds to connect from an app on your phone, but useful on odd occasions to see if they're actually asleep or just quiet.
In contrast, all the video monitors friends have are more expensive, bulky, poor range and a much worse picture. You're right to avoid movement sensors though, everyone that has them seems to get rid after a few weeks of false alerts.
We also have a set of super basic IKEA monitors (one way audio, and that's it) that were the "travel" set but we're using for #2 (still in our room in a travel cot), best thing about them is that the baby unit is also battery powered so if they're sleeping in the pushchair (or car seat or anything other than their cot) you can just stick it nearby without faffing about unplugging something. Plus you realise by the second how unnecessary most stuff is and worry far less.
Agree on a lot of the mental health stuff. What's not talked about enough is that, for many fathers, feeling any real connection to your baby takes weeks or months to happen. There's a lot of rose-tinted descriptions of an immediate loving connection (and maybe some people do) but I certainly struggled in the early months. You have a gormless newborn that does nothing but need things, a big upheaval to your life, both you and your partner are zombies (except you also need to go to work), life is pretty terrible for a while. It'd be great if this was talked about more - that's it's OK to feel ambivalence or even nothingness about your new child, that it's common and will change in time.
We went to our first NCT group on Saturday, with 8 other couples all expecting their first child within the next 6-10 weeks.
I found it all quite informative overall, a lot I didn't know about what to expect when the baby starts coming out, who to call, what to do, when to do it etc. Plus a nice opportunity to meet people in the same situation as us who live locally and will have children our age - expect that will be important for my wife as she will have a load of "new mummy" friends that she can go out and meet up with during their maternity leave.
Currently, all the "dads" are organising important things - going for a curry and a few beers at the weekend to get to know each other a bit before we all lose our social lives for a while.
The mums, meanwhile, are organising things like yoga classes, which doesn't sound as much fun at all...
A couple more sessions to go with this group, definitely something I would recommend you do if you want something a bit more than the free ante-natal classes
I found it all quite informative overall, a lot I didn't know about what to expect when the baby starts coming out, who to call, what to do, when to do it etc. Plus a nice opportunity to meet people in the same situation as us who live locally and will have children our age - expect that will be important for my wife as she will have a load of "new mummy" friends that she can go out and meet up with during their maternity leave.
Currently, all the "dads" are organising important things - going for a curry and a few beers at the weekend to get to know each other a bit before we all lose our social lives for a while.
The mums, meanwhile, are organising things like yoga classes, which doesn't sound as much fun at all...
A couple more sessions to go with this group, definitely something I would recommend you do if you want something a bit more than the free ante-natal classes
fizz47 said:
Any advice on baby monitors ....
Ideally looking for:
Night vision
2 way sound
Dedicated monitor
(Secondary app/mobile log in useful but not essential)
Not bothered about sensor pads etc.
I've got a motorola unit - not sure of the model. Does all of the above and proving to be extremely useful.Ideally looking for:
Night vision
2 way sound
Dedicated monitor
(Secondary app/mobile log in useful but not essential)
Not bothered about sensor pads etc.
Blown2CV said:
just get voice otherwise you'll go f
king mental staring at the fking thing, and also the movement/heartbeat pads give a lot of false positives which as I am informed does create some degree of concern when it triggers.
This, you will be up and down every two minutes if you have video.king mental staring at the fking thing, and also the movement/heartbeat pads give a lot of false positives which as I am informed does create some degree of concern when it triggers.Week 7 for us now and twice this week she has slept from 22:30-05:30, hopefully light at the end of the tunnel!
Shakermaker said:
We went to our first NCT group on Saturday, with 8 other couples all expecting their first child within the next 6-10 weeks.
I found it all quite informative overall, a lot I didn't know about what to expect when the baby starts coming out, who to call, what to do, when to do it etc. Plus a nice opportunity to meet people in the same situation as us who live locally and will have children our age - expect that will be important for my wife as she will have a load of "new mummy" friends that she can go out and meet up with during their maternity leave.
Currently, all the "dads" are organising important things - going for a curry and a few beers at the weekend to get to know each other a bit before we all lose our social lives for a while.
The mums, meanwhile, are organising things like yoga classes, which doesn't sound as much fun at all...
A couple more sessions to go with this group, definitely something I would recommend you do if you want something a bit more than the free ante-natal classes
With regards to groups and classes pre-birth, the best one I found was hypnobirthing. Really really helped me. We got right into it, audio playing while falling asleep etc, group classes, breathing, planing and the rest. Would recommend it. I found it all quite informative overall, a lot I didn't know about what to expect when the baby starts coming out, who to call, what to do, when to do it etc. Plus a nice opportunity to meet people in the same situation as us who live locally and will have children our age - expect that will be important for my wife as she will have a load of "new mummy" friends that she can go out and meet up with during their maternity leave.
Currently, all the "dads" are organising important things - going for a curry and a few beers at the weekend to get to know each other a bit before we all lose our social lives for a while.
The mums, meanwhile, are organising things like yoga classes, which doesn't sound as much fun at all...
A couple more sessions to go with this group, definitely something I would recommend you do if you want something a bit more than the free ante-natal classes
It's a bit new age, and one of the midwives at the hospital of an older generation didnt seem to get it, another turned their nose up at it when discussing the birth plan, but I didnt much care for what they thought anyway, which was borne out when they started bleating on about breast feeding a few months later and were asked to shut up.
I/we found the NHS classes a bit of a waste of time so didnt bother after the second one.
It felt like through the pregnancy it'd be nice to have some new friends but we were only really joined up to these people due to also being pregnant rather than a shared interest. What we found was we saw the same faces at the same classes post birth (ie baby yoga, baby sensory, making stuff, messy play and a couple of others).
Once we had our daughter there werent enough hours in the day for that much social stuff, but also when my wife went back to work, some of the other Mums did as well so no-one had much spare time to socialise like they used to.
The Mums who either were still on maternity leave or didnt work used to call/text for my wife to see if she fancied going for coffee or because they had to get out of the house, but the routine we had for our daughter meant that she was either in nursery in the morning (wife working) or napping in the afternoon (wife looking after her). Bedtime routines started at 6pm as well, so a lot of the friends she had during pregnancy and maternity leave fell away because of proximity rather than friendship. There's still a couple of them that we speak with every so often. Mostly we just tell each other how tired we are and that we dont have any money.
I also found a fresh interest in hobbies that I could do around the house as I never realised how much spare time I had to do anything until we had our daughter.
Our forth child is nearly here, well Jan
We move house in two weeks, misses calls me up at 3am asking me to pick her up from her night shift as she is having contractions!! Thankfully was just false ones, but a bit bum tingly (mine!)
Our latest is classed as high risk due to my partners medical conditions, so we are seeing consultants/scans and monitoring fortnightly, the pills and injections my partner has to take is unreal!! NHS have been wonderful and have done stirling work
Our last child who is 3 was supposed to be our last, so we gave everything away, all our baby stuff, all of it!!! Then we found out we were expecting another!!! Instead of buying new we have been buying everything we need SH (bar stuff like clothes/bedding /bottles) Ive been driving all over the local area picking stuff up most nights!!! Think we have spent less than £300 on all the kit we need. DId buy the wrong Maxi isofix seat for the base we had which was a pain. Our last child we spent more than £500 just on a new pram - sod it not anymore!
Guess we move, then christmas, then baby, i don't think Ive ever been so poor!
We move house in two weeks, misses calls me up at 3am asking me to pick her up from her night shift as she is having contractions!! Thankfully was just false ones, but a bit bum tingly (mine!)
Our latest is classed as high risk due to my partners medical conditions, so we are seeing consultants/scans and monitoring fortnightly, the pills and injections my partner has to take is unreal!! NHS have been wonderful and have done stirling work
Our last child who is 3 was supposed to be our last, so we gave everything away, all our baby stuff, all of it!!! Then we found out we were expecting another!!! Instead of buying new we have been buying everything we need SH (bar stuff like clothes/bedding /bottles) Ive been driving all over the local area picking stuff up most nights!!! Think we have spent less than £300 on all the kit we need. DId buy the wrong Maxi isofix seat for the base we had which was a pain. Our last child we spent more than £500 just on a new pram - sod it not anymore!
Guess we move, then christmas, then baby, i don't think Ive ever been so poor!
Edited by TwistingMyMelon on Wednesday 8th November 10:50
anyone else have a breakneck drive to the hospital at go-time?
Mrs 2CV broke her waters when she got up to the loo in the middle of the night but we/she then slept through most of it. When she awoke at 7:30am not only was she having contractions but they were 3 mins apart. So a rapid trip to hospital through the city in rush hour... bus lanes and dynamic mode engaged!! Our little one popped into the world at 4:32pm. Basically within the same time as a working day, not bad end to end (not including theatre/recovery etc!).
Mrs 2CV broke her waters when she got up to the loo in the middle of the night but we/she then slept through most of it. When she awoke at 7:30am not only was she having contractions but they were 3 mins apart. So a rapid trip to hospital through the city in rush hour... bus lanes and dynamic mode engaged!! Our little one popped into the world at 4:32pm. Basically within the same time as a working day, not bad end to end (not including theatre/recovery etc!).
Over the last couple of weeks, the wife and I have been going along to ante-natal classes but we chose to go to the ones run by the NCT, which you pay to attend, rather than the free NHS ones.
I would definitely recommend you go along if you're due a baby. There were 9 couples on the course all with babies due around the same time as us and all living quite locally to us - something I think will be very valuable once everyone has a newborn at the same time, the support will be good.
I have heard the word "perineum" more times than I care to count in that time, but the course content was I feel, very inclusive. All the dads in the group seemed as clued up as each other, which is, not very much when it comes down to it, but the mums were all quite good at learning new things.
The main thing I got from it, was to learn not to panic, and hopefully, to avoid most of the "horror stories " you hear about traumatic births as these are quite rare, and some good stuff for dads to learn about too. I think.
I've already had a curry and pub night with most of the other dads last week, and the mums are all chatting on Whatsapp a lot to help and support each other it feels like.
Next up - now that our new kitchen is all in, I can get the nursery painted and sorted out ready to go!!
I would definitely recommend you go along if you're due a baby. There were 9 couples on the course all with babies due around the same time as us and all living quite locally to us - something I think will be very valuable once everyone has a newborn at the same time, the support will be good.
I have heard the word "perineum" more times than I care to count in that time, but the course content was I feel, very inclusive. All the dads in the group seemed as clued up as each other, which is, not very much when it comes down to it, but the mums were all quite good at learning new things.
The main thing I got from it, was to learn not to panic, and hopefully, to avoid most of the "horror stories " you hear about traumatic births as these are quite rare, and some good stuff for dads to learn about too. I think.
I've already had a curry and pub night with most of the other dads last week, and the mums are all chatting on Whatsapp a lot to help and support each other it feels like.
Next up - now that our new kitchen is all in, I can get the nursery painted and sorted out ready to go!!
Unexpected Item In The Bagging Area said:
We also found the NCT classes to be excellent. Unfortunately we and the other people on our course are very spread out as we're in a mostly rural region so there's limited scope for meeting up.
Approx five weeks to go for us!
Nice one! we are at 7.5 weeks to go until D-day... Approx five weeks to go for us!
I know from friends of mine and my wife that even just having met the other people in the same boat as you, having that support is good - especially at 2am doing the 4th feed of the night, she won't be the only one wide awake!!
We are still in touch with many of the parents from pre-birth and just after - especially a group the midwife set up.
We took a gang of four year olds out on Sunday for a 5 mile hike... much fun had by all - the kids already have a wider friendship circle than nursery / school and it's great seeing them together, they are like an extended family.
WhatsApp / Facebook Messenger is good for staying in touch and asking questions like, "my baby woke up 13 times last night, am I the only one?"
We took a gang of four year olds out on Sunday for a 5 mile hike... much fun had by all - the kids already have a wider friendship circle than nursery / school and it's great seeing them together, they are like an extended family.
WhatsApp / Facebook Messenger is good for staying in touch and asking questions like, "my baby woke up 13 times last night, am I the only one?"
Unexpected Item In The Bagging Area said:
We also found the NCT classes to be excellent. Unfortunately we and the other people on our course are very spread out as we're in a mostly rural region so there's limited scope for meeting up.
Approx five weeks to go for us!
Apt username as well, good luckApprox five weeks to go for us!
TwistingMyMelon said:
Our forth child is nearly here, well Jan
We move house in two weeks, misses calls me up at 3am asking me to pick her up from her night shift as she is having contractions!! Thankfully was just false ones, but a bit bum tingly (mine!)
Our latest is classed as high risk due to my partners medical conditions, so we are seeing consultants/scans and monitoring fortnightly, the pills and injections my partner has to take is unreal!! NHS have been wonderful and have done stirling work
Our last child who is 3 was supposed to be our last, so we gave everything away, all our baby stuff, all of it!!! Then we found out we were expecting another!!! Instead of buying new we have been buying everything we need SH (bar stuff like clothes/bedding /bottles) Ive been driving all over the local area picking stuff up most nights!!! Think we have spent less than £300 on all the kit we need. DId buy the wrong Maxi isofix seat for the base we had which was a pain. Our last child we spent more than £500 just on a new pram - sod it not anymore!
Guess we move, then christmas, then baby, i don't think Ive ever been so poor!
Sounds like someone needs to give your mellons a good twist to stop you from having any more We move house in two weeks, misses calls me up at 3am asking me to pick her up from her night shift as she is having contractions!! Thankfully was just false ones, but a bit bum tingly (mine!)
Our latest is classed as high risk due to my partners medical conditions, so we are seeing consultants/scans and monitoring fortnightly, the pills and injections my partner has to take is unreal!! NHS have been wonderful and have done stirling work
Our last child who is 3 was supposed to be our last, so we gave everything away, all our baby stuff, all of it!!! Then we found out we were expecting another!!! Instead of buying new we have been buying everything we need SH (bar stuff like clothes/bedding /bottles) Ive been driving all over the local area picking stuff up most nights!!! Think we have spent less than £300 on all the kit we need. DId buy the wrong Maxi isofix seat for the base we had which was a pain. Our last child we spent more than £500 just on a new pram - sod it not anymore!
Guess we move, then christmas, then baby, i don't think Ive ever been so poor!
Edited by TwistingMyMelon on Wednesday 8th November 10:50
Fortunately we still have all of our stuff from #1 so done need much at all. #2 is a boy though so we wont be able to use many of the clothes.
We didn't bother doing NCT classes but did private NCT classes. They were pretty cr@p but we met a good bunch of people and are still good friends with most of them.
Unexpected Item In The Bagging Area said:
We also found the NCT classes to be excellent. Unfortunately we and the other people on our course are very spread out as we're in a mostly rural region so there's limited scope for meeting up.
Approx five weeks to go for us!
Find the nearest soft play area for you all. You'll see a lot of each other in about 18 months...Approx five weeks to go for us!
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