Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)
Discussion
Moonhawk said:
Is she a physicist?
From the photon's point of view, given it is travelling at the speed of light, time and distance (and therefore the concept of 'travelling') have no meaning - and therefore the joke (as told) doesn't either
You're assuming that the hotel wasn't also travelling at the speed of light.From the photon's point of view, given it is travelling at the speed of light, time and distance (and therefore the concept of 'travelling') have no meaning - and therefore the joke (as told) doesn't either
Moonhawk said:
gothatway said:
You're assuming that the hotel wasn't also travelling at the speed of light.
Hotels can't travel at the speed of light - as they are buildings (or parts of buildings) and therefore have mass."A photon checks into a virtual hotel travelling at the speed of light and the (virtual) receptionist asks if he needs help with his (virtual) luggage..
No thank you the photon replied, I'm travelling light."
Not quite sure how the speech bit works at the speed of light.
Blimey this is hard work
Years ago, a young Navy Pilot was injured while ejecting from his A-4 Skyhawk due to engine failure during a cat shot from the carrier, but due to the heroics of rescue helicopter crew and the ship's hospital staff, the only permanent injury was the loss of one ear. Since he wasn't physically impaired, he remained on flight status and eventually became an Admiral.
However, during his career he was always sensitive about his appearance.
One day the Admiral was interviewing two Navy Master Chiefs and a Marine Sergeant Major for his personal staff. The first Master Chief was a Surface Navy type and it was a great interview. At the end of the interview the Admiral asked him, "Do you notice anything different about me?"
The Master Chief answered, "Why, yes, Admiral. I couldn't help but notice that you are missing your starboard ear, so I don't know whether this impacts your hearing on that side."
The Admiral got very angry at this lack of tact and threw him out of his office.
The next candidate, an Aviation Master Chief, when asked this same question, answered, "Well yes, Sir, you seem to be short one ear." The Admiral threw him out as well.
The third interview was with the Marine Sergeant Major. He was articulate, extremely sharp, and seemed to know more than the two Navy Master Chiefs put together. The Admiral wanted this guy, but went ahead with the same question. "Do you notice anything different about me?"
To his surprise, the Sergeant Major said, "Yes Sir. You wear contact lenses."
The Admiral was impressed and thought to himself, what an incredibly tactful Marine. "And how would you know that?" the Admiral asked.
The Sergeant Major replied: "Well, sir, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with only one ear."
However, during his career he was always sensitive about his appearance.
One day the Admiral was interviewing two Navy Master Chiefs and a Marine Sergeant Major for his personal staff. The first Master Chief was a Surface Navy type and it was a great interview. At the end of the interview the Admiral asked him, "Do you notice anything different about me?"
The Master Chief answered, "Why, yes, Admiral. I couldn't help but notice that you are missing your starboard ear, so I don't know whether this impacts your hearing on that side."
The Admiral got very angry at this lack of tact and threw him out of his office.
The next candidate, an Aviation Master Chief, when asked this same question, answered, "Well yes, Sir, you seem to be short one ear." The Admiral threw him out as well.
The third interview was with the Marine Sergeant Major. He was articulate, extremely sharp, and seemed to know more than the two Navy Master Chiefs put together. The Admiral wanted this guy, but went ahead with the same question. "Do you notice anything different about me?"
To his surprise, the Sergeant Major said, "Yes Sir. You wear contact lenses."
The Admiral was impressed and thought to himself, what an incredibly tactful Marine. "And how would you know that?" the Admiral asked.
The Sergeant Major replied: "Well, sir, it's pretty hard to wear glasses with only one ear."
Two golfers playing on a course next to a crematorium. One is about to putt when he sees a hearse arrive & instead of taking his shot, he takes off his hat and stands on ceremony. The other man says "That's very respectful, to stop your shot".
"Well, we were married for 40years", says the other golfer.
"Well, we were married for 40years", says the other golfer.
gothatway said:
Moonhawk said:
gothatway said:
You're assuming that the hotel wasn't also travelling at the speed of light.
Hotels can't travel at the speed of light - as they are buildings (or parts of buildings) and therefore have mass."A photon checks into a virtual hotel travelling at the speed of light and the (virtual) receptionist asks if he needs help with his (virtual) luggage..
No thank you the photon replied, I'm travelling light."
Not quite sure how the speech bit works at the speed of light.
Blimey this is hard work
Jonboy_t said:
Went to the opticians the other day, told him I had trouble seeing distances. He pointed out the window and said ”what’s that bright thing up in the sky?”
“That’s the sun”, I replied, a bit puzzled
“Well, how far do you want to be able to see?!” He said.
I didn’t buy any glasses.
It would be good to be able to focus on the stars at night, wouldn't it?“That’s the sun”, I replied, a bit puzzled
“Well, how far do you want to be able to see?!” He said.
I didn’t buy any glasses.
My coworkers and I were sent to "sensitivity training". The lady running it said, "you have to use the right words to refer to people, because you don't want to offend them. Instead of 'policeman', say 'police officer'. Instead of 'fireman' say 'firefighter'. Don't say 'chairman', say 'chairperson'."
"Um, excuse me," I said, "I think they prefer to be called people with disabilities'."
"Um, excuse me," I said, "I think they prefer to be called people with disabilities'."
Gassing Station | The Lounge | Top of Page | What's New | My Stuff