Travelling vs long term relationship
Discussion
Mr. Nice Guy said:
Re destination; I understand that Oz is one of the most expensive places to travel, believe me I've spent hours looking into all of this and I've also been there. The reason Oz is the plan is because it seems like the easiest place to get started, if I'm not sure I have the balls to get off a plane on my own in Melbourne I definitely don't think I have the balls to jet off to SE Asia. I wouldn't plan on staying in Oz, but it feels like less of a jump into the unknown to start off with.
It doesn't take balls to start off in SE Asia. The people are genuinely nice and generally peaceful, it's cheap, it's easy to get around in a chaotic kinda way, they'll be loads of European travellers/back packers to meet as well as huge ex pat communities, English is spoken in most places (at varying levels) and I never had a problem getting where I wanted to go and getting what I wanted. I think it's a great place to start. You need to remember that the nervousness you have will dissipate within a day or two once you're there, because the world really isn't a scary place. Cold said:
jdw100 said:
Has he gone?
Yes. He's now in an English bar in Bangkok chatting with a group of balding, slightly overweight, middle aged men about why their respective relationships failed. Still, Stella and fish and chips for breakfast. 
Been there, done that, except it was a small restaurant.
Best way to make a small fortune in Thailand? Start off with a big one.
Think quite a few posters have been grossly unfair on the OPs girlfriend. She still has two years left of study to become qualified. Yet she's expected to drop everything to follow the OP travelling for a year!?
Let's burst the balloon hanging over the OPs head <BANG!>: there are lots and LOTS of 'right ones' in the World. The trick is having the opportunity to meet them, and being in the right head space to recognise the opportunity. A great deal revolves around the ol' joke 'What's the secret of comed .. timing!'. It works better in person than on screen. Timing is an important component in a relationship, and with the OP the timing just does not work. You cannot expect someone to put their life on hold for 2 years on a 'Let's wait and see ...'. Although the OP understandably feels emotionally deflated and anxious, it is a temporary thing and part of the 5 Stages of Grief.
To chime in, but for different reasons, go. However, I would hand in my resignation and work my 3 month period and use this time to formulate a travel itinerary, and a list of different things that I would like to see in various countries. £10k is a healthy figure but is not going to last terribly long in developed countries, especially if one goes out drinking, clubbing, etc. If you put your mind on focusing on what you want to see and achieve from travelling, it will help you from dwelling on your ex.
One of the best things about travelling by yourself is that you are not beholden to anyone else's plans. It is quite easy to meet other like-minded people, and usually join them either for a beer or travelling together for a while without commitment.
Get planning OP! If I were in your shoes, I'd make sure that my ticket was booked for Jan 18, so I could wave goodbye to the British winter. Yes, it is daunting, however by pushing yourself outside your comfort zone you'll quickly develop a new sense of 'normal'. If something doesn't work out for you, head to a different place, do something different, etc. Sometimes the reality doesn't tally with our expectations, and in that case there is nothing stopping you from moving on.
All the best! P.s. It would be fantastic if you could periodically update the thread w/ news of your travels. Or link to some kind of blog where we can track your progress i.e. a map of the world with flags indicating your route, and where you are currently.
Let's burst the balloon hanging over the OPs head <BANG!>: there are lots and LOTS of 'right ones' in the World. The trick is having the opportunity to meet them, and being in the right head space to recognise the opportunity. A great deal revolves around the ol' joke 'What's the secret of comed .. timing!'. It works better in person than on screen. Timing is an important component in a relationship, and with the OP the timing just does not work. You cannot expect someone to put their life on hold for 2 years on a 'Let's wait and see ...'. Although the OP understandably feels emotionally deflated and anxious, it is a temporary thing and part of the 5 Stages of Grief.
To chime in, but for different reasons, go. However, I would hand in my resignation and work my 3 month period and use this time to formulate a travel itinerary, and a list of different things that I would like to see in various countries. £10k is a healthy figure but is not going to last terribly long in developed countries, especially if one goes out drinking, clubbing, etc. If you put your mind on focusing on what you want to see and achieve from travelling, it will help you from dwelling on your ex.
One of the best things about travelling by yourself is that you are not beholden to anyone else's plans. It is quite easy to meet other like-minded people, and usually join them either for a beer or travelling together for a while without commitment.
Get planning OP! If I were in your shoes, I'd make sure that my ticket was booked for Jan 18, so I could wave goodbye to the British winter. Yes, it is daunting, however by pushing yourself outside your comfort zone you'll quickly develop a new sense of 'normal'. If something doesn't work out for you, head to a different place, do something different, etc. Sometimes the reality doesn't tally with our expectations, and in that case there is nothing stopping you from moving on.
All the best! P.s. It would be fantastic if you could periodically update the thread w/ news of your travels. Or link to some kind of blog where we can track your progress i.e. a map of the world with flags indicating your route, and where you are currently.
Apologies for the absence, I haven't gone yet and I have been lurking on the thread. The replies haven't really surprised me, I know I need to just go, I'm a bit surprised at how few people have said to wait but I knew the majority would say go.
Me and the ex spoke a few days ago and I feel a lot better for it, I feel like I have a bit more closure but I think it has made her feel a lot worse. It seems to come in waves for both of us but never at the same time if that makes sense. I feel like I have given the wrong impression of her and she is being sort of blamed in this thread. In my opinion none of it is her fault and nothing she could have done would have changed my goal of leaving, that's why I feel so bad. If it was switched the other way around and she was ready to go 2 years ago I wouldn't have been ready. I would have been half way through a 4 year apprenticeship with no real savings, so I don't expect her to drop everything and leave, especially if it's not something she's 100% sure she wants to do. We have both known for the last few months that this was coming, me asking her to come with me was more of a last ditch attempt to keep her but it's clear now that unless I stay that can't happen.
In other news I'm handing my notice in ASAP, I'm writing my letter of resignation tonight. I will need to call my boss in early to give it to him which I'm not looking forward to. As soon as that is done I will be booking flights and sorting visas, the departure date at the minute is the 4th of Feb. I've been reading up on a lot of the things I need to do before I get there and even went backpack shopping last week
Point taken about how expensive Oz is, I have been there and already know how much money I could save by going to somewhere else. One of the other major reasons I plan to go there over somewhere else is because I want to buy a car when I get there. Oz just seems like the perfect place to road trip around, nothing fancy I just want a battered estate car so I can sleep in the back. Maybe I will move onto Asia after, who knows?
When the time comes I will start threads on the questions I will inevitably have and I will either come back to this thread or start a new one as a sort of blog, thanks for all the replies so far
Me and the ex spoke a few days ago and I feel a lot better for it, I feel like I have a bit more closure but I think it has made her feel a lot worse. It seems to come in waves for both of us but never at the same time if that makes sense. I feel like I have given the wrong impression of her and she is being sort of blamed in this thread. In my opinion none of it is her fault and nothing she could have done would have changed my goal of leaving, that's why I feel so bad. If it was switched the other way around and she was ready to go 2 years ago I wouldn't have been ready. I would have been half way through a 4 year apprenticeship with no real savings, so I don't expect her to drop everything and leave, especially if it's not something she's 100% sure she wants to do. We have both known for the last few months that this was coming, me asking her to come with me was more of a last ditch attempt to keep her but it's clear now that unless I stay that can't happen.
In other news I'm handing my notice in ASAP, I'm writing my letter of resignation tonight. I will need to call my boss in early to give it to him which I'm not looking forward to. As soon as that is done I will be booking flights and sorting visas, the departure date at the minute is the 4th of Feb. I've been reading up on a lot of the things I need to do before I get there and even went backpack shopping last week
Point taken about how expensive Oz is, I have been there and already know how much money I could save by going to somewhere else. One of the other major reasons I plan to go there over somewhere else is because I want to buy a car when I get there. Oz just seems like the perfect place to road trip around, nothing fancy I just want a battered estate car so I can sleep in the back. Maybe I will move onto Asia after, who knows?
When the time comes I will start threads on the questions I will inevitably have and I will either come back to this thread or start a new one as a sort of blog, thanks for all the replies so far
Robertj21a said:
Good to see a plan being formulated, you really won't regret all the travelling. It's a great shame about the girlfriend, hopefully you'll stay good friends and, who knows, matters may be totally different in 2 year's time.
ThisPlus she will have a lot more ‘experience’....
The girlfriend situation I'm sure will bother you for a while but you never know how things will turn out. Maybe she'll come and join you in a couple of years, maybe you'll meet somebody else. It sounds like she's being cool about it though so that will help.
I kept a blog when I went travelling and it's a really nice thing to go back to every now and again, as it's full of stuff I've forgotten. I had to work for it too, as it was pre-smartphones. Bloody easy now!
Mr. Nice Guy said:
When the time comes I will start threads on the questions I will inevitably have and I will either come back to this thread or start a new one as a sort of blog, thanks for all the replies so far
Yeah do it. I love reading about other people's adventures. I kept a blog when I went travelling and it's a really nice thing to go back to every now and again, as it's full of stuff I've forgotten. I had to work for it too, as it was pre-smartphones. Bloody easy now!
When I left UK in 1989 I gave one months notice to the small machine shop I worked in. It was a family owned business, and the bosses wife refused to speak to me after I had handed the letter in. They all knew I was going, I had not stopped talking about it for the previous year, but finally making my mind up, selling my house, and quitting, were slow to come.
The feeling of getting ‘on the road’ was incredible though, and it never hit me fully until I was stood on the Munich ring road, thumb out, 2am in the morning, 2 inches of snow, shivering, wearing every piece of clothing I carried....
Then in my cold misery I suddenly felt the euphoria of realising there were no more Monday morning blues, no more weekends to wait for, no more deadlines and pressure. I was finally out there, after some ten years dreaming about it.
To this day I have never, ever regretted it. Even when I was down and out and skint, homeless and jobless two years later, no regrets.
The feeling of getting ‘on the road’ was incredible though, and it never hit me fully until I was stood on the Munich ring road, thumb out, 2am in the morning, 2 inches of snow, shivering, wearing every piece of clothing I carried....
Then in my cold misery I suddenly felt the euphoria of realising there were no more Monday morning blues, no more weekends to wait for, no more deadlines and pressure. I was finally out there, after some ten years dreaming about it.
To this day I have never, ever regretted it. Even when I was down and out and skint, homeless and jobless two years later, no regrets.
Watch this inspirational video and head to the airport:
https://vimeo.com/28370574
Don't waste too much time in Oz. It's ok, but it's too easy and too much like the UK. You need to be somewhere without Pot Noodles but with women of loose morals.
Asia is where the action is, and where you grow and learn what you're made of. If you want a gentler start to Asia, Singapore or HK. You can speak English, all the amenities of the first world are there.
You must visit Japan for the sheer mindf**k of a modern first world country that manages to be completely different, and to fall in love 100 times on every street.
You must visit SE Asia (pick and mix from Thailand, Vietnam, Cambodia, Philippines etc) to understand the term 'organised chaos' and to see how people survive when they have less money than is in your car ashtray.
Don't be too anxious. The world works pretty much the same anywhere. Phones, hotels, food. With a credit card and a data connection you can book, organise, navigate and translate your way in even the remotest location.
https://vimeo.com/28370574
Don't waste too much time in Oz. It's ok, but it's too easy and too much like the UK. You need to be somewhere without Pot Noodles but with women of loose morals.
Asia is where the action is, and where you grow and learn what you're made of. If you want a gentler start to Asia, Singapore or HK. You can speak English, all the amenities of the first world are there.
You must visit Japan for the sheer mindf**k of a modern first world country that manages to be completely different, and to fall in love 100 times on every street.
You must visit SE Asia (pick and mix from Thailand, Vietnam, Cambodia, Philippines etc) to understand the term 'organised chaos' and to see how people survive when they have less money than is in your car ashtray.
Don't be too anxious. The world works pretty much the same anywhere. Phones, hotels, food. With a credit card and a data connection you can book, organise, navigate and translate your way in even the remotest location.
sooperscoop said:
Watch this inspirational video and head to the airport:
https://vimeo.com/28370574
Don't waste too much time in Oz. It's ok, but it's too easy and too much like the UK. You need to be somewhere without Pot Noodles but with women of loose morals.
Asia is where the action is, and where you grow and learn what you're made of. If you want a gentler start to Asia, Singapore or HK. You can speak English, all the amenities of the first world are there.
You must visit Japan for the sheer mindf**k of a modern first world country that manages to be completely different, and to fall in love 100 times on every street.
You must visit SE Asia (pick and mix from Thailand, Vietnam, Cambodia, Philippines etc) to understand the term 'organised chaos' and to see how people survive when they have less money than is in your car ashtray.
Don't be too anxious. The world works pretty much the same anywhere. Phones, hotels, food. With a credit card and a data connection you can book, organise, navigate and translate your way in even the remotest location.
I'd say go to taiwan too, under-rated destination if there ever was one!https://vimeo.com/28370574
Don't waste too much time in Oz. It's ok, but it's too easy and too much like the UK. You need to be somewhere without Pot Noodles but with women of loose morals.
Asia is where the action is, and where you grow and learn what you're made of. If you want a gentler start to Asia, Singapore or HK. You can speak English, all the amenities of the first world are there.
You must visit Japan for the sheer mindf**k of a modern first world country that manages to be completely different, and to fall in love 100 times on every street.
You must visit SE Asia (pick and mix from Thailand, Vietnam, Cambodia, Philippines etc) to understand the term 'organised chaos' and to see how people survive when they have less money than is in your car ashtray.
Don't be too anxious. The world works pretty much the same anywhere. Phones, hotels, food. With a credit card and a data connection you can book, organise, navigate and translate your way in even the remotest location.
sooperscoop said:
You must visit SE Asia (pick and mix from Thailand, Vietnam, Cambodia, Philippines etc) to understand the term 'organised chaos' and to see how people survive when they have less money than is in your car ashtray.
Don't be too anxious. The world works pretty much the same anywhere. Phones, hotels, food. With a credit card and a data connection you can book, organise, navigate and translate your way in even the remotest location.
^^^^This^^^^Don't be too anxious. The world works pretty much the same anywhere. Phones, hotels, food. With a credit card and a data connection you can book, organise, navigate and translate your way in even the remotest location.
Backpacking in Australia is not much different than being back in the UK, sensible, sane, safe etc.
Singapore is a mega expensive dictatorship which no backpacker needs to spend more than two days in, even in 1990 it was expensive, and had no facilities for cheap accommodation, and I also found my first, and only, bed bugs in two hostels in S’pore.
Thailand is easy, I was there for two years. The Philippines is corrupt and chaotic, but cheaper and friendlier than Thailand. I know, I lived there 18 years altogether.
For seedy backpacker fun, Bali is a good option. Kuta, Seminyak etc are basically the Tenerife of Australia. But you can also head up to Ubud for pretentious backpacker fun and pick up yoga chicks.
Thailand is pretty easy to get around and a good destination.
I like Singapore, but I wouldn't have liked it 12 years ago when I was a backpacker.
I reckon it's worth ticking Australia off the list, but that's a natural bias.
Thailand is pretty easy to get around and a good destination.
I like Singapore, but I wouldn't have liked it 12 years ago when I was a backpacker.
I reckon it's worth ticking Australia off the list, but that's a natural bias.
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