Any other expectant Dads?

[Blown2CV]

richatnort said:

Hey dads.

So turns out baby is breach so coming out the sun roof tomorrow hopefully! Such a strange birthday I'm having that's for sure! Went to my best mates who's wife is a midwife and she had a feel around the wife's tummy and couldn't feel a head down below so phoned mac for us, got us on a scanner now and confirmed breach. As I'm typing this I'm a bit scared and shaken about it all and it's hit home big I'm going to be caring for someone tomorrow!!!!

Anyone got any good tips for a planned c section and the aftermath of it and what I can do to help mum in recovery?

what you can do to help a mum recovering from C-section is in fact - pretty much everything! Apart from feeding the baby (if boob fed). You'll be run ragged, but that's the way it is!

[justin220]

Yeah, prepare to do the lot.

The C section experience is unbelievable. Try and take it all in as it passed very quickly. Good luck

[Vaud]

Do everything. Mum may try to over do it... it is a serious operation in terms of impact to muscles.

If you can afford it, get a cleaner for 3 months. Full recovery is 6 months+.

[Magnum 475]

Blown2CV said:

richatnort said:

Hey dads.

So turns out baby is breach so coming out the sun roof tomorrow hopefully! Such a strange birthday I'm having that's for sure! Went to my best mates who's wife is a midwife and she had a feel around the wife's tummy and couldn't feel a head down below so phoned mac for us, got us on a scanner now and confirmed breach. As I'm typing this I'm a bit scared and shaken about it all and it's hit home big I'm going to be caring for someone tomorrow!!!!

Anyone got any good tips for a planned c section and the aftermath of it and what I can do to help mum in recovery?

what you can do to help a mum recovering from C-section is in fact - pretty much everything! Apart from feeding the baby (if boob fed). You'll be run ragged, but that's the way it is!

Depends a lot on the lady, and the quality of the surgery. Both of ours were (elective) c-section.

My wife was home in less than 48 hours, and trying, successfully, to do some yoga 4 days after each section. Other women take 2 weeks or more to recover to the point of being able to do much at all.

Expect to do everything from preparing food, changing nappies, cleaning & washing, changing bed clothes in the cot (especially if you have a pukey baby)........ oh, and expect to do all this in between periods of 90 minutes where you may catch a short sleep. Red bull helps at this time.

[Blown2CV]

Magnum 475 said:

Blown2CV said:

richatnort said:

Hey dads.

So turns out baby is breach so coming out the sun roof tomorrow hopefully! Such a strange birthday I'm having that's for sure! Went to my best mates who's wife is a midwife and she had a feel around the wife's tummy and couldn't feel a head down below so phoned mac for us, got us on a scanner now and confirmed breach. As I'm typing this I'm a bit scared and shaken about it all and it's hit home big I'm going to be caring for someone tomorrow!!!!

Anyone got any good tips for a planned c section and the aftermath of it and what I can do to help mum in recovery?

what you can do to help a mum recovering from C-section is in fact - pretty much everything! Apart from feeding the baby (if boob fed). You'll be run ragged, but that's the way it is!

Depends a lot on the lady, and the quality of the surgery. Both of ours were (elective) c-section.

My wife was home in less than 48 hours, and trying, successfully, to do some yoga 4 days after each section. Other women take 2 weeks or more to recover to the point of being able to do much at all.

Expect to do everything from preparing food, changing nappies, cleaning & washing, changing bed clothes in the cot (especially if you have a pukey baby)........ oh, and expect to do all this in between periods of 90 minutes where you may catch a short sleep. Red bull helps at this time.

i'm not a doctor but doing yoga 4 days after a major op doesn't sound sensible to me!! Glad she got away with it!

[Blown2CV]

There are tasks which seem doable to a recovering C-section Mum that could catch her out too, such as driving. It's all very well and pain free, as long as you don't have to emergency stop, etc.

I think even if she gets annoyed it is a good idea to insist on doing a lot of the household stuff. Just because she is happy doing stuff doesn't mean it's a good idea.

[Magnum 475]

Blown2CV said:

Magnum 475 said:

Blown2CV said:

richatnort said:

Hey dads.

So turns out baby is breach so coming out the sun roof tomorrow hopefully! Such a strange birthday I'm having that's for sure! Went to my best mates who's wife is a midwife and she had a feel around the wife's tummy and couldn't feel a head down below so phoned mac for us, got us on a scanner now and confirmed breach. As I'm typing this I'm a bit scared and shaken about it all and it's hit home big I'm going to be caring for someone tomorrow!!!!

Anyone got any good tips for a planned c section and the aftermath of it and what I can do to help mum in recovery?

what you can do to help a mum recovering from C-section is in fact - pretty much everything! Apart from feeding the baby (if boob fed). You'll be run ragged, but that's the way it is!

Depends a lot on the lady, and the quality of the surgery. Both of ours were (elective) c-section.

My wife was home in less than 48 hours, and trying, successfully, to do some yoga 4 days after each section. Other women take 2 weeks or more to recover to the point of being able to do much at all.

Expect to do everything from preparing food, changing nappies, cleaning & washing, changing bed clothes in the cot (especially if you have a pukey baby)........ oh, and expect to do all this in between periods of 90 minutes where you may catch a short sleep. Red bull helps at this time.

i'm not a doctor but doing yoga 4 days after a major op doesn't sound sensible to me!! Glad she got away with it!

I did try to talk her out of it, and was ready to dial an ambulance. No problems. She's always been very fit / active which seems to help a lot with recovery from this type of surgery though. One of my friends wives took about 4 weeks before she really did anything following her section, which seems more normal.

[cbmotorsport]

For those who have had little ones already - was your relationship with your wife a struggle for a while? We seem to constantly row about things, I always feel like i'm teetering on the edge of an argument.

[Magnum 475]

cbmotorsport said:

For those who have had little ones already - was your relationship with your wife a struggle for a while? We seem to constantly row about things, I always feel like i'm teetering on the edge of an argument.

It's called two people with major sleep deprivation. This is the real killer with small children. They don't sleep, so you don't sleep. It can turn both of you into a total nightmare for a while. It does get better....... in a few years.

[anonymous-user]

What are the thoughts on sleep shifts vs sharing the misery. In the fragile early days, seem to be pros and cons to both.

[Vaud]

Sambucket said:

What are the thoughts on sleep shifts vs sharing the misery. In the fragile early days, seem to be pros and cons to both.

We switched to co-sleeping (breastfeeding) for both kids quite quickly... everyone got more sleep.

[vonuber]

cbmotorsport said:

For those who have had little ones already - was your relationship with your wife a struggle for a while? We seem to constantly row about things, I always feel like i'm teetering on the edge of an argument.

Yes.

[Vaud]

vonuber said:

cbmotorsport said:

For those who have had little ones already - was your relationship with your wife a struggle for a while? We seem to constantly row about things, I always feel like i'm teetering on the edge of an argument.

Yes.

Yes.

[Blown2CV]

cbmotorsport said:

For those who have had little ones already - was your relationship with your wife a struggle for a while? We seem to constantly row about things, I always feel like i'm teetering on the edge of an argument.

massive topic, and yes. I've got to be honest that i think it still is some of the time. There is a natural tension associated with becoming parents because it massively encourages a move towards traditional gender roles because one of you tends to back away from career and one of you has to consequently go full on into theirs, and the latter tends to be the breadwinner. I work 12 hour days, often, but i quite regularly work from home - at least 2 days a week. When I do I am generally swapping between work meetings etc and when i have gaps kids, cooking, cleaning and so on. She generally does all of the latter when i am not there or if i am busy with work. I know for many people however work means leaving the house every day and coming back to whatever greets you in the evening. I think even in the set up we have at home, when you are focused on different things to each other it is too easy to point the finger at each other and passive aggressively compete on who is the most tired, who has it the hardest etc. It is stupid, yes, and unresolvable... however it does rear its head when people are fully knackered and stressed etc. Also, in the evenings once you have the kids in bed it is also very easy to completely ignore each other because by that point you both just crave silence and not having someone need something from you. The advice from me is that make sure you get date nights - you need that headspace to remember being a couple and not just mum and dad. Even every few weeks, it is pretty much a relationship saver, IMO.

[Blown2CV]

Sambucket said:

What are the thoughts on sleep shifts vs sharing the misery. In the fragile early days, seem to be pros and cons to both.

misery isn't shared though, is the issue with the latter... it is just doubled, and no one is there to take up the slack when the other person is finally getting some rest.

[Vaud]

Blown2CV said:

massive topic, and yes. I've got to be honest that i think it still is some of the time. There is a natural tension associated with becoming parents because it massively encourages a move towards traditional gender roles because one of you tends to back away from career and one of you has to consequently go full on into theirs, and the latter tends to be the breadwinner. I work 12 hour days, often, but i quite regularly work from home - at least 2 days a week. When I do I am generally swapping between work meetings etc and when i have gaps kids, cooking, cleaning and so on. She generally does all of the latter when i am not there or if i am busy with work. I know for many people however work means leaving the house every day and coming back to whatever greets you in the evening. I think even in the set up we have at home, when you are focused on different things to each other it is too easy to point the finger at each other and passive aggressively compete on who is the most tired, who has it the hardest etc. It is stupid, yes, and unresolvable... however it does rear its head when people are fully knackered and stressed etc. Also, in the evenings once you have the kids in bed it is also very easy to completely ignore each other because by that point you both just crave silence and not having someone need something from you. The advice from me is that make sure you get date nights - you need that headspace to remember being a couple and not just mum and dad. Even every few weeks, it is pretty much a relationship saver, IMO.

Bingo. Good post. Aside from the date nights as our youngest is co-sleeping and won't settle for anyone (yes, probably a cross of our own making)

I have a high pressure job, fortunately working from home. I do all of the nursery and school drops, homework, shopping, cooking, some washing. We have a cleaner one day a week (thank god)

[richatnort]

Well she's here! Came at 11:15 on the 19th weighing in at 9lb 7oz. Currently sat shirtless in a hospital chair desperately trying to keep my mind busy while harriet sleeps in my arms for the first time since she was born and my wife trying to get some recovery hours In.

Little madam hasn't got the hang of latching yet so done expressing but had to give some formula to calm her as my wife can't produce as much as she's needing being such a big baby!

BTW how the hell do you deal with soar arms? My arm hasn't moved and I do not want to disturb her lol.

The operation was amazing and staff has been so supportive and helping mum and baby latch.

[eltawater]

Congratulations on your new arrival

re: sore arms. Woe betide you should you dare move, even if you'll then need to amputate your once useful limb a little later.

[DuncB7]

richatnort said:

BTW how the hell do you deal with soar arms? My arm hasn't moved and I do not want to disturb her lol.

There is a certain rigidity/tensity to a new father. IME you loosen up as time goes on. Special times. Savour it whilst they sleep on you - I recall watching lots of TV. Not so much these days

[cbmotorsport]

Blown2CV said:

cbmotorsport said:

For those who have had little ones already - was your relationship with your wife a struggle for a while? We seem to constantly row about things, I always feel like i'm teetering on the edge of an argument.

massive topic, and yes. I've got to be honest that i think it still is some of the time. There is a natural tension associated with becoming parents because it massively encourages a move towards traditional gender roles because one of you tends to back away from career and one of you has to consequently go full on into theirs, and the latter tends to be the breadwinner. I work 12 hour days, often, but i quite regularly work from home - at least 2 days a week. When I do I am generally swapping between work meetings etc and when i have gaps kids, cooking, cleaning and so on. She generally does all of the latter when i am not there or if i am busy with work. I know for many people however work means leaving the house every day and coming back to whatever greets you in the evening. I think even in the set up we have at home, when you are focused on different things to each other it is too easy to point the finger at each other and passive aggressively compete on who is the most tired, who has it the hardest etc. It is stupid, yes, and unresolvable... however it does rear its head when people are fully knackered and stressed etc. Also, in the evenings once you have the kids in bed it is also very easy to completely ignore each other because by that point you both just crave silence and not having someone need something from you. The advice from me is that make sure you get date nights - you need that headspace to remember being a couple and not just mum and dad. Even every few weeks, it is pretty much a relationship saver, IMO.

I think you're spot on, and this sums us up at the moment.

Our issues aren't anything to do with tiredness btw. We've been incredibly lucky in that our baby has slept through from an early age. We put a lot of effort into routine too which helped.

I feel like there's a points system I'm not party too, and cannot compete with. I'm merrily going to work every day, coming home and doing my best to help and take responsibility, but it's evidently not enough in my wife's eyes. She claims she's doing it on her own, and we're not acting as a team etc etc.

I cannot do anymore and need downtime, otherwise I'll go mad or burn out. I had a day off on Sunday when wife was out with baby for the day, first proper day off from work or chores or baby duties for about the last 2 months...and it caused an enormous flare up.