Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)

[Vipers]

When I got home last night, I noticed a neighbour had put a sheet over my car windscreen as it was going to be frosty.

Ta Pauline.

[motco]

Vipers said:

When I got home last night, I noticed a neighbour had put a sheet over my car windscreen as it was going to be frosty.

Ta Pauline.

Groan...

[davhill]

Years ago, I played the vampire's first victim in a Hammer film..

... it was a bit part.

[Vipers]

motco said:

Vipers said:

When I got home last night, I noticed a neighbour had put a sheet over my car windscreen as it was going to be frosty.

Ta Pauline.

Groan...

OK OK OK, "Thank you Pauline"

[Einion Yrth]

Vipers said:

OK OK OK, "Thank you Pauline"

You really are a complete...

one of a kind, aren't you?

[glenrobbo]

rayny said:

glenrobbo said:

The Dangerous Elk said:

Gosh, that made me laugh

Why are those bushes leaving damp patches?

Cliff is standing just to the left of the picture - those are The Shadows

I didn't know that Hank Marvin and Jet Harris & Co got damp patches when they were on the road with Cliff...

You learn something new every day...

[iwantagta]

I grew up in a rough neighbourhood, kids would attack me with squirty cream and then plant cherrys on my head....Life was tough in the gateaux.

[Ultra Sound Guy]

The vicar won’t be tinkering any more!

[grumpy52]

Ultra Sound Guy said:

The vicar won’t be tinkering any more!

You will have to explain that one to her .
😧
RIP

[Vipers]

Einion Yrth said:

Vipers said:

OK OK OK, "Thank you Pauline"

You really are a complete...

one of a kind, aren't you?

As I scrolled up on the iPad I saw the first line and though "Whoops"

Then saw the next line "Phew"

[CR6ZZ]

Saw a chap walking down the road yesterday and noticed he had a custard and sponge pudding stuck in each ear.

I tapped him on the shoulder and asked why.

He said "What?"

I asked again more loudly, "Why have you got a sponge pudding in each ear?"

He said "Pardon?"

So I shouted, "WHY DO YOU HAVE A SPONGE PUDDING IN EACH EAR?"

He looked perplexed and said, "You'll have to speak up, I'm a trifle deaf."

[MartG]

My Doctor said to me
“ I need to ask you ten questions about your health”
I said “OK..”
“Question number one, have you ever had a black out?”
“No.”
“And finally question number ten..”

[davhill]

CR6ZZ said:

Saw a chap walking down the road yesterday and noticed he had a custard and sponge pudding stuck in each ear.

I tapped him on the shoulder and asked why.

He said "What?"

I asked again more loudly, "Why have you got a sponge pudding in each ear?"

He said "Pardon?"

So I shouted, "WHY DO YOU HAVE A SPONGE PUDDING IN EACH EAR?"

He looked perplexed and said, "You'll have to speak up, I'm a trifle deaf."

Methuselah called. He wants his joke back.

[Vipers]

davhill said:

CR6ZZ said:

Saw a chap walking down the road yesterday and noticed he had a custard and sponge pudding stuck in each ear.

I tapped him on the shoulder and asked why.

He said "What?"

I asked again more loudly, "Why have you got a sponge pudding in each ear?"

He said "Pardon?"

So I shouted, "WHY DO YOU HAVE A SPONGE PUDDING IN EACH EAR?"

He looked perplexed and said, "You'll have to speak up, I'm a trifle deaf."

Methuselah called. He wants his joke back.

That's one up on the guy with a lemon in his ear

I said "What's that lemon doing in your ear"

He said "Well you've heard of an hearing aid, well this is a lemon aid"

[MartG]

My car horn broke yesterday and a passing scout fixed it.
I said I was amazed he knew how..
He said "Well it's all in our Motto..."

[Ultra Sound Guy]

I went to the barber's yesterday and had a number 2.

He was livid!

[mickk]

I ate at Mary Poppin's Restaurant last night...

Super cauliflower cheese but the lobster was atrocious.

[MartG]

[AW111]

MartG said:

My car horn broke yesterday and a passing scout fixed it.
I said I was amazed he knew how..
He said "Well it's all in our Motto..."

That's a new one for me.

[sc0tt]

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