Any other expectant Dads?
Discussion
Gary29 said:
Anyone been following along with progress in line with the 'Wonder weeks'?
https://www.thewonderweeks.com/the-mental-leaps-an...
I was sceptical at the beginning, but to my surprise, our daughter has been pretty much text book through the leaps from start right up until now, Leap 10 has begun in anger! We're about a week in now.
Wow it has been a tough few days/weekend, the days have been fine, but she has been waking up at 2am and pretty much acting like it's the middle of the day, wanting to 'play' with everything and just generally being a nuisance, shouting the house down, incredibly clingy and only wants mum so I can't ease the burden. Poor Mrs G29 is worn out, been up since 2am this morning and then off to work at 8am.
She's normally good as gold so we can forgive her, but it's tough going the last few days, hoping this leap will be over and done with sooner rather than later.
yep definitely, i've mentioned it a few times now in this thread. it doesn't always give actionable advice but the insight can really change the view of how you might handle it.https://www.thewonderweeks.com/the-mental-leaps-an...
I was sceptical at the beginning, but to my surprise, our daughter has been pretty much text book through the leaps from start right up until now, Leap 10 has begun in anger! We're about a week in now.
Wow it has been a tough few days/weekend, the days have been fine, but she has been waking up at 2am and pretty much acting like it's the middle of the day, wanting to 'play' with everything and just generally being a nuisance, shouting the house down, incredibly clingy and only wants mum so I can't ease the burden. Poor Mrs G29 is worn out, been up since 2am this morning and then off to work at 8am.
She's normally good as gold so we can forgive her, but it's tough going the last few days, hoping this leap will be over and done with sooner rather than later.
Blown2CV said:
yep definitely, i've mentioned it a few times now in this thread. it doesn't always give actionable advice but the insight can really change the view of how you might handle it.
Yep, exactly this, I know there isn't much we can do about it, but it definitely helps keep a lid on the frustration levels knowing what is going on, I think we may well have put her up for adoption over the weekend if this weren't the case! 
Hang in there everyone!
Gary29 said:
Anyone been following along with progress in line with the 'Wonder weeks'?
https://www.thewonderweeks.com/the-mental-leaps-an...
I was sceptical at the beginning, but to my surprise, our daughter has been pretty much text book through the leaps from start right up until now, Leap 10 has begun in anger! We're about a week in now.
Wow it has been a tough few days/weekend, the days have been fine, but she has been waking up at 2am and pretty much acting like it's the middle of the day, wanting to 'play' with everything and just generally being a nuisance, shouting the house down, incredibly clingy and only wants mum so I can't ease the burden. Poor Mrs G29 is worn out, been up since 2am this morning and then off to work at 8am.
She's normally good as gold so we can forgive her, but it's tough going the last few days, hoping this leap will be over and done with sooner rather than later.
Same here Gary, have been following it all the way through and we're just exiting Leap 10 i think. It's been very accurate all the way through. We had the night waking the last few weeks and it is hard work (when isn't it!!) but it does get better. https://www.thewonderweeks.com/the-mental-leaps-an...
I was sceptical at the beginning, but to my surprise, our daughter has been pretty much text book through the leaps from start right up until now, Leap 10 has begun in anger! We're about a week in now.
Wow it has been a tough few days/weekend, the days have been fine, but she has been waking up at 2am and pretty much acting like it's the middle of the day, wanting to 'play' with everything and just generally being a nuisance, shouting the house down, incredibly clingy and only wants mum so I can't ease the burden. Poor Mrs G29 is worn out, been up since 2am this morning and then off to work at 8am.
She's normally good as gold so we can forgive her, but it's tough going the last few days, hoping this leap will be over and done with sooner rather than later.
Ruby has learnt some new words over the last few days. Her vocabulary now extends to Yeah, No, Oh No, Hello (which sounds like Kim Jong Il from Team America - hilarious), Cat, Ball, Daddy (Not Mummy yet - awkward), Shoes, Fish and Tea.
I think the best thing about them learning to talk is hearing their little voice come out. I can imagine that might wear off after a while!!
We're also in the throws of considering another one (crazy??) and just considering how it would impact on us but also Ruby as the current only child.
My wife is concerned that she;ll feel left put out by a new baby and that my wife won't have the time to spend with her with a newborn around. My view is that with 2 children and 2 parents at least they'll still have one on one time, maybe not as frequently but it will still be there.
Another thing i have wondered is whether you feel the same second time around as the first child.
Anybody with any first hand experience/thoughts?
My wife is concerned that she;ll feel left put out by a new baby and that my wife won't have the time to spend with her with a newborn around. My view is that with 2 children and 2 parents at least they'll still have one on one time, maybe not as frequently but it will still be there.
Another thing i have wondered is whether you feel the same second time around as the first child.
Anybody with any first hand experience/thoughts?
Depends on the age gap. There were 4 years between ours and I can honestly say that there have been almost no issues.
The eldest loved to help from day 1 and is a great big sister, always looking out for her younger sister.
The youngest worships her older sister and wants to do everything she does... which meant she walked earlier, was toilet trained at 2, weaned earlier (and we never really bothered with baby food, just blitzed what we cooked), etc
There are loads of tactics you can use, even with smaller ones,from buying a present for the eldest "from the baby", involving them in everything, making them the "grownup girl/boy" (kids love to be seen as the grown up.
Two is bloody tiring though! I think <18 months between kids must be doubly exhausting!
Oh, and do you feel the same? It's different and definitely better prepared.
The eldest loved to help from day 1 and is a great big sister, always looking out for her younger sister.
The youngest worships her older sister and wants to do everything she does... which meant she walked earlier, was toilet trained at 2, weaned earlier (and we never really bothered with baby food, just blitzed what we cooked), etc
There are loads of tactics you can use, even with smaller ones,from buying a present for the eldest "from the baby", involving them in everything, making them the "grownup girl/boy" (kids love to be seen as the grown up.
Two is bloody tiring though! I think <18 months between kids must be doubly exhausting!
Oh, and do you feel the same? It's different and definitely better prepared.
tomble22 said:
We're also in the throws of considering another one (crazy??) and just considering how it would impact on us but also Ruby as the current only child.
My wife is concerned that she;ll feel left put out by a new baby and that my wife won't have the time to spend with her with a newborn around. My view is that with 2 children and 2 parents at least they'll still have one on one time, maybe not as frequently but it will still be there.
Another thing i have wondered is whether you feel the same second time around as the first child.
Anybody with any first hand experience/thoughts?
we had 2nd a year ago. It is tough really, to be honest. Our first wasn't put out as such, and probably she now can't remember him not being around (she's 3). However given that it's mathematically impossible to give each child 100% of your attention, the need for some adjusting is about the only thing you can predict. We had ours quite close together obviously, and that possibly affects it a bit. The personalities of the kids are probably the biggest factor, and our daughter seems to see herself as Mum number 2 some of the time, but she also has fun with him too. Having 2 kids to deal with at once is a big thing, and sometimes you do question why you actively chose to disrupt what had become quite a good thing by having another! My wife is concerned that she;ll feel left put out by a new baby and that my wife won't have the time to spend with her with a newborn around. My view is that with 2 children and 2 parents at least they'll still have one on one time, maybe not as frequently but it will still be there.
Another thing i have wondered is whether you feel the same second time around as the first child.
Anybody with any first hand experience/thoughts?
PG Jr 1 is 2,5 yrs old, PG Jr 2 is 4 weeks old.
Bloomin heck its hard work.
Big sister has been amazing, really dotting on "Baby brother" but now is starting to realize that he is not going away anytime soon. She is also really missing out on not going out and doing things as we are at home just feeding baby brother - but then she is a speed demon adrenalin junkie, so slowing down will be good, I am hoping that the two of them will play nicely in the future!
That said, now that baby brother is 4 weeks old, overnight he has flicked a switch and is not throwing up after every feed, is settling, has opened his eyes properly and is staring at things, it was a remarkable flick of switch.
On the other hand, you have everything and you know what to do, you know how to change nappies while 99% asleep, etc.
Hows yours going, TheBoss?
Bloomin heck its hard work.
Big sister has been amazing, really dotting on "Baby brother" but now is starting to realize that he is not going away anytime soon. She is also really missing out on not going out and doing things as we are at home just feeding baby brother - but then she is a speed demon adrenalin junkie, so slowing down will be good, I am hoping that the two of them will play nicely in the future!
That said, now that baby brother is 4 weeks old, overnight he has flicked a switch and is not throwing up after every feed, is settling, has opened his eyes properly and is staring at things, it was a remarkable flick of switch.
On the other hand, you have everything and you know what to do, you know how to change nappies while 99% asleep, etc.
Hows yours going, TheBoss?
We've discussed having a number 2 (don't be so juvenile!) and I think we have all but decided we are happy with just having one.
I'm no spring chicken now (late 30's) and she is early 30's so the clock is ticking, so everyone keeps telling us to have another one asap, it's annoying, as if we're somehow depriving our daughter by not providing a sibling for her, and a tiny part of me does feel like that, I suppose that's only natural as both me and the missus have siblings ourselves, why do I feel like their is some kind of stigma attached to being an only child?
I guess we'll see what happens, but it's a no from me at this stage.
I'm no spring chicken now (late 30's) and she is early 30's so the clock is ticking, so everyone keeps telling us to have another one asap, it's annoying, as if we're somehow depriving our daughter by not providing a sibling for her, and a tiny part of me does feel like that, I suppose that's only natural as both me and the missus have siblings ourselves, why do I feel like their is some kind of stigma attached to being an only child?
I guess we'll see what happens, but it's a no from me at this stage.
There is just under 4 years between our two. We delayed it, or weren't even sure about a second, for some time because of how difficult our first daughter was. I suppose you can balance the positives of not having to deal with two young ones at the same time, and cheaper childcare costs with not having two at nursery at the same time against getting your life back quicker. It was hard to go back to the start just when things were getting easier!
Fortunately our second daughter was so much easier than the first in terms of sleeping, easygoing personality etc - so much depends on personality and sleep needs of the individual children. In other words, it is a gamble!
Our eldest was however extremely jealous of the new arrival, and still remains so now 2 years on. She isn't that protective of her younger sister and goes out of her way to annoy her, so things have been difficult on that front. We've had other issues with her in respect of behaviour, but the reduced attention won't have helped. Some kids probably suit being a great only child, and she is one!
So swings and roundabouts - the second baby was easier than expected, due to her individual personality and our greater experience, but it is still hard work and has upset the family dynamic a bit! I'm glad we did though and things will get easier. I probably have a better bond with my youngest too, due to our similar personalities.
Fortunately our second daughter was so much easier than the first in terms of sleeping, easygoing personality etc - so much depends on personality and sleep needs of the individual children. In other words, it is a gamble!
Our eldest was however extremely jealous of the new arrival, and still remains so now 2 years on. She isn't that protective of her younger sister and goes out of her way to annoy her, so things have been difficult on that front. We've had other issues with her in respect of behaviour, but the reduced attention won't have helped. Some kids probably suit being a great only child, and she is one!
So swings and roundabouts - the second baby was easier than expected, due to her individual personality and our greater experience, but it is still hard work and has upset the family dynamic a bit! I'm glad we did though and things will get easier. I probably have a better bond with my youngest too, due to our similar personalities.
My weekend can be summed up when on saturday just after dinner, my 2.5 yo said "I no feel well", followed by a projectile vomit that went a good 6 feet.
I miss milky vomit, had to try hard to not do the same as her. Also the standard clingy whilst ill, so the wife has had the day off work just having cuddles all day.
I miss milky vomit, had to try hard to not do the same as her. Also the standard clingy whilst ill, so the wife has had the day off work just having cuddles all day.
Hub said:
There is just under 4 years between our two. We delayed it, or weren't even sure about a second, for some time because of how difficult our first daughter was. I suppose you can balance the positives of not having to deal with two young ones at the same time, and cheaper childcare costs with not having two at nursery at the same time against getting your life back quicker. It was hard to go back to the start just when things were getting easier!
Fortunately our second daughter was so much easier than the first in terms of sleeping, easygoing personality etc - so much depends on personality and sleep needs of the individual children. In other words, it is a gamble!
Our eldest was however extremely jealous of the new arrival, and still remains so now 2 years on. She isn't that protective of her younger sister and goes out of her way to annoy her, so things have been difficult on that front. We've had other issues with her in respect of behaviour, but the reduced attention won't have helped. Some kids probably suit being a great only child, and she is one!
So swings and roundabouts - the second baby was easier than expected, due to her individual personality and our greater experience, but it is still hard work and has upset the family dynamic a bit! I'm glad we did though and things will get easier. I probably have a better bond with my youngest too, due to our similar personalities.
Interesting. With a similar age gap, I have a much stronger bond with our eldest. It may be because we spend a lot of time together (I do school runs, etc) The youngest (2.5) seems to hate me if her mum is about. The moment mum goes to work I'm then like the best thing to happen to the sky since rainbows...Fortunately our second daughter was so much easier than the first in terms of sleeping, easygoing personality etc - so much depends on personality and sleep needs of the individual children. In other words, it is a gamble!
Our eldest was however extremely jealous of the new arrival, and still remains so now 2 years on. She isn't that protective of her younger sister and goes out of her way to annoy her, so things have been difficult on that front. We've had other issues with her in respect of behaviour, but the reduced attention won't have helped. Some kids probably suit being a great only child, and she is one!
So swings and roundabouts - the second baby was easier than expected, due to her individual personality and our greater experience, but it is still hard work and has upset the family dynamic a bit! I'm glad we did though and things will get easier. I probably have a better bond with my youngest too, due to our similar personalities.
Gary29 said:
We've discussed having a number 2 (don't be so juvenile!) and I think we have all but decided we are happy with just having one.
I'm no spring chicken now (late 30's) and she is early 30's so the clock is ticking, so everyone keeps telling us to have another one asap, it's annoying, as if we're somehow depriving our daughter by not providing a sibling for her, and a tiny part of me does feel like that, I suppose that's only natural as both me and the missus have siblings ourselves, why do I feel like their is some kind of stigma attached to being an only child?
I guess we'll see what happens, but it's a no from me at this stage.
I'm slightly different i suppose in that i was an only child and i feel like i would like Ruby to have a sibling as i feel like i missed out, to an extent, although having not had one i don't really know what i missed out on. Arguments i imagine.I'm no spring chicken now (late 30's) and she is early 30's so the clock is ticking, so everyone keeps telling us to have another one asap, it's annoying, as if we're somehow depriving our daughter by not providing a sibling for her, and a tiny part of me does feel like that, I suppose that's only natural as both me and the missus have siblings ourselves, why do I feel like their is some kind of stigma attached to being an only child?
I guess we'll see what happens, but it's a no from me at this stage.
My main thing is that I've enjoyed seeing her grow up so much i'd quite like two of them. Then i think about all the overnight feeds etc etc added to the fact that we'd have a 2 1/2 year old bouncing off the walls most of the time and i think, why am i being so stupid!!
Thanks for the insight though, I think we're still in the 'we want another one' camp but at least we'd be slightly more prepared this time.
i'm an only child too, and for similar reasons wanted 2. They are totally different characters and that's quite cool to see. I guess there is also an element of me being a guy and our 2nd being a boy, and that whole thing, but it was never an essential to me to have a 'male heir' or anything. They piss each other off sometimes but more often they just love hanging out together and playing which is a lovely thing to see. I think there is a weird thing going on in my head where i know they will be OK after we've gone as they will always have each other. Not sure where that idea came from as I certainly didn't have it in advance of having the 2nd but it's a thing, for me at least.
Blown2CV said:
i'm an only child too, and for similar reasons wanted 2. They are totally different characters and that's quite cool to see. I guess there is also an element of me being a guy and our 2nd being a boy, and that whole thing, but it was never an essential to me to have a 'male heir' or anything. They piss each other off sometimes but more often they just love hanging out together and playing which is a lovely thing to see. I think there is a weird thing going on in my head where i know they will be OK after we've gone as they will always have each other. Not sure where that idea came from as I certainly didn't have it in advance of having the 2nd but it's a thing, for me at least.
I always tell the elder of my two when her little brother is doing her head in that she needs to take care of him and show him how to behave, because of all the people on planet Earth, including her parents and her children, her longest personal relationship is very likely to be with that little monster who is turning her carefully arranged bedroom upside down. Again.Similar position in that we have one girl, life is sweet, she's good as gold. My partner isn't getting any younger so it's all coming to a head, plus friends are having seconds. I can see us having a nice life as it is but I can also see us with another. There's days where I feel really positive about it and then days where it can f
k right off.
k right off.SpeckledJim said:
Blown2CV said:
i'm an only child too, and for similar reasons wanted 2. They are totally different characters and that's quite cool to see. I guess there is also an element of me being a guy and our 2nd being a boy, and that whole thing, but it was never an essential to me to have a 'male heir' or anything. They piss each other off sometimes but more often they just love hanging out together and playing which is a lovely thing to see. I think there is a weird thing going on in my head where i know they will be OK after we've gone as they will always have each other. Not sure where that idea came from as I certainly didn't have it in advance of having the 2nd but it's a thing, for me at least.
I always tell the elder of my two when her little brother is doing her head in that she needs to take care of him and show him how to behave, because of all the people on planet Earth, including her parents and her children, her longest personal relationship is very likely to be with that little monster who is turning her carefully arranged bedroom upside down. Again.Blown2CV said:
i'm an only child too, and for similar reasons wanted 2. They are totally different characters and that's quite cool to see. I guess there is also an element of me being a guy and our 2nd being a boy, and that whole thing, but it was never an essential to me to have a 'male heir' or anything. They piss each other off sometimes but more often they just love hanging out together and playing which is a lovely thing to see. I think there is a weird thing going on in my head where i know they will be OK after we've gone as they will always have each other. Not sure where that idea came from as I certainly didn't have it in advance of having the 2nd but it's a thing, for me at least.
I'm mid thirties now and my parents (also divorced) are in their 60's and part of me thinks I don't want her to be on her own if she has to look after me and my wife when we get old. Possibly a morbid way of looking at things but it does cross my mind.malks222 said:
Le-Mons said:
Thanks for the recommendations guys.
I'll have a thorough run-through of the thread and hopefully all will become clear.
as mentioned, we are in the very early stages. we tried to buy the minimum we could, and not go mad with gadgets/ must have/ oh that'd be nice....... I'll try and give a run down of the main areas:I'll have a thorough run-through of the thread and hopefully all will become clear.
Nursery:
not an essential room to have up and running. the baby wont be sleeping in there on their own. But we decided we'd rather have it 90% done, so we're not faffing decorating/ ikea furniture building with a 6-9month old. Also its nice having a room we can keep her 'stuff' in, her clothes in one place and a proper changing area.
try not to go daft on expensive furniture from the bay shops. its just basic flat pack furniture in fancy wrapping paper, with a hefty 'baby tax' added on!
travel:
you're going to need pram/ buggy and a car seat. no beating around the bush, you will need these. go to a big shop with many brands and have a look, theres some you'll like, theres some you wont. think of space for the buggy/ pram folding up/ parking in your house, consider if you want a full travel system- a buggy, that has a lie flat pram bassinet that can also be switched to a car seat/ baby carrier that clips in to an iso fix base. you dont have to spend a fortune, but there are good quality brands at cheaper prices than- top of the range icandy/ bugaboo stuff. but look around, some smaller shops do really good bundle deals. we spent a lot on a travel system and iso-fix base. so far we are happy with what we bought, we live in the city, so you may think we wanted something small and compact- but we actually went with one that had one of the biggest baskets on the bottom. we can walk lots of places/ shops even supermarkets, this has been great for getting supplies, means mrs malks feels she can do shopping without having to go out in the car.
clothes:
supermarket own brand baby clothing is great. its cheap, its almost disposable. its going to get poo/ sick/ dribbled on, dont go nuts buying fancy brands etc.... its so tempting to do, but the supermarkets make some really nice baby stuff. also its doesnt last that long, they grow out of the stuff really quick. also not to mention your baby could be anything from 6-10lb in weight at birth. you cant really predict this, so no point having a full fancy wardrobe of clothes that either are too small from the get go, or they dont fit for 6 weeks and you need to go buy more anyway. get enough of the basics and just be prepared to order what you need as you need it or go to the 24hr tesco when you suddenly need stuff.
feeding:
obviously depends on boob or bottle feeding. if boob, you dont need too much stuff really, maybe want some bottles and a pump of some description. to begin with my mrs got on best with a hakka pump (small silicone thing you clamp over the boob that uses kinda sucks the milk out slowly), now onto a small hand help pump. she tried the full double electric pump thingy a friend gave her a loan of, seemed over kill for her. but defo start of with the cheaper options and see if she likes/ wants to use it before going with the big expense. oh and milk bags for expressed milk, if she goes that route.
cleaning bottles etc..... if breast feeding, you can just wash bottles etc..... but we also have a microwave sterilizer as its easy and convenient and we'll need it when we move to formula anyway.
we also have a 'perfect prep machine' ready to go for when the formula feeding starts, as who wants to faff with boiling hot water and cooling down bottles in the middle of the night, when the handy machine can sort you out in 2mins flat.
sleeping:
the baby will need somewhere to sleep in the early days. you can use a moses basket, small cot, or next to me type thing that goes near the bed. we are using a next to me cot and she just sleeps in the pram bassinet during the day. its annoying as the baby could easily grow out a moses basket in 3-4months. we tried our best to not waste money on this. yeah get them somewhere safe to sleep, but its not going to last long whatever you do.
consider if you want to use small 'gro bag' sleeping bags or just basic blankets/ swaddle. get a few of whatever you are going to do, you always need a spare when you least expect it!
misc:
baby bath- cheap simple one, makes it easy washing them on the kitchen table!
baby towels- just something nice and soft with a little hood to keep them warm straight out the tub
changing mat- cheap simple, its gonna get messy, simple wipe clean is the best option!!
changing bag- again loads of fancy brands, lots of baby/ fashionable mummy tax on them. we have a very basic bakcpack one, in grey, plain unisex colours. no need to spend fortunes on the latest mummy designer brand.
bouncy chair- again cheap and simple works fine- good to have somewhere to put them so they an look at you when you eat dinner or cook dinner, or just need to put them down while you do something.
muslin squares- hundreds of them! ok maybe not a hundred, but loads. used for mopping up loads of dribble/ milk/ sick......
other people may have other stuff they deem essential, but i think that kinda covers what we've used. there are some stuff you are going to need to buy, but try not to go mad. its expensive enough without buying the top of the range everything! oh and remember, if you dont have something you can generally have it delivered the next day by amazon or pick it up from the 24hr asda/ tesco, if you suddenly think you need a tommee tippe do-da in turquoise, you can generally get it the next day! Also dont under estimate how generous people are, they seem to love giving babies stuff.
No real updates our end
waiting on our 20 week scan, Mrs_Mk3 thinks shes fat and feels horrible but still beautiful to me. Still on going with house movements which has all gone very quiet but cant do anything at the moment so we decided to go looking at prams at the weekend.
We settled and both liked a iCandy Peach. Its a world edition, second hand but like new with 1 tiny mark, apparently was a spare as the child didnt like it or something all for the cost of £350 delivered (rather than the £1200 they paid last year!)
We just need a car seat / isofix base next. Mostly looking at maxi-cosi pebble / Pebble plus as it works with the pram but no rush yet. Still early days........*
- Saying this baby will be here soon and i wont know whats hit me lol
Similar to many above I'm beginning to think about a second but really not 100% sure. I'm rapidly approaching 38 and partner is not much younger and we'd want a sensible gap between them.
Baby is only 3 1/2 months so we'd be looking at me being 40 I guess when we have a second. That's a lot older than I expected to be having to look after babies. Always assumed I'd be like my folks and have them all around 30ish.
I expect we'll go for it eventually though as I'm not sure if want an only child by choice. Having siblings is nice and good for development and entertainment and most other things.
Also would be nice to have one of each but obviously can't choose that part...
Baby is only 3 1/2 months so we'd be looking at me being 40 I guess when we have a second. That's a lot older than I expected to be having to look after babies. Always assumed I'd be like my folks and have them all around 30ish.
I expect we'll go for it eventually though as I'm not sure if want an only child by choice. Having siblings is nice and good for development and entertainment and most other things.
Also would be nice to have one of each but obviously can't choose that part...
We felt similar. Didn’t 100% know that we wanted two but as I am getting on a bit thought that we would try and let nature decide. If we got pregnant a second time within a reasonable time then it was meant to be and if it didn’t happen then our life was quite happy with one.
As it happens, number 2 pregnancy happened immediately and now we are just 12 weeks or so until dday.
As it happens, number 2 pregnancy happened immediately and now we are just 12 weeks or so until dday.
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