Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)

[Einion Yrth]

Russian Troll Bot said:

For the past 20 years, I've had a Valentines card from a secret admirer.

I was sad I didn't get one this year!

First my gran dies, now this!

That has pathos.

[grumpy52]

[Vipers]

grumpy52 said:

When you drop off stuff at their shops I often wondered why they said "Come again".

[MartG]

Saw this REM tribute band last night

(That's me in the corner)

[K12beano]

MartG said:

Is that the Best you could do ....

[Halmyre]

K12beano said:

MartG said:

Is that the Best you could do ....

Calm down, it's not the end of the world as you know it.

[Lordbenny]

Halmyre said:

Calm down, it's not the end of the world as you know it.

Wrong pic!

[tezzer]

[Halmyre]

Lordbenny said:

Halmyre said:

Calm down, it's not the end of the world as you know it.

Wrong pic!

Oh, let it be.

[Laurel Green]

tezzer said:

I'm going to be politically incorrect and

[OtherBusiness]

A flat chested young lady read an article in a magazine that stated Dr. Bumbutu in Africa could enlarge your breasts without surgery. So she decided to go to Dr. Bumbutu to see if he could help her.
Dr. Bumbutu advised her, ‘'Every day after your shower, rub your chest and say, 'Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies!' “
She did this faithfully for several months, and to her utter amazement she grew a terrific D-cup rack!
One morning she was running late, got on the bus, and in a panic realized she had forgotten her morning ritual. Frightened she might lose her lovely boobs if she didn't recite the little rhyme, she stood right there in the middle aisle of the bus closed her eyes and said , 'Scooby doobie doobies, I want bigger boobies.'
A guy sitting nearby looked at her and asked ' Are you a patient of Dr Bumbutu's?'
‘Yes I am. How did you know?'
He winked and whispered, ' Hickory dickory dock...’

[LoonyTunes]

Roses are red,
Violets are red,
Tulips are red,
Bushes are red,
Daisies are red,
Trees are red.

I've set your garden on fire.

[daveenty]

LoonyTunes said:

Roses are red,
Violets are red,
Tulips are red,
Bushes are red,
Daisies are red,
Trees are red.

I've set your garden on fire.

Or the alternative: -

Roses are red
Violets are red
Everything's red
Retinal haemorrhage

[Alex]

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Some poems rhyme
Some don't

[Bright Halo]

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I want a shag
I suppose you’ll do

Never seems to work on the Mrs for some reason.

Edited by Bright Halo on Thursday 15th February 12:49

[Doofus]

Bright Halo said:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I want a shag
I suppose you’ll do

Never seems to work on the Mr’s for some reason.

Maybe you should try it on some women instead.

[Fluffsri]

Roses are red
Violets are glorious
Never play hide and seek
with Oscar Pistorious.

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Does this smell
like Chloroform to you?

[vixen1700]

MartG said:

Saw this REM tribute band last night

(That's me in the corner)

Deserves a

[mattyn1]

Fluffsri said:

Roses are red
Violets are blue
Does this smell
like Chloroform to you?

Roses are red
Violets are blue
I've got a knife
Get in the van.

[The Dangerous Elk]

Roes are Red
Violets are Blue
I drive a Truck
and this Prossie has run out of luck