If PistonHeads was a hotel...

[Plate spinner]

There would be keyboards liberally dotted around for guests to spit their tea / coffee over.

[AW111]

yellowjack said:

Eugh!

Please don't. You've put me off my stroke now...

Sorry if I ruined your golf. Or shag.

[yellowjack]

AW111 said:

Sorry if I ruined your golf. Or shag.

It's OK really. I was alone, no clubs, only tissues...

[Sa Calobra]

Halmyre said:

If you were looking for something elsewhere in the hotel you'd get lots of confusing suggestions but never the one you were looking for.

Hotel rooms are named after cars. Trouble brews when it is claimed that the deluxe version of the BMW room (the M suite) is exactly the same but for the fittings being painted with red and blue stripes.

Most of the rooms would be misbadged

[alorotom]

There would be no tea making facilities in the rooms for fear of people pissing in the kettles

[Sa Calobra]

alorotom said:

There would be no tea making facilities in the rooms for fear of people pissing in the kettles

Come again?

[kowalski655]

Sa Calobra said:

alorotom said:

There would be no tea making facilities in the rooms for fear of people pissing in the kettles

Come again?

No,piss this time

[Plate spinner]

If a good joke is told, there will be groups of grown men literally - literally I tell you - pissing themselves laughing.

And if a nice car is in the car park, some will actually do a little sex wee.

Either way, the hotel will need easy clean carpets, but will still smell like a urinal.

[lucido grigio]

The local "response" group will meet there to show off their Defenders and winches n stuff.

[guindilias]

lucido grigio said:

The local "response" group will meet there to show off their Defenders and winches n stuff.

They aren't "showing off" - they are there to close off all the roads surrounding the hotel, and only let you past when you show your booking confirmation. To keep the place safe, ya know?
The amount of CB radio usage will make any TV unwatchable, and probably stop mobile phones working too.

[bingybongy]

Every public bog stall would have an adjoining shower.

[Condi]

There would be a WW2 bunker down the garden, which apparently has wonderful things in it, but nobody ever gets to find out.

[alorotom]

There would be little bags of dog eggs hanging from all of the tree branches in the West and Southern lawns

[WindyCommon]

The NP&E room would have a flat roof.

[WindyCommon]

The cost of the northern rooms would annoy southerners.

The cost of the southern rooms would annoy northerners.

[InductionRoar]

Sa Calobra said:

Most of the rooms would be misbadged

Or de-badged for that sleek look.

There would also be a stance wing, where the doors would scrape across the carpet as you open/close them

[john2443]

WindyCommon said:

The NP&E room would have a flat roof.

...and the Pie and Piston bar would have the pointiest, least flattest roof ever built!

[soupdragon1]

The pricing of everything would be massively expensive but all the price lists are calculated using 'man maths' and everyone walks around saying how great a deal everything is.

[HD Adam]

I daresay that the settee in the reception area would have stty cushions.

[PixelpeepS3]

... i still wouldn't be allowed to post in N,P & E.