Any other expectant Dads?
Discussion
Stevil said:
Really sorry to hear that Equilibrium25, can't imagine what you two are going through, we had a few ectopics and a miscarriage ourselves which were hard enough to deal with, but it's different in that you've not had that 9 months of build up and expectation.
Sorry that you had all of those disappointments and hard times. Yes, the 9 months of build up - happy memories of decorating the new nursery in my gardening leave in the summer, happy memories of so many family days out with our daughter and excitedly thinking about going back to the same place with two of them. A new family car. The impending arrival touches everything in your life. A couple of weeks at the end where you know she is coming any day now and the brain is fully adapted to the idea of four of us.
I should go back to my main reason for posting, which is to highlight that we are never as ‘safe’ as we think. The UK has a shockingly high stillbirth rate of 1 in about 225. It’s easy to think it won’t happen to you, honestly we thought that. Everything we worried about was hoping she was healthy, hoping she would not need neo-natal intensive care, blah blah. Stillbirth at the 9 month point was not on our radar. It should have been.
So many supportive posts from many people. I’d love to reply to them all as they genuinely mean a lot. But don’t want to overload the thread. We have peaks and troughs, days without tears, days when I will suddenly hear my wife sobbing, days when I will well up when it comes up in conversation with colleagues (and equally days when I can just talk about it). What’s important is that we are both talking about it, individually and together, and doing our best to manage it. As I think I said in my first post, 2.5 year old Sophie is our world - her cuteness, smiles, tantrums, sheer bloody mindedness, cuddles are what gets us through. Usually all in the space of five minutes!!
vonuber said:
That's shockingly negligent.
tend to agree. Second time around we were allocated the same consultant specifically because of the complications experienced first time around, which she dealt with extremely well first hand. It's hard to say if it materially affected outcomes second time, but I imagine had issues arisen it would have.Equilibrium25 said:
Sorry that you had all of those disappointments and hard times.
Yes, the 9 months of build up - happy memories of decorating the new nursery in my gardening leave in the summer, happy memories of so many family days out with our daughter and excitedly thinking about going back to the same place with two of them. A new family car. The impending arrival touches everything in your life. A couple of weeks at the end where you know she is coming any day now and the brain is fully adapted to the idea of four of us.
I should go back to my main reason for posting, which is to highlight that we are never as ‘safe’ as we think. The UK has a shockingly high stillbirth rate of 1 in about 225. It’s easy to think it won’t happen to you, honestly we thought that. Everything we worried about was hoping she was healthy, hoping she would not need neo-natal intensive care, blah blah. Stillbirth at the 9 month point was not on our radar. It should have been.
So many supportive posts from many people. I’d love to reply to them all as they genuinely mean a lot. But don’t want to overload the thread. We have peaks and troughs, days without tears, days when I will suddenly hear my wife sobbing, days when I will well up when it comes up in conversation with colleagues (and equally days when I can just talk about it). What’s important is that we are both talking about it, individually and together, and doing our best to manage it. As I think I said in my first post, 2.5 year old Sophie is our world - her cuteness, smiles, tantrums, sheer bloody mindedness, cuddles are what gets us through. Usually all in the space of five minutes!!
I know exactly what you mean about the little one getting you through it, our little boy really helped us to get through the hard times, just thinking about him or seeing his little face made us realise that despite what had happened we were still immensely lucky to have him there.Yes, the 9 months of build up - happy memories of decorating the new nursery in my gardening leave in the summer, happy memories of so many family days out with our daughter and excitedly thinking about going back to the same place with two of them. A new family car. The impending arrival touches everything in your life. A couple of weeks at the end where you know she is coming any day now and the brain is fully adapted to the idea of four of us.
I should go back to my main reason for posting, which is to highlight that we are never as ‘safe’ as we think. The UK has a shockingly high stillbirth rate of 1 in about 225. It’s easy to think it won’t happen to you, honestly we thought that. Everything we worried about was hoping she was healthy, hoping she would not need neo-natal intensive care, blah blah. Stillbirth at the 9 month point was not on our radar. It should have been.
So many supportive posts from many people. I’d love to reply to them all as they genuinely mean a lot. But don’t want to overload the thread. We have peaks and troughs, days without tears, days when I will suddenly hear my wife sobbing, days when I will well up when it comes up in conversation with colleagues (and equally days when I can just talk about it). What’s important is that we are both talking about it, individually and together, and doing our best to manage it. As I think I said in my first post, 2.5 year old Sophie is our world - her cuteness, smiles, tantrums, sheer bloody mindedness, cuddles are what gets us through. Usually all in the space of five minutes!!
Blown2CV said:
vonuber said:
That's shockingly negligent.
tend to agree. Second time around we were allocated the same consultant specifically because of the complications experienced first time around, which she dealt with extremely well first hand. It's hard to say if it materially affected outcomes second time, but I imagine had issues arisen it would have.Obviously, I could go on at length. Beyond what I’ve mentioned in this thread, there are a litany or mistakes and errors that we either observed or picked up on. The whole service is a shambles, at least where we are.
I will leave you with one of the errors. Placental analysis was undertaken after the first pregnancy. There were findings, but noted as inconclusive as the lab were not provided the gestation date. Presumably a mistake by the midwife. Compounded by the lab finding it impossible to pick up the phone the hospital and find out that information. In how many of our day jobs would that level of careless lack of common sense and responsibility be acceptable?
Is the consultant being investigated? Surely that's a minimum.
I honestly don't know how you have not been escorted out of her office after punching her.
As an aside, it does sound like a postcode lottery. We had excellent care at both Chelsea and Westminster and guys and st Thomas in London.
I honestly don't know how you have not been escorted out of her office after punching her.
As an aside, it does sound like a postcode lottery. We had excellent care at both Chelsea and Westminster and guys and st Thomas in London.
There are two investigations taking place.
An internal trust investigation to which we have contributed forms as well as verbal at the time. This then takes the form of a meeting that we are not invited to and we will be sent the report of that.
Plus an external independent HSIB investigation - we had a taped interview lasting about three hours in our own home for this. About one week after the birth. This focuses on process, though, rather than named individuals. Was process followed, was national best practice followed etc. Etc. This seems very thorough, will last a year or more and there are various points where we are involved in that, agreeing terms of reference etc. We will be included in every finding.
An internal trust investigation to which we have contributed forms as well as verbal at the time. This then takes the form of a meeting that we are not invited to and we will be sent the report of that.
Plus an external independent HSIB investigation - we had a taped interview lasting about three hours in our own home for this. About one week after the birth. This focuses on process, though, rather than named individuals. Was process followed, was national best practice followed etc. Etc. This seems very thorough, will last a year or more and there are various points where we are involved in that, agreeing terms of reference etc. We will be included in every finding.
due on our wedding anniversary.Our first child arrived 7 weeks early on 4th November. Total surprise she came so early, the wife had actually been out for a run and then to work for 6 hours whilst in labour!
Little Sophie weight 4lb at birth and still doesn’t weigh a lot more however she was allowed home with us at 2 weeks old which was 4-5 weeks earlier than the original estimate. She seems to be doing just fine though and is so cute.
She wasn’t cute last night though, lots of crying antics mean almost zero sleep for us.
Little Sophie weight 4lb at birth and still doesn’t weigh a lot more however she was allowed home with us at 2 weeks old which was 4-5 weeks earlier than the original estimate. She seems to be doing just fine though and is so cute.
She wasn’t cute last night though, lots of crying antics mean almost zero sleep for us.
ED209 said:
Our first child arrived 7 weeks early on 4th November. Total surprise she came so early, the wife had actually been out for a run and then to work for 6 hours whilst in labour!
Little Sophie weight 4lb at birth and still doesn’t weigh a lot more however she was allowed home with us at 2 weeks old which was 4-5 weeks earlier than the original estimate. She seems to be doing just fine though and is so cute.
She wasn’t cute last night though, lots of crying antics mean almost zero sleep for us.
Congratulations! Sounds like you will have been on quite the emotional journey. Great choice of name!Little Sophie weight 4lb at birth and still doesn’t weigh a lot more however she was allowed home with us at 2 weeks old which was 4-5 weeks earlier than the original estimate. She seems to be doing just fine though and is so cute.
She wasn’t cute last night though, lots of crying antics mean almost zero sleep for us.
from mouth to mouth experience!
Shakermaker said:
No but my daughter probably has.
All about the Stick Song and the Toothbrush song in our household, along with "hop little bunnies"
Here it is:All about the Stick Song and the Toothbrush song in our household, along with "hop little bunnies"
Let it go x million
Baby shark, doo doo doo doo doo doo
Baby shark, doo doo doo doo doo doo
Baby shark, doo doo doo doo doo doo
Baby shark!
richatnort said:
You nob just bloody reading this put it in my head for 20 sodding minutes!
Stick stick stick stick sticky sticky stick stick.There you go, previous song removed, free of charge!
On another note, Jr PG Mk2 is due for delivery 2 months today.
Not that I am getting nervous or anything.
richatnort said:
You nob just bloody reading this put it in my head for 20 sodding minutes!
You think that is bad?Someone made it their user name and I keep seeing it in random threads.
https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/profile.asp?h=...
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