Men, Public toilets & loosing all control
Discussion
Puggit said:
It doesn't even get better at home. I work from home and have a bathroom to myself, only sharing with the cats. Yesterday one of the cats knocked the litter tray over (how!?) and there was litter and cat-poo everywhere. FFS!!!!
f
k that! My cat dug a hole in it's litter tray (how? Its friggin thick plastic!!!!) so when I picked it up to empty it, well it emptied all over the floor in a nice sand trail. Thankfully since we got the cat flap, she sts outside in the woods. 
The Mad Monk said:
Otispunkmeyer said:
Even our public toilets in the village, the block is cold, dark and poorly lit. Its always wet in there and I presume it isn't because there's a hole in the roof... more that people lose the ability to aim.
Why don't you use your toilet at home?Is it too mucky?
A good many years ago when I was at university I had reason to 'sit down' whilst in a decent pub on a night out. Some cave dwelling bin dipper had shat on the edge of the toilet seat and I ended up with st smeared down my chinos. I ran the mile or so back to my flat very rapidly to sort that out. Grim.
Alas, I disgraced myself on a walk back to the same flat after a night out with too many VK Oranges and Reefs when I had the sudden stomach gurgle that gives you about 60 seconds warning that your sphincter's about to let loose. Fortunately, some well meaning folk had a skip outside their house, so I perched on the edge and did my business. I felt like a real creature the next day.
A mate who is a hideous squaddie told me a while ago that the finger bum wk had been replaced by 'shw-anking'. The act of wking whilst taking a st. The block bogs weren't a pretty sight by all accounts. Somebody, somewhere comes up with this stuff.
t smeared down my chinos. I ran the mile or so back to my flat very rapidly to sort that out. Grim.Alas, I disgraced myself on a walk back to the same flat after a night out with too many VK Oranges and Reefs when I had the sudden stomach gurgle that gives you about 60 seconds warning that your sphincter's about to let loose. Fortunately, some well meaning folk had a skip outside their house, so I perched on the edge and did my business. I felt like a real creature the next day.
A mate who is a hideous squaddie told me a while ago that the finger bum w
k had been replaced by 'shw-anking'. The act of wking whilst taking a st. The block bogs weren't a pretty sight by all accounts. Somebody, somewhere comes up with this stuff. Promised Land said:
Otispunkmeyer said:
Echos nightclub in Loughborough.... You wouldn't even force a rat to live in those bogs. They were abhorrent and from what my OH described, the ladies was at least twice as bad as the mens!
What were you doing in Echos in the first place?It was rank when it opened about 25 years ago. Surprised it's still going.
k cleaning it. Always played great tunes though, a lot of late 80's, early-mid 90's dance crap. Easy to jump about to.
I used to visit a lot of kitchen manufacturing places. Lots on old farms, very grotty industrial estates and so on. Worst one was in Birmingham, not sure of the ethnicity but basically they had built steps up to the toilet so they could squat (no seat or seal by the steps). No toilet paper. No flush. None existent door to staff 'rest room'. No water to wash. Damp, wet walls thick with mould. Human solid waste only moving, I presume, when liquid waste built up enough to shift it.
Imagine snorting an old moth ball that had been soaked in piss and rancid meat and you got it. Just walking in was enough time for me to start to really gag.
Agreed with the boss there I would drive to McDonalds for a coffee and use the loo whenever required during their training.. Next tech' to visit photographed it, I'll see if I can find the pic'.
Imagine snorting an old moth ball that had been soaked in piss and rancid meat and you got it. Just walking in was enough time for me to start to really gag.
Agreed with the boss there I would drive to McDonalds for a coffee and use the loo whenever required during their training.. Next tech' to visit photographed it, I'll see if I can find the pic'.
Otispunkmeyer said:
It's dank, but it is a blast in there when you're drunk (well when you're a student, bit too old for it now). Its a proper scum hole, but its the only constant in Loughborough...literally everything else has closed, re-opened, been renamed or gone altogether and yet mention Echos and seemingly even the eldest Alumni know what you're on about. I reckon with that place they simply lock up on a saturday night and don't bother opening it again till the next weekend. fk cleaning it.
Always played great tunes though, a lot of late 80's, early-mid 90's dance crap. Easy to jump about to.
Is Crystals still there (or am I showing my age and its not been called that since 90s)? Don't remember Echo's bogs - don't really remember echos though :Pk cleaning it. Always played great tunes though, a lot of late 80's, early-mid 90's dance crap. Easy to jump about to.
Pub/club bogs! Use them early in the evening and they are not too bad but go in there about 1.30 a.m. and they are transformed, wet bog roll floating in rivers of piss! Gross.
Me and a mate were climbing Ben Nevis (must have been about 30 years ago now) and hadn't encountered anyone else for ages along the path, just as we got to a certain spot by some ferns a big cloud of bluebottle flies flew up from behind said ferns as we brushed passed them. We had to take a look at what caused those flies to amass in such numbers, yes, a big, still steaming human turd! Didn't know whether to hurl or laugh. We pressed on and about 10 minutes later caught up what we suspect was the culprit, and man and his rather large wife, it had to be her, probably.
Now my own confession. Not long after starting out on a long car journey my guts were telling me a crap was required. I thought I could hold on until I got home. The rumblings got worse and worse, the stomach cramps more and more regular, I was shuffling around in the seat trying to make it go away, no joy. There was nothing for it, a McPoo was needed. I had to improvise, no McDonalds between here and home but there was a Morrisons, that'll do. I almost ran into the bogs, (thankfully a spotless specimen of cubicles met me) well fast shuffle so as not to draw attention to myself or ruin my day/undercrackers. What a relief it was, wondrous joy in fact. Contents evacuated in a bit of a non eventful manner in the end apart from the massive quantities dumped in the pan that were not going away. Four flushes later it hadn't budged an inch, there was this brown pointy lump poking out of the water about 2 inches, looking like a little brown Loch Ness monster if it wasn't for the fact it's head was covered by bog roll. A couple of other customers came and went between flushes, the turd wasn't going so I had to make a break for it when the coast was clear. Dashed out quick, washed hands and legged it sharpish. Couldn't help but feel sorry for the guy that had to do the hourly inspection or the person tasked with removing the blockage.
Me and a mate were climbing Ben Nevis (must have been about 30 years ago now) and hadn't encountered anyone else for ages along the path, just as we got to a certain spot by some ferns a big cloud of bluebottle flies flew up from behind said ferns as we brushed passed them. We had to take a look at what caused those flies to amass in such numbers, yes, a big, still steaming human turd! Didn't know whether to hurl or laugh. We pressed on and about 10 minutes later caught up what we suspect was the culprit, and man and his rather large wife, it had to be her, probably.
Now my own confession. Not long after starting out on a long car journey my guts were telling me a crap was required. I thought I could hold on until I got home. The rumblings got worse and worse, the stomach cramps more and more regular, I was shuffling around in the seat trying to make it go away, no joy. There was nothing for it, a McPoo was needed. I had to improvise, no McDonalds between here and home but there was a Morrisons, that'll do. I almost ran into the bogs, (thankfully a spotless specimen of cubicles met me) well fast shuffle so as not to draw attention to myself or ruin my day/undercrackers. What a relief it was, wondrous joy in fact. Contents evacuated in a bit of a non eventful manner in the end apart from the massive quantities dumped in the pan that were not going away. Four flushes later it hadn't budged an inch, there was this brown pointy lump poking out of the water about 2 inches, looking like a little brown Loch Ness monster if it wasn't for the fact it's head was covered by bog roll. A couple of other customers came and went between flushes, the turd wasn't going so I had to make a break for it when the coast was clear. Dashed out quick, washed hands and legged it sharpish. Couldn't help but feel sorry for the guy that had to do the hourly inspection or the person tasked with removing the blockage.
Never had a problem in offices Ive worked in, but once at a swimming pool,I took my son into the gents and found st smeared to a great depth on the back of a cubicle door, and the urinal outlet(it was one of those long communal ones) full to overflowing. With no shoes on, obviously, it was not nice.
Recently my son blocked our loo with a huge solid log but we made him fix his mess, and I have been responsible for one myself.On honeymoon in Agadir,Morocco, the local food(pigeon pie, but I wasnt told what it was till after) hit me like a hammer. Throwing up violently that night I suddenly felt the rumblings of a volcano in my bowels,I didnt know which way to turn as it shot out of me both ends at once at high speed!
t smeared to a great depth on the back of a cubicle door, and the urinal outlet(it was one of those long communal ones) full to overflowing. With no shoes on, obviously, it was not nice.Recently my son blocked our loo with a huge solid log but we made him fix his mess, and I have been responsible for one myself.On honeymoon in Agadir,Morocco, the local food(pigeon pie, but I wasnt told what it was till after) hit me like a hammer. Throwing up violently that night I suddenly felt the rumblings of a volcano in my bowels,I didnt know which way to turn as it shot out of me both ends at once at high speed!
Serious times, call for serious measures and was the case in one particular incident in my younger years during a visit to my girlfriends parents.
A particularly large steak dinner the evening before had run its course and nature was now calling. I'm not entirely sure why this seems (to this day) to happen, but if i'm going to drop a monster poo it always seems to be at someone elses house.
Anyway, experience told me that this wasn't going to be a simple 2 flush job, so to pre-empt this i reasoned the best course of action was to break its back with the loo brush.
This however, did not go as planned and all i managed to do was squash it further into the pan and cake the brush in crap. The brush was literally like a hedgehog that had rolled over a melted mars bar.
I couldn't deal with anything while i was holding the stty brush, so that was dealt with by throwing it out of the bathroom window. It conveniently landed in the neighbours leylandii, but at an angle that meant it was only going to be visible from the back of her parents house.
As for the turd, well i had no option but to wrap my hand in toilet paper and dispatch it with a rapid karate style chop to break it in half.
Luckily they had a nail brush.
A particularly large steak dinner the evening before had run its course and nature was now calling. I'm not entirely sure why this seems (to this day) to happen, but if i'm going to drop a monster poo it always seems to be at someone elses house.
Anyway, experience told me that this wasn't going to be a simple 2 flush job, so to pre-empt this i reasoned the best course of action was to break its back with the loo brush.
This however, did not go as planned and all i managed to do was squash it further into the pan and cake the brush in crap. The brush was literally like a hedgehog that had rolled over a melted mars bar.
I couldn't deal with anything while i was holding the s
tty brush, so that was dealt with by throwing it out of the bathroom window. It conveniently landed in the neighbours leylandii, but at an angle that meant it was only going to be visible from the back of her parents house.As for the turd, well i had no option but to wrap my hand in toilet paper and dispatch it with a rapid karate style chop to break it in half.
Luckily they had a nail brush.
This thread is gold.
Ok, where to start.
School trip to London, after the 3 hour coach journey in we were kicked out somewhere near Covent garden. We all queued to use a unisex toilet (one bog, small sink), I then noticed there was another school in front of us and a school behind us. Eventually I got to the toilet, closed the door behind me and to be greeted by what looked like the aftermath of someone wrestling a massive st. It was everywhere, walls, mirror and in the sink. Thankfully I only needed a pee, I didn't/couldn't wash my hands. As I left and saw 60 other school kids queuing I had to shout "that wasn't me by the way".
Still in school, after assembly the whole of the schools female population were asked to stay behind. It turned out that one of the girls had used period blood to write on the walls.
My first job, ASDA. Someone had st in the George clothing changing rooms (little girl, CCTV). Then about a year later a human log was found on the floor near the bread aisle. It seemed that an old man had st himself, shook his trouser leg and out it rolled.
I now work for the civil service, and recently there has been a female dirty protest. stting on the floor, not even in the cubicle but right in front of the sink.
On a night out to a local pub (Greyhound, ponty anyone?), I was stood at the urinal, finished up turned around to wash my hands to be greeted by a "woman" sat on the sink legs spread taking a piss. Again, I didn't wash my hands.
Ok, where to start.
School trip to London, after the 3 hour coach journey in we were kicked out somewhere near Covent garden. We all queued to use a unisex toilet (one bog, small sink), I then noticed there was another school in front of us and a school behind us. Eventually I got to the toilet, closed the door behind me and to be greeted by what looked like the aftermath of someone wrestling a massive s
t. It was everywhere, walls, mirror and in the sink. Thankfully I only needed a pee, I didn't/couldn't wash my hands. As I left and saw 60 other school kids queuing I had to shout "that wasn't me by the way".Still in school, after assembly the whole of the schools female population were asked to stay behind. It turned out that one of the girls had used period blood to write on the walls.
My first job, ASDA. Someone had s
t in the George clothing changing rooms (little girl, CCTV). Then about a year later a human log was found on the floor near the bread aisle. It seemed that an old man had st himself, shook his trouser leg and out it rolled.I now work for the civil service, and recently there has been a female dirty protest. s
tting on the floor, not even in the cubicle but right in front of the sink. On a night out to a local pub (Greyhound, ponty anyone?), I was stood at the urinal, finished up turned around to wash my hands to be greeted by a "woman" sat on the sink legs spread taking a piss. Again, I didn't wash my hands.
littlebasher said:
Serious times, call for serious measures and was the case in one particular incident in my younger years during a visit to my girlfriends parents.
A particularly large steak dinner the evening before had run its course and nature was now calling. I'm not entirely sure why this seems (to this day) to happen, but if i'm going to drop a monster poo it always seems to be at someone elses house.
Anyway, experience told me that this wasn't going to be a simple 2 flush job, so to pre-empt this i reasoned the best course of action was to break its back with the loo brush.
This however, did not go as planned and all i managed to do was squash it further into the pan and cake the brush in crap. The brush was literally like a hedgehog that had rolled over a melted mars bar.
I couldn't deal with anything while i was holding the stty brush, so that was dealt with by throwing it out of the bathroom window. It conveniently landed in the neighbours leylandii, but at an angle that meant it was only going to be visible from the back of her parents house.
As for the turd, well i had no option but to wrap my hand in toilet paper and dispatch it with a rapid karate style chop to break it in half.
Luckily they had a nail brush.
I have no words.A particularly large steak dinner the evening before had run its course and nature was now calling. I'm not entirely sure why this seems (to this day) to happen, but if i'm going to drop a monster poo it always seems to be at someone elses house.
Anyway, experience told me that this wasn't going to be a simple 2 flush job, so to pre-empt this i reasoned the best course of action was to break its back with the loo brush.
This however, did not go as planned and all i managed to do was squash it further into the pan and cake the brush in crap. The brush was literally like a hedgehog that had rolled over a melted mars bar.
I couldn't deal with anything while i was holding the s
tty brush, so that was dealt with by throwing it out of the bathroom window. It conveniently landed in the neighbours leylandii, but at an angle that meant it was only going to be visible from the back of her parents house.As for the turd, well i had no option but to wrap my hand in toilet paper and dispatch it with a rapid karate style chop to break it in half.
Luckily they had a nail brush.
10 years ago I worked in a smallish software company. Our section was slightly away from the developers office, so we had a toilet that was logically the one us IT guys would use. However, every morning, usually between 830 and 845, one of the 'chunkier' developers would use it and utterly decimate trap 2. Ginger skids smeared from the top to the very bottom of the pan. It was hideous. The ventilation was also very poor in that toilet, so once the deed had been done each morning, it was there until the afternoon.
You think toilets are bad?
Try festival showers.
Got woken up at 6am, decided to grab a shower before everyone else was up...
...nope.
It was like someone had pressed their cheeks against the shower wall and vacated themselves at max velocity.
Thankfully the cleaners were about and working their way through, so a quiet warning to them and another freshly cleaned cubicle was found.
Try festival showers.
Got woken up at 6am, decided to grab a shower before everyone else was up...
...nope.
It was like someone had pressed their cheeks against the shower wall and vacated themselves at max velocity.
Thankfully the cleaners were about and working their way through, so a quiet warning to them and another freshly cleaned cubicle was found.
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