Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)

[55palfers]

A horse is in the pub having a few pints when he spots a donkey in the corner. He nips over to have a natter, donkey asks "what did you do for a living" and the horse replies "I ran on the flat in the summer and over the jumps in the winter", donkey says "I worked with the kids on blackpool beach" and follows up with "did you win anything?"

The horse nods "yeah on the flat I won the Oaks, St. Leger and the Derby and over the jumps I won the Grand National and the Gold Cup”. They arrange to meet at the donkey's house a week later and donkey decides that he has to impress the champion horse.

He buys a big picture of a zebra and hangs it above the fireplace. When he horse arrives, he says "lovely place you have here and who's that in the picture on the wall?" the donkey replies "thats me when I played for Juventus"

[rayny]

Vipers said:

Two men were sitting next to each other at a bar.

'The Murphy twins are drunk again.'

Come on Vipers , tell us the first names of the Murphy twins

[Doofus]

rayny said:

Come on Vipers , tell us the first names of the Murphy twins

Murphy. Derrrr.

[rayny]

Doofus said:

rayny said:

Come on Vipers , tell us the first names of the Murphy twins

Murphy. Derrrr.

OK Doofus -What were the surnames of the Murphy twins ?
Or were they both called Murphy Murphy ?

[EarlOfHazard]

[Laurel Green]

[fatboy18]

My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.
Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9!
That’s the best I’ve done so far.

[Tony 1234]

EarlOfHazard said:

[Evangelion]

55palfers said:

... the donkey replies "thats me when I played for Juventus" ...

Seeing as the donkey was from Blackpool, wouldn't Newcastle United have been more plausible?

[stuartmmcfc]

Evangelion said:

55palfers said:

... the donkey replies "thats me when I played for Juventus" ...

Seeing as the donkey was from Blackpool, wouldn't Newcastle United have been more plausible?

Notts County might be closer and so even more plausible?

[Vipers]

fatboy18 said:

My German girlfriend likes to rate our sex between 1-10.
Last night we tried anal, she kept shouting 9!
That’s the best I’ve done so far.

Then they went to the pub, she said "Sit down Ill get them in"

She said to the barman "Two sherries please"

He said "Dry"

She said "No two".

[K12beano]

National Trust have thought hard about this one, a Commemorative Tea Towel to celebrate the Emancipation of Women....

Why not get the little lady one for her kitchen duties....

[Frank7]

stuartmmcfc said:

Evangelion said:

55palfers said:

... the donkey replies "thats me when I played for Juventus" ...

Seeing as the donkey was from Blackpool, wouldn't Newcastle United have been more plausible?

Notts County might be closer and so even more plausible?

I take it that you’re all at the wind up? Newcastle? Notts ”verdammt” County?
That’s a bit like a guy saying, “I slept with Michelle Keegan”, and one of his friends saying, “Well, I did Sarah Millican”, and the other saying, “Yeah? I did Jo Brand.”

[AstonZagato]

Frank7 said:

stuartmmcfc said:

Evangelion said:

55palfers said:

... the donkey replies "thats me when I played for Juventus" ...

Seeing as the donkey was from Blackpool, wouldn't Newcastle United have been more plausible?

Notts County might be closer and so even more plausible?

I take it that you’re all at the wind up? Newcastle? Notts ”verdammt” County?
That’s a bit like a guy saying, “I slept with Michelle Keegan”, and one of his friends saying, “Well, I did Sarah Millican”, and the other saying, “Yeah? I did Jo Brand.”

Yeah, and the horse would definitely know the line up for Newcastle. No donkey has ever played for them (well, apart from Marcelino)

[K12beano]

Good to keep an eye on the dangers:

[The Ferret]

Good Lord, how can I unsee that one please?

[glenrobbo]

Evangelion said:

55palfers said:

... the donkey replies "thats me when I played for Juventus" ...

Seeing as the donkey was from Blackpool, wouldn't Newcastle United have been more plausible?

How about "Hoofentus"?
That would work, without any bickering or dissecting of little furry young felines...

[glenrobbo]

The Ferret said:

Good Lord, how can I unsee that one please?

Strewth!!!

I'm not in love either! My eyes, my eyes!


:wibblewibblewibble:

[simoid]

fking lefties

[EarlOfHazard]