Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)
Discussion
Ultra Sound Guy said:
fatboy18 said:
What happened to the Jokes?
It’s your turn!The doctor asked him how he was feeling and the 80-year-old said "Things
are great and I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who
is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that?"
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began. "I have
an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a
season. One day when he was setting off hunting, he was in a bit of a
hurry and accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun.
As he neared a lake he came across a very large male beaver sitting at
the water's edge. He realized he'd left his gun at home and so couldn't
shoot the magnificent creature but out of habit he raised his cane,
aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and
went 'bang, bang'.
Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. Now,
what do you think of that?" asked the doctor.
The 80-year-old said, "If you ask me, I'd say somebody else pumped a
couple of rounds into that beaver."
The doctor replied, "My point exactly."
When I was 14, I hoped that one day I would have a girlfriend.......
When I was 16, I got a girlfriend but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life. In college, I dated a passionate girl but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency. She was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.
When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided I needed a girl with some excitement.
When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad, impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.
When I turned 31, I found a smart, ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned. I am now older and wiser, and am looking for a girl with big t*ts.
When I was 16, I got a girlfriend but there was no passion. So I decided I needed a passionate girl with a zest for life. In college, I dated a passionate girl but she was too emotional. Everything was an emergency. She was a drama queen, cried all the time and threatened suicide. So I decided I needed a girl with stability.
When I was 25, I found a very stable girl but she was boring. She was totally predictable and never got excited about anything. Life became so dull that I decided I needed a girl with some excitement.
When I was 28, I found an exciting girl, but I couldn't keep up with her. She rushed from one thing to another, never settling on anything. She did mad, impetuous things and made me miserable as often as happy. She was great fun initially and very energetic, but directionless. So I decided to find a girl with some real ambition.
When I turned 31, I found a smart, ambitious girl with her feet planted firmly on the ground and married her. She was so ambitious that she divorced me and took everything I owned. I am now older and wiser, and am looking for a girl with big t*ts.
fatboy18 said:
Ultra Sound Guy said:
fatboy18 said:
What happened to the Jokes?
It’s your turn!The doctor asked him how he was feeling and the 80-year-old said "Things
are great and I've never felt better. I now have a 20 year-old bride who
is pregnant with my child. So what do you think about that?"
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then began. "I have
an older friend, much like you, who is an avid hunter and never misses a
season. One day when he was setting off hunting, he was in a bit of a
hurry and accidentally picked up his walking cane instead of his gun.
As he neared a lake he came across a very large male beaver sitting at
the water's edge. He realized he'd left his gun at home and so couldn't
shoot the magnificent creature but out of habit he raised his cane,
aimed it at the animal as if it were his favorite hunting rifle and
went 'bang, bang'.
Miraculously, two shots rang out and the beaver fell over dead. Now,
what do you think of that?" asked the doctor.
The 80-year-old said, "If you ask me, I'd say somebody else pumped a
couple of rounds into that beaver."
The doctor replied, "My point exactly."
The British government have just announced that Brexit will allow us to pull out of the Eurovision Song Contest. No longer will we have to put up with Eastern European countries ganging up to stop us winning. As we will be the only country actually competing in the replacement event, we should stand a better chance of winning in future. This is the only known advantage of Brexit so far recorded.
MartG said:
The British government have just announced that Brexit will allow us to pull out of the Eurovision Song Contest. No longer will we have to put up with Eastern European countries ganging up to stop us winning. As we will be the only country actually competing in the replacement event, we should stand a better chance of winning in future. This is the only known advantage of Brexit so far recorded.
Gosh, that made me laugh
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