Men, Public toilets & loosing all control
Discussion
Greendubber said:
Over my next 10 years of policing I have never seen anything that made me feel as physically sick as that horrible old b
d slurping some punters jizz out of a condom from a cold wet public bog floor.
It's been a long time since I was last repulsed by a fetish and consider myself open-minded. d slurping some punters jizz out of a condom from a cold wet public bog floor. But Jeez...
Legendary thread status completed!
https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...
What a laugh!
https://www.pistonheads.com/gassing/topic.asp?h=0&...
What a laugh!
Greendubber said:
Not heard of that one but I think I can top it.....
Yep, you certainly did! My spaghetti bolognese was ready right after reading that, put me off a little 
....which leads me onto my next experience:A mate and I went to a concert in Paris a couple of years ago, and on the way home we went to catch the train to take us back to the airport. It was rush hour and really busy in the station, so when a train pulled up, with the doors right in front of where I was standing, and a seemingly empty carriage, we couldn't believe our luck. We jumped on board and were just about to sit down at the end of the carriage, only to look down at the floor and see what I can only describe as what looked like a large pile of cooked mince (looking much like the mountain from Close Encounters, only smaller) with a single solitary tissue stuck to the top of it. It took a few seconds to realise what we were looking at, and then we went back to the middle of the carriage where we found some seats, laughing about how we couldn't believe what we'd just seen (thankfully at that point it didn't stink).
Anyway, halfway into our journey people were getting on the train, spotting the same 'mud-out' that we'd nearly sat next to, and crowding back to our end of the carriage, so it was fairly busy. Then the doors opened behind us. Looking around I saw this bloke walking down the carriage towards us, growling at everyone, spitting at everyone, only 2 or 3 fingers on each hand, with his trousers and pants around his knees, and s
t smeared all over him. The smell that got to us before him was horrific. People everywhere in the carriage were retching, whilst I desperately tried not to make eye contact (if there's a weirdo around, they usually seem to make a beeline for me for some reason), I looked out of the window, whilst hoping that the train would hurry to the next station. He gobbed on the girl sitting next to me, then carried on to the end where he'd pebble-dashed the floor earlier. The train thankfully pulled into a station before he could start making his way back up the carriage, and everyone bundled out, ran to the other end of the train and got back on, desperately hoping that he wouldn't make it through the carriages to where we were now sitting.
This was one of the most disgusting things I've ever seen, and is my last enduring memory of Paris. If I ever have the misfortune of going to that city again, I'll be watching where I walk...
Edited by JohnStitch on Wednesday 6th September 19:11
Remember being on a lads holiday in Faliraki and one of our number had a dodgy stomach from a dodgy late night burger or more likely, some unwashed lady salad he had been munching on, anyway, he was a trooper and wanted to come out and we didnt want to leave one of us behind so he summoned enough energy to come out. He was actually pretty poorly but being 20 ish, you just get on with it, he got dressed in his best stonewash jeans and a big floaty white silk (or some man made approximation thereof, probably from Burtons or Fosters), remember, it was the early nineties.
Anyway, we go out and we hit the bars, fair few beers got sunk and we moved on a couple of times, we found a bar that was really loud, fair few in and the free "Tequila Slammers" on the door, plus we found and unguarded tray of them prepped for later, it said free so we nailed a fair few before ordering a beer, the industrial solvent that passed for Tequila worked its magic as we stood around scanning for drunk and equally desperate females of breeding age, or not too far above to annoy.
Anyway, I think it was "One night in Heaven" came on and this was one of his favourites, so bolstered by alcohol and seemingly forgetting his anal ailments he launched into a few of his best moves, not exactly John Travolta but he holds his own, he looked as if lost in music until the moment he did a face that looked a bit like Frankie Howard and "The Scream" combined, the exertion had moved things along and he had forgotten the delicate situation, there was then a comedy walk in the direction of the bar, where he asked the bartender where the facilities were, the bartender pointed and he waddled in the direction of a rather rustic looking facility in one corner.
We were fairly sure there had been an eruption and he was gone a fair while, he emerged some time later looking fine an appraised us of the situation, apparently he had followed through but with a superior clench had stemmed the flow long enough to get over the toilet before the main course, he said his undies were ruined and he had deposited them in the bin, good news was the damage to the stone wash was minimal and had not seeped through, a quick wipe, lots of paper and hand dryer action and he was good to go and feeling a lot better. We did consider going back for him to change but it was a fair old walk and he was fine, looked very st free, all tucked in and smart.
We had all sobered up a little so moved on, went to a couple more bars and gradually got hammered, then on to a club where we had to "throw some shapes" and as you dance you get hot and sweaty, shirts get opened and untucked, there he was in all his young male magnificence, dancing with a girl, glistening bronzed chest on show and his diaphanous shirt billowing, fluorescing and pulsating under the ultraviolet lights, brief freeze frames holding the image as he gyrated about, pristine shirt lit up pure cobalt blue, apart from that, yes, the massive stty stain on the back where the drunken cretin had mistakenly used it to wipe his arse, well had inadvertently got it between the bog paper and his st caked hoop.
We sidle up and point it out to him, off he trots... and comes back all tucked in but I think she had got the general idea that the was wearing a shirt that had st on it, also, was probably the power of suggestion but he did smell a bit tangy.
The following day he was pissed off as he had ruined a fairly nice "it was 20 quid that" shirt and he did wistfully say that explains why he remembered that at the time he was mightily impressed with the absorbency and softness of the toilet paper used in third rate Greek holiday dive bars.
Anyway, we go out and we hit the bars, fair few beers got sunk and we moved on a couple of times, we found a bar that was really loud, fair few in and the free "Tequila Slammers" on the door, plus we found and unguarded tray of them prepped for later, it said free so we nailed a fair few before ordering a beer, the industrial solvent that passed for Tequila worked its magic as we stood around scanning for drunk and equally desperate females of breeding age, or not too far above to annoy.
Anyway, I think it was "One night in Heaven" came on and this was one of his favourites, so bolstered by alcohol and seemingly forgetting his anal ailments he launched into a few of his best moves, not exactly John Travolta but he holds his own, he looked as if lost in music until the moment he did a face that looked a bit like Frankie Howard and "The Scream" combined, the exertion had moved things along and he had forgotten the delicate situation, there was then a comedy walk in the direction of the bar, where he asked the bartender where the facilities were, the bartender pointed and he waddled in the direction of a rather rustic looking facility in one corner.
We were fairly sure there had been an eruption and he was gone a fair while, he emerged some time later looking fine an appraised us of the situation, apparently he had followed through but with a superior clench had stemmed the flow long enough to get over the toilet before the main course, he said his undies were ruined and he had deposited them in the bin, good news was the damage to the stone wash was minimal and had not seeped through, a quick wipe, lots of paper and hand dryer action and he was good to go and feeling a lot better. We did consider going back for him to change but it was a fair old walk and he was fine, looked very s
t free, all tucked in and smart.We had all sobered up a little so moved on, went to a couple more bars and gradually got hammered, then on to a club where we had to "throw some shapes" and as you dance you get hot and sweaty, shirts get opened and untucked, there he was in all his young male magnificence, dancing with a girl, glistening bronzed chest on show and his diaphanous shirt billowing, fluorescing and pulsating under the ultraviolet lights, brief freeze frames holding the image as he gyrated about, pristine shirt lit up pure cobalt blue, apart from that, yes, the massive s
tty stain on the back where the drunken cretin had mistakenly used it to wipe his arse, well had inadvertently got it between the bog paper and his st caked hoop.We sidle up and point it out to him, off he trots... and comes back all tucked in but I think she had got the general idea that the was wearing a shirt that had s
t on it, also, was probably the power of suggestion but he did smell a bit tangy.The following day he was pissed off as he had ruined a fairly nice "it was 20 quid that" shirt and he did wistfully say that explains why he remembered that at the time he was mightily impressed with the absorbency and softness of the toilet paper used in third rate Greek holiday dive bars.
Edited by J4CKO on Wednesday 6th September 19:34
4941cc said:
Greendubber said:
Over my next 10 years of policing I have never seen anything that made me feel as physically sick as that horrible old bd slurping some punters jizz out of a condom from a cold wet public bog floor.
It's been a long time since I was last repulsed by a fetish and consider myself open-minded. d slurping some punters jizz out of a condom from a cold wet public bog floor. But Jeez...
ked up do you have to be to view that as a good way to spend an evening?Einion Yrth said:
4941cc said:
Greendubber said:
Over my next 10 years of policing I have never seen anything that made me feel as physically sick as that horrible old bd slurping some punters jizz out of a condom from a cold wet public bog floor.
It's been a long time since I was last repulsed by a fetish and consider myself open-minded. d slurping some punters jizz out of a condom from a cold wet public bog floor. But Jeez...
ked up do you have to be to view that as a good way to spend an evening?Einion Yrth said:
4941cc said:
Greendubber said:
Over my next 10 years of policing I have never seen anything that made me feel as physically sick as that horrible old bd slurping some punters jizz out of a condom from a cold wet public bog floor.
It's been a long time since I was last repulsed by a fetish and consider myself open-minded. d slurping some punters jizz out of a condom from a cold wet public bog floor. But Jeez...
ked up do you have to be to view that as a good way to spend an evening?I bet his breath smelt interesting.
There are some absolutely golden posts on this thread...haven't had aching cheeks from laughter in a long time.
We have a lot of Muslim agency staff at one of our sites which I frequent. They are on the ground floor so I don't see them (I'm on the top floor in the office), but I have heard some absolutely shocking tales from down below.
Due to religious, cultural, lingual, or a combination of the three, shall we say 'misalignments' these guys' toilet routines are not what we would consider the norm. As a result, there has been a sign placed every cubicle in the building explaining how to take a dump, how to flush, how to wash etc. I shall take a picture next time I'm on site.
One story before this measure was taken went something like one of the night staff noticing a mop bucket in the corner of the toilets when he was about to drop off his load. This must have caught his eye and he had decided to curl out a Yule log larger than the bucket could accommodate. He then proceeded to use the mop to sneer the excess around the floor.
The toilet was then cleaned and locked shut after that. Scumbags.
We have a lot of Muslim agency staff at one of our sites which I frequent. They are on the ground floor so I don't see them (I'm on the top floor in the office), but I have heard some absolutely shocking tales from down below.
Due to religious, cultural, lingual, or a combination of the three, shall we say 'misalignments' these guys' toilet routines are not what we would consider the norm. As a result, there has been a sign placed every cubicle in the building explaining how to take a dump, how to flush, how to wash etc. I shall take a picture next time I'm on site.
One story before this measure was taken went something like one of the night staff noticing a mop bucket in the corner of the toilets when he was about to drop off his load. This must have caught his eye and he had decided to curl out a Yule log larger than the bucket could accommodate. He then proceeded to use the mop to sneer the excess around the floor.
The toilet was then cleaned and locked shut after that. Scumbags.
Promised Land said:
Otispunkmeyer said:
Echos nightclub in Loughborough.... You wouldn't even force a rat to live in those bogs. They were abhorrent and from what my OH described, the ladies was at least twice as bad as the mens!
What were you doing in Echos in the first place?It was rank when it opened about 25 years ago. Surprised it's still going.
https://youtu.be/0eLj7p6OAbY
Joat said:
Women they're the worst.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r72eDZYGkO4
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nh2gO2lsAzkhttps://www.youtube.com/watch?v=r72eDZYGkO4
yes they are
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