Sean Connery Joke Thread (Vol 9)
Discussion
Fifty one years ago Herman joined the U.S. marines.
On his first day in training they issued him with a comb, that afternoon the barber shaved all his hair off.
On the second day they issued him with a toothbrush, that afternoon the dentist yanked two wisdom teeth out.
On the third day they issued him with a jock strap.
The marines have been looking for Herman for 51 years.
On his first day in training they issued him with a comb, that afternoon the barber shaved all his hair off.
On the second day they issued him with a toothbrush, that afternoon the dentist yanked two wisdom teeth out.
On the third day they issued him with a jock strap.
The marines have been looking for Herman for 51 years.
Vipers said:
Fifty one years ago Herman joined the U.S. marines.
On his first day in training they issued him with a comb, that afternoon the barber shaved all his hair off.
On the second day they issued him with a toothbrush, that afternoon the dentist yanked two wisdom teeth out.
On the third day they issued him with a jock strap.
The marines have been looking for Herman for 51 years.
He never had the chop
There you go, its a joke now On his first day in training they issued him with a comb, that afternoon the barber shaved all his hair off.
On the second day they issued him with a toothbrush, that afternoon the dentist yanked two wisdom teeth out.
On the third day they issued him with a jock strap.
The marines have been looking for Herman for 51 years.
He never had the chop
A Yorkshire stonemason was asked to inscribe 'SHE WAS THINE' on a headstone.
When he'd finished and showed the finished article to the customer, it was pointed out to him that he'd actually inscribed 'SHE WAS THIN'. "You idiot - you've missed out the 'E'" said the deceased's husband.
"Don't worry, I'll have that sorted by tomorrow" said the Stonemason.
The next day the customer returns to view the correction. "E, SHE WAS THIN".
When he'd finished and showed the finished article to the customer, it was pointed out to him that he'd actually inscribed 'SHE WAS THIN'. "You idiot - you've missed out the 'E'" said the deceased's husband.
"Don't worry, I'll have that sorted by tomorrow" said the Stonemason.
The next day the customer returns to view the correction. "E, SHE WAS THIN".
5pen said:
A Yorkshire stonemason was asked to inscribe 'SHE WAS THINE' on a headstone.
When he'd finished and showed the finished article to the customer, it was pointed out to him that he'd actually inscribed 'SHE WAS THIN'. "You idiot - you've missed out the 'E'" said the deceased's husband.
"Don't worry, I'll have that sorted by tomorrow" said the Stonemason.
The next day the customer returns to view the correction. "E, SHE WAS THIN".
I think the more elaborate telling of the joke is:When he'd finished and showed the finished article to the customer, it was pointed out to him that he'd actually inscribed 'SHE WAS THIN'. "You idiot - you've missed out the 'E'" said the deceased's husband.
"Don't worry, I'll have that sorted by tomorrow" said the Stonemason.
The next day the customer returns to view the correction. "E, SHE WAS THIN".
At the eventual passing of the eldest Nun in the Convent, the remainder of the members decided that a special headstone was required for such a devout person.
After much deliberation the inscription "God, she is thine" was agreed upon and the local Yorkshire stonemason duly instructed.
The day before the ceremony the stone was delivered to the local church, but on closer inspection the Nuns were horrified to find a typo, as the inscription read "God, she is thin".
The stonemason was telephoned immediately, informed that "you have missed out the "e", and asked to rectify the fault post haste as the memorial was required the next day.
The stone was collected by the stonemason forthwith and re-delivered later that day having been duly corrected.
The headstone now reading "e' God, she is thin".
Robbo 27 said:
5pen said:
A Yorkshire stonemason was asked to inscribe 'SHE WAS THINE' on a headstone.
When he'd finished and showed the finished article to the customer, it was pointed out to him that he'd actually inscribed 'SHE WAS THIN'. "You idiot - you've missed out the 'E'" said the deceased's husband.
"Don't worry, I'll have that sorted by tomorrow" said the Stonemason.
The next day the customer returns to view the correction. "E, SHE WAS THIN".
I think the more elaborate telling of the joke is:When he'd finished and showed the finished article to the customer, it was pointed out to him that he'd actually inscribed 'SHE WAS THIN'. "You idiot - you've missed out the 'E'" said the deceased's husband.
"Don't worry, I'll have that sorted by tomorrow" said the Stonemason.
The next day the customer returns to view the correction. "E, SHE WAS THIN".
At the eventual passing of the eldest Nun in the Convent, the remainder of the members decided that a special headstone was required for such a devout person.
After much deliberation the inscription "God, she is thine" was agreed upon and the local Yorkshire stonemason duly instructed.
The day before the ceremony the stone was delivered to the local church, but on closer inspection the Nuns were horrified to find a typo, as the inscription read "God, she is thin".
The stonemason was telephoned immediately, informed that "you have missed out the "e", and asked to rectify the fault post haste as the memorial was required the next day.
The stone was collected by the stonemason forthwith and re-delivered later that day having been duly corrected.
The headstone now reading "e' God, she is thin".
An elderly Yorkshire woman goes into the local newspaper offices and asks to put a classified advert in.
Can I have ‘Eric is dead? I know it’s a bit short but at £5 a word that’s all I can afford.”
Taking pity the man behind the counter says “Ee love that’s right sad. I’m sure we can let you have another three words for ‘nowt”
So she thinks and says... “Eric Is dead. Rover for sale.”
Can I have ‘Eric is dead? I know it’s a bit short but at £5 a word that’s all I can afford.”
Taking pity the man behind the counter says “Ee love that’s right sad. I’m sure we can let you have another three words for ‘nowt”
So she thinks and says... “Eric Is dead. Rover for sale.”
Say a little prayer...james-witton said:
An elderly Yorkshire woman goes into the local newspaper offices and asks to put a classified advert in.
Can I have ‘Eric is dead? I know it’s a bit short but at £5 a word that’s all I can afford.”
Taking pity the man behind the counter says “Ee love that’s right sad. I’m sure we can let you have another three words for ‘nowt”
So she thinks and says... “Eric Is dead. Rover for sale.”
Similar to the joke about the farmer in Peterhead, north of Aberdeen.Can I have ‘Eric is dead? I know it’s a bit short but at £5 a word that’s all I can afford.”
Taking pity the man behind the counter says “Ee love that’s right sad. I’m sure we can let you have another three words for ‘nowt”
So she thinks and says... “Eric Is dead. Rover for sale.”
Fred dies so his widow calls rhe locall paper to put a note in the abitury column, guy says "It's a pound a word"
She says "Ok, can I have 'Farmer Fred from Peterhead is dead'"
He says "Thst will be £10 madam"
She says", But its only 7 words" (Prouncing Peterhead as two words).
He says "Sorry madam but the minimum is £10"
So she says "Well I'll have "Farmer Fred from Peterhead is dead, tractor for sale',
Edited by Vipers on Thursday 16th August 19:50
Vipers said:
Similar to the joke about the farmer in Peterhead, north of Aberdeen.
Fred dies so his widow calls rhe locall paper to put a note in the abitury column, guy says "It's a pound a word"
She says "Ok, can I have 'Farmer Fred from Peterhead is dead'"
He says "Thst will be £10 madam"
She says", But its only 7 words" (Prouncing Peterhead as two words).
He says "Sorry madam but the minimum is £10"
So she says "Well I'll have "Farmer Fred from Peterhead is dead, tractor sale',
.........for............Fred dies so his widow calls rhe locall paper to put a note in the abitury column, guy says "It's a pound a word"
She says "Ok, can I have 'Farmer Fred from Peterhead is dead'"
He says "Thst will be £10 madam"
She says", But its only 7 words" (Prouncing Peterhead as two words).
He says "Sorry madam but the minimum is £10"
So she says "Well I'll have "Farmer Fred from Peterhead is dead, tractor sale',
That's £10's worth.
Monkeylegend said:
Vipers said:
Similar to the joke about the farmer in Peterhead, north of Aberdeen.
Fred dies so his widow calls rhe locall paper to put a note in the abitury column, guy says "It's a pound a word"
She says "Ok, can I have 'Farmer Fred from Peterhead is dead'"
He says "Thst will be £10 madam"
She says", But its only 7 words" (Prouncing Peterhead as two words).
He says "Sorry madam but the minimum is £10"
So she says "Well I'll have "Farmer Fred from Peterhead is dead, tractor sale',
.........for............Fred dies so his widow calls rhe locall paper to put a note in the abitury column, guy says "It's a pound a word"
She says "Ok, can I have 'Farmer Fred from Peterhead is dead'"
He says "Thst will be £10 madam"
She says", But its only 7 words" (Prouncing Peterhead as two words).
He says "Sorry madam but the minimum is £10"
So she says "Well I'll have "Farmer Fred from Peterhead is dead, tractor sale',
That's £10's worth.
Vipers said:
Monkeylegend said:
Vipers said:
Similar to the joke about the farmer in Peterhead, north of Aberdeen.
Fred dies so his widow calls rhe locall paper to put a note in the abitury column, guy says "It's a pound a word"
She says "Ok, can I have 'Farmer Fred from Peterhead is dead'"
He says "Thst will be £10 madam"
She says", But its only 7 words" (Prouncing Peterhead as two words).
He says "Sorry madam but the minimum is £10"
So she says "Well I'll have "Farmer Fred from Peterhead is dead, tractor sale',
.........for............Fred dies so his widow calls rhe locall paper to put a note in the abitury column, guy says "It's a pound a word"
She says "Ok, can I have 'Farmer Fred from Peterhead is dead'"
He says "Thst will be £10 madam"
She says", But its only 7 words" (Prouncing Peterhead as two words).
He says "Sorry madam but the minimum is £10"
So she says "Well I'll have "Farmer Fred from Peterhead is dead, tractor sale',
That's £10's worth.
Obituary.
Pronounce.
Vipers said:
Monkeylegend said:
Vipers said:
Similar to the joke about the farmer in Peterhead, north of Aberdeen.
Fred dies so his widow calls rhe locall paper to put a note in the abitury column, guy says "It's a pound a word"
She says "Ok, can I have 'Farmer Fred from Peterhead is dead'"
He says "Thst will be £10 madam"
She says", But its only 7 words" (Prouncing Peterhead as two words).
He says "Sorry madam but the minimum is £10"
So she says "Well I'll have "Farmer Fred from Peterhead is dead, tractor sale',
.........for............Fred dies so his widow calls rhe locall paper to put a note in the abitury column, guy says "It's a pound a word"
She says "Ok, can I have 'Farmer Fred from Peterhead is dead'"
He says "Thst will be £10 madam"
She says", But its only 7 words" (Prouncing Peterhead as two words).
He says "Sorry madam but the minimum is £10"
So she says "Well I'll have "Farmer Fred from Peterhead is dead, tractor sale',
That's £10's worth.
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