Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)
Discussion
BBC NORFOLK
Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: I don't know.
White: I'll give you some clues. What do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?
Contestant: Arm.
White: Correct. And if you're not weak, you're . .?
Contestant: Strong.
White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?
Contestant: Louis.
White: Well, there we are then. So, who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: Frank Sinatra?
Stewart White: Who had a worldwide hit with What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: I don't know.
White: I'll give you some clues. What do you call the part between your hand and your elbow?
Contestant: Arm.
White: Correct. And if you're not weak, you're . .?
Contestant: Strong.
White: Correct - and what was Lord Mountbatten's first name?
Contestant: Louis.
White: Well, there we are then. So, who had a worldwide hit with the song What A Wonderful World?
Contestant: Frank Sinatra?
I got 56 valentines cards 
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A man in Scotland calls his son in London the day before Christmas Eve and says,
'I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-seven years of misery is enough.'
'Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams.
We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,' the father says. 'We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.'
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. 'Like hell they're getting divorced,' she says, 'I'll take care of this,'
She calls Scotland immediately, and screams at her father, 'You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?' and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. 'Okay,' he says, 'they're both coming for Christmas AND they're paying their own fares.'
'I hate to ruin your day, but I have to tell you that your mother and I are divorcing; forty-seven years of misery is enough.'
'Dad, what are you talking about?' the son screams.
We can't stand the sight of each other any longer,' the father says. 'We're sick of each other, and I'm sick of talking about this, so you call your sister in Leeds and tell her.'
Frantic, the son calls his sister, who explodes on the phone. 'Like hell they're getting divorced,' she says, 'I'll take care of this,'
She calls Scotland immediately, and screams at her father, 'You are NOT getting divorced. Don't do a single thing until I get there. I'm calling my brother back, and we'll both be there tomorrow. Until then, don't do a thing, DO YOU HEAR ME?' and hangs up.
The old man hangs up his phone and turns to his wife. 'Okay,' he says, 'they're both coming for Christmas AND they're paying their own fares.'
While enjoying their evening cocktails, the woman asks her husband, in a very seductive voice, "Have you ever seen Twenty Dollars all crumbled up?"
"No," said her husband.
She gave him a sexy little smile, unbuttoned the top 3 or 4 buttons of! her blouse, and slowly reached down into the cleavage created by a soft, silky push-up bra, and pulled out a crumpled Twenty Dollar bill.
He took the crumpled Twenty Dollar bill from her and smiled approvingly.
She then asked him, "Have you ever seen Fifty Dollars all crumpled up?"
"Uh... no, I haven't," he said, with an anxious tone in his voice.
She gave him another sexy little smile, pulled up her skirt, and seductively reached into her tight, sheer panties... and pulled out a crumpled Fifty Dollar bill.
He took the crumpled Fifty Dollar bill and started breathing a little quicker with anticipation.
"Now," she said, "have you ever seen 54,567 dollars all crumpled up?"
He said, "No!," trying to hide his excitement.
She said, "Check the garage."
MartG said:
Vipers said:
She said, "Check the garage."
I saw that one posted on FB earlier, along with a reply from a ( blonde ) woman who couldn't understand why she'd crumple a load of money in the garage - someone had to post a pic of a smashed up car in a garage before she finally got it 
Doofus said:
MartG said:
Vipers said:
She said, "Check the garage."
I saw that one posted on FB earlier, along with a reply from a ( blonde ) woman who couldn't understand why she'd crumple a load of money in the garage - someone had to post a pic of a smashed up car in a garage before she finally got it 
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