Screaming kids

[Sheepshanks]

gus607 said:

My son said to me a couple of years ago, dad I thought sometimes you were too strict but looking back you were absolutely right.

My Mum was strict with us. She seemed surprised that none of us wanted to take her in as she got older.

[Sheepshanks]

Robertj21a said:

I know I'm saying the ''bleeding obvious' but has anyone actually thought to ASK their little darling(s) WHY they are screaming ?.

A while ago I watched a lady with 2 youngsters get on a plane and I made a point of sitting a bit further away.......
After a bit of a tantrum and a bit of screaming, the mother simply asked the child what he thought he would achieve by screaming, what was it he wanted etc - the kid seemed to think that he'd achieved what he wanted (attention ?) and so settled down, quietly.

Depends what age they are - until around the time they reach their third birthday you can't reason with them. Our 5yr old granddaughter will sometimes freak out but then snap herself out of it after a couple of minutes - it's a bit weird seeing her do it.

[buggalugs]

Our 2.5 y/o is different depending on who she's around. When I watch her at nursery it's almost like I'm watching a different kid sometimes with how she carries herself and behaves. She seems a lot more grown up there.

When it's just me and her she is usually pretty good, bit of a pain in the arse at times but not too full on. We have a nice time and I look forward to those times.

When Mummy is around the drama level rises by 9000% and everything becomes centered around her. I don't know if it's because of the whole special bond thing, breastfeeding, or the fact that Mummy usually gives in to her when she screams and I don't, but it's really frikking stressful when they're together.

[robemcdonald]

rufusgti said:

Half rant, half desperate need of advice.

My son is 5 and my daughter 3. I never expected parenthood to be easy and I'd like to think there's been times I've thouroughly enjoyed and grown as a person from being around my children and watching them grow. Right now though and for the past few weeks or months I've slowly come to the stage where I can almost not bare to be around them. The reason for this is quite simply the insane levels of noise they produce. My daughter is the worst, her screams are to me like nails down a blackboard, they come for relatively little reason. Could be excitement, sorrow, playfull fighting with her brother, honestly anything. No meal time is safe from the most horrendous levels of noise and no car journey free from ear penetrating shouts and screams.

Their behaviour is up and down but I'd say they are no more badly behaved than any other brother and sister of close age. They are very playfull and happy which I want to encourage and they're loveable and well behaved most of the time. But the noise is something I simply can't control. In the past we have dealt with issues with the standard punishments. Naughty steps. Confiscation of toys. Time out etc etc. but when I try and curb the noise levels it falls on completely deaf ears (excuse the pun).

It's really starting to effect my enjoyment of being at home which isnt nice for anyone. It doesn't help that there's no real down time. We don't have family to babysit to get some down time so unless Im in work it's hands on parenting. I'm the first to admit I'm not the best at parenting anyway so when things are strained it feels like trudging through a painful and long day. I don't expect silence and I enjoy interacting and playing, reading, films, bike rides, walks. To be honest I love most of it. But the screaming, screeching, violently loud outbursts are becoming unbearable. I think our neighbours must be saints as I'd frankly have moved house long ago,

I suppose I'm asking, has anyone managed to stop a 3 year old screaming. Or is that a ridiculous question.

I don't think I can really help apart from saying I often feel exactly the same.

I recently had enough and completely banned sugar from the house. Things improved, but after a couple of days the missus was giving them sugary treats again.

Seems you can have screaming kids or arguments with the wife. Rock and hard place.

[RTB]

My youngest (5 years old), has a habit of really losing his st occasionally. He's slowly getting better. My approach which seems to work (after a fashion), is to physically remove him from the situation that is causing the screaming. I don't enter into any dialogue (no point adding to the noise). I simply get up, take him by the arm and march him off somewhere away from everyone else, deposit him there a silently walk away.

To begin with the noise would increase, but now all I have to do is stand up and start the process of "removal" and he tends to shut up. Doesn't always work but at least it's some sort of sanction....

[Kermit power]

oldcynic said:

I remember when our eldest 3 were younger I would occasionally instruct them to go to different rooms. Not the naughty step or any kind of punishment, just separation from each other. It was surprisingly effective.

At 18, 19 and 21 I hear much less from them these days but what I do hear is generally more of a challenge! We still have an 8 and 10 year old for that pointless bickering experience.

Mine are currently 14, 12 & 9.

Setting aside death and serious injury to myself, my wife or one of the above three, I would really struggle to think of anything more terrifying than the idea of having an 8 & 10yr old in nine years time!!!!

My daughter (the eldest) is now in teenage grunty phase, but with the boys, I absolutely love going to gigs and mountain biking with the eldest, coaching and watching rugby with the youngest and so on. I really would honestly rather be doing those things with them than with adult mates.

Absolutely NOTHING, though, would ever be worth going through the first five years of parenthood again!!!

[Rawwr]

robemcdonald said:

I recently had enough and completely banned sugar from the house. Things improved, but after a couple of days the missus was giving them sugary treats again.

It's not really sugar that makes people hyper. It's the post-sugar crash which makes them go mental. If your kids are going nuts, force a Mars bar in their face.

[bucksmanuk]

buggalugs said:

When Mummy is around the drama level rises by 9000% and everything becomes centered around her. I don't know if it's because of the whole special bond thing, breastfeeding, or the fact that Mummy usually gives in to her when she screams and I don't, but it's really frikking stressful when they're together.

The number of times I have seen this with my mates children....
Just Dad at home = normal children
Mum arrives = drama and chaos ensues

[dave_s13]

Kermit power said:

Mine are currently 14, 12 & 9.



Absolutely NOTHING, though, would ever be worth going through the first five years of parenthood again!!!

Mine are 3, 5 & 8 and I agree entirely.

Sometimes I could happily go to the shop for some milk, and come home say 15 years later.

They are fking draining when they want to be.

[768]

I've got a four year old and six month twins.

I can't even cope with listening to the six month olds breathe at the moment. Noisy, bacteria spreading little bds.

Shouldn't have married a woman who can't eat with her mouth closed.

[SystemParanoia]

dave_s13 said:

Kermit power said:

Mine are currently 14, 12 & 9.



Absolutely NOTHING, though, would ever be worth going through the first five years of parenthood again!!!

Mine are 3, 5 & 8 and I agree entirely.

Sometimes I could happily go to the shop for some milk, and come home say 15 years later.

They are fking draining when they want to be.

and yet you both went there 'three!!' times

[dave_s13]

Lol....I know. It's fking nuts really!!

The 3rd was a bit of a mistake. Told her we should've stuck to anal.

[Sheepshanks]

buggalugs said:

When Mummy is around the drama level rises by 9000% and everything becomes centered around her. I don't know if it's because of the whole special bond thing, breastfeeding, or the fact that Mummy usually gives in to her when she screams and I don't, but it's really frikking stressful when they're together.

My wife looked after one of granddaughters a couple of days a week and it was unbelievable how often, when our daughter came to pick her up, granddaughter would just go bonkers, bang (usually her head) into something and then we'd feel bad as she'd go home all upset. Her mum is pretty strict with her too, whereas we're much more relaxed, so it's not as if she was suddenly "released". No idea why it happens.

[Vaud]

4 year old and a new born.

Focusing on the 4 year old...

“Stick” strict but not Victorian... no smacking, etc. Removal of privileges, going climbing, swimming, etc as ultimate sanction.

“Carrot”... Use of “indoor voice” vs “outdoor voice” when asked... has worked well. “If you are a good girl all week then you get x... being good means abc”

Fine to bounce about at home but being clear when play and noise is ok, vs chilling out and playing quietly.

Edited by Vaud on Wednesday 20th September 22:24

[Carl_Manchester]

rufusgti said:

Half rant, half desperate need of advice.

I have really good neighbours (probably my best ones yet!) but their kids scream their roof down. I don't mean kids being noisey, I mean screaming. It does not affect me as I only hear them in the hallways. It is not polite to ask but I don't think it is normal. It is hard to say for sure whether it is medical or lack of discipline. I come from a big extended family and I have never heard anything quite like it.

So you are not alone !

Make sure your kids don't have anything medically wrong with them first. My ex-work colleague's kids had quite severe autism and they screamed permanently at each other. If the kids are given the all clear at least then you know it is simply a case of teaching them how to behave. It is easier to do that these days as kids like their gadgets and like streaming Disney/Amazon/Netflix shows, lots of levers to pull there.

No easy answers on this one. We (close family) taught my daughter the consequences of screaming from an early age and this was done via regular, verbal correction and encouragement.

[oldbanger]

The Mad Monk said:

oldbanger said:

My youngest is a screamer, full on. I remember taking her to a supermarket as a toddler and had passers by wincing at the noise.

She's 10 and still screams, louder now as she's bigger.

It may be an issue caused by sensory processing problems or emotional development delays, or it may just be one of those things.

Or it may be that you are not good at parenting.

Yup, you've nailed it

[rufusgti]

Thanks for the varied and interesting responses. It's actually really helped me put it all in perspective. Feeling much better about it all now after a few good nights sleep without any wake up calls. Think I may have just needed a rant haha.

I think a few things that have been pointed out I really agree with. When the kids start to really get on your nerves it's worth getting down to their level and taking 5 minutes to play with them. I know a lot of my daughters behaviour is about attention. Really made me laugh when I read the post about behaviour changing in nursery and with different people around, mother especially. That's so true of my daughter.

Anyway, thanks again for comments.

[Sheepshanks]

rufusgti said:

When the kids start to really get on your nerves it's worth getting down to their level and taking 5 minutes to play with them.

This is a lot easier to say than it is to do, but try and be proactive, not reactive. If you literally do what you just wrote, they'll very quickly learn that getting on Dad's nerves means Dad will play with them.