Child Maintenance- Would You Grass Up Your Ex
Discussion
ShyTallKnight said:
Fastchas said:
That's right. You may not know this but if you have joint parental custody then no maintenance is paid. I had 50% custody.
I had them 5 nights one week, then 2 nights the next week, continued like this since my youngest was 18 months old.
Ah didnt realise you had been awarded joint parental custody. I had them 5 nights one week, then 2 nights the next week, continued like this since my youngest was 18 months old.
That's why I'm so unsure what to do, our relationship has been so easy I'm reluctant to upset everything.
I was in a similar boat OP, I'm guessing she claimed more than she should but paid her regardless. I guess at the time it was just easier for me to deal with, my head was in a mess due to the break up and I couldn't cope with anymore stress. My only bit of advice would be to keep it away from the CMS.
I've always paid through the CSA which I was OK with but the CMS would have cost me alot more, to the point where I really would have struggled.
Luckily she's grown up a bit and accepted a private agreement which we both signed, altough not legally binding it does give a bit of re-assurance to me.
I've always paid through the CSA which I was OK with but the CMS would have cost me alot more, to the point where I really would have struggled.
Luckily she's grown up a bit and accepted a private agreement which we both signed, altough not legally binding it does give a bit of re-assurance to me.
a mate of mine had joint custody of his daughter after he split with his Ex. He still had to pay her money each month because she had decided to take a voluntary job with no pay, and she said if he didn't pay her then she'd move back home with her Mum 150 miles away!! When it comes to the subject matter it seems that men end up having to do things not because it's right but to try and make things easier and to protect their kids. Really, really f
ked up.
ked up.deggles said:
loafer123 said:
Paul makes a very good point.
I am not happy about paying your ex some of my money that she is not entitled to.
This.I am not happy about paying your ex some of my money that she is not entitled to.
To be honest, I can't believe you can get paid £650/month by the state for having kids. I could lease a Quadrifoglio for that
Fastchas said:
Something I am concerned about is upsetting the applecart. She might then alienate the boys aainst me or prevent me from seeing them (I doubt this though but again, money makes people do strange things).
We all know how hard it is for the courts to enforce fathers rights in these situations.
I think you are right to be worried as it is easy to see how upsetting things at this stage makes you out to be the bad guy. We all know how hard it is for the courts to enforce fathers rights in these situations.
I would however think of the long term - If she does do it and ultimately gets found out (which by the sound of it she will) then the end result could also be very bad / possibly worse.
i.e. if she loses the £650pm in a years time having spent it along the way and now has to pay it back as well - who ends up funding this?.....My guess is you (either directly or indirectly).
I think there is an argument to be put forward to her that doing the wrong thing now could make for a far more uncomfortable result when it all comes home to roost and hopefully she sees sense and does the right thing.
Bob
twing said:
I was in a similar boat OP, I'm guessing she claimed more than she should but paid her regardless. I guess at the time it was just easier for me to deal with, my head was in a mess due to the break up and I couldn't cope with anymore stress. My only bit of advice would be to keep it away from the CMS.
I've always paid through the CSA which I was OK with but the CMS would have cost me alot more, to the point where I really would have struggled.
Luckily she's grown up a bit and accepted a private agreement which we both signed, altough not legally binding it does give a bit of re-assurance to me.
No such luck with mine, rate went up by an additional £120 when it moved to the CMSI've always paid through the CSA which I was OK with but the CMS would have cost me alot more, to the point where I really would have struggled.
Luckily she's grown up a bit and accepted a private agreement which we both signed, altough not legally binding it does give a bit of re-assurance to me.
Although there are ways to reduce my gross pay to bring it back down (increased pension contributions)
Oakey said:
Do you know for sure he earns £55k or is she just saying that to piss you off?
Who knows? I do know he's on good money though.He also has a flat above a chip shop (classy) which he rents from his brother. What's to stop him using this as his residence but moving in with the ex full time?
ZOLLAR said:
No such luck with mine, rate went up by an additional £120 when it moved to the CMS
Although there are ways to reduce my gross pay to bring it back down (increased pension contributions)
That's why I avoided them like the plague and I'm very glad my ex went with what I proposed.Although there are ways to reduce my gross pay to bring it back down (increased pension contributions)
She's your ex, you don't owe her anything. She's fiddling the system and making a mug out of you and everyone else who pays tax by flaunting her intention to commit fraud to you. She thinks you're too weak to do anything about it. Don't set a bad example for your kids and make them think being a layabout tax fraud with a failed business is an acceptable way to live.
Mastodon2 said:
She's your ex, you don't owe her anything. She's fiddling the system and making a mug out of you and everyone else who pays tax by flaunting her intention to commit fraud to you. She thinks you're too weak to do anything about it. Don't set a bad example for your kids and make them think being a layabout tax fraud with a failed business is an acceptable way to live.
that's fine but i'd rather be a pushover and see my kids than uphold justice but never see them. Kids are not likely to see it as "well, we never see Dad but at least he did the right thing", even if you could stomach never seeing them. I'm not saying pay it, but i am saying they won't thank you for not paying it.
Fastchas said:
Actually, they was no court order. We sorted it ourselves and just had it inserted in the divorce files.That's how we've always worked things out, no need for officialdom to interfer!
That's why I'm so unsure what to do, our relationship has been so easy I'm reluctant to upset everything.
That will change, the relationship will be upset and you will need to rely on formal agreements. Your current grown-up and sensible agreements are now subject to other people, her new partner and yours. As those relationships develop, you will be distanced from the ex, and both parties will be distanced from any reliance on such 'sensible' agreements.That's why I'm so unsure what to do, our relationship has been so easy I'm reluctant to upset everything.
Sorry to be the bearer of bad news, and I hope I'm wrong, but you are best off securing your interests and letting her deal with hers. Don't grass her up but be prepared to raise that little gem when the agreements start to crumble.
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff