Life's Too Short......
Discussion
FocusRS3 said:
davek_964 said:
Both of my parents died pretty young - dad was 18 (or maybe 19), and my mum was 62. My mums death made me realise life is too short, and I do tend to think more about what I want in the present than what I might need in the future (although I do still need some rainy day money).
From a work perspective, years ago I did work whatever hours it took. These days, I couldn't care less - I do what I'm paid for, but not more. Which is tricky when it's really busy and everybody else is doing twice as many hours!
Your dad passed at 18/19? That's tragic From a work perspective, years ago I did work whatever hours it took. These days, I couldn't care less - I do what I'm paid for, but not more. Which is tricky when it's really busy and everybody else is doing twice as many hours!
I have massive respect for her - I would have simply crumbled in those kind of circumstances.
davek_964 said:
More so for my mum. They were planning a big family - she was widowed at 19 a week before Christmas, with a 6 month old baby and pregnant with twins.
I have massive respect for her - I would have simply crumbled in those kind of circumstances.
As would I have in the same situation no question . Huge respect also.I have massive respect for her - I would have simply crumbled in those kind of circumstances.
No doubt it made you incredibly close to your mum growing up.
I had hoped to spend more time with my dad before his passing, he was a great dad and I try to emulate him with my children.
My mother is as fit as a fiddle at 79 still fortunately but I'm mindful going back to work will mean I see less of her again.
We'll always be our mothers "little boy" eh
It is too short.
My wife had a colostomy + reversal 10 gears ago. Nearly died. If they hadn't operated on her within 4 hours of being admitted she would have. Her dad died the same day. She retired at 54 and gets a reduced pension (teacher). We decided that enough was enough. We had saved all my pay rises over the years.
Last year I was made redundant. Best thing that ever happened to me. I then had an opportunity to invest in a company that "Potentially" could be worth Millions in the next 3-5 years. Pulled out after nearly 12 months. Not worth the risk. Mrs DWS and I are happy with what we have. I will still need to work but am looking at less stressful, lower paid jobs. So long as we can afford to buy food, have the occasional holiday and feed the dog, that's good enough for us.
They are hackneyed sayings and used all too frequently, and glibly!, but "you don't get a second chance!" and "You only live once" are very true.
Another one is "There are no pockets in a shroud". There will be nothing left of our estate by the time we shuffle off. We don't have kids. Enjoy what you can NOW!
My wife had a colostomy + reversal 10 gears ago. Nearly died. If they hadn't operated on her within 4 hours of being admitted she would have. Her dad died the same day. She retired at 54 and gets a reduced pension (teacher). We decided that enough was enough. We had saved all my pay rises over the years.
Last year I was made redundant. Best thing that ever happened to me. I then had an opportunity to invest in a company that "Potentially" could be worth Millions in the next 3-5 years. Pulled out after nearly 12 months. Not worth the risk. Mrs DWS and I are happy with what we have. I will still need to work but am looking at less stressful, lower paid jobs. So long as we can afford to buy food, have the occasional holiday and feed the dog, that's good enough for us.
They are hackneyed sayings and used all too frequently, and glibly!, but "you don't get a second chance!" and "You only live once" are very true.
Another one is "There are no pockets in a shroud". There will be nothing left of our estate by the time we shuffle off. We don't have kids. Enjoy what you can NOW!
Some really brutal stories in this thread, I really don't know where to begin in expressing condolences.
I lost my Dad in 2013 after a brief hospital visit. Unlike some of the stories on here I was aware he was unwell, but I was never prepared for him to pass away. I'm not entirely sure anyone can be prepared, I'm not sure "prepared" is a fitting word. I still think about him most days, and the littlest cue will cause me to tear up uncontrollably. I don't think anyone can understand until they've gone through it myself, and I wouldn't wish the grief on anyone - even though sadly it's something we all have to face at some point.
I lost my Dad in 2013 after a brief hospital visit. Unlike some of the stories on here I was aware he was unwell, but I was never prepared for him to pass away. I'm not entirely sure anyone can be prepared, I'm not sure "prepared" is a fitting word. I still think about him most days, and the littlest cue will cause me to tear up uncontrollably. I don't think anyone can understand until they've gone through it myself, and I wouldn't wish the grief on anyone - even though sadly it's something we all have to face at some point.
DWS said:
It is too short.
My wife had a colostomy + reversal 10 gears ago. Nearly died. If they hadn't operated on her within 4 hours of being admitted she would have. Her dad died the same day. She retired at 54 and gets a reduced pension (teacher). We decided that enough was enough. We had saved all my pay rises over the years.
Last year I was made redundant. Best thing that ever happened to me. I then had an opportunity to invest in a company that "Potentially" could be worth Millions in the next 3-5 years. Pulled out after nearly 12 months. Not worth the risk. Mrs DWS and I are happy with what we have. I will still need to work but am looking at less stressful, lower paid jobs. So long as we can afford to buy food, have the occasional holiday and feed the dog, that's good enough for us.
They are hackneyed sayings and used all too frequently, and glibly!, but "you don't get a second chance!" and "You only live once" are very true.
Another one is "There are no pockets in a shroud". There will be nothing left of our estate by the time we shuffle off. We don't have kids. Enjoy what you can NOW!
I think I mentioned in my first post we have never been silly with money and my career has always been a roller coaster as I'm sure it is for many so we've made the best of what we could. My wife had a colostomy + reversal 10 gears ago. Nearly died. If they hadn't operated on her within 4 hours of being admitted she would have. Her dad died the same day. She retired at 54 and gets a reduced pension (teacher). We decided that enough was enough. We had saved all my pay rises over the years.
Last year I was made redundant. Best thing that ever happened to me. I then had an opportunity to invest in a company that "Potentially" could be worth Millions in the next 3-5 years. Pulled out after nearly 12 months. Not worth the risk. Mrs DWS and I are happy with what we have. I will still need to work but am looking at less stressful, lower paid jobs. So long as we can afford to buy food, have the occasional holiday and feed the dog, that's good enough for us.
They are hackneyed sayings and used all too frequently, and glibly!, but "you don't get a second chance!" and "You only live once" are very true.
Another one is "There are no pockets in a shroud". There will be nothing left of our estate by the time we shuffle off. We don't have kids. Enjoy what you can NOW!
Yes we've had the occasional big holiday but with the kids so that's all part of life's memories afaic.
We still have a way to go with the kids education and wellbeing so totally quitting work isn't an option but this last year means I look at it differently now.
You are right that providing you have the basics it's all good although when you're on a roll at times that's easy to forget.
Not me though I know what's important now
Mark Benson said:
My daughter has Cystic Fibrosis, her life expectancy is mid-late 20s.
We decided early on to make memories, not money and for the last 6 years we've been doing just that. Make the most of what you have, you can never be sure how long you'll have it for.
Wise words and good luck with everything MarkWe decided early on to make memories, not money and for the last 6 years we've been doing just that. Make the most of what you have, you can never be sure how long you'll have it for.
some people dont realise that at some point, they will die. If you have to keep working to pay the mortgage on the next bigger house / sky / car lease etc., you are doing it wrong.
I've been fortunate in that I lucked into a career (albeit with a fair bit of hard graft to get there)
I never wanted kids, so don't have that expense. The current other half has her own grown up kids and her own house.
So....I hit 55 this year, but through choice haven't worked for two years since finishing a contract job and had many a year or two off in the last ten. Had a enough to get by. Sort of retired I suppose, and have access to pensions if I want to. My dad died at the not so grand age of 47... hmmm. Life is too short, does give one a different perspective on life.
I'm seriously thinking of selling up, taking the nice equity and pensions and clearing off to Portugal where I have an apartment.... maybe...currently doing the house up a bit just in case...
I've been fortunate in that I lucked into a career (albeit with a fair bit of hard graft to get there)
I never wanted kids, so don't have that expense. The current other half has her own grown up kids and her own house.
So....I hit 55 this year, but through choice haven't worked for two years since finishing a contract job and had many a year or two off in the last ten. Had a enough to get by. Sort of retired I suppose, and have access to pensions if I want to. My dad died at the not so grand age of 47... hmmm. Life is too short, does give one a different perspective on life.
I'm seriously thinking of selling up, taking the nice equity and pensions and clearing off to Portugal where I have an apartment.... maybe...currently doing the house up a bit just in case...
It's easy to keep adding to the list of direct debits and standing orders plus going out for meals and buying stuff to make yourself feel better about the amount of hours you do work wise add up .
I called my bank when I walked out of work and asked for my list of direct debits and without realising it I was spending £200 a month of the national lottery !
You get so wrapped up in work work work you don't stop and realise what's really going on and what life's about .
I'm small disgusted with myself over the NL thing but the wife was trying to dig me out of the work mess by hoping we'd win big !
Bless her
I called my bank when I walked out of work and asked for my list of direct debits and without realising it I was spending £200 a month of the national lottery !
You get so wrapped up in work work work you don't stop and realise what's really going on and what life's about .
I'm small disgusted with myself over the NL thing but the wife was trying to dig me out of the work mess by hoping we'd win big !
Bless her
Edited by FocusRS3 on Thursday 21st September 21:43
Just seen this topic and thought I'd chip in.
It's strange what happens in life to make you re-evaluate things.
When I was with my ex,money was no real barrier. We both had good jobs and didn't have to budget too hard. But did it buy us happiness? Ultimately no-we split a few years ago and my current partner is the polar opposite,part time job etc. I kept the house,doubled the mortgage and halfed the income and I've survived fine.
A very good friend of mine has just lost his mum to cancer. She was 57. This has prompted us to say life is too short and we have formed a motorbike race team so we can do what we love again. It's cost a fortune but life's too short.
My step brother had a brain aneurysm last Sunday while driving his 2yr old son. Luckily they were slowing for a roundabout at the time so just hit a road sign. The kid was unhurt and the step bro looks like he will make a full recovery but a long road ahead. He's 37,9 years younger than me.
Another life's to short moment.
It's strange what happens in life to make you re-evaluate things.
When I was with my ex,money was no real barrier. We both had good jobs and didn't have to budget too hard. But did it buy us happiness? Ultimately no-we split a few years ago and my current partner is the polar opposite,part time job etc. I kept the house,doubled the mortgage and halfed the income and I've survived fine.
A very good friend of mine has just lost his mum to cancer. She was 57. This has prompted us to say life is too short and we have formed a motorbike race team so we can do what we love again. It's cost a fortune but life's too short.
My step brother had a brain aneurysm last Sunday while driving his 2yr old son. Luckily they were slowing for a roundabout at the time so just hit a road sign. The kid was unhurt and the step bro looks like he will make a full recovery but a long road ahead. He's 37,9 years younger than me.
Another life's to short moment.
I qualified as a doctor aged 33. Now 34 working in a&e in one of the four major trauma centres in London. The hours are longish. Probably 50+ a week which I believe goes against our new contract but averages to 47.5hours. Because we have to take our leave on weeks where we are scheduled for 40h so the average hours come down.
Anyhow. Point is hours are long and we get s
t shift patterns like 1pm-11pm. That means I get home past midnight, too tired to have any meaningful interaction with my 3 year old before he goes to school. Then I'm off to work before he's back. Thankfully it's only a four month rotation. But I love the actual job.
It's a mean to an end. I want to be an anaesthetist.
Life's a balance. Don't do too much of anything.
Re money. I used to have a business that made me a lot of money compared to a doctor's salary. And it took about 10h a week, if that, to run it. And then it all collapsed. Overall I am happier earning 45k as a doctor, even if I do miss treats that business afforded me.
Re sudden death. Or prolonged death. Seen it in my family and see it at work every day.
Anyhow. Point is hours are long and we get s
t shift patterns like 1pm-11pm. That means I get home past midnight, too tired to have any meaningful interaction with my 3 year old before he goes to school. Then I'm off to work before he's back. Thankfully it's only a four month rotation. But I love the actual job. It's a mean to an end. I want to be an anaesthetist.
Life's a balance. Don't do too much of anything.
Re money. I used to have a business that made me a lot of money compared to a doctor's salary. And it took about 10h a week, if that, to run it. And then it all collapsed. Overall I am happier earning 45k as a doctor, even if I do miss treats that business afforded me.
Re sudden death. Or prolonged death. Seen it in my family and see it at work every day.
My main goal at the moment is to 'beat' my dad, who retired at 52 and then had 25 great years with my mother- looks like I will make it. My wife stopped work over ten years ago, no kids, but there were things that she just would rather do
Having income > wants helps, and understand hedonic adaption
Having income > wants helps, and understand hedonic adaption
wisbech said:
My main goal at the moment is to 'beat' my dad, who retired at 52 and then had 25 great years with my mother- looks like I will make it. My wife stopped work over ten years ago, no kids, but there were things that she just would rather do
Having income > wants helps, and understand hedonic adaption
The key here in lots of cases is not having kids. Having income > wants helps, and understand hedonic adaption
I'm certain that if it wasn't for me having teenagers I'd never be returning to London but instead full time on the coast.
Don't get me wrong I'm pleased with my lot and wouldn't change having the children but I have to think about education ( which I signed up for a few years ago) uni , getting them on the housing ladder at some stage, if possible .
Funny I spotted on another thread a website about finding employment away from the city .
Bad timing on my part !
helmutlaang said:
Just seen this topic and thought I'd chip in.
It's strange what happens in life to make you re-evaluate things.
When I was with my ex,money was no real barrier. We both had good jobs and didn't have to budget too hard. But did it buy us happiness? Ultimately no-we split a few years ago and my current partner is the polar opposite,part time job etc. I kept the house,doubled the mortgage and halfed the income and I've survived fine.
A very good friend of mine has just lost his mum to cancer. She was 57. This has prompted us to say life is too short and we have formed a motorbike race team so we can do what we love again. It's cost a fortune but life's too short.
My step brother had a brain aneurysm last Sunday while driving his 2yr old son. Luckily they were slowing for a roundabout at the time so just hit a road sign. The kid was unhurt and the step bro looks like he will make a full recovery but a long road ahead. He's 37,9 years younger than me.
Another life's to short moment.
Wow there we go . Life is indeed too short. Obviously glad Bro looking like he's on the road to recovery.It's strange what happens in life to make you re-evaluate things.
When I was with my ex,money was no real barrier. We both had good jobs and didn't have to budget too hard. But did it buy us happiness? Ultimately no-we split a few years ago and my current partner is the polar opposite,part time job etc. I kept the house,doubled the mortgage and halfed the income and I've survived fine.
A very good friend of mine has just lost his mum to cancer. She was 57. This has prompted us to say life is too short and we have formed a motorbike race team so we can do what we love again. It's cost a fortune but life's too short.
My step brother had a brain aneurysm last Sunday while driving his 2yr old son. Luckily they were slowing for a roundabout at the time so just hit a road sign. The kid was unhurt and the step bro looks like he will make a full recovery but a long road ahead. He's 37,9 years younger than me.
Another life's to short moment.
Few years back a work colleague of mine had his wife die during the night of an aneurysm, she was 40.
Obviously his world changed and he had the job of bringing up two daughters solo.
He went onto meet someone else (something personally i could never imagine myself doing) and he quit the city.
Cant imagine how horrid that must be not being able to wake your wife in the morning
It is rather, and when things happen does make you re-evaluate - extended family for me but we've had our fill in the last 6 weeks:
Cousin passed (aged 45) - something heart related
Great Aunty No Marbles (as she was affectionately known) - passed aged 73, but had dementia for the last 6 years and decided to stop eating.....
Aunt (early 60's and hugely active) was on holiday on an excursion, tripped and hit head on a rock - now paralysed from the neck down with a not very positive prognosis.
I'd planned to retire and downsize at 55, but think that will be as early as I can as you simply don't know what's around the corner....
Cousin passed (aged 45) - something heart related
Great Aunty No Marbles (as she was affectionately known) - passed aged 73, but had dementia for the last 6 years and decided to stop eating.....
Aunt (early 60's and hugely active) was on holiday on an excursion, tripped and hit head on a rock - now paralysed from the neck down with a not very positive prognosis.
I'd planned to retire and downsize at 55, but think that will be as early as I can as you simply don't know what's around the corner....
My sister was widowed at 26. Her husband was a fireman who died on a shout - he was 31. Now the thing is, he was a bit of a tt when they first got together and I really didn't like him but they were happy together. However, one of his redeeming features was that he lived every day like it was his last. He never seemed to worry about anything and never took st - sometimes to his own detriment.
Until he died I was a worrier (I was 22 when it happened) but his death had a profound effect on me. I vowed never to let things get to me and to just live life and, in the main, have done just that. If things in work were getting to me I never just sat and took it, I tried to change it and if that didn't work I just moved on. The last time I worked at a place very similar to that mentioned above - very political and skills not recognised. Following a meeting where I was told a planned promotion was not going to be forthcoming I went to my desk, typed my resignation and handed it in within minutes of the meeting ending. I then went self-employed and have been happily running my own business for the last 9 years. It's only a one-man band consultancy but I have earned multiples of my previous salary doing part-time hours (averaged 20 per week over the 9 years), earned enough to allow my wife to take the self-employment jump (8 years ago) and used the spare time to watch my daughters grow up.
Without the changed mindset all this would never have happened. Cheers Phil!
t when they first got together and I really didn't like him but they were happy together. However, one of his redeeming features was that he lived every day like it was his last. He never seemed to worry about anything and never took st - sometimes to his own detriment.Until he died I was a worrier (I was 22 when it happened) but his death had a profound effect on me. I vowed never to let things get to me and to just live life and, in the main, have done just that. If things in work were getting to me I never just sat and took it, I tried to change it and if that didn't work I just moved on. The last time I worked at a place very similar to that mentioned above - very political and skills not recognised. Following a meeting where I was told a planned promotion was not going to be forthcoming I went to my desk, typed my resignation and handed it in within minutes of the meeting ending. I then went self-employed and have been happily running my own business for the last 9 years. It's only a one-man band consultancy but I have earned multiples of my previous salary doing part-time hours (averaged 20 per week over the 9 years), earned enough to allow my wife to take the self-employment jump (8 years ago) and used the spare time to watch my daughters grow up.
Without the changed mindset all this would never have happened. Cheers Phil!
.
I'd planned to retire and downsize at 55, but think that will be as early as I can as you simply don't know what's around the corner....
[/quote]
No harm in downsizing its our current plan too.
Bunging a big wad of cash in the bank also means you stress less and ultimately a family of 4 doesn't need to live in a huge house.
Had a cracking weekend away with my lad so am now planning the next trip. Thinking somewhere in Wales maybe.
Have been to Zipworld previously and think we need to go again!
Nothing like a father and son bonding weekend!
At some stage I'm buying a mk3 Focus RS and doing my own little rally with my lad around Scotland and Wales. Definitely on my "to do list"
I'd planned to retire and downsize at 55, but think that will be as early as I can as you simply don't know what's around the corner....
[/quote]
No harm in downsizing its our current plan too.
Bunging a big wad of cash in the bank also means you stress less and ultimately a family of 4 doesn't need to live in a huge house.
Had a cracking weekend away with my lad so am now planning the next trip. Thinking somewhere in Wales maybe.
Have been to Zipworld previously and think we need to go again!
Nothing like a father and son bonding weekend!
At some stage I'm buying a mk3 Focus RS and doing my own little rally with my lad around Scotland and Wales. Definitely on my "to do list"
Edited by FocusRS3 on Tuesday 26th September 11:27
Anecdotal evidence is all and good, but isn't it the small minority not the majority whom will suffer an early death?
And if you do drop dead suddenly, you won't have time to regret, seeing as you are dead.
As always, have a good balance rather than either extreme.
Chances are that is nothing around that corner
And if you do drop dead suddenly, you won't have time to regret, seeing as you are dead.
As always, have a good balance rather than either extreme.
Chances are that is nothing around that corner
Edited by hyphen on Tuesday 26th September 11:30
My dad told me to plan ahead for retirement. Set a target and get a good balance of your life as you move towards it. Don't overstretch things by going for the big house, expensive car etc. and be comfortable.
A mate got married, huge morggage on a "mansion" based on combined earnings. She got pregnant. He was in a panic, working all hours to make ends meet. Ended up downsizing.
My target was retire at 55. Managed part retirement at 52 by taking a redundancy/retirement package that was silly to miss. Got another job to ring fence the cash. Retired fully at 60 having used the new job to update the house and buy a desired car.
Developed hobbies and leisure plans too.
Health looks good so hopefully we are ok ( you never know!).
Trouble is so many people are dying too soon around us. This is the sobering factor.
I pity those who seem hell bent or afraid to stop working when they could be ok retired. We are only here once after all.
A mate got married, huge morggage on a "mansion" based on combined earnings. She got pregnant. He was in a panic, working all hours to make ends meet. Ended up downsizing.
My target was retire at 55. Managed part retirement at 52 by taking a redundancy/retirement package that was silly to miss. Got another job to ring fence the cash. Retired fully at 60 having used the new job to update the house and buy a desired car.
Developed hobbies and leisure plans too.
Health looks good so hopefully we are ok ( you never know!).
Trouble is so many people are dying too soon around us. This is the sobering factor.
I pity those who seem hell bent or afraid to stop working when they could be ok retired. We are only here once after all.
rossub said:
But....if it weren't for economic growth, we'd all be working with spears 7 days a week just to catch our dinner.
The whole thing is one big balancing act, with each person trying to find the work/life sweet spot. Some people are stupid enough to waste their whole lives working - thankfully I ain't one of them. 8-4.30, 5 days a week is all I'm giving.
I understand what you're saying, but I bet your average Tribesman who spends his time hunting and whatnot is far, far happier than your average UK dweller, inching to/from work on the motorway in the dark everyday for the majority of their lives.The whole thing is one big balancing act, with each person trying to find the work/life sweet spot. Some people are stupid enough to waste their whole lives working - thankfully I ain't one of them. 8-4.30, 5 days a week is all I'm giving.
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff