Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)
Discussion
Ultra Sound Guy said:
Starbucks are closing all their American stores until everyone of their staff have learned the phrase "I'm sorry sir/ma'am, we can't serve you black coffee, would you like one without milk?"
Paddy says to Mick "Why do you have an empty milk bottle in the fridge"Mick says "Just in case someone wants a black coffee".
I met an older woman at a bar last night. OOOH! She looked pretty good for a 60+ year-old In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter.
We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double?
'What's that?' I asked
'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said.
As my mind began to embrace the idea, and I wondered what her daughter might look like. I said, 'No, I haven't, but I’d like to.’
We drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, 'Tonight's your lucky night.'
We went back to her place. We walked in. She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs:
Mom ... you still awake?'
We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double?
'What's that?' I asked
'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said.
As my mind began to embrace the idea, and I wondered what her daughter might look like. I said, 'No, I haven't, but I’d like to.’
We drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, 'Tonight's your lucky night.'
We went back to her place. We walked in. She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs:
Mom ... you still awake?'
Vipers said:
I met an older woman at a bar last night. OOOH! She looked pretty good for a 60+ year-old In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter.
We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double?
'What's that?' I asked
'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said.
As my mind began to embrace the idea, and I wondered what her daughter might look like. I said, 'No, I haven't, but I’d like to.’
We drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, 'Tonight's your lucky night.'
We went back to her place. We walked in. She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs:
Mom ... you still awake?'
Love that.. We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double?
'What's that?' I asked
'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said.
As my mind began to embrace the idea, and I wondered what her daughter might look like. I said, 'No, I haven't, but I’d like to.’
We drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, 'Tonight's your lucky night.'
We went back to her place. We walked in. She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs:
Mom ... you still awake?'
CRA1G said:
Council worker in the sewage department clocks off each night,singns out his name and job title "s
t shovler" boss says to him please put "feces extractor" if i could spell that i wouldn't be a st shovler...
Yep, he cant even spell "shoveler" so no chance of spelling faeces. t shovler" boss says to him please put "feces extractor" if i could spell that i wouldn't be a st shovler...captain_cynic said:
CRA1G said:
Council worker in the sewage department clocks off each night,singns out his name and job title "st shovler" boss says to him please put "feces extractor" if i could spell that i wouldn't be a st shovler...
Yep, he cant even spell "shoveler" so no chance of spelling faeces. t shovler" boss says to him please put "feces extractor" if i could spell that i wouldn't be a st shovler...
Vipers said:
I met an older woman at a bar last night. OOOH! She looked pretty good for a 60+ year-old In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter.
We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double?
'What's that?' I asked
'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said.
As my mind began to embrace the idea, and I wondered what her daughter might look like. I said, 'No, I haven't, but I’d like to.’
We drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, 'Tonight's your lucky night.'
We went back to her place. We walked in. She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs:
Mom ... you still awake?'
We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double?
'What's that?' I asked
'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said.
As my mind began to embrace the idea, and I wondered what her daughter might look like. I said, 'No, I haven't, but I’d like to.’
We drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, 'Tonight's your lucky night.'
We went back to her place. We walked in. She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs:
Mom ... you still awake?'
Vipers at his best A man receives a text message from his neighbour.
"Frank, I have to admit I've been using your wife, I've been using your wife a lot. At least once a day and night, often for a few hours at a time. When you're there and when you're not around, any time I fancied it really. I'd like to say I'm sorry and I promise to stop".
A few minutes later he receives another text.
"Wifi, damn it, I meant Wifi."
"Frank, I have to admit I've been using your wife, I've been using your wife a lot. At least once a day and night, often for a few hours at a time. When you're there and when you're not around, any time I fancied it really. I'd like to say I'm sorry and I promise to stop".
A few minutes later he receives another text.
"Wifi, damn it, I meant Wifi."
captain_cynic said:
A man receives a text message from his neighbour.
"Frank, I have to admit I've been using your wife, I've been using your wife a lot. At least once a day and night, often for a few hours at a time. When you're there and when you're not around, any time I fancied it really. I'd like to say I'm sorry and I promise to stop".
A few minutes later he receives another text.
"Wifi, damn it, I meant Wifi."
You left out the bit where Frank goes over to his wife and stabs her to death calling her a filthy slut, just as the second text comes in..."Frank, I have to admit I've been using your wife, I've been using your wife a lot. At least once a day and night, often for a few hours at a time. When you're there and when you're not around, any time I fancied it really. I'd like to say I'm sorry and I promise to stop".
A few minutes later he receives another text.
"Wifi, damn it, I meant Wifi."
Tony 1234 said:
Vipers said:
I met an older woman at a bar last night. OOOH! She looked pretty good for a 60+ year-old In fact, she wasn't too bad at all, and I found myself thinking she probably had a really hot daughter.
We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double?
'What's that?' I asked
'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said.
As my mind began to embrace the idea, and I wondered what her daughter might look like. I said, 'No, I haven't, but I’d like to.’
We drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, 'Tonight's your lucky night.'
We went back to her place. We walked in. She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs:
Mom ... you still awake?'
At that point I realised that I had misunderstood the situation, made my excuses and said goodbye.
I never heard the shot.
We drank a couple of beers, and she asked if I'd ever had a Sportsman's Double?
'What's that?' I asked
'It's a mother and daughter threesome,' she said.
As my mind began to embrace the idea, and I wondered what her daughter might look like. I said, 'No, I haven't, but I’d like to.’
We drank a bit more, then she said with a wink, 'Tonight's your lucky night.'
We went back to her place. We walked in. She put on the hall light and shouted upstairs:
Mom ... you still awake?'
At that point I realised that I had misunderstood the situation, made my excuses and said goodbye.
I never heard the shot.
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