Any other expectant Dads?
Discussion
ST_Nuts said:
They obviously didn't use condoms!
Ours is nearly 5 months now. One is definitely enough for us. Can't imagine going through this again.
we always planned and wanted two but more than that our boy NEEDS a sibling. He needs someone to burn energy off with at home when he can’t be with his friends or cousins. He’s very social and is at his happiest by far when he has someone to play with. Ours is nearly 5 months now. One is definitely enough for us. Can't imagine going through this again.
I've been thinking long and hard about putting this story on PH and in particular on this thread - which is largely and rightly a happy one. I'm sorry for the tough read and suggest you skip it if you are not in the mood for one. It's a copy and paste of the same post updating a thread of my own on the particular topic of placental problems a couple of years back - any reference to 'this thread' means that one over in Health Matters.
I'm posting this in case anyone with a pregnant wife ever comes across this thread by searching for IUGR, inter uterine growth restriction or any other kind of possible placenta abnormality.
First, Sophie, the original topic of this thread is bouncing along nicely, the centre of our universe at 2yrs 7mths.
The tragic story is that Sophie should now be enjoying her baby sister Isla, but due to another placental issue she did not join us. We lost baby Isla at 39+2, six weeks back on Monday, she was born sleeping.
Almost our entire 2019 had been built around Isla's impending arrival. It was a joyous first 9 months of the year and we were over the moon to be having another girl with (in our view) a perfect age gap.
Due to late complications in the 2017 pregnancy, this one was supposedly closely monitored. Extra growth scans at 28, 34, 38 weeks. As well as several other consultant appointments for my wife's underlying blood condition which results in a Hb of mid-70s in pregnancy.
We had a scan in late September on a Thursday and were told that everything was fine. A simple ultrasound, no dopplers.
Four days later, early on Monday, labour started, a bit of hassle getting to the hospital, but all seemed fine until five minutes before we pulled up. I'm going to spare you the details, but will tell you that I dumped the car where ambulances park as this was an emergency. A midwife took my keys to move it later.
No heartbeat could be found, the room descended into panic (organised from the medical perspective). This was 9am. The immediate diagnosis was that sudden and severe pre-eclampsia resulted in placental abruption, killing Isla instantly.
My wife then had to deliver in the operating theatre, again attended by a huge team and Isla was born sleeping at 11.55. The worst 3 hours of our lives.
My wife lost 2 litres of blood and her blood pressure was through the roof, there was a genuine risk of stroke or worse.
We lost a perfect baby, all through not having an induction. If you've read up-thread, you'll know that Sophie was born at 37+5 after induction. Isla was in the womb for an extra 9 days and was 400g heavier. She was perfect in every way, except the most important one.
Had we insisted on an induction, had the medics suggested an induction, we would have two daughters now.
Our follow up appointment is in a few weeks, but the consultant on duty was the one who ensured that Sophie was induced. In his words, a couple of days later, "it's abundantly clear that both pregnancies were affected by the same problem of poor placentation". Tragically, abundantly clear in hindsight and none of the medical team taking care of the pregnancy identified any heightened risk this time. Our anger about that is off the scale.
To be clear, my wife had none of the risk factors for pre-eclampsia. But a failing placenta is what caused the pre-eclampsia.
My silver lining is i have my wife, with that rate of blood loss and the levels her blood pressure reached in labour, I dread to think what another 30-60 minutes in arrival time at hospital would have meant.
I'm posting this in case anyone with a pregnant wife ever comes across this thread by searching for IUGR, inter uterine growth restriction or any other kind of possible placenta abnormality.
First, Sophie, the original topic of this thread is bouncing along nicely, the centre of our universe at 2yrs 7mths.
The tragic story is that Sophie should now be enjoying her baby sister Isla, but due to another placental issue she did not join us. We lost baby Isla at 39+2, six weeks back on Monday, she was born sleeping.
Almost our entire 2019 had been built around Isla's impending arrival. It was a joyous first 9 months of the year and we were over the moon to be having another girl with (in our view) a perfect age gap.
Due to late complications in the 2017 pregnancy, this one was supposedly closely monitored. Extra growth scans at 28, 34, 38 weeks. As well as several other consultant appointments for my wife's underlying blood condition which results in a Hb of mid-70s in pregnancy.
We had a scan in late September on a Thursday and were told that everything was fine. A simple ultrasound, no dopplers.
Four days later, early on Monday, labour started, a bit of hassle getting to the hospital, but all seemed fine until five minutes before we pulled up. I'm going to spare you the details, but will tell you that I dumped the car where ambulances park as this was an emergency. A midwife took my keys to move it later.
No heartbeat could be found, the room descended into panic (organised from the medical perspective). This was 9am. The immediate diagnosis was that sudden and severe pre-eclampsia resulted in placental abruption, killing Isla instantly.
My wife then had to deliver in the operating theatre, again attended by a huge team and Isla was born sleeping at 11.55. The worst 3 hours of our lives.
My wife lost 2 litres of blood and her blood pressure was through the roof, there was a genuine risk of stroke or worse.
We lost a perfect baby, all through not having an induction. If you've read up-thread, you'll know that Sophie was born at 37+5 after induction. Isla was in the womb for an extra 9 days and was 400g heavier. She was perfect in every way, except the most important one.
Had we insisted on an induction, had the medics suggested an induction, we would have two daughters now.
Our follow up appointment is in a few weeks, but the consultant on duty was the one who ensured that Sophie was induced. In his words, a couple of days later, "it's abundantly clear that both pregnancies were affected by the same problem of poor placentation". Tragically, abundantly clear in hindsight and none of the medical team taking care of the pregnancy identified any heightened risk this time. Our anger about that is off the scale.
To be clear, my wife had none of the risk factors for pre-eclampsia. But a failing placenta is what caused the pre-eclampsia.
My silver lining is i have my wife, with that rate of blood loss and the levels her blood pressure reached in labour, I dread to think what another 30-60 minutes in arrival time at hospital would have meant.
Equilibrium25 said:
There’s nothing empty about those words, thank you. We are getting there, adapting to our new reality. I couldn’t have posted this in the first couple of weeks!
I can't imagine how hard it is we lost one at 3months, and that was bad enough.How did you not punch the consultant on sight? You are better man than me.
On a lighter note I took my wife to hospital when her waters broke. I paced up and down for four hours, and was then informed by Sister that I might just as well go home and they would call me when something happened. Being tired and hungry I stopped briefly at the pub on the way home, and the phone was ringing when I opened the door. My daughter was born 15 minutes after I left it seems. All has gone pretty well since, and she is growing up well and healthy. But as aforesaid she does cost a lot of money. Well, she is only 45 now.
Equilibrium25 said:
There’s nothing empty about those words, thank you. We are getting there, adapting to our new reality. I couldn’t have posted this in the first couple of weeks!
Good luck with your continued adapting and keep looking after your wife and little one and I'm genuinely very sorry for your loss.I can't imagine how devastating that must be and I don't know how we would have coped had that been our outcome. Just posting on here must have taken a lot and I hope in some way it has helped.
Thanks guys for some great replies, the PH community is awesome and the genuine support comes through the words.
I will reply properly to a couple of points later, but for now just wanted to say thanks. Mrs Equilibrium25 also read the replies at the end of the evening and they meant a lot to her too.
I will reply properly to a couple of points later, but for now just wanted to say thanks. Mrs Equilibrium25 also read the replies at the end of the evening and they meant a lot to her too.
Well it's been around 1 year since my wife nearly died with our attempt at having a child and she is now pregnant again 
i did make a rather large post in this thread about it.
We're hoping 3rd time lucky She's now 30 and I'm 33 and we're now 3 hours away from our 12 week scan (we don't have kids) all very exciting
The docs are on it this time tho, with her blood condition we only found out at 13 weeks she had it so the damage was done but the day she took a positive test 3hrs later she was in with the specialist sorting out her meds, and she gets tested every 2 weeks and her bloods have been PERFECT.
She's got very amplified symtoms of morning sickness which is probably just normal so all is well and more importantly she is loving it but it's wearing off slightly.
Once we get 12 week scan (actually 13) as we were away last week when it was meant to be there will be alot of relief. And I shall be celebrating tonight with multiple drinks.
i did make a rather large post in this thread about it.We're hoping 3rd time lucky
She's now 30 and I'm 33 and we're now 3 hours away from our 12 week scan (we don't have kids) all very exciting The docs are on it this time tho, with her blood condition we only found out at 13 weeks she had it so the damage was done but the day she took a positive test 3hrs later she was in with the specialist sorting out her meds, and she gets tested every 2 weeks and her bloods have been PERFECT.
She's got very amplified symtoms of morning sickness which is probably just normal so all is well and more importantly she is loving it but it's wearing off slightly.
Once we get 12 week scan (actually 13) as we were away last week when it was meant to be there will be alot of relief. And I shall be celebrating tonight with multiple drinks.
TheHighlander said:
Well it's been around 1 year since my wife nearly died with our attempt at having a child and she is now pregnant again i did make a rather large post in this thread about it.
We're hoping 3rd time lucky She's now 30 and I'm 33 and we're now 3 hours away from our 12 week scan (we don't have kids) all very exciting
The docs are on it this time tho, with her blood condition we only found out at 13 weeks she had it so the damage was done but the day she took a positive test 3hrs later she was in with the specialist sorting out her meds, and she gets tested every 2 weeks and her bloods have been PERFECT.
She's got very amplified symtoms of morning sickness which is probably just normal so all is well and more importantly she is loving it but it's wearing off slightly.
Once we get 12 week scan (actually 13) as we were away last week when it was meant to be there will be alot of relief. And I shall be celebrating tonight with multiple drinks.
Congratulations and I hope that today’s scan went well! I will search out your original post for a read. Sounds like you’ve had a terrible journey and I’ve got everything crossed for you both. i did make a rather large post in this thread about it.We're hoping 3rd time lucky
She's now 30 and I'm 33 and we're now 3 hours away from our 12 week scan (we don't have kids) all very exciting The docs are on it this time tho, with her blood condition we only found out at 13 weeks she had it so the damage was done but the day she took a positive test 3hrs later she was in with the specialist sorting out her meds, and she gets tested every 2 weeks and her bloods have been PERFECT.
She's got very amplified symtoms of morning sickness which is probably just normal so all is well and more importantly she is loving it but it's wearing off slightly.
Once we get 12 week scan (actually 13) as we were away last week when it was meant to be there will be alot of relief. And I shall be celebrating tonight with multiple drinks.
vonuber said:
I can't imagine how hard it is we lost one at 3months, and that was bad enough.
How did you not punch the consultant on sight? You are better man than me.
I’m so sorry that you have lost one too Vonuber. How did you not punch the consultant on sight? You are better man than me.
As for the consultant....in our first pregnancy we discovered the growth restriction very late on. Around 35 weeks. He was the consultant assigned. He then monitored closely, conducting the scans himself, firmly and bluntly recommended induction and, thanks to his caution and bluntness, we have Sophie.
Due to that complication, this pregnancy had extra care. Unfortunately we were assigned to a different consultant, a colleague of his. Never met her, all scans were left to midwives. All the post-scan reviews were left to her registrars. Never saw the same one twice.
We both firmly believe that had we been under the care of the more experienced and cautious male consultant, we would have Isla now. His colleague with decades less experience is the one that we are furious with. She couldn’t even be bothered to see us during the whole pregnancy.
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