Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)
Discussion
CanAm said:
hairyben said:
gadgetmac said:
rayny said:
The Dangerous Elk said:
There was an old man from Crewe
Who spent all his time in the Loo
When he came out,
the Smell knocked you out
That Dirty old man from Crewe
You are a line short - https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Limerick_(poetry)Who spent all his time in the Loo
When he came out,
the Smell knocked you out
That Dirty old man from Crewe
There was an old lady from Crewe
Who spent all her time in the loo.
And when she came out
The smell knocked you out
And she had only wee'd
Halmyre said:
In my defence I'm quoting it in the context of an example of a historic joke. 
I did swither over asteriskising the offensive word but decided that Liverp*dlians are an accepted part of UK culture these days.
We had a rather snooty lady teacher who insisted on being referred to as a Liverpolitan. I think I'll try and get it into common usage. I did swither over asteriskising the offensive word but decided that Liverp*dlians are an accepted part of UK culture these days.
Robbo 27 said:
A work colleague had just parked her car, an elderly male driver made a mistake and his car lunged forwards and became stuck on the towing hitch of my colleagues car. Neither could move.
I asked her what did she do next.
'Tony had to come and jack him off'
Oh how we laughed.
In a similar vein, a friend of mine was giving me a lift somewhere along the motorway in her ancient breadvan-type Polo which could barely crack 80. Forced into the outside lane to overtake something or other, she understandably became something of a mobile chicane, to the displeasure of the (probably) Audi driver behind who did his best to climb into the cabin with us. I asked her what did she do next.
'Tony had to come and jack him off'
Oh how we laughed.
She took a look in the mirror and exclaimed "Will you look at this knob up my arse!"
I don't get it. 
A guy goes into the confessional box after years being away from the Church. He pulls aside the curtain, enters and sits himself down.
There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of buxom ladies who appear to have mislaid their garments.
He hears a priest come in:"Father, forgive me for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be".
The priest replies, "Get out, you idiot, you're on my side"
There's a fully equipped bar with crystal glasses, the best vestry wine, Guinness on tap, cigars and liqueur chocolates nearby, and on the wall a fine photographic display of buxom ladies who appear to have mislaid their garments.
He hears a priest come in:"Father, forgive me for it's been a very long time since I've been to confession and I must admit that the confessional box is much more inviting than it used to be".
The priest replies, "Get out, you idiot, you're on my side"
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff