Any other expectant Dads?
Discussion
RenesisEvo said:
Definitely get your head around tongue-tie and what it looks like, we had a challenging first 3 months on the back of a missed tongue-tie and a spiral of feeding issues, which then of course lead to sleep issues (for the parents), as per the post above, fed baby = happy baby = sleeping baby = functioning parents. The midwives and health visitors had very little knowledge/guidance to offer, if you think it's there get a private specialist on the case in the first week, it will be the best money you spend.
Read a few books but know that you won't remember much and that's fine, keep an open mind and don't ignore your gut instinct vs other people's 'advice'.
Also as above, bottle or breast - keep an open mind, what you want may not be what works, you have to roll with it.
One lesson I've learnt is - have a plan B, plan C and maybe D, and you might find one works for a while then you go back or forwards.
It feels almost impossible but you have to find moments for yourself, it's very hard to be a good parent when you're in a bad place yourself, I struggled with having to sacrifice what little sleep I was getting if I wanted to go for a run, for example. If I had a pound for every time someone said 'it will get better' I'd be rich enough to have ignored today's Budget, but looking back, it is true.
I think a lot of times my expectations were too high in terms of what they could do, and when, so various trips out were wasted. Keep it local, simple and cheap - it's all the same to them, and you can put the resources into doing bigger and better things when they'll actually appreciate it much later down the line.
thanks! helpful.Read a few books but know that you won't remember much and that's fine, keep an open mind and don't ignore your gut instinct vs other people's 'advice'.
Also as above, bottle or breast - keep an open mind, what you want may not be what works, you have to roll with it.
One lesson I've learnt is - have a plan B, plan C and maybe D, and you might find one works for a while then you go back or forwards.
It feels almost impossible but you have to find moments for yourself, it's very hard to be a good parent when you're in a bad place yourself, I struggled with having to sacrifice what little sleep I was getting if I wanted to go for a run, for example. If I had a pound for every time someone said 'it will get better' I'd be rich enough to have ignored today's Budget, but looking back, it is true.
I think a lot of times my expectations were too high in terms of what they could do, and when, so various trips out were wasted. Keep it local, simple and cheap - it's all the same to them, and you can put the resources into doing bigger and better things when they'll actually appreciate it much later down the line.
I guess i have a few months to sort our lives out beforehand, so i can focus there for now - and some prep reading. that said i've no idea what, in 5 months time, i'll wish i had done now in advance.
kiethton said:
Thanks, tried boob and were just getting very little, then compounded by her not latching properly, nipple covers and C-section pain. Issue was yesterday she wasn't taking a bottle either, necessitating a tube. Thankfully everything seems to be going a lot better today and she's taking the bottle (using our own MAM ones and not the hospitals was a revelation) a check has confirmed no tongue tie and she's doing very well - a properly happy, smiling hardly every crying 2 day old. If she carries on,l and my wife loses the catheter tomorrow we'll hopefully get home!
Congrats! I will add also, do not worry about the stress of breast-feeding. My wife also had C-section and we started with formula than slowly phased out, and move into full breastfeed. It is really up to mother, and how healthy they become (after the surgery, it takes time for some), my wife was really stubborn with it so I supported. We also had great help from midwifes and nurses at the hospital (Pruh), and health visitors, as they have loads of help for breast feed support. I've even spent a good amount on lactation specialists too Edited by kiethton on Wednesday 15th March 16:50
but at the end it worked... Good luck, and enjoy the rest, feel free to give me a shout.Edited by ooid on Wednesday 15th March 17:30
okgo said:
Blown2CV said:
it's very accurate for most kids.
Because they list every possible thing that a child can do at almost every possible time. It’s the equivalent of trawling a garden pond and claiming you skilfully caught a fish.ooid said:
kiethton said:
Thanks, tried boob and were just getting very little, then compounded by her not latching properly, nipple covers and C-section pain. Issue was yesterday she wasn't taking a bottle either, necessitating a tube. Thankfully everything seems to be going a lot better today and she's taking the bottle (using our own MAM ones and not the hospitals was a revelation) a check has confirmed no tongue tie and she's doing very well - a properly happy, smiling hardly every crying 2 day old. If she carries on,l and my wife loses the catheter tomorrow we'll hopefully get home!
Congrats! I will add also, do not worry about the stress of breast-feeding. My wife also had C-section and we started with formula than slowly phased out, and move into full breastfeed. It is really up to mother, and how healthy they become (after the surgery, it takes time for some), my wife was really stubborn with it so I supported. We also had great help from midwifes and nurses at the hospital (Pruh), and health visitors, as they have loads of help for breast feed support. I've even spent a good amount on lactation specialists too Edited by kiethton on Wednesday 15th March 16:50
but at the end it worked... Good luck, and enjoy the rest, feel free to give me a shout.Thanks - currently sat in the post natal ward of the same hospital now. They really are great.
I think that my wife has decided on bottle for the flexibility, albeit with the occasional squirt of boob into the bottle when available - always said I'm just happy to support whatever way she wants to go - the extra flexibility of the bottle also helps!
Edited by ooid on Wednesday 15th March 17:30
As the proud Dad of a now two year old I think it’s time to bow out of this thread. Congratulations to all the new and expectant Dads out there. Yes, it’s extremely challenging at times, but for me - my god it’s worth it.
Safe to say my Friday evenings out have changed dramatically over recent years - but I wouldn’t change it for the world.
Stick, stick, stick, stick, sticky sticky stick stick….
Safe to say my Friday evenings out have changed dramatically over recent years - but I wouldn’t change it for the world.
Stick, stick, stick, stick, sticky sticky stick stick….
My OH is just about to start wk 19 of the manufacturing phase.
I'm pleased to say that the constant sicky/grim feeling has now gone.
Had about 10wks of feeling ill/sick all the time, but only actually sick once every two days. She said it was like constant and relentless travel sickness.
To being sick multiple times a day. But generally feeling much better most of the time. This lasted about a week and was way more preferable to the previous 8wks. As (apart from immediately before and after being sick) generally she felt ok.
Now she's feeling much better. She hasn't been sick for about 5 days and her appetite has come back almost completely. She still can't manage spicy or flavoursome foods like curries etc but it's way easier to prep food now.
We're both so much happier as her constant whinging and feeling ill and my inability to do anything about it was really getting to me too. Also we can now at least return to a more normal, varied diet.
Next scan (20wks), towards the end of the month.
I'm pleased to say that the constant sicky/grim feeling has now gone.
Had about 10wks of feeling ill/sick all the time, but only actually sick once every two days. She said it was like constant and relentless travel sickness.
To being sick multiple times a day. But generally feeling much better most of the time. This lasted about a week and was way more preferable to the previous 8wks. As (apart from immediately before and after being sick) generally she felt ok.
Now she's feeling much better. She hasn't been sick for about 5 days and her appetite has come back almost completely. She still can't manage spicy or flavoursome foods like curries etc but it's way easier to prep food now.
We're both so much happier as her constant whinging and feeling ill and my inability to do anything about it was really getting to me too. Also we can now at least return to a more normal, varied diet.
Next scan (20wks), towards the end of the month.
Update from me. Terrible news I'm afraid.
My wife started with some discharge and some spotting last weekend. On Tuesday Eve it was quite bad so we went to A&E at 9pm.
After 3hrs in the A&E holding pen were were sent down for a scan and some tests and we ended up back home at 5am having been told the babies heartbeat was strong and there was no obvious source of the bleeding.
This morning we went for the scheduled 20wk scan and were told there's absolutely NO fluid around the baby at all, but it's still got a heartbeat. There may be fluid around the heart, but it's hard to actually see anything.
My wife is still bleeding and got discharge, but not in pain.
All the nurses, midwives and doctors have been absolutely lovely.
We've got until Monday morning, when we've got another appt with the same doctor and midwife.
Both options frankly are f
king terrible, and really scary.
1 - wait for the baby to pass naturally. Could be days, could be a week plus. The longer it goes on the more complex it gets. There's risk of infection etc, plus the emotional toll. Then be induced and give birth.
2- terminate (which doesn't sit easy), induce and give birth.
Seems really bad luck to be so far along and it all go pete tong. It's very late for a miscarriage, but too early for any chance of survival. We're both so sad and upset.
My wife started with some discharge and some spotting last weekend. On Tuesday Eve it was quite bad so we went to A&E at 9pm.
After 3hrs in the A&E holding pen were were sent down for a scan and some tests and we ended up back home at 5am having been told the babies heartbeat was strong and there was no obvious source of the bleeding.
This morning we went for the scheduled 20wk scan and were told there's absolutely NO fluid around the baby at all, but it's still got a heartbeat. There may be fluid around the heart, but it's hard to actually see anything.
My wife is still bleeding and got discharge, but not in pain.
All the nurses, midwives and doctors have been absolutely lovely.
We've got until Monday morning, when we've got another appt with the same doctor and midwife.
Both options frankly are f
king terrible, and really scary.1 - wait for the baby to pass naturally. Could be days, could be a week plus. The longer it goes on the more complex it gets. There's risk of infection etc, plus the emotional toll. Then be induced and give birth.
2- terminate (which doesn't sit easy), induce and give birth.
Seems really bad luck to be so far along and it all go pete tong. It's very late for a miscarriage, but too early for any chance of survival. We're both so sad and upset.
I've been in a similar situation, although nature made the choice for us at 36 weeks. It's horrific and the worst, and so hard for the both of you but especially for mum.
If I have one piece of advice, once you are through the scary hospital parts, take whatever time off you can, do the counseling, and look after your mental health for the years that follow.
It's a real gut punch for the pair of you and "manning up" or stoically bottling the emotion isn't helpful in the long run.
In the short term grief feels like an elephant sat on your chest, you can't breath and its a struggle to pay attention to everyday stuff because, you know, there's a fking elephant sat on you. But eventually you do start to breathe and life does normalize. Normality doesn't mean forgetting, though.
If I have one piece of advice, once you are through the scary hospital parts, take whatever time off you can, do the counseling, and look after your mental health for the years that follow.
It's a real gut punch for the pair of you and "manning up" or stoically bottling the emotion isn't helpful in the long run.
In the short term grief feels like an elephant sat on your chest, you can't breath and its a struggle to pay attention to everyday stuff because, you know, there's a f
king elephant sat on you. But eventually you do start to breathe and life does normalize. Normality doesn't mean forgetting, though.The Moose said:
I'm so terribly sorry to hear that. I have removed my previous post and I apologize for the inappropriate reply.
You weren't to know. It wasn't inappropriate at the time, only now looking back does it seem a bit risqué but if we could all see into the future no one would have fun or get anything done. Life moves on
Wadeski said:
I've been in a similar situation, although nature made the choice for us at 36 weeks. It's horrific and the worst, and so hard for the both of you but especially for mum.
If I have one piece of advice, once you are through the scary hospital parts, take whatever time off you can, do the counseling, and look after your mental health for the years that follow.
It's a real gut punch for the pair of you and "manning up" or stoically bottling the emotion isn't helpful in the long run.
In the short term grief feels like an elephant sat on your chest, you can't breath and its a struggle to pay attention to everyday stuff because, you know, there's a fking elephant sat on you. But eventually you do start to breathe and life does normalize. Normality doesn't mean forgetting, though.
Thanks, sorry for your loss too. I've been crying most of the day. If I have one piece of advice, once you are through the scary hospital parts, take whatever time off you can, do the counseling, and look after your mental health for the years that follow.
It's a real gut punch for the pair of you and "manning up" or stoically bottling the emotion isn't helpful in the long run.
In the short term grief feels like an elephant sat on your chest, you can't breath and its a struggle to pay attention to everyday stuff because, you know, there's a f
king elephant sat on you. But eventually you do start to breathe and life does normalize. Normality doesn't mean forgetting, though.I'm currently in a position where I'm a contractor and my boss is very good and understanding. I guess it helps that if I don't work I don't get paid. The upside for me is that I can afford to take an extended break if I need to and there's enough in the kitty for my wife to take some time off too.
I'm a strong believer that blokes don't talk enough. Ive got good relationships with the people I work with and I try to encourage open talk in the tea room. Some are more reserved than others but there's a lot of loss in the office and I genuinely believe that bottling stuff away is terrible for the long term. Colleagues who've had miscarriages or still births, had messy break ups or whatever else. We're all squishy meat sacks and we're emotionally complex creatures.
Not quite sure why people feel like they can't talk about how they're doing. A problem shared is a problem halved n all that.
Really sorry to hear that news, terrible thing to go through. I went through similar 8 weeks ago although my wife was at 12 weeks and not 20.
We basically kept ourselves to ourselves for a week to help us process what had happened before we saw friends and family. I went back to work after a week but that helped me as it turned out a couple in the office had been through the same so was good to chat about it.
We basically kept ourselves to ourselves for a week to help us process what had happened before we saw friends and family. I went back to work after a week but that helped me as it turned out a couple in the office had been through the same so was good to chat about it.
Very sorry to hear that!
our 9 month old still hasn't been sleeping properly, we had two weeks where he would wake up once during a night and then he went backwards again, some nights waking up getting on for 10 times a night! The missus has started a new schedule for him which has been sent to her by a friend who paid for it. But also yesterday we had a cranial osteopath come for a session.... last night he slept 1900-0730! it was like a miracle.
I reckon its a combination of the new schedule and the osteopath session but were hoping it carries on tonight.
our 9 month old still hasn't been sleeping properly, we had two weeks where he would wake up once during a night and then he went backwards again, some nights waking up getting on for 10 times a night! The missus has started a new schedule for him which has been sent to her by a friend who paid for it. But also yesterday we had a cranial osteopath come for a session.... last night he slept 1900-0730! it was like a miracle.
I reckon its a combination of the new schedule and the osteopath session but were hoping it carries on tonight.
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