Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)
Discussion
phazed said:
Murphy and O'Brien go out into the woods, they come upon a clearing and see an abandoned well.
Murphy said 'I wonder how deep that well is?'
O'Brien said, 'There's one way we could figure it out'.
Murphy says, 'What's that?'
O'Brien says, 'We drop something down it, we time how long it takes to hit the bottom, you multiply that time 32 feet per second squared, the rate at which objects fall in a vacuum, subtract a little for wind resistance and we've got the depth of the well'.
Murphy says, ' What are you going to drop down it?' Then O'Brien looked all around and he saw this big heavy log lying on the ground. Next he squats down by the log and, using his legs correctly, he gets it up onto his shoulders and staggers over to the edge of the well, tips it up, drops it into the well and they start to count, 'One hippopotamus, two hippopotamus, three .................... '
SPLASH!!!!
Murphy said, 'Three seconds!'
O'Brien said, 'Quick, multiply that time 32 feet per second squared!'
'288 feet!', Murphy said. 'Subtract a little for wind resistance, let's say 18 feet. The depth of that well is 270 feet deep'.
As he finished the calculation Murphy shouts, 'LOOK OUT!!' and he pushed O'Brien backwards and a goat ran between them and jumped head first down the well.
Murphy said, 'My God, I've never seen anything like that'.
Just then a farmer walks into the clearing and said, 'What's going on here boys?'
O'Brien says, 'We just figured out the depth of this well to be about 270 feet deep and then the strangest thing happened. A goat ran between the two of us and jumped head first down into the well.'
The farmer says, 'Thank heaven it wasn't one of my goats.'
Murphy says, 'How do you know it wasn't?'
The farmer says, ‘Because all my goats are tethered to big heavy logs.’
And for V.
O’Brian and Murphy looked embarrassed at their error.
"Hear My Song" a film about Josef Locke.Murphy said 'I wonder how deep that well is?'
O'Brien said, 'There's one way we could figure it out'.
Murphy says, 'What's that?'
O'Brien says, 'We drop something down it, we time how long it takes to hit the bottom, you multiply that time 32 feet per second squared, the rate at which objects fall in a vacuum, subtract a little for wind resistance and we've got the depth of the well'.
Murphy says, ' What are you going to drop down it?' Then O'Brien looked all around and he saw this big heavy log lying on the ground. Next he squats down by the log and, using his legs correctly, he gets it up onto his shoulders and staggers over to the edge of the well, tips it up, drops it into the well and they start to count, 'One hippopotamus, two hippopotamus, three .................... '
SPLASH!!!!
Murphy said, 'Three seconds!'
O'Brien said, 'Quick, multiply that time 32 feet per second squared!'
'288 feet!', Murphy said. 'Subtract a little for wind resistance, let's say 18 feet. The depth of that well is 270 feet deep'.
As he finished the calculation Murphy shouts, 'LOOK OUT!!' and he pushed O'Brien backwards and a goat ran between them and jumped head first down the well.
Murphy said, 'My God, I've never seen anything like that'.
Just then a farmer walks into the clearing and said, 'What's going on here boys?'
O'Brien says, 'We just figured out the depth of this well to be about 270 feet deep and then the strangest thing happened. A goat ran between the two of us and jumped head first down into the well.'
The farmer says, 'Thank heaven it wasn't one of my goats.'
Murphy says, 'How do you know it wasn't?'
The farmer says, ‘Because all my goats are tethered to big heavy logs.’
And for V.
O’Brian and Murphy looked embarrassed at their error.
Adrian Dunbar and James Nesbitt.
And it was a cow....
K12beano said:
Current leaders don’t seem to say anything meaningful, but looking up in the record books:
“Tough on Brexit; tough on the causes of Brexit”
“Brexit; Brexit; Brexit”
“Don’t let the Brexit b
ds grind you down”
“You Brexit if you want to; this lady’s not for Brexiting”
“This will not affect the Brexit in your pocket”
“Well ‘e would [Brexit], wouldn’t ‘e?”
“We will Brexit on the beaches...”
“Your Brexit needs you”
“Out! Damn Brexit!”
“A Brexit, a Brexit, my Kingdom for a Brexit”
“Is this a Brexit I see before me”
“Who burnt the Brexit?”
“Veni, vidi, Brexiti...”
“Friends, Romans, Brexiteers!”
“Ug! Ug! Brexit! Ug!”
Someone actually took the time to write that lot out.“Tough on Brexit; tough on the causes of Brexit”
“Brexit; Brexit; Brexit”
“Don’t let the Brexit b
ds grind you down” “You Brexit if you want to; this lady’s not for Brexiting”
“This will not affect the Brexit in your pocket”
“Well ‘e would [Brexit], wouldn’t ‘e?”
“We will Brexit on the beaches...”
“Your Brexit needs you”
“Out! Damn Brexit!”
“A Brexit, a Brexit, my Kingdom for a Brexit”
“Is this a Brexit I see before me”
“Who burnt the Brexit?”
“Veni, vidi, Brexiti...”
“Friends, Romans, Brexiteers!”
“Ug! Ug! Brexit! Ug!”
Remarkable.
Superman was flying across the skies when spied Wonder Woman sunbathing naked on top of a building.
"I'll have me some of that", he thought, and swooped down, did the deed in a nanosecond, and sped away.
To say Wonder Woman was surprised would be an understatement, but she was not half as surprised as the Invisible Man was.
"I'll have me some of that", he thought, and swooped down, did the deed in a nanosecond, and sped away.
To say Wonder Woman was surprised would be an understatement, but she was not half as surprised as the Invisible Man was.
davhill said:
A bloke received a letter demanding he went to court on a particular date at a specific time.
When he arrived, the usher gave him a drum stick and seated him at the end of the bench.
All through the proceedings, he had to watch out for the judge giving him a signal.
Every time the signal was given, he had to get up, shuffle across behind the judge's chair and tap him on the wig with the drum stick.
After an hour, he realised he'd been called for Dury duty.
Did no one get this? When he arrived, the usher gave him a drum stick and seated him at the end of the bench.
All through the proceedings, he had to watch out for the judge giving him a signal.
Every time the signal was given, he had to get up, shuffle across behind the judge's chair and tap him on the wig with the drum stick.
After an hour, he realised he'd been called for Dury duty.
davhill said:
davhill said:
A bloke received a letter demanding he went to court on a particular date at a specific time.
When he arrived, the usher gave him a drum stick and seated him at the end of the bench.
All through the proceedings, he had to watch out for the judge giving him a signal.
Every time the signal was given, he had to get up, shuffle across behind the judge's chair and tap him on the wig with the drum stick.
After an hour, he realised he'd been called for Dury duty.
Did no one get this? When he arrived, the usher gave him a drum stick and seated him at the end of the bench.
All through the proceedings, he had to watch out for the judge giving him a signal.
Every time the signal was given, he had to get up, shuffle across behind the judge's chair and tap him on the wig with the drum stick.
After an hour, he realised he'd been called for Dury duty.
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