Any other expectant Dads?
Discussion
Ours is now 3months, going on 4.
She's perfect. She sleeps through the night (mostly) is almost always good as gold for other people. Loves bath time like its the best invention the world has ever seen and generally has no major problems. She's a proper "Michelin Man" as well, no neck to speak of. Just chins.
When I say sleeps, she sleeps. She goes down around 8pm after a bath (getting earlier though now). She might have a cry for some boobs at midnight and then again around 6am (not always), but most days she's still in bed long after I've had to go start work! Like teenager style. Doesn't do much sleep during the day mind. Couple of power naps if anything.
Has now started saving poos up for like 4 days. Which is, err, interesting when it finally does come. Pisses a lot. Basically seems to be leaking piss almost constantly, though I am sure that's normal. Put her in size 3's overnight now after one too many times getting her up in the morning to find she's all wet because she's saturated her nappy.
When she whinges at night, we are quite happy to give her 10 minutes sucking on her hands or whatever and she'll sort herself out. Can even leave her lying on her back, in the bath (water covering the ears just about) with no hands on her and she loves it! worked out very quickly not to turn her head too much or she'll be taking on water and she thrashes around and pushes off the walls all on her own! Proper glee in her face that she's free, warm and can flail about as much as she likes!
So certainly nothing to complain about. All seems like its going swimmingly.
Well. The issues seem to be with us!
For me, I find it really hard to just be interested in her. I just don't know what to do with her sometimes. Once you've been on walk, played with a few toys, done some tummy time and she's still groucho, I just don't know what to do. None of it is all that enjoyable for more than about 5 minutes, it just feels inconvenient and boring, and when she does kick off I can't seem to sort her out because I don't posses a pair of boobs (breast feeding isn't just for food apparently). I really hope as she gets older and a bit more self-sufficient that this changes. Working from home has been a blessing and a curse, its helped my wife a lot, but I also hate having her dumped on me when I am in the middle of doing something! Especially if I need to keep the train of thought going.
Don't get me wrong, I love her and don't wish her gone or that we never had her. But equally, don't have the overt feeling of looking forward to seeing her if she's been out with mum or I've been at work. She's been at the MiL's for a few days, coming back today, but if she stayed a few more days, I wouldn't feel like I was missing anything. I just hope that changes.
My Wife has gone from loving it to now being in some kind of death spiral. After a week or so shortly after birth of having the blues, it seems to have come back with a vengeance. She can't sleep, she's not eating, she's crying all the time, feels incredibly anxious about god knows what. She then gets worse because she gets more anxious about not sleeping, not eating and how her behaviour is affecting me. Its a positive feed back loop and there is no sign of snapping out of it. I don't know what to do with her! I feel like I can't help her. I kind of feel like she's not helping herself, but I am sure that's not intentional. I can see shortly that I am going to have to take some time off work to look after them both and I don't know how I am going to cope with that. Especially as I only have till the end of the month to get some really important stuff finished.
She's perfect. She sleeps through the night (mostly) is almost always good as gold for other people. Loves bath time like its the best invention the world has ever seen and generally has no major problems. She's a proper "Michelin Man" as well, no neck to speak of. Just chins.
When I say sleeps, she sleeps. She goes down around 8pm after a bath (getting earlier though now). She might have a cry for some boobs at midnight and then again around 6am (not always), but most days she's still in bed long after I've had to go start work! Like teenager style. Doesn't do much sleep during the day mind. Couple of power naps if anything.
Has now started saving poos up for like 4 days. Which is, err, interesting when it finally does come. Pisses a lot. Basically seems to be leaking piss almost constantly, though I am sure that's normal. Put her in size 3's overnight now after one too many times getting her up in the morning to find she's all wet because she's saturated her nappy.
When she whinges at night, we are quite happy to give her 10 minutes sucking on her hands or whatever and she'll sort herself out. Can even leave her lying on her back, in the bath (water covering the ears just about) with no hands on her and she loves it! worked out very quickly not to turn her head too much or she'll be taking on water and she thrashes around and pushes off the walls all on her own! Proper glee in her face that she's free, warm and can flail about as much as she likes!
So certainly nothing to complain about. All seems like its going swimmingly.
Well. The issues seem to be with us!
For me, I find it really hard to just be interested in her. I just don't know what to do with her sometimes. Once you've been on walk, played with a few toys, done some tummy time and she's still groucho, I just don't know what to do. None of it is all that enjoyable for more than about 5 minutes, it just feels inconvenient and boring, and when she does kick off I can't seem to sort her out because I don't posses a pair of boobs (breast feeding isn't just for food apparently). I really hope as she gets older and a bit more self-sufficient that this changes. Working from home has been a blessing and a curse, its helped my wife a lot, but I also hate having her dumped on me when I am in the middle of doing something! Especially if I need to keep the train of thought going.
Don't get me wrong, I love her and don't wish her gone or that we never had her. But equally, don't have the overt feeling of looking forward to seeing her if she's been out with mum or I've been at work. She's been at the MiL's for a few days, coming back today, but if she stayed a few more days, I wouldn't feel like I was missing anything. I just hope that changes.
My Wife has gone from loving it to now being in some kind of death spiral. After a week or so shortly after birth of having the blues, it seems to have come back with a vengeance. She can't sleep, she's not eating, she's crying all the time, feels incredibly anxious about god knows what. She then gets worse because she gets more anxious about not sleeping, not eating and how her behaviour is affecting me. Its a positive feed back loop and there is no sign of snapping out of it. I don't know what to do with her! I feel like I can't help her. I kind of feel like she's not helping herself, but I am sure that's not intentional. I can see shortly that I am going to have to take some time off work to look after them both and I don't know how I am going to cope with that. Especially as I only have till the end of the month to get some really important stuff finished.
Edited by Otispunkmeyer on Saturday 10th October 13:10
Edited by Otispunkmeyer on Saturday 10th October 13:10
The attachment you’re not feeling - I was the same. Couldn’t have my daughter for more than 2 or 3 minutes (unless driving). She would lose her s
t and there was nothing I could do. Even if I held her and moved with her like my wife held her, it just didn’t do anything.
That all changed around 6 months, maybe a little longer and tied in with my daughter developing more of a personality. Now, we have fun together (unless a code-brown situation happens then it’s straight back to mom!).
With our second, he’s now a little over 3 months and I can see his personality developing earlier than in my daughter. I think that’s because I am more tuned into what to look for.
Don’t worry about this - it feels crappy at the time because you hear these other guys saying stuff like “as soon as he was born, I was in love” and crap like that. I don’t believe that in a lot of cases and think it’s just front.
The PND on the other hand can be a right fker. For my wife, it was really tough until we got her out of our room and into the nursery. I didn’t realize how bad it was until after she’d kicked it. I think the route of her PND was really feeling like a failure as she couldn’t breast feed. She knew it wasn’t a problem but I think when you add in the no sleep...well, bhes be crazy! (And that’s what she says).
t and there was nothing I could do. Even if I held her and moved with her like my wife held her, it just didn’t do anything.That all changed around 6 months, maybe a little longer and tied in with my daughter developing more of a personality. Now, we have fun together (unless a code-brown situation happens then it’s straight back to mom!).
With our second, he’s now a little over 3 months and I can see his personality developing earlier than in my daughter. I think that’s because I am more tuned into what to look for.
Don’t worry about this - it feels crappy at the time because you hear these other guys saying stuff like “as soon as he was born, I was in love” and crap like that. I don’t believe that in a lot of cases and think it’s just front.
The PND on the other hand can be a right f
ker. For my wife, it was really tough until we got her out of our room and into the nursery. I didn’t realize how bad it was until after she’d kicked it. I think the route of her PND was really feeling like a failure as she couldn’t breast feed. She knew it wasn’t a problem but I think when you add in the no sleep...well, bhes be crazy! (And that’s what she says).Thanks man!
Yeah I was always sceptical of the guys at work saying it's amazing. I'm sure it is eventually, but yeah right now... It's definitely not.
I think for my wife, it's got to be partly to do with losing her dad last year. He would have loved "a proper grand daughter" as he called it and sadly, he now isn't around
it's a bit gutting.
Yeah I was always sceptical of the guys at work saying it's amazing. I'm sure it is eventually, but yeah right now... It's definitely not.
I think for my wife, it's got to be partly to do with losing her dad last year. He would have loved "a proper grand daughter" as he called it and sadly, he now isn't around
it's a bit gutting.There is a LOT of ste talked by people about kids. That is for sure. People also tell endless lies as to appear different to the reality.
On mine, night nurse came the other day, said straight away it was an intolerance to milk, said to buy Nutragemin or something, which I did with difficulty. Been 24 hours on it now, seems about the same to me. Wont go longer than 90 mins in night without waking himself up. Obviously it is something to do with his stomach but fk knows what. She reckons new milk should change for better or worse very quickly, every other place says two weeks. She says a day or two... Not sure who to believe, she makes sense in that their stomachs are so small surely they're completely flushed of the old milk in a day or so, but who knows.
It is at the point here now where 10 grand to have someone have him each night for 2 months until he is nearly 6 months is appealing.
te talked by people about kids. That is for sure. People also tell endless lies as to appear different to the reality.On mine, night nurse came the other day, said straight away it was an intolerance to milk, said to buy Nutragemin or something, which I did with difficulty. Been 24 hours on it now, seems about the same to me. Wont go longer than 90 mins in night without waking himself up. Obviously it is something to do with his stomach but f
k knows what. She reckons new milk should change for better or worse very quickly, every other place says two weeks. She says a day or two... Not sure who to believe, she makes sense in that their stomachs are so small surely they're completely flushed of the old milk in a day or so, but who knows.It is at the point here now where 10 grand to have someone have him each night for 2 months until he is nearly 6 months is appealing.
Does anyone have any idea on what is currently happening with fathers being at the birth? Seems lots of different stories floating about.
We are expecting our first in January and understandably OH is very worried about having to go it alone. We have managed to go to scans together only through paying private, not been allowed into the NHS scans at all.
We are expecting our first in January and understandably OH is very worried about having to go it alone. We have managed to go to scans together only through paying private, not been allowed into the NHS scans at all.
guitarcarfanatic said:
It's completely dependant on area. My local (Somerset) now allowing men to the 20 week scan. I think you could always go for the birth, but only when it's so far along.
We had ours in Devon last month, officially guys are allowed in for all of labour, birth and then for 3 hours afterwards. In reality I was there the whole time and wasn’t asked to go home until they wheeled mum and baby off to the overnight ward.
Otispunkmeyer said:
Ours is now 3months, going on 4.
She's perfect. She sleeps through the night (mostly) is almost always good as gold for other people. Loves bath time like its the best invention the world has ever seen and generally has no major problems. She's a proper "Michelin Man" as well, no neck to speak of. Just chins.
When I say sleeps, she sleeps. She goes down around 8pm after a bath (getting earlier though now). She might have a cry for some boobs at midnight and then again around 6am (not always), but most days she's still in bed long after I've had to go start work! Like teenager style. Doesn't do much sleep during the day mind. Couple of power naps if anything.
Has now started saving poos up for like 4 days. Which is, err, interesting when it finally does come. Pisses a lot. Basically seems to be leaking piss almost constantly, though I am sure that's normal. Put her in size 3's overnight now after one too many times getting her up in the morning to find she's all wet because she's saturated her nappy.
When she whinges at night, we are quite happy to give her 10 minutes sucking on her hands or whatever and she'll sort herself out. Can even leave her lying on her back, in the bath (water covering the ears just about) with no hands on her and she loves it! worked out very quickly not to turn her head too much or she'll be taking on water and she thrashes around and pushes off the walls all on her own! Proper glee in her face that she's free, warm and can flail about as much as she likes!
So certainly nothing to complain about. All seems like its going swimmingly.
Well. The issues seem to be with us!
For me, I find it really hard to just be interested in her. I just don't know what to do with her sometimes. Once you've been on walk, played with a few toys, done some tummy time and she's still groucho, I just don't know what to do. None of it is all that enjoyable for more than about 5 minutes, it just feels inconvenient and boring, and when she does kick off I can't seem to sort her out because I don't posses a pair of boobs (breast feeding isn't just for food apparently). I really hope as she gets older and a bit more self-sufficient that this changes. Working from home has been a blessing and a curse, its helped my wife a lot, but I also hate having her dumped on me when I am in the middle of doing something! Especially if I need to keep the train of thought going.
Don't get me wrong, I love her and don't wish her gone or that we never had her. But equally, don't have the overt feeling of looking forward to seeing her if she's been out with mum or I've been at work. She's been at the MiL's for a few days, coming back today, but if she stayed a few more days, I wouldn't feel like I was missing anything. I just hope that changes.
My Wife has gone from loving it to now being in some kind of death spiral. After a week or so shortly after birth of having the blues, it seems to have come back with a vengeance. She can't sleep, she's not eating, she's crying all the time, feels incredibly anxious about god knows what. She then gets worse because she gets more anxious about not sleeping, not eating and how her behaviour is affecting me. Its a positive feed back loop and there is no sign of snapping out of it. I don't know what to do with her! I feel like I can't help her. I kind of feel like she's not helping herself, but I am sure that's not intentional. I can see shortly that I am going to have to take some time off work to look after them both and I don't know how I am going to cope with that. Especially as I only have till the end of the month to get some really important stuff finished.
Your situation almost entirely mirrors our first born, my daughter slept 8 hours on first night home from hospital, which meant i kept having to wake myself to check on her. She's perfect. She sleeps through the night (mostly) is almost always good as gold for other people. Loves bath time like its the best invention the world has ever seen and generally has no major problems. She's a proper "Michelin Man" as well, no neck to speak of. Just chins.
When I say sleeps, she sleeps. She goes down around 8pm after a bath (getting earlier though now). She might have a cry for some boobs at midnight and then again around 6am (not always), but most days she's still in bed long after I've had to go start work! Like teenager style. Doesn't do much sleep during the day mind. Couple of power naps if anything.
Has now started saving poos up for like 4 days. Which is, err, interesting when it finally does come. Pisses a lot. Basically seems to be leaking piss almost constantly, though I am sure that's normal. Put her in size 3's overnight now after one too many times getting her up in the morning to find she's all wet because she's saturated her nappy.
When she whinges at night, we are quite happy to give her 10 minutes sucking on her hands or whatever and she'll sort herself out. Can even leave her lying on her back, in the bath (water covering the ears just about) with no hands on her and she loves it! worked out very quickly not to turn her head too much or she'll be taking on water and she thrashes around and pushes off the walls all on her own! Proper glee in her face that she's free, warm and can flail about as much as she likes!
So certainly nothing to complain about. All seems like its going swimmingly.
Well. The issues seem to be with us!
For me, I find it really hard to just be interested in her. I just don't know what to do with her sometimes. Once you've been on walk, played with a few toys, done some tummy time and she's still groucho, I just don't know what to do. None of it is all that enjoyable for more than about 5 minutes, it just feels inconvenient and boring, and when she does kick off I can't seem to sort her out because I don't posses a pair of boobs (breast feeding isn't just for food apparently). I really hope as she gets older and a bit more self-sufficient that this changes. Working from home has been a blessing and a curse, its helped my wife a lot, but I also hate having her dumped on me when I am in the middle of doing something! Especially if I need to keep the train of thought going.
Don't get me wrong, I love her and don't wish her gone or that we never had her. But equally, don't have the overt feeling of looking forward to seeing her if she's been out with mum or I've been at work. She's been at the MiL's for a few days, coming back today, but if she stayed a few more days, I wouldn't feel like I was missing anything. I just hope that changes.
My Wife has gone from loving it to now being in some kind of death spiral. After a week or so shortly after birth of having the blues, it seems to have come back with a vengeance. She can't sleep, she's not eating, she's crying all the time, feels incredibly anxious about god knows what. She then gets worse because she gets more anxious about not sleeping, not eating and how her behaviour is affecting me. Its a positive feed back loop and there is no sign of snapping out of it. I don't know what to do with her! I feel like I can't help her. I kind of feel like she's not helping herself, but I am sure that's not intentional. I can see shortly that I am going to have to take some time off work to look after them both and I don't know how I am going to cope with that. Especially as I only have till the end of the month to get some really important stuff finished.
Edited by Otispunkmeyer on Saturday 10th October 13:10
Edited by Otispunkmeyer on Saturday 10th October 13:10
They are very boring and time consuming creatures from 0-5/6 months, but stick in there, they very quickly develop their personality and its a transformation in how you both feel. When their hand and eye coordination means they can do stuff rather than just wriggling around like a snail in a salt storm you fully discover the beauty of being a parent and that never leaves.
The initial 0-3 months I think are more of a brutal shock to the system, and it's disappointing if you don't feel what you were told was going to happen, yes the bond is there of course but your mind and body is adjusting to it all.
Finally I would add this, don't go assuming you are masters of parenting with your perfect baby, we thought we were and then our second was born, love him to bits but he was and is a handful and he is now 6 years old. You could leave my daughter In a high chair in a restaurant and she would just sit there for 2 hours without budging or making a sound. 30 seconds my son lasted before getting bored and wanting to explore or demolish the place.
I suppose its the other way round for some, if their first is a bats
t mental kid then the second may be the easy going placid child. Edited by dazwalsh on Wednesday 14th October 08:24
Otispunkmeyer said:
Thanks man!
Yeah I was always sceptical of the guys at work saying it's amazing. I'm sure it is eventually, but yeah right now... It's definitely not.
I think for my wife, it's got to be partly to do with losing her dad last year. He would have loved "a proper grand daughter" as he called it and sadly, he now isn't around it's a bit gutting.
Ours has just turned two now, and it really is amazing, so much fun, I'm having a bit of a crap time with most other aspects of my life at the moment, generally feeling down etc etc, but whenever I see her, I cannot help but smile massively and she makes me laugh like no one else has been able to in a long time, great fun!Yeah I was always sceptical of the guys at work saying it's amazing. I'm sure it is eventually, but yeah right now... It's definitely not.
I think for my wife, it's got to be partly to do with losing her dad last year. He would have loved "a proper grand daughter" as he called it and sadly, he now isn't around
it's a bit gutting.BUT, I don't mind admitting, it took a good six months or more for me to form that bond with her, I felt so overwhelmed at first, then like you, wondering what the hell I'm supposed to do with this lump that just sits there doing nothing. I didn't see any of my traits in her at all at the time, she felt so alien like she wasn't MY child.
My advice, just stick with it, don't over think things or compare your experiences too much with others, baby development milestones etc, they're all different.
Lots of cuddles, lots of long walks in the pram, it will happen eventually, and then you'll be so smitten you'll wonder how you even existed without her.
chip* said:
sammc123 said:
Does anyone have any idea on what is currently happening with fathers being at the birth? Seems lots of different stories floating about.
Ask your partner to call her midwife as they will know the current protocol. richatnort said:
chip* said:
Ask your partner to call her midwife as they will know the current protocol.
Or just phone the midwife yourself and give one less task to your wife to do, i spoke to ours a couple of times and was fine with it 
Carl_Manchester said:
Yeah, it can be different by region. In London i can’t go in for the birth until the very end. The old ladies at Denmark Hill car park are doing a bomb right now as no men allowed in for the scan, the private one cost £70 and they are also doing well. I got some really clear videos out of it to share with family and friends so i didn’t mind.
For mine, in London (meant to be Kings, but ended up being Lewisham), I was allowed in from when she was dilated enough (can't remember the number) till the end. So I was in there from something like midnight through to 8am.Blown2CV said:
to be fair many midwives do make you as a Dad feel like you don't exist, so i can understand why some people might think they can't contact them directly!
I found our midwives to be the total opposite of this, the care my wife and I both received was first class. I had to ring a couple of times post-birth to check things and get prescriptions and they couldn't have been more helpful. I appreciate this may not be the case everywhere for everyone, but fI elt the need to speak up for every midwife we encountered who was simply amazing. ChocolateFrog said:
How st are Tommy Tippie bottles.
The ones we've got are unusable. Due to their design with the removable teets without any sort of effective seal they just piss milk everywhere.
Total ste, straight in the bin.
I agree they are st are Tommy Tippie bottles. The ones we've got are unusable. Due to their design with the removable teets without any sort of effective seal they just piss milk everywhere.
Total s
te, straight in the bin. t ! The tongue tie practitioner we used said they were terrible too, we went for MAM in the end which also have a few flaws but in general are a lot better Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff