Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)
Discussion
A retired and well to do Group Captain was in the city when he noticed a down and out begging. The Groupy recognised the man as his former batman and he approached the ex-airman, who poured out a sorry story of bad luck and mistakes.
Now look here, old chap, said the Groupy I’ve a decent country pile and need some help around the house and that sort of stuff. We’ll get you cleaned up and you can start right away.
The old airman was duly grateful but asked how he might serve his old Groupy. You can start off as though you were my batman as in the old days and just do exactly as you did then replied the Groupy.
The following morning at 0700 sharp, there was a tap on the Groupy’s bedroom door, in came the old airman with a cup of tea. He opened the curtains, placed the tea beside the Groupy and wished him a good morning, with a brief word about the weather. He then went to the other side of the bed, pulled back the covers, smacked the Groupy’s wife smartly across the bottom and said: It’s back to the village with you my girl!
Now look here, old chap, said the Groupy I’ve a decent country pile and need some help around the house and that sort of stuff. We’ll get you cleaned up and you can start right away.
The old airman was duly grateful but asked how he might serve his old Groupy. You can start off as though you were my batman as in the old days and just do exactly as you did then replied the Groupy.
The following morning at 0700 sharp, there was a tap on the Groupy’s bedroom door, in came the old airman with a cup of tea. He opened the curtains, placed the tea beside the Groupy and wished him a good morning, with a brief word about the weather. He then went to the other side of the bed, pulled back the covers, smacked the Groupy’s wife smartly across the bottom and said: It’s back to the village with you my girl!
mattyn1 said:
Vipers said:
Triple Crown winner Justify has just turned down an invitation to visit the White House.
Asked why, the Triple Crown winner said "If I wanted to see a horses ass, I would've finished second"
To save you scratching your heads, as I did.
https://eu.usatoday.com/story/sports/2018/06/10/ju...
I am really really surprised the dissectors have not commented on the talking horse!Asked why, the Triple Crown winner said "If I wanted to see a horses ass, I would've finished second"
To save you scratching your heads, as I did.
https://eu.usatoday.com/story/sports/2018/06/10/ju...
Einion Yrth said:
AppleJuice said:
glenrobbo said:
Top work, 48k! I rate you highly on the Spectrum. 
I thought Spectrums were 8-bit?Vladimir nominated himself to be the team captain for Russia in the World Cup.
He immediately sacked the rest of his team and decided to single-handedly play their first round match against England.
He strode onto the pitch and tore off his shirt just in time fo kick off. The crowd went wild, shouting and whooping (mostly because the stewards were holding up some placards telling them to).
Vladimir quickly took control of the ball, and as the opposition came forward deftly chipped the ball over their heads and sprinted back into contact.
As he was nearing the goalkeeper, who was quaking at the tsunami that seemed to be approaching, the crowd were into a frenzy screaming “shoot, shoot, SHOOT!!!”
Vladimir came to a halt, looking around thoughtfully. Then he quietly declared “Niet. I still prefer Novichok”.
He immediately sacked the rest of his team and decided to single-handedly play their first round match against England.
He strode onto the pitch and tore off his shirt just in time fo kick off. The crowd went wild, shouting and whooping (mostly because the stewards were holding up some placards telling them to).
Vladimir quickly took control of the ball, and as the opposition came forward deftly chipped the ball over their heads and sprinted back into contact.
As he was nearing the goalkeeper, who was quaking at the tsunami that seemed to be approaching, the crowd were into a frenzy screaming “shoot, shoot, SHOOT!!!”
Vladimir came to a halt, looking around thoughtfully. Then he quietly declared “Niet. I still prefer Novichok”.
glenrobbo said:
Vipers said:
Before Isaac Newron invented gravity, people could fly.
Vipers, Don't you mean Isaac Neuron? He discovered that the synapses to the flight muscles in humans were inadequate for sustained flight.
captain_cynic said:
Australia called that the (Anal) Econovan.
We also had a re-badged 323 as the (Anal) laser.
I think the Econovan was the other Mazda Bongo not the Friendee, the Friendee is still mid engined with the motor under the seats but visually it's more a normal shape with a bonnet and the front wheels pushed forward.We also had a re-badged 323 as the (Anal) laser.
The other Mazda Bongo is more flat fronted with the wheels much further back and available as a van, pickup up or windowed MPV.
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