Any other expectant Dads?
Discussion
Animal said:
KTF said:
snotrag said:
Ante-natal classes start this week too, where I am reliably told we will learn nothing that's not obvious but we will get to meet a bunch of other people who are also nervously winging it and hoping for the best, without really having a clue what they are doing!
To be honest I cannot remember a single thing from the ante-natal class and at nearly 4 months in have survived using instinct, learning what all the different noises mean, etc.From a Dad point of view they are almost useless as its all about the birthing process, what the poo will be like for the first few days, etc. so if you get the option to do a one day one rather than spread over several weeks then take it just to get it out the way.
Just don't go into these things thinking it's nothing to do with you or it's all for the Mum, or that you don't need to listen or you've heard it all before or it's obvious... previous generations of guys and the inherent sexism of the midwife system will tell us that we are useless
s who just need to mop brows and fetch snacks, and then fk off back to work and leave the parenting to the Mums. Don't fall into that trap. Blown2CV said:
you're wrong. Dads can use a support network too, and I have made some other Dad friends through ours. Dads are presented with challenges too, and one of the biggest ones is how to be a good and active Father whilst also working your ass off to provide financially, as those things are hard to reconcile. Knowing other people trying to do the same is very helpful.
Just don't go into these things thinking it's nothing to do with you or it's all for the Mum, or that you don't need to listen or you've heard it all before or it's obvious... previous generations of guys and the inherent sexism of the midwife system will tell us that we are uselesss who just need to mop brows and fetch snacks, and then fk off back to work and leave the parenting to the Mums. Don't fall into that trap.
^^^ Absolutely.Just don't go into these things thinking it's nothing to do with you or it's all for the Mum, or that you don't need to listen or you've heard it all before or it's obvious... previous generations of guys and the inherent sexism of the midwife system will tell us that we are useless
s who just need to mop brows and fetch snacks, and then fk off back to work and leave the parenting to the Mums. Don't fall into that trap. We have a beers network for dads. Doesn't happen often but is a few beers and a general banter about the challenges and upsides.
And ask what you can do to help on d day. I was pretty much flat out tens machine controlling (you start a hit a button when a contraction starts, and if you don't stop it when the contraction stops your wife will clobber you one at the start of the next contraction), holding drink, moving clothing, wiping foreheads, and definitely dyeing there for her. We might have been pushing out babies for the last how many generations, but it is still hell on her.
I really learned a lot about slings at mine as well, as well as useful nappy hints.
The first month after d day I did everything I could, all the washing, cooking, cleaning, shopping, prepping for the late night nappy changes, SWBO is still very grateful, plus the more you do the more willing she is to walk around at 1am and 3am and 5am when baby won't sleep!
I really learned a lot about slings at mine as well, as well as useful nappy hints.
The first month after d day I did everything I could, all the washing, cooking, cleaning, shopping, prepping for the late night nappy changes, SWBO is still very grateful, plus the more you do the more willing she is to walk around at 1am and 3am and 5am when baby won't sleep!
acting as advocate for the Mum on the day is an important one. In the moment the midwives may try and convince the Mum to take certain courses of action that make it easier for the care staff but that aren't necessarily in line with the Mum's wishes or the birth plan. It is after all a wish list, and if there are medical reasons to deviate then this is mostly fine, but often there isn't. The Mum won't be in a position to really argue against it, so you need to do it. You need to understand what they want and don't want, which does require an understanding of the birth plan. There will be a fair proportion of guys who think the birth plan isn't anything to do with them, but birth partner is a proper role.
Vaud said:
Blown2CV said:
you're wrong. Dads can use a support network too, and I have made some other Dad friends through ours. Dads are presented with challenges too, and one of the biggest ones is how to be a good and active Father whilst also working your ass off to provide financially, as those things are hard to reconcile. Knowing other people trying to do the same is very helpful.
Just don't go into these things thinking it's nothing to do with you or it's all for the Mum, or that you don't need to listen or you've heard it all before or it's obvious... previous generations of guys and the inherent sexism of the midwife system will tell us that we are uselesss who just need to mop brows and fetch snacks, and then fk off back to work and leave the parenting to the Mums. Don't fall into that trap.
^^^ Absolutely.Just don't go into these things thinking it's nothing to do with you or it's all for the Mum, or that you don't need to listen or you've heard it all before or it's obvious... previous generations of guys and the inherent sexism of the midwife system will tell us that we are useless
s who just need to mop brows and fetch snacks, and then fk off back to work and leave the parenting to the Mums. Don't fall into that trap. We have a beers network for dads. Doesn't happen often but is a few beers and a general banter about the challenges and upsides.
We reached 20 weeks yesterday, have our scan next Thursday. All seems to be going well at present, the wife is starting to feel her moving around which is pretty cool.
We've signed up for our local NCT class in September, most people we have spoken to have said it's a good idea for both, especially Mum. I am also determined to be as involved as i can be with everything, so am keen to make sure i am up to speed with what i should be doing etc.
It does make me chuckle when we've been for scans and you're essentially stuck in the corner and ignored, obviously the mum and baby come first but it does seem like the father is seen as a spare part in the process sometimes.
We've signed up for our local NCT class in September, most people we have spoken to have said it's a good idea for both, especially Mum. I am also determined to be as involved as i can be with everything, so am keen to make sure i am up to speed with what i should be doing etc.
It does make me chuckle when we've been for scans and you're essentially stuck in the corner and ignored, obviously the mum and baby come first but it does seem like the father is seen as a spare part in the process sometimes.
tomble22 said:
We reached 20 weeks yesterday, have our scan next Thursday. All seems to be going well at present, the wife is starting to feel her moving around which is pretty cool.
We've signed up for our local NCT class in September, most people we have spoken to have said it's a good idea for both, especially Mum. I am also determined to be as involved as i can be with everything, so am keen to make sure i am up to speed with what i should be doing etc.
It does make me chuckle when we've been for scans and you're essentially stuck in the corner and ignored, obviously the mum and baby come first but it does seem like the father is seen as a spare part in the process sometimes.
I found that whenever we went for scans I had the best view of all!We've signed up for our local NCT class in September, most people we have spoken to have said it's a good idea for both, especially Mum. I am also determined to be as involved as i can be with everything, so am keen to make sure i am up to speed with what i should be doing etc.
It does make me chuckle when we've been for scans and you're essentially stuck in the corner and ignored, obviously the mum and baby come first but it does seem like the father is seen as a spare part in the process sometimes.
tomble22 said:
We reached 20 weeks yesterday, have our scan next Thursday. All seems to be going well at present, the wife is starting to feel her moving around which is pretty cool.
We've signed up for our local NCT class in September, most people we have spoken to have said it's a good idea for both, especially Mum. I am also determined to be as involved as i can be with everything, so am keen to make sure i am up to speed with what i should be doing etc.
It does make me chuckle when we've been for scans and you're essentially stuck in the corner and ignored, obviously the mum and baby come first but it does seem like the father is seen as a spare part in the process sometimes.
it's only certain midwives that are like that, and TBH if it happens to you then you might want to tackle them on it. It was similar but worse when we got married, and as a part-funder of the endeavour i wanted to speak to the flower people, the food people, the music people and all that... not just have the fiancee do it all. Some of them look at you like you are sWe've signed up for our local NCT class in September, most people we have spoken to have said it's a good idea for both, especially Mum. I am also determined to be as involved as i can be with everything, so am keen to make sure i am up to speed with what i should be doing etc.
It does make me chuckle when we've been for scans and you're essentially stuck in the corner and ignored, obviously the mum and baby come first but it does seem like the father is seen as a spare part in the process sometimes.
t on their shoe that's gone all over the carpet. Best way is just to ask lots of questions and expect an answer, and if they talk over you then tell them. Obviously the missus needs to be on-side! Fortunately mine was, and was shocked at some of the people we spoke to. I guess saying men cannot be victims of sexism is a bit like saying black people can't be racist... Long time lurker. Went for our 20 week scan today. All is fine and the little fella is due end of October. First time Dad turning 40 soon, although wife is a good few years younger. Really excited and not nervous at all - although I'm sure that may change as we approach the birth date.
Enjoyed reading hints and tips in this thread.
Enjoyed reading hints and tips in this thread.
20 week scan today (actually 21 weeks today). All fine and no issues...apparently she has long femur(s), at about 23 and a half weeks growth currently. That was about the sum total of information provided but just glad she is all fine and nothing missing etc. Funny to think the next time we will see her is when she's born!!
Off to Ikea on Friday to look at some bits for her room....next job on my "sort the house out" list!!
Off to Ikea on Friday to look at some bits for her room....next job on my "sort the house out" list!!
tomble22 said:
20 week scan today (actually 21 weeks today). All fine and no issues...apparently she has long femur(s), at about 23 and a half weeks growth currently. That was about the sum total of information provided but just glad she is all fine and nothing missing etc. Funny to think the next time we will see her is when she's born!!
Off to Ikea on Friday to look at some bits for her room....next job on my "sort the house out" list!!
Can highly recommend their Sundvik changing table. Off to Ikea on Friday to look at some bits for her room....next job on my "sort the house out" list!!
Vaud said:
Blown2CV said:
you're wrong. Dads can use a support network too, and I have made some other Dad friends through ours. Dads are presented with challenges too, and one of the biggest ones is how to be a good and active Father whilst also working your ass off to provide financially, as those things are hard to reconcile. Knowing other people trying to do the same is very helpful.
Just don't go into these things thinking it's nothing to do with you or it's all for the Mum, or that you don't need to listen or you've heard it all before or it's obvious... previous generations of guys and the inherent sexism of the midwife system will tell us that we are uselesss who just need to mop brows and fetch snacks, and then fk off back to work and leave the parenting to the Mums. Don't fall into that trap.
^^^ Absolutely.Just don't go into these things thinking it's nothing to do with you or it's all for the Mum, or that you don't need to listen or you've heard it all before or it's obvious... previous generations of guys and the inherent sexism of the midwife system will tell us that we are useless
s who just need to mop brows and fetch snacks, and then fk off back to work and leave the parenting to the Mums. Don't fall into that trap. We have a beers network for dads. Doesn't happen often but is a few beers and a general banter about the challenges and upsides.
Men are often more practical in nature, and have less need to 'talk about nothing'.
My oh would message her WhatsApp mums groups with any questions, contained say 20 people who were mostly all new mums and would take a day.
I would google the entire internet, and in 5 minutes have read from qualified experts in the field
TCS1 said:
Can highly recommend their Sundvik changing table.
We have the Hensvik: https://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/S99828...Any table that puts them at waist height and facing you makes changing them a whole lot easier. Side on changing tables like the ones you find in pubs, etc are just awful to use in comparison and changing them on the floor does your back in.
Plus you have all the stuff you need around you as when they get bigger you cant leave them alone whilst you go and get a nappy or whatever as they will be off.
Vaud said:
Blown2CV said:
you're wrong. Dads can use a support network too, and I have made some other Dad friends through ours. Dads are presented with challenges too, and one of the biggest ones is how to be a good and active Father whilst also working your ass off to provide financially, as those things are hard to reconcile. Knowing other people trying to do the same is very helpful.
Just don't go into these things thinking it's nothing to do with you or it's all for the Mum, or that you don't need to listen or you've heard it all before or it's obvious... previous generations of guys and the inherent sexism of the midwife system will tell us that we are uselesss who just need to mop brows and fetch snacks, and then fk off back to work and leave the parenting to the Mums. Don't fall into that trap.
^^^ Absolutely.Just don't go into these things thinking it's nothing to do with you or it's all for the Mum, or that you don't need to listen or you've heard it all before or it's obvious... previous generations of guys and the inherent sexism of the midwife system will tell us that we are useless
s who just need to mop brows and fetch snacks, and then fk off back to work and leave the parenting to the Mums. Don't fall into that trap. We have a beers network for dads. Doesn't happen often but is a few beers and a general banter about the challenges and upsides.
The world of work still doesn't seem to recognise that Dads actually WANT to be involved in their kids Monday-Friday.
Plus despite being practially-minded there are plenty of occasions where you want to get out of the house and let off some steam with people who understand...
PS - change tables - it may be EASIER with them facing you, but there is one large potential pitfall to that - getting pee'd on! Learn how to change a nappy sideways, it's far safer!
KTF said:
We have the Hensvik: https://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/S99828...
Any table that puts them at waist height and facing you makes changing them a whole lot easier. Side on changing tables like the ones you find in pubs, etc are just awful to use in comparison and changing them on the floor does your back in.
Plus you have all the stuff you need around you as when they get bigger you cant leave them alone whilst you go and get a nappy or whatever as they will be off.
Oh no, I find side-on changing much easier to deal with, as I can have the business end with my dominant hand, and there's no risk of being showered or sprayed with that supersonic stream of piss that happens maybe once a month but on a totally random basis. Am glad that in this case I have a girl, as my mate with a little boy has of course had a face full from his lad's little willy flailing around uncontrollably. Any table that puts them at waist height and facing you makes changing them a whole lot easier. Side on changing tables like the ones you find in pubs, etc are just awful to use in comparison and changing them on the floor does your back in.
Plus you have all the stuff you need around you as when they get bigger you cant leave them alone whilst you go and get a nappy or whatever as they will be off.
havoc said:
Vaud said:
Blown2CV said:
you're wrong. Dads can use a support network too, and I have made some other Dad friends through ours. Dads are presented with challenges too, and one of the biggest ones is how to be a good and active Father whilst also working your ass off to provide financially, as those things are hard to reconcile. Knowing other people trying to do the same is very helpful.
Just don't go into these things thinking it's nothing to do with you or it's all for the Mum, or that you don't need to listen or you've heard it all before or it's obvious... previous generations of guys and the inherent sexism of the midwife system will tell us that we are uselesss who just need to mop brows and fetch snacks, and then fk off back to work and leave the parenting to the Mums. Don't fall into that trap.
^^^ Absolutely.Just don't go into these things thinking it's nothing to do with you or it's all for the Mum, or that you don't need to listen or you've heard it all before or it's obvious... previous generations of guys and the inherent sexism of the midwife system will tell us that we are useless
s who just need to mop brows and fetch snacks, and then fk off back to work and leave the parenting to the Mums. Don't fall into that trap. We have a beers network for dads. Doesn't happen often but is a few beers and a general banter about the challenges and upsides.
The world of work still doesn't seem to recognise that Dads actually WANT to be involved in their kids Monday-Friday.
Plus despite being practially-minded there are plenty of occasions where you want to get out of the house and let off some steam with people who understand...
PS - change tables - it may be EASIER with them facing you, but there is one large potential pitfall to that - getting pee'd on! Learn how to change a nappy sideways, it's far safer!
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